One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

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“Holy cow, dude,” one says after catching his breath....

How many sculpting tools does Snoop Dogg usually use?

Four chisel, my nizzle...

Country girl Sheila, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom tiles.

Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suction cupped herself to the Bathroom Floor.

She yelled out for her Ol' Man, "Biker John!
He came running in.

"I've suctioned myself to the floor."

"Biker John tried to pull her up.
"You're stuck re...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The creation of a pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,

Created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, with smart wit,

Using a knife,he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,

With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and t...

What does Snoop Dogg look for at the art store?

For chisels.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

Why did Snoop Dogg go to the store before he sculpted his statue?

Fo' chisel.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four guys break down in the middle of nowhere

They set off walking to find help and come across an old decrepit Manor House.
When they knock on the door a stunning, young, buxom, woman answers.
The men ask if they can use the phone to call for a tow.
She agrees and invites them in. They ring for a tow truck but are told one ca...

I'll never forget the first time Mum made some rock cakes.

She passed then round and told me to take my pick. I didn't need a pick, I needed a hammer and chisel.

A SEAL and his Sculpture

There was a Navy SEAL living undercover in the depths of Eastern Russia where they regularly hold ice sculpting competitions. He had been there for a while and was longing to liven up his stay there so he decided to enter the next one. There was a shop in town that he could buy sculpting supplies fr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two friends are walking home drunk on Halloween night...

It's a cold, foggy night and for fun, they decide to cut through the cemetery. About halfway through, they hear some low moaning and rap-tap-tapping. Their hearts race as they approach the noise. To their relief, they find an old man in overalls chiselling a name into a headstone.

"Jesus Chr...

My wife texted me at lunch

"Window's frozen"

"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.

Ten minutes later, she called back.

"We need a new computer now".