Who do you call for questions about sex addiction?
There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he cant swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says...
"Hello, I'm Stupid, I'm calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water."
Why did the golfers wife call for help when he hit the ball out of bounds?
Because he stroked out!
Who does a ladder call for help if it gets stuck in a washing machine?
Its step ladder.
Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York...
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiti...
I named my dog dumpster and I've been getting pretty nasty looks when I call for him at the local dog park lately.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He call for everyone's attention, orders a beer and proceeds to put his balls in the gator's open mouth.
The gator closes its mouth, the man drinks the beer and then takes the bottle and whacks the gator on the head with it real hard. The gator opens its mouth and the man shows off his unharmed balls.
He looks around the bar and says, "I'll give anyone here a 100 dollars to try this."
I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...
...It's called Cancel Culture Club.
An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
[1st day as a cop] Captain: "why did you call for back up? " Me: "There was a fly in my car!"
Swat team leader: "what exactly do you think we do!?"
A mime fell down a well and couldn't call for help.
His larynx was crushed during the fall.
Why did Trump call for a ban on all llamas entering the US?
because he isllamaphobic
Why do Irish stew recipes only call for 239 beans?
Because one more, and it would be too-farty.
Someone call for a religious joke
A Daoist monk, a Father, and a Priest talking about how to cleanse their temples that have been overridden with squirrels. the monk says "Well, I decided that it is Gods will for the squirrels to be there so I left them alone". The Father says "I spread fox urine around which worked for a week, but ...
What number do you call for emergencies in Mexico?
What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?
"I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"
African conservationists call for the ban on hunting hippopotamus to be lifted, citing environmental concerns.
To me the whole thing seems so hippocritical.
Police Chief to new recruit.
Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
God, Atheist, and the Bear.
An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in towards the man. The atheist screams in terror, " Oh God, help me!! "
Suddenly, everything - the bear, the trees, the birds, everything but th...
Got this one from a coworker the other day.
There was once this great pirate captain who refused to lose any battles no matter the cost. He would give up anything to secure victory in battle.
One day while sailing the open ocean he and his crew encounter an two enemy ships so he yells to his first mate “get me my red shirt!” So the fi...
An old man decides to look into a Nudist Colony
He is invited to try the one week trial period so he does.
On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, walks over to him and asks, "did you ...
Bob was out fishing when he realized that it was his wedding anniversary. Hoping to save face, he headed to shore. He left the marina and started driving to the nearest Hallmark store to buy his wife a card and a gift. His truck’s engine started sputtering and died on the road.
Bob was fairl...
I always keep a tape measure in my panic room.
Because desperate times call for desperate measures.