UPJOKE
stackhaystackcrickturnwrenchspraintwisthayrickwrickpileheapronjimscottbryan

Rick Jokes

Rick, a salesman, specilized in real estate. As he was talking to a client names Down about a property. The client said to Rick...

"Never in my life have i seen such a pretty house!"

"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick.

"Give me the paperwork" said Down. "I'm gonna."

"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin. What he had neglected to tell his client was thay the upstairs was completly damaged....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rick had been in police work for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation,someone knocks on his door....

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...

Except Up.
He’s never gonna give you Up.

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.

What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?


Rick O Shea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rick and John

Two friends Rick and John meet after a long time in a bar.

Rick: "Last few weeks it is not too bad - I had sex around twice a week with my girlfriend."

John: "Same here - at least twice a week"

Rick: "Very good. Listen, I was not aware you had a girlfriend, you never told me ?"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you put Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry together in a room, who's the first to realize they're full of shit?

The room.

I ran into Rick Astley today.

He borrowed my copy of Disney's "Up", but I doubt I'll ever see it again.

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O’Shea

Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets?

His name was Rick O'Shea

What do you call an Irish gunslinger who can kill 5 men with 1 bullet?

Rick O'shea

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

There is a timeline where Rick doesn’t make Rick Roll

He tried to write a song, but instead he gave up. He let himself down. He ran away and deserted the idea. He cried, he said goodbye, he even lied to and hurt himself.

Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame.

But the instructions just say ‘You know the rules, and so do I”

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Ha...

Poor Rick Astley

He must be really struggling with Lent.

Why can't Rick Astley be an elevator operator?

Because he said he'd never let you down.

Why do The Brit’s still use ‘u’ in words like “colour” and “armour”?

Because Rick Astley is British.

90% of Rick and Morty fanboys think they're Rick...

... when in reality they're Jerry.

Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof

He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.

What is it called when you pretend to be Rick Astley?

Rickroll-play

The bee movie script is a lesser used alternative to a rick roll.

A bee roll if you will.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once were two airplane mechanics from New Jersey...

... Who were also drinking buddies.

One night, the mechanics (Rick and Paul) were finishing up their shift and discussing where they should go for a drink afterwards.

"I don't know, man," said Rick. "We've been to every bar in town. The scene's getting old."

"Well," replied Pau...

Rick Astley Walks Into a Bar

I'd tell you what happened but I can't post YouTube links.

Rick Astley and James Blunt are in a bar having a pint

And they are talking about all the celebrities they knew :-

Rick Astley said "I met Yoko Ono in Soho once" but James had never met her before

James mentioned he was good friends with Carrie Fisher, unfortunately Rick had never met her

Rick Mentioned once going to dinner with ...

This is not a Rick Roll

>!Guys seriously, it's not.!< >!But!< >!did!< >!you!< >!expect the Spanish!< >!Inq!< >!uisition?!<

A man named Rick walks into his room after a long day of work and sees his wife crying on their bed.

He askes her what it was all about and she said that she had been threatened by someone she thought was her friend earlier that evening.

Now, Rick has no idea how to handle this, so goes to confront his friend Lee, who has some experience with things like this.

After a long discussion...

A man named Rick went shirt shopping with his wife and asked her:

\- What size should I pick?

\- Pick L, Rick.

Haha that's the funniest s\*\*t I've ever seen.

Click here for a RickRoll!

>!Never!< >!Gonna!< >!Give !< >!You !< >! Up!< >!Never!< >!Gonna!< >!expect!< >!the!< >!Spanish!< >!Inquisition!<

Rick Astley: What do you want for your birthday? ...

Wife: Pixar's “Up” on DVD.
Rick Astley: No.

What would the show be renamed if Rick and Morty actually legitimately died for good?

Rigor and Mortis

I used to date Rick Astley.

I guess you could say that we’re no strangers to love.

What did Rick say to the Chinese chef ?

More tea

Why did Rick and Morty go to Goodwill?

To get thrifty.

if you made a Venn diagram of Rick And Morty fans and Tool fans what would it look like?

Would it be a Perfect Circle?

Rick Astley’s guide to password management

* Never going to give you out
* Never going to write you down
* Never going to run around and reuse you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

quick story.. of a joke

I (Richard)was out visiting a friend from the Military, we had been very close and out for a long time, but still very close friends. While I was at his house with him and his wife, she said the following. " Some people and I were talking about nicknames and that some of them don't really make sens...

