Senators Jokes

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”
The man says, “No problem. I’m from Ottawa.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes ... read more

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book... read more

I ended up with rain check because they all sold out

They like their pages bent over.

Poli-ticks.

He always votes neigh

So that one can be the designated driver.

(overheard an old man at a garage sale telling this).

Because deep down, they’re really good people.

The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!"

...to protect their constituents from predation by big businesses.

A man happened to be walking by when the accident took place.

The man immediately started to bury all the senators and deputies involved in the accident.

A few minutes later, the police showed up on site.

Cop: What happened?! Where's everyone?!

Man: I buried them.

... read more

They're pricks

Asked them what was going on?


They said they were passing the bill.

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

security comes to him and says "you can't park your bike here. Don't you know that Congressmen, Senators, Speaker, Vice President, foreign dignitaries, and the President come here often?"

the guy says "oh don't worry, I've chained my bike!"

The weatherman’s wife was May

The bankers wife was Penny

And the senators wife was Peggy.

They had been childhood friends, gone to the same law school, and gone into partnership together. Through their hard work, they became well known in the DC area and bumped elbows with politicians.

One summer, they decided to hold a fourth of july party and invite all the members of congress.... read more

Sick Pence none the richer

The encyclopedia has a spine.

(Apologies to Senators Collins and Murkowski)

"What can I get you Senators?"

"Just ice," they replied.

“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session. After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. “I’m sorry,” he says. “What I meant to say was half o... read more

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of... read more