UPJOKE
mandatoryorderprescribeassigndelegatedesignatedictatecommissiongovernmentdominioninjunctionterritorycommandmentfiatbehest

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are male conservatives against mandates?

That would be so gay.



*No need to rough me up, I'll let myself out.*

A new law

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at l...

I’m sick and tired of all these mandates..

Any single women out there who’d like to go out for dinner?

I was going to make a joke about lifting the mask mandate in Texas

but it's too soon.

A Chinese woman went on a blind date

A Chinese woman went on a blind date. Her date turned out to be a very handsome young man. They went to an expensive restaurant and had a great time together. The man even paid for everything.


When they were alone on their way back. The man suddenly revealed himself to be an angel in disg...

As Northern Germans, we really struggle with the six feet distance mandate ...

Hopefully we can go back to our usual 10 feet distance after being vaccinated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

Thirty children dead after their school mandated they wear bulletproof vests to prevent shootings.

Swimming lessons should probably have been exempted.

Until federal law supports the love between two men

It’s just a mandate

Wife got mad when I told her I must hang out with the guys once a week.

She hates my mandates.

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Updating a classic for modern times [long]

When the news of covid hit Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me."


Well when lock downs started Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me". And she continued to see her friends, and be rude to restaurant staff when she got take out and show up to places tha...

My relationship with my ex-wife is a lot like my relationship with COVID-19.

In each case the government has mandated that I maintain a certain distance from them.

A Karen Refuses To Wear a Mask

Because she says it's MANdated not WOMANdated

What do you call two Palestinian men courting each other in 1930's London?

A Palestinian mandate

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

To improve corporate rapport , they made it compulsory for guys to hang out with other guys outside of work

I guess that was the "mandate"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the heterosexual guy agree to go out with a guy?

It was a mandate

City officials required all their male employees to socialize with male coworkers after work once a week.

They issued a government mandate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

USSR jokes about America

My dad told me this one was a classic when he lived in the former Soviet Union:

So as you know, Russia and America would send spies against each other frequently. All American spies were mandated to learn Russian and all Russians English.

Well so, the American spy gets dropped off in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people in the Middle-East tend to be homophobic?

They have had bad experiences with mandates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are most male politicians gay?

They can only mandate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump and Pence are so homophobic ...

... they couldn't get a mandate.

HAHAHA! A lot of people are going to die in the next 4 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Cod Captain and His Seamen's Semen

Several centuries ago, Irish fishermen sought fortune fishing cod off the coast of Newfoundland. During the long cross-Atlantic journey, many captains worried about their men after so much time away from their wives.

One devoutly Catholic captain was especially concerned that his men might re...

(Original) What do you call it when Trump and Mike Pence go to the movies together?

A government mandate

When I asked the court why I was forced to accompany a gentleman to a social engagement

They said I was mandated

Why did the two guy friends hang out every week?

Because it was a mandate.

Quasimodo passed away

After years of hanging out in the bell tower, Quasimodo got drunk and careless and slipped over a rail, falling to his death one cold night.

The cathedral HR department put out a posting to get a replacement for him, but due to the eerie nature of the bell tower, they only got one response - ...

What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

What do you call it when one guy demands that another guy go to the movies and give him a hand job?

A mandate

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.