UPJOKE
moviefilmographytelefilmprojectionistfilmmakercinematicjefffilmjeremycinemawilliamsfilmmakingfilmygeoffcelluloid

Jeffrey Jokes

If your surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide this morning

Imagine how surprised he must have been.

What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common?

They don’t hang themselves.

Happy Halloween

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

Jeffrey Dahmer walks into his local used furniture store with a sofa.

"It might have some stains." He mutters sheepishly.
"Come again?" Inquires the hard of hearing store manager.
"Some blood as well this time."

Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar....

Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve underage here."

Jeffrey Dahmer's trial...

Dahmer's lawyer speaks up:
"Your honor, if you are what you eat, then my client is an innocent man!"

Jeffrey Dahmer once sent me a dinner invitation

But the offer was a me steak.

When Jeffrey Epstein was in prison, other inmates asked him what he was in for...

"nothing much, just a minor problem"

Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence

For example:

Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.

Jeffrey ate John's colon.

What was Jeffrey Dahmers favourite candy?

Mentos

why did Jeffrey Dahmer never eat liver and onions?

He didn't like onions.

What did they find in Jeffrey Dahmer’s shower?

Head & shoulders

Jeffrey Dahmer decided to go on a vegan diet

He found a family of them at the Farmers Market.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself?

Because he had low self Epstein.

What do Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Ate dead people.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite meal inspired by middle eastern food?

Chopped Dates

Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother was over for a visit having dinner.

She says “you know Jeffrey, I really don’t like your friends.”

He just shrugs & says “well just eat the vegetables then.”

Jeffrey and Hillary were both patients at a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jeffrey suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Hillary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jeffrey out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Hillary's ...

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Brigham Young

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates was invited to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

After arrival Bill Gates was shown to a room with a rather young looking masseuse. The girl instructed Bill Gates to disrobe for a massage and one thing lead to another and they ended up having sex. Afterwards the masseuse said “I always wondered why you called your company Microsoft but now I know”

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

But I dont want to commit suicide

Remembering the life of Jeffrey Epstein...

He touched so many. He will surely be missed.

There was a serial killer who killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer and never got caught

His name was Jeffrey Smahter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the psychotherapist ask his suicidal patient to change his name to „Jeffrey Epstein“?

To make sure he doesn‘t kill himself.

Why didn't Jeffrey Epstein high five the prison officer?

He tends to leave people hanging.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to that Prisoner who killed him?

I eat guys like you for breakfast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell after his death and met the devil who told him what his punishment is going to be.

"You see these people lined up with boxing gloves? You will be made to spread your legs so that they can hit you below the belt. I am surprised many have volunteered. You must have ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeffrey Epstein may be going to Hell...

But he still got his 72 virgins.

Why is Jeffrey Epstein bad at races?

He always comes in a little behind

If you are surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide

Imagine how surprised he must have been

Jeffrey Epstein plays mmo for...

Sui side quests.

Did you hear that Bill Clinton got on Jeffrey Epstein's plane 25 times......

and got off 50 times.

Why would Jeffrey Epstein make a bad musician?

Because he would spend all day fingering A Minor

What was Jeffrey Dahmers favorite restaurant?

5 Guys

Jeffrey Toobin wanted to sue over his CNN suspension

But his lawyers said it would not stand up in court.

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

"The encryption codes are hidden behind the Dali painting in the guest bathroom. Hey, I told you what you wan...."

What did Jeffrey Dahmer call the guy that ran from him?

Fast food.

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his front porch?

So he could greet visitors with a handshake.

What was Jeffrey Epstein humming before dying?

"All the right moves", One Republic

Jeffrey Epstein dies and goes to Hell.

Satan sees him at the gates.

Satan yells "Hey Jeff, how's it hanging?"

The GP calls Jeffrey into his office.

Jeffrey says: ‘I slept with my girlfriend’s sister and I’m afraid I have an STD.’

‘Don’t worry’ says the doctor ‘we all make mistakes.’

Yeah I know but that’s not the biggest problem, I think I passed on to my girlfriend.’

‘Dammit so now we all have it!!’

Say what you will about Jeffrey Epstein,

he always drove slower than the speed limit around schools.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas ornaments?

The ornaments can be rehung again next year.

I heard that Jeffrey Epstein never wanted to be rich and famous.

All he ever wanted was to settle down and have kids.

True love is finishing each other’s sentences

Ghislaine Maxwell must’ve really loved Jeffrey Epstein

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and a Whiskey Connoisseur?

Only one thinks it gets better with age.

