UPJOKE
lootpillageplunderdespoilforaycombreaveburglarizeburgleriflestripsearchbesiegevandalizedeface

Ransack Jokes

A Russian had a talking parrot that constantly trashed Putin. When the man's friends came over he'd take out the parrot and bird would stuff like "Putin is a moron", "Putin without a shirt looks like a ballerina", and "Putin cannot swim cuz sh!t floats". one day banging on the door, "KGB open up!"

The man panics and hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB ransack the house and can't find the parrot. After they leave the man takes the parrot out of the freezer and says "you see how stupid the government is". The parrot shaking start saying "Putin is a genius", and "Putin is the best democrati...

Jamie's house was ransacked and burglarized.

Returning home from work, Jamie was shocked to find that the house had been ransacked and burglarized.

After telephoning the police, the dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with ...

Two burglars tried to ransack a comedian's office, but they were caught while making their getaway.

Turns out they couldn't take a joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night, my house was completely ransacked.

Now I’ve lost everything except my virginity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three dudes show up at the Pearly Gates to get into heaven. St. Peter asks them how they died...

The first guy says, "I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, and a fuckin' storage trunk fell out of the sky and crushed me to death!"

The second guy says, "I came home early from work, and my wife was in bed all sweaty and breathless. I'd been suspecting she was cheatin...

A burglar entered into a religious woman's house

Once a wealthy old religious woman caught a burglar ransacking her things. She had lived her whole life as a celibate, almost like a nun.

”Listen lady, keep quiet if you don’t want to be hurt. Just tell me where your jewels are.”
She said, ”I don’t keep them here. They are in the bank in ...

Four communists go to a hotel.

When they get to the hotel, one of the comrades gets very tired and tries to get some sleep. The other three annoy him all night and keep him from sleeping. The other three began telling jokes about the Soviets, so he creates a plan.

The fourth communist goes to the kitchen and asks for a cup...

White Horse

A white horse walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He moves aside, minds his own business; but the barkeep hasn't had such an unusual patron for a long time. He's curious.

He ransacks his brain, and can't come up with a better line than... "you know, there's a whiskey named after you?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man takes his wife in to a doctor for some tests...

...that night the Drs office gets ransacked, the computers get destroyed and files were thrown everywhere. The doctor calls the husband, explains the situation and says "your wife and another patient have the same name so I don't know which result to give you", the husband replies "well, what are th...

Homeless Girl

An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about eighteen ransacking the place.

He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, "Please don't call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don't, I'll ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Blondes in Heaven [Fixed]

The Version as I know it.

Three men are standing outside the pearly gates and out comes St Peter.

"Sorry Guys, but Heavens pretty full today, so I can only let one of you in. So for this reason, who ever of you had the worst death gets to come on in."

So the first guy steps for...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.