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Requires Jokes

A woman is badly burned in a car accident and requires a skin graft on her face.

Because of her injuries the doctors are unable to take skin from any part of her body, so they must rely on a donor. Her husband of 25 years volunteers and the operation goes ahead. Whilst deciding which bit of his skin to use he mentions he has a smooth bottom and perhaps that would be the best pla...

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Pornhub now requires every user to watch at least one hour of dwarf-MILF content.

That's the bare mini-mum.

What requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, you can’t quit and people’s lives are on the line?

_*Motherhood.*_

Parking a single car doesn’t require much space.

But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days

just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.

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Being accepted into the Baptist church requires a tough test.

The minister meets with three married couples who want to join the Baptist Church. The first couple are retirees from Florida, the second couple are in their early 40s, and the last couple are newlyweds, having been married only 3 weeks. "We have developed a small test for those who want to join, I'...

My new diet and exercise program requires me to not eat for 24 hrs and maintain an erection

It’s a hard and fast rule

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires a tweetment and one requires an oinkment.

I got a joke but it requires that you know who D.B. Cooper is

I don't want to sound condescending while telling a joke about a con descending

What kind of house requires a lot of water?

A house on fire

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PornHub now requires all visitors to watch at least 5 minutes of dwarf MILF content before accessing other videos.

That's the bare mini mum.

If it requires three people to do a threesome then...

That's why people tell me I'm handsome...

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Requires a little visualization, "The Penguin"

Buddy needs a lay but only has $10 to his name, finds a seedy women in a seedy bar.

So he asks her "what can I get for $10 bucks"

"The Penguin" She replies. Desperate he's quick to agree and they find their way into an alley.

She pulls her skirt up and stands with her legs shoul...

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This is a long one that requires audience interaction. It’s always given me great return.

To preface this joke: you may alter the story as you see fit. Make it personal and use elements of your real life to make this a convincing story. The only key points that must be consistent will be highlighted in the text. The audience interaction will be italicized.

_________

The Cat...

This joke requires you to <insert friend's name here>.

<Insert friend's name here> is walking along a country path and comes upon Mark Wahlberg enjoying some coitus with an unfortunate sheep whose head has become stuck in a fence. <Insert friend's name here> says, "Hey Marky-Mark, what are you doing to that sheep?" Mark replies, "I was just ...

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At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

What do you call a hero that doesn't aim for the head and requires a rematch?

A Thor loser.

Making fun of a short's person height is cruel and requires no ability...

... one could even say it's the lowest form of humour.

Being a free diving instructor requires you to teach others how to hold their breath under water while not using scuba gear.

It's a tankless job.

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What are sometimes moist, smells bad and requires going down to get in it?

Basements.

What is the law that requires cabbage to be shredded and covered in a vinaigrette?

Cole's Law

The doorman at a bar refuses a patron entry because dress code requires a tie be worn.

So the patron goes back to his car and pulls a set of booster cables from the trunk, ties it around his neck like a tie and returns to the doorman.

The doorman says. "OK, that will work, but you better not start anything".

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