Two burglars tried to ransack a comedian's office, but they were caught while making their getaway.

Turns out they couldn't take a joke.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what ...

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Last night, my house was completely ransacked.

Now I’ve lost everything except my virginity.

The police are currently on the lookout for a massive homeless dumpling that has been indiscriminately ransacking houses for money to buy basic necessities.

He's a wanted wanting wanton one-ton wonton.

Four communists go to a hotel.

When they get to the hotel, one of the comrades gets very tired and tries to get some sleep. The other three annoy him all night and keep him from sleeping. The other three began telling jokes about the Soviets, so he creates a plan.

The fourth communist goes to the kitchen and asks for a cup...

White Horse

A white horse walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He moves aside, minds his own business; but the barkeep hasn't had such an unusual patron for a long time. He's curious.

He ransacks his brain, and can't come up with a better line than... "you know, there's a whiskey named after you?"
...

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Two Blondes in Heaven [Fixed]

The Version as I know it.

Three men are standing outside the pearly gates and out comes St Peter.

"Sorry Guys, but Heavens pretty full today, so I can only let one of you in. So for this reason, who ever of you had the worst death gets to come on in."

So the first guy steps for...

Homeless Girl

An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about eighteen ransacking the place.

He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, "Please don't call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don't, I'll ...

A man tries to rob a record store...

... by stealing many valuable vinyls. However, a sharp-eyed-shopper caught him in the act. He shouted out, "Hey! This guy's trying to shoplift!" to the rest of the store. The thief tried to run away, but the shopper grabbed a record and threw it at the man, knocking him over. Several other shoppers ...

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A man takes his wife in to a doctor for some tests...

...that night the Drs office gets ransacked, the computers get destroyed and files were thrown everywhere. The doctor calls the husband, explains the situation and says "your wife and another patient have the same name so I don't know which result to give you", the husband replies "well, what are th...

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