The 20+ Best Removed Jokes

Why was my post removed?

Can anyone tell me why my post was removed?

I'm a bit annoyed by this because my fence has fallen over.

I removed the shell from my racing snail.

I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it’s more sluggish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found a lump, so my doctor friend suggested that I have one of my testicles removed.

He really takes his mashed potatoes extremely seriously.

Why did the old witch in the woods get removed from the Grimm's fairy tales?

Hansel Culture.

\-- Late Night with Seth Meyers