I must say I'm shocked by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide.

How did he get the noose around his chin?

Alan Dershowitz has defended O.J. Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, and Donald Trump

The stabber, the nabber, and the grabber

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know Jeffrey Epstein converted to Islam?

He was promised 72 virgins in the afterlife and he just couldn’t wait.

What is Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite killstreak in Call of Duty?

The Predator Missile.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein love Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven?

...Cause it's in A minor.

I’m gonna dress up as Jeffrey Epstein for Halloween and crash some parties

I just really don’t wanna hang by myself

BREAKING : Prison guard responsible for watching Jeffrey Epstein killed in tragic house fire

Time of death was 11:26am, tomorrow.

Honestly, I found what happened to Jeffrey Epstein really sad...

So many powerful friends that could have helped and, instead, they all let him hang out to die.

Why does Jeffrey Epstein only date 23 year olds

Because there's 20 of them.

Whats Jared from Subway and Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite song?

Pretty Young Thing (P.Y.T.) - Michael Jackson

Did you know Jeffrey Dahmer was a time traveler?

He was eating Five Guys before it was a thing.

How do you know when its time for bed in Jeffrey Epstine house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

One of the last things Jeffrey Epstein said to the guards was - "high five!"

But they just left him hanging

What is your most inappropriate, sickest comment on Jeffrey Epstein?

*He died just the way he liked his girls, gagging.*

What do you call reports that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t actually hang himself but instead was murdered?

Fake noose.

Netflix tried to get the Jeffrey Dahmer tapes...

...but it was going to cost them an arm *and* a leg.

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

Ted Bundy asks Jeffrey Dahmer you got any ice cream in the freezer?

Nah, just Ben and Jerry Jeffrey replies.

Attorney General Barr released a summary of Jeffrey Epstein's autopsy findings...

They found no evidence of contusion.

Jeffrey Dahmer was HOT.

He had the body of a much younger man.

I've decided to become a professional Jeffrey Epstein impersonator, don't try to talk me out of it!

I know it is career suicide.

How do you get Jeffrey Epstein to install a light bulb?

Tell him it's 12yo and he will screw it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So apparently Jeffrey Epstein owns a couple of the Virgin Islands...

Guess we’ll just have to call them the Islands from now on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeffrey vs. Clown (long)

Jeffrey is a young man growing up in a small, mid-century town. He's a sensitive, bookish type, but overall Jeffrey is a nice guy with a good heart. One day, the circus comes to town. Having nothing else to do (as there was no internet or video games in that time), Jeffrey decides to buy a ticket....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was a smoker...

They found a pile of butts behind his couch.

A 15 year old boy turns 16 tomorrow.

He asks his mom for a brand new car so he can drive around, but his mon tells him that if he wants his own car, he'd have to work for it and get it himself.

The mom leaves for work the next morning, and when she comes back that night she sees all the street lights in her cul-de-sac covered in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

How did Jeffrey Dahmer make alphabet soup?

With 26 characters he met at a party.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Too Much to Drink

It was getting late one night when the bartender at a pub decided he'd have to cut one of the regulars off.

*"You've had too much to drink Jeffrey. I've got to stop servin' ya."*

*"Aye, it seems I have. Besides, the wife's probably gonna be mad I drank too much again. I should get on h...

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer move to a larger apartment?

He needed more leg room.

Why was Jeffrey Dahmer so healthy?

Because he ate five fruits a day!

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mom are having dinner.

Jeffey's mom looks over at him and says "Jeff I don't like your friends". Jeffery then replies "You can eat the potatoes".

I met Jeffrey Epstein once. It was only a brief interaction, but I can recall that I offered him some cheddar cheese and he didn't like it.

I think it was too mature for him.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer sing as he went to the refrigerator?

My Bologna had a first name.

People say that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to get anything done.

But Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common?

They were both caught with hands in their drawers.

A news story had been reported about Jeffrey Dahmer after his capture about what was found in his shower... did you hear what they found!?

Head[s] and shoulders.

Bill Cosby walks out of prison...

..and gets on a bus, and rides it to a long rock wall. Next to a big oak, he finds a letter.

He follows it to Mexico, where he finds Jeffrey Epstein working on his boat.

A Minnesota couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.

They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules together. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following ...

You know one the main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.

The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"

Hillary Clinton is giving a lesson about the world at a gifted-student primary school in New York

After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? Second -...

Jeffery Dahmer visits his optometrist.

Doc says, ”you should never rub your eyes”.

Jeffrey contemplates.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.