UPJOKE
stealpluckextortoverchargesoakfleecehookgazumpsurchargeplumerip offrobberylootplunderburgle

Robs Jokes

If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,

Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?

A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?”

A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?”
\-
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot.
\-
“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another cu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man stammered, "Yes."

Bang!  The robber shoots him.

He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"

What do you call it when a white person robs you?

Capitalism.

A mugger robs a woman

Later, they catch him and put him in a lineup.
They bring in the victim, and the mugger says "That's her!"

A naked women robs a bank

A naked women robs a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

A bank robber robs a bank.

Before leaving, he turns to one of the hostages and asks:

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Yes." replies the hostage.

The robber then shoots the hostage and turns to another one.

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Uh, yes?" says the hostage.

The robber s...

A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear

Because he is unable to take a pooh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know if a Chinese person robs your house?

Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway.

A man robs a bank

When he leaves the bank, he asks a man if he saw everything. He says "Yes".

The robber shoots the man.



The robber continues walking and asks the next man if he saw everything. He also says "Yes".

The robber shoots the man.



The robber goes on and asks the...

Masked man robs a sperm bank...

... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"

Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."

I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.

"Now drink this viel!"
...

What do you call a bakery critic that robs merchant ships?

A PIE-RATE!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mister Mxyzptlk robs a bank.

It's a really high profile case, so the chief is all over the lead detective, calling him every few minutes for updates. The detective reviews the security footage and recognizes Mister Mxyzptlk. Not three seconds later the phone rings.

"Detective! I've got the mayor all over my ass on this o...

My mom: "Who robs a Brazilian Wax store???"

Me: "Maybe the robbers thought they had a brazilian dollars??"

A man robs a bank.

Robber: Give me all your money or you're geography!
Employee: Don't you mean history?
Robber: Don't change the subject...

Guy robs a bank

Throw the bag at the teller and says fill it up. She does so and he turns around to the person behind him and says
"Did u see me rob the bank?"
Person says "yes".
Bang shoots him dead.
Goes up to the next couple.
" Did u see me rob the bank?"
Guy says "I must have missed it, but m...

An impotent man robs a sperm bank

An impotent man robs a sperm bank and the judge tells him he has to replace what he's stolen, or else he'll go to jail. Thinking he's doomed, the man turns to his lawyer.

"Don't worry," says the lawyer, "I'm sure I can get you off"

What do you call a cup that robs people...

Its a mugger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who robs a sperm bank?

A wank robber.

Guy robs a watch store

Guy walks into a Watch store and the customer says "I'm just looking". The salesman says "take your time!" So the guy walks out with the watches.

What do you call someone who robs vape shops?

A Juul thief.

When a mosquito bites me and gets away I feel like a bank that just got robbed

extra points if someone can figure out how to work "blood bank" into this joke. nobody robs blood banks so...

In Soviet Russia, you rob bank

In Capitalist America, bank robs you

A man robs a bank wearing a balaclava.

'Did you see my face?' he asks the teller.

'Just a little bit.'

Bang. He shoots her.

'Did you see my face' he asks another teller.

'Only briefly' he says.

Bang. He shoots him.

He turns to a man standing beside him.

'Did you see my face?' he says 'No. ...

A man robs a bank to get away from his wife...

As he sat on the steps of the bank waiting for the police to come he was relieved with thoughts of never having to see his wife again.

Later In the court room waiting for his ruling, he was excited to finally be somewhere far far away from her.

Seeing this the judge thought of the wor...

Two robbers are robbing a bank

When they open the first vault, they find a cup of milk.


One of them says: "Weird, why would you put a cup of milk in a vault?"


When they open the second vault, they find another cup of milk.


And so on, untill they have opened all the vaults.


Robber 1: "Ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dyslexic man robs a bank....

He then reads aloud "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!!!"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.