How would a giant robot that's controlled by multiple people be rendered useless?

Make operating it a school group project!

A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a...

Did you hear about the really forgiving guy who was rendered impotent in an accident?

There were no hard feelings.

A Roman Famine

Long ago in Ancient Rome, there was a great famine all across the land. As food became ever more scarce many people found themselves tightening their belts to get by. And inevitably, a man was taken to court for the crime of having committed cannibalism against his wife.

Due to the horrific n...

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I finally got my vagina sculpting business off the ground and business is booming. My clients really enjoy my work and are always happy to pay...

For cervices rendered

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A serial killer was on trial....

The prosecution began its case.

"We allege the accused rendered the victim unconscious and then using his saw .."

At which point a guy at the back shouts out "you rotten bastard"

The judge calls for order and asks the spectators to refrain from shouting out.

The prosecuti...

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The penis requested a wage raise from his company one day

He presented the following arguments to justify his request:

"Dear Board, I, as the penis, request a raise due to following reasons:

1. I work hard physically.
2. I always use my head in every job I do.
3. I work in both deep and superficial environments.
4. My working environ...

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Three warriors and a female troll enter the Colosseum.

The first, wielding a sword, attacked the massive lady-beast head on but was quickly dispatched. The 2nd, wielding a flail was picked up and thrown across the arena like a toy. The 3rd warrior knew he could not defeat the troll by conventional means and with that, he charged at the troll as fast as ...

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The Gym (at 40) - Try and read this without laughing out loud!

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

My mom said she wouldn’t even put me in an animation movie

Because i’d be rendered useless

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

A horse walks into a bar.

A Horse walks into a bar.
The Bartender sees such a vivid depth
of despair and ennui in the Horse's eyes,
like the Horse has stared into the abyss
and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep
that the Horse could no longer believe
that he himself nor anyone nor anything else ...

I was once afflicted with with a terrible bout of dry mouth...

The doctors could do nothing to help and my future was looking dim. My food had long since been rendered flavorless and eating became a chore, until I met a man who said he was sent by god to cure my ailment. I was skeptical but desperate, willing to try anything.

I asked him "How much?" and...

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Three tourists are caught by natives on an island.

The chief of the tribe tells the three to bring back three of the same fruit.

After foraging, two of the three return with apples and blueberries.

The chief then tells the two to fit the fruits up their bum hole or they would be killed.

The first with the apples tries his best,...

What is reincarnation? A cowboy asks his friend.

It starts, his old pal told him, when your life comes to an end.

They wash your neck and comb your hair and clean your fingernails,

And put you in a padded box away from life's travails.

The box and you goes in a hole that's been dug in the ground.

Reincarnation starts in...

Bill Gates dies in a car accident, He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call;

I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or
Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by
putting a computer in almost every home in
America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows
'95. I'm going to do something I've never done
before in your case; I'm going to let you decide...

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Joe received a package in the mail with a few stamps on the front. Always the notorious scrooge, Joe peeled off the already used stamps, and then proceeded to stick them onto his own letter.

Upon being handed the mail, the mailman knew exactly what Joe had done, and proceeded to punch him in the face until Joe was rendered unconscious. He was rushed to the ER and pronounced dead the next morning.

At his funeral, many tears were shed and eulogies given. As the ceremony was comi...

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[nsfw] Voodoo Dick (Long)

Lucia popped into her local South American produce shop on the way home from work (it was enchilada night). While browsing she got a call from her bff Natalie and spent some time talking about the recent divorce, and her lack of sex life. Shortly after hanging up, she was approached by the store cle...

John and Mark were high school friends

They meet on the street after not seeing each other for a few years.
John: Mark, my buddy! How have you been??
Mark: Not too stellar, but nevermind that, you look glowing! What happened?
John: (excitedly) I bought an elephant!
Mark: And what's so great about an elephant?
Joh...

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Three men are running from the cops:

As they are running, they see they're approaching a cliff pretty quickly. They all start praying to God to help them.

God pretty much tells them to say what they want to be turned into when they get to the cliff face.

Dude #1 says, " I want to be a bird!" He is promptly turned into a...

A Defendant in a Lawsuit . . .

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stu...

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A woman sits down next to a man in first class.

The man sneezes, nonchalantly pulls out his willy and wipes the tip off. The woman is taken aback but is rendered speechless.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. Again, he whips it out and wipes the tip off. Thoroughly disgusted she still keeps quiet.

Then he does it a third ti...

Was playing with a new animation software but forgot to add any dialogue.

It rendered me speechless.

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Sex Tax

A man is sitting at a bar when this beautiful woman walks in. The man orders her a drink, and the two hit it off. After several more drinks, she reveals that she's never had a man do *X* to her, and he reveals he's never had *Y*. The two decide to take this conversation to the ladies room. 10 minute...

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One of my all-time faves...

A woman was involved in a near-fatal car accident that rendered her comatose. For weeks she laid in her hospital bed, showing no signs of improvement. Her faithful husband visited her several times a day, never giving up hope.
One morning, a nurse was performing a sponge bath on her patient whe...

Stolen From Another Reddit (I Think) In Honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day

There once was a pirate (the story relates)

who thought he could rhumba on skates.

He fell on his cutlass

which rendered him nutless

and virtually useless on dates.

MOOMFA!!!

So two male explorers are wandering on a foreign island and are suddenly both rendered unconscious. When they wake up, they find themselves tied up and sitting on the ground in front of some native people of the island.

One of the natives, which appears to be the chieftain, says something in...

A TV repair man goes on a call to fix a TV.

When he arrives, he notes the make and model of the TV. He walks off to the side and smacks the TV. Instantly the TV starts to work again, the picture is better than ever. He then walks back to the dumbfound customer and hands him a bill for $200. The customer balks at the bill. "$200?! There's no w...

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