UPJOKE
hookcheatcozenliftvictimizescambilkdefraudrobgyppluckgazumptear offripswindle

Rip Off Jokes

I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.

I still do, but I used to, too.

Rip off

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled! "
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being sw...

Do you know what is a rip off?

Velcro!

Did you hear that Shirley MacLaine once let Robert Redford rip off all her clothes?

Well, it was unavoidable; try to put a left-handed nut together with a right-handed stud and at least one of them is going to end up stripped.

What do you call an overpriced circumcision?

A rip off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy in a bar bets the bartender $50 that he can lick his eyeball

The bartender agrees

The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it

The bartender angrily gives the man his money

The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too

The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind

The man pu...

A Sensitive Guy (NSFW-ish)

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.


They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is having an affair...

... with a man.

One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.

Son: " Kinda dark in here."Man: "Yes."Son: "I have a baseball."Man:...

Learn how to avoid internet rip offs.....

Send me Reddit gold and I will give you valuable information on how to avoid future scams.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes to a doctor

\- Please, Doctor, help me. Every night, I have the same terrible nightmare!

\- I'm not sure how I can help. Tell me more.

\- I see five sexy, absolutely gorgeous women. All five suddenly throw themselves at me, and are starting to rip off my clothes.

\- And what happens then?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once told a girl her "traditional" kimono was a rip off of a gofuku.

She said "Gofukurself."

Cost of velcro

When the shopkeeper told me the price, I replied: "well that's just a rip off."

The hot farmer

A hot, sweaty farmer walks into a bar and orders a cold beer. "Dang, our baler broke down in the field today, and its humid and 100+ degrees out," the farmer complains. "I'm so hot and sweaty from repairing that thing that I just want to rip off all my dirty, sweaty clothes and run around the bar in...

So, I purchased tickets and attended a competition for hitting bongs…

It was a Rip Off

„Whoa your circumcision looks horrible“ …

„Yeah my parents went for the cheap one...it was a rip off“

What did the hot girl say when she was overcharged for her bikini wax?

That was a rip off!

So Little Timmy is Playing with His Legos...

...when all of a sudden his mother comes up to him. She tells him "Timmy, when your father comes home can you tell him to come to our room? Tell him it's very very important". Timmy agrees and continues to play with his legos. A couple of hours later the father comes home and Timmy runs to him and s...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.