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Robbed Jokes

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

A naked woman robbed a bank in broad daylight

She wasn't caught, cause no one from the bank remembers her face.

I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs..

Not Happy

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A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.

15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Then, her other daughter walked into th...

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot...

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

If you watch an Apple store get robbed,

Does that make you an iWitness?

Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store

It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take

Last night a local church was robbed. Miraculously the golden Jesus on the cross was left behind.

They took everything that wasn't nailed down.

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

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Robbed.

I put my mobile phone under my pillow last night.

When I woke up it was gone and there was a $1 coin in it's place.

Fucking Bluetooth Fairy!

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A dyslexic man robbed a bank

He walked in, pulled out a gun, and yelled "Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"

An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

A woman was being robbed.

The robber was able to get her purse and starts running away. Nearby was a cowboy on his horse. He sees what went down and rushes over towards the robber. With a throw of his lasso, he is able to catch the robber and retrieve the purse.

The woman is ecstatic, saying “Wow. Thank you so much! ...

A woman was robbed...

...but upon coming home she discovered that nothing was stolen apart from her lightbulbs.

She was delighted

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

Snail gets robbed by a tortoise.

Police come and asks the snail “can you tell us what happened?” Snail says I don’t know man it all happened so fast.

A nan had every lamp light and candle robbed from his house

I guess you could say he was delighted.

A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.

The psychiatrist says, "My god, whoever did this needs help!"

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Guy gets robbed at Gun Point

There was a Guy walking down the street at night when suddenly a robber comes from behind.

Robber: Give me your Money!

Guy: I dont have any money....

Robber: Give me your Cell Phone!

Guy: I dont have a cell phone....

Robber: What do you have?

Guy: Nothing......

A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise

The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.

I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed

I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.

A thief robbed a pet store

“Looks like the cat’s out of the bag,” said the policeman after arresting them.

If Dire Straits robbed a grocery store

They'd get honey for nothin' and chips for free.

A man sees his shed being robbed...

A man, about to crawl into bed with his wife for the night, looks out his window to see 3 men robbing his shed. So, he calls the police. "Hello, I see three men stealing from my shed, can you please send someone down here?" The operator replies, "I'm sorry sir, but there's no units available in your...

An group of Asian men robbed my house a few nights ago.

The police said it was clearly a case of Chinese Take-Away.

If you robbed a bank. You wouldn't have to worry about rent, food, or any bills for about 20 years.

If you get busted for it ,or not.

Did you here about the 65-year-old woman who robbed banks with her mother?

Well they got caught.

She was charged with Grand Larceny.

Her mother was charged with Great-Grand Larceny.

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I just saw a news article about an unidentified person found beaten, robbed, and naked in the park...

The unknown victim was described as being out-of-shape, small penis, and slight neck beard.

Anyway, just wanted to check in, worried about you guys. Let me know you're okay.

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Help! I've been robbed!

They stole everything except my deodorant, shampoo and hand soap.

Dirty bastards

My local cinema was robbed last night of £754.

The thieves took a bag of maltesers, a pick n mix and a large drink...

I robbed a bakery today.

It was dangerous, but I took the whisk.

Somebody robbed the bakery the other day

Well, that just takes the cake!

I asked God for money

I later found out that God doesn't work that way.
So I robbed a bank, then asked for forgiveness.

After calling 5 different home security companies...

....I've decided it's cheaper to get robbed.

When a mosquito bites me and gets away I feel like a bank that just got robbed

extra points if someone can figure out how to work "blood bank" into this joke. nobody robs blood banks so...

I went to see a psychic the other day. I asked her if I was going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

Bet she didn't see that coming.

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My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.

Those dirty bastards.

Did you hear about the guy who robbed a liquor store?

I hear he got off scotch free!

Did you hear about the guy who robbed an orthopedic surgeon?

He made a marrow escape.

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

Every 30 minutes, a man in New York City is robbed.

That poor guy!

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

I was robbed by six dwarves today.

Not Happy.

Last night I got robbed at gun point by a naked woman

Unfortunately I can't remember her face

Did you hear about the geologist who got robbed?

Dieticians HATE him! Find out how this geologist lost over 100 stones OVERNIGHT!

If a bank gets robbed by ghosts,

then it’s a Polterheist.

My collection of board game inspired movies was robbed, but I dont know what was stolen

I have no clue

A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy

The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda

I just got robbed by an anorexic person

It was a stick up

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Last week I almost got robbed in the desert...

The robber shot my tires when I was driving and pulled me straight out of the car. He yelled "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY RIGHT NOW!"

I responded "Wait wait wait, before you do, can you shoot my hat? I wanna prove to my family at home I was robbed."

The robber shrugged as I took off my hat ...

A bank robber robs a bank.

Before leaving, he turns to one of the hostages and asks:

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Yes." replies the hostage.

The robber then shoots the hostage and turns to another one.

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Uh, yes?" says the hostage.

The robber s...

I was robbed by 6 dwarves

I'm Grumpy!

I got robbed last night

The robber was looking for money, so I got out of bed and helped him

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A male pornstar was robbed on the street in the daylight!!

He lost his hard earned money.

So a Movie Theatre was robbed

It was discovered that 5 bags of skittles, 10 snickers and 1 bag of Maltesers were stolen. The Theatre representative made a statement that they have lost over 4,500$ in stock was stolen.

Did you hear a baby goat robbed a bank last week?

The news has dubbed him "Billy the Kid."

Two guys robbed a calendar from a store.

They both got 6 months each

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who wo...

My gas station got robbed

My gas station is out of Red Bull because a robber broke in and stole it

I don’t know how they can sleep at night

Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets

Sadly, the detectives have nothing to go on

Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He just burst in there, buns glazing!

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A pregnant woman was robbed and shot One night while out buying groceries, a pregnant woman was robbed and shot three times. She managed to survive, but the doctors were unable to remove the bullets from her body.

Even with the trauma her body sustained, she was still able to deliver a healthy set of triplets a few months later, two girls and a boy. The years went by and there was never any indication that the children were harmed by the attack, so she was eventually able to move past the whole ordeal, never ...

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A man robbed me of all my milk, cream, cheese, and butter.

How dairy..

A man awakens in the middle of the night to find that his house was being robbed.

He calls up the local police to ask for someone to help stop them.

"Help, my house is being robbed!" He says to the dispatcher.

"We're sorry, but there are no cars available to help you right now. Please lock yourself in your room and we will send an officer by in the morning to take a...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead just robbed a bank.

They see the police cars are approaching so they escape to the back alleyway. There they discovered 3 big sacks. One sack full of kittens, one full of puppies, and the last one full of potatoes. They each get into a sack, hoping the cops won't notice them. A police officer checks the alley and sees ...

To the software thieves who robbed me last night.

Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.

Did you hear about the dummy that robbed a bank?

Police are questioning a ventriloquist who may have had a hand in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My local grocery store was robbed of almost $10,000

the thieves managed to get away with two containers of lysol wipes, four bottles of hand sanitizer and a package of chicken breasts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are standing outside a jewellery shop looking at an expensive ring in the display window

The first man says, "That ring is perfect for Karen. I just wish I could afford it."

The second man says, "I was planning on proposing to Julie soon. She'd love that ring."

The third man says, "Okay, I'll make you both a deal. Whichever one of you gets to the bottom of the street first...

John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

A chemist robbed a bank and got away.

Maybe if the guards had scandium before he left, the money would have benzene.

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