This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you put Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry together in a room, who's the first to realize they're full of shit?

The room.

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rick had cars. Today everyone own cars and only the rich own horses.

The stables have turned.

Rick Astley Walks Into a Bar

I'd tell you what happened but I can't post YouTube links.

Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame.

But the instructions just say ‘You know the rules, and so do I”

If you ever try to rick roll me, I will look for you. I will find you....

....I'm never gonna give you up.

Rick Astley doesn't mind lending out his Disney movies...

But he's never gonna give you Up.

What do handicapped people and Rick Astley have in common?

They're never gonna run around.

A man named Rick walks into his room after a long day of work and sees his wife crying on their bed.

He askes her what it was all about and she said that she had been threatened by someone she thought was her friend earlier that evening.

Now, Rick has no idea how to handle this, so goes to confront his friend Lee, who has some experience with things like this.

After a long discussion...

Rick Astley will let you borrow any Pixar movie he owns.

But he will never give you Up.

If you were to ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP he would never give it to you.

In doing so, he would let you down.

Thus creating the rickroll paradox.

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Two neighbors, Sam and Rick, are having a smoke outside their houses.

Sam asks Rick, "Do you like dumb women?"

Rick: Of course not.

Sam: What about women who drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney?

Rick: Why would I love someone like that?

Sam: What about women who can't cook?

Rick: Hell no. Why are you asking me all this?
...

There is a timeline where Rick doesn’t make Rick Roll

He tried to write a song, but instead he gave up. He let himself down. He ran away and deserted the idea. He cried, he said goodbye, he even lied to and hurt himself.

Turns out having Rick Astley work at a video rental shop is a bad idea.

We had a lot of complaints of him never giving anyone Up.

Why doesn't Rick Harrison ever commit a crime and then pin it on another person?

Because he'd have to get a buddy of his, and frame him. He's taking all the risk here.

Of course JFK was a Rick and Morty fan.

His brain was so big that it covered an entire car, after all.

I didn't know what bad music was until i met Rick Astley

He was the one to introduce me to lil Pump

What do you call a Rick Astley song that makes it to the front page?

A rick r/all

A man named Rick went shirt shopping with his wife and asked her:

\- What size should I pick?

\- Pick L, Rick.

Haha that's the funniest s\*\*t I've ever seen.

This is not a Rick Roll

>!Guys seriously, it's not.!< >!But!< >!did!< >!you!< >!expect the Spanish!< >!Inq!< >!uisition?!<

Forgive me if it's a repost, I am not sure.

Rick: What is the name of your car?

Edward: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.

Rick: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol

Did you guys hear that Rick Astley committed a crime that got him on death row?

He’s going to be XcQted.

Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?

I"m never gonna run around and dessert you.

Fpfizer is Pfantastic!

I got the Phfzer vaccine and so pfar I've had no pflu symptoms. I pfeel just pfine which is pfantastic.



Thanks Rick Arron whoever you are. Pfunny guy.

You walk into a bar and see Rick Astley sitting alone

You sit next to him and start talking

Eventually, the conversation leads to talk of your favorite Pixar movies

Rick tells you that his favorite of all time is Up, he even owns a physical copy of the movie with bonus features

You say that you've always wanted to see it but never ...

Rick, a salesman, specilized in real estate. As he was talking to a client names Down about a property. The client said to Rick...

"Never in my life have i seen such a pretty house!"

"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick.

"Give me the paperwork" said Down. "I'm gonna."

"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin. What he had neglected to tell his client was thay the upstairs was completly damaged....

Apparently rick Astley is really stingy with his Disney DVD collection.

Yeah he’ll share toy story, but he’s never gonna give you Up.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

Convos be like...

Me: Hi, my name is Rick and I drink too much.

Them: Sir, this is Triple A, not AA.

Me: I'm just telling you why my car is in the river.

What do you call an Irish child that is bouncing off the walls?

Rick O'Shay

I used to date Rick Astley.

I guess you could say that we’re no strangers to love.

What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?

Rick O'Shea.

Rick Astley came to my house today to get some films for his kids.