I didn't know what bad music was until i met Rick Astley

He was the one to introduce me to lil Pump

You walk into a bar and see Rick Astley sitting alone

You sit next to him and start talking

Eventually, the conversation leads to talk of your favorite Pixar movies

Rick tells you that his favorite of all time is Up, he even owns a physical copy of the movie with bonus features

You say that you've always wanted to see it but never ...

Apparently rick Astley is really stingy with his Disney DVD collection.

Yeah he’ll share toy story, but he’s never gonna give you Up.

Turns out having Rick Astley work at a video rental shop is a bad idea.

We had a lot of complaints of him never giving anyone Up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two neighbors, Sam and Rick, are having a smoke outside their houses.

Sam asks Rick, "Do you like dumb women?"

Rick: Of course not.

Sam: What about women who drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney?

Rick: Why would I love someone like that?

Sam: What about women who can't cook?

Rick: Hell no. Why are you asking me all this?
...

Rick Astley would lend you his whole Pixar movie collection...

...because he's a nice guy. But he won't ask for them back because he knows they'll be Together Forever with You

What is Rick Grimes' favourite type of crisps?

Walkers

What do Rick and Morty fans and Reddit have in common?

...

I don't know, you're all geniuses; You tell me!

It was to be the biggest scientific press conference of the decade.

Geneticist Rick Hallorann spoke to the crowds of reporters, camera flashes illuminating his face.

"The time has finally come for the first human cloning experiment to be performed," he began. "The technology for us to clone humans has been around since the eighties - but only now, after plent...

Today I learned about the Astley paradox!

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.

However, in doing so, he lets you down.

Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

Why doesn't Rick Harrison ever commit a crime and then pin it on another person?

Because he'd have to get a buddy of his, and frame him. He's taking all the risk here.

Did you know that Rick Astley only tunes his guitar up?

Because he never lets it down.

Rick Astley is a bad Catholic

He won’t even give you up during Lent.

I missed the latest episode of Rick & Morty

Boy, do I feel stupid now.

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rick had cars. Today everyone own cars and only the rich own horses.

The stables have turned.

A Story About My Time with a Homeless Man

Insert Rick and Morty joke here.

Why didn't rick astley help the victims of a building on fire?

He refused to let them down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rick and Jerry went hunting

Rick and Jerry, after 2 days of tracking a buck, made their way into a clearing. both men are exhausted, getting little sleep during their expedition, and Rick decides that after the last 9 straight hours in the bush, he deserves to take a much needed bathroom break. after Jerry had finished gutting...

I asked Rick Harrison for change for a Dollar,

He told me that the best he could do is 50 cents and that he is taking all the risks.

My girlfriend climaxed at the season finale of Rick and Morty

She also climaxed at the finale of Iron fist.

And again at the season Finale of Game of Thrones.

She keeps coming to conclusions

What's the difference between Rick Grimes and Carl Grimes?

Rick Grimes has two I's....

Did you guys hear that Rick Astley committed a crime that got him on death row?

He’s going to be XcQted.

I was phoned by Rick Astley, who asked me to borrow some Pixar DVD's...

I said "Fair enough You can have 'Toy Story', 'A Bug's Life' and 'Finding Nemo' but I'm never gonna give you 'Up'".

Did you know that Rick Astley is actually a very generous person and an extensive movie collector?

It's true! He'll actually let you have just about any movie in his collection, with only one exception: The Disney/Pixar movie "Up." This particular movie is a favorite of his and he keeps it on a shelf so high that you actually have to get a ladder and climb it just to reach the movie. Be carefu...

What is Rick Grimes' favorite exhibit at the aquarium?

Coraaaaaaaal

What do Lifeguards and Rick and Morty's Space cruiser have in common?

Keep Summer Safe

Rick Astley's releasing a new song lamenting the 'Brexit' result...

It's titled:

Never Gonna Give EU Up

Why do they spell it "honour" and "favour" in the United Kingdom?

Because Rick Astley is British.

Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?

Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.

A man dies and shows up in heaven

When he gets there, he sees an angel sitting down at a desk with a book. "What's your name, and how did you die?" The angel asks. "Rick Thomson, and I fell down my stairs." the man replies.

The angel flips through the book and then looks back up to Rick. "It looks like it isn't your time to d...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.