UPJOKE
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So a couple days ago I had to call for an ambulance...

I hate to be a burden to anyone but I sure hope they get here soon...

A fruit bat is visiting a vampire bat's house. Suddenly he hears his friend call out from the kitchen: "could you help, I've lost a lot of blood." He starts to call for the doctor, but suddenly he hears his friend say "wait, nevermind..."

"I just didn't notice it in the back of the fridge."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who do you call for questions about sex addiction?

Nympho-mation

There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he cant swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says...

"Hello, I'm Stupid, I'm calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water."

Why did the golfers wife call for help when he hit the ball out of bounds?

Because he stroked out!

Who does a ladder call for help if it gets stuck in a washing machine?

Its step ladder.

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York...

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiti...

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.

"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"

"Oh, thi...

I named my dog dumpster and I've been getting pretty nasty looks when I call for him at the local dog park lately.

COME, DUMPSTER!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He call for everyone's attention, orders a beer and proceeds to put his balls in the gator's open mouth.

The gator closes its mouth, the man drinks the beer and then takes the bottle and whacks the gator on the head with it real hard. The gator opens its mouth and the man shows off his unharmed balls.

He looks around the bar and says, "I'll give anyone here a 100 dollars to try this."

The...

[1st day as a cop] Captain: "why did you call for back up? " Me: "There was a fly in my car!"

Swat team leader: "what exactly do you think we do!?"

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

A mime fell down a well and couldn't call for help.

His larynx was crushed during the fall.

Why did Trump call for a ban on all llamas entering the US?

because he isllamaphobic

Why do Irish stew recipes only call for 239 beans?

Because one more, and it would be too-farty.

Someone call for a religious joke

A Daoist monk, a Father, and a Priest talking about how to cleanse their temples that have been overridden with squirrels. the monk says "Well, I decided that it is Gods will for the squirrels to be there so I left them alone". The Father says "I spread fox urine around which worked for a week, but ...

What number do you call for emergencies in Mexico?

9-Juan-Juan

What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?

"I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"

African conservationists call for the ban on hunting hippopotamus to be lifted, citing environmental concerns.

To me the whole thing seems so hippocritical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man feels lost is life and decides to ask a rabbi for advice

He calls up the rabbi and asks for his address

The rabbi sais:

I live on the last house on 47th Street.
Now, when you come here, you can buzz in the apartment number with your left elbow and open the door with your right elbow.
When you enter the building, you can call for an el...

Red shirt

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic,the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt! " The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and l...

Two guys in a bar...

One says "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!" "Wooo, what the hell happened to him?" "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went...

Deep in the arctic, a fortress sits. This is Legion Prison, where all Supervillains are jailed.

And the Warden is having a very difficult time. In the beginning, it wasn’t so hard. A handful of villains can’t get up to too much trouble without their tools and weapon.

But as the prison filled up, things began to get more difficult.

MechaSlayer kept trying to fight Robo-Con.
...

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