I said " you can have the lion King and cinderella, but I'm never gonna give you Up"

Rick Astley: What do you want for your birthday? ...

Wife: Pixar's “Up” on DVD.
Rick Astley: No.

Why did Rick and Morty go to Goodwill?

To get thrifty.

Did you know that Rick Astley is actually a very generous person and an extensive movie collector?

It's true! He'll actually let you have just about any movie in his collection, with only one exception: The Disney/Pixar movie "Up." This particular movie is a favorite of his and he keeps it on a shelf so high that you actually have to get a ladder and climb it just to reach the movie. Be carefu...

A pair of Estranged brothers.

There once were two brothers born to a somewhat well off family. The younger one was exemplary. He always excelled in his classes, went to the best university in the country, and became a renowned lawyer. The older one was pretty average. He was the middle of his class, went to a local community col...

Did you know that Rick Astley only tunes his guitar up?

Because he never lets it down.

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Rick is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Carl.

...after taking some time to size Carl up and decide that he can trust him, Rick tells Carl about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Rick says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into its co...

My brother keeps saying that my friend Rick is 2 meters tall, but I KNOW he's closer to 6 feet.

He doesn't think I've metric.

What did Rick say when he wanted to apologise to his girlfriend?

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run...

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

Why didn't rick astley help the victims of a building on fire?

He refused to let them down

Rick Astley’s guide to password management

* Never going to give you out
* Never going to write you down
* Never going to run around and reuse you

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.

What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?


Rick O Shea

Rick Astley would lend you his whole Pixar movie collection...

...because he's a nice guy. But he won't ask for them back because he knows they'll be Together Forever with You

I was phoned by Rick Astley, who asked me to borrow some Pixar DVD's...

I said "Fair enough You can have 'Toy Story', 'A Bug's Life' and 'Finding Nemo' but I'm never gonna give you 'Up'".

What did Rick say to the Chinese chef ?

More tea

Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof

He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.

Why do they spell it "honour" and "favour" in the United Kingdom?

Because Rick Astley is British.

My girlfriend climaxed at the season finale of Rick and Morty

She also climaxed at the finale of Iron fist.

And again at the season Finale of Game of Thrones.

She keeps coming to conclusions

90% of Rick and Morty fanboys think they're Rick...

... when in reality they're Jerry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Arficial Intelligence Doctor.

A guy hurts his arm. It's painful so he goes to his doctor.

The receptionist says "it's all AI now, just supply a sample of your urine and put it in the machine"

The guy things "weird but o.k'., does a sample, puts it in the machine.

A minute later a message appears. 'You have a...

Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?

Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

What do Rick and Morty fans and Reddit have in common?

...

I don't know, you're all geniuses; You tell me!

Man goes for a run, but not for a reason you may think.

Rick: “Honey, I’m home!”

Wife: “Oh my, you’re certainly sweating a lot! Did you finally go for a run?”

Rick: “That’s right, but-“

Wife: “I’m so proud of you! You should go running more often-“

Rick: “But-“

Someone knocks on the door.

Wife: “Who is it?”
...

What is Rick Grimes' favourite type of crisps?

Walkers

There was a blind irishman who didn't use a stick, he navigated by simply bouncing off the walls until he got where he needed.

They called him Rick O'Shea

What do Lifeguards and Rick and Morty's Space cruiser have in common?

Keep Summer Safe

Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets?

His name was Rick O'Shea

I missed the latest episode of Rick & Morty

Boy, do I feel stupid now.

One day a trendy drug addict named Rick hallucinates having a conversation with his drugs.

"Never gonna give you up." he says.

"Never gonna let you down." replied the drugs.

"Is Rick rolling in style again?" asked his friends.

I rode on an elevator to the eleventh floor and the operator jammed the door and introduced himself as Rick.

"Let me out, Rick! This isn't my floor!" I begged.

He smiled. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down."

I asked Rick Harrison for change for a Dollar,

He told me that the best he could do is 50 cents and that he is taking all the risks.

What's the name of Ireland's best bouncer?

Rick O'Shea

Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, and Donald Trump go out to a bar. Who picks up the tab?

Vladimir Putin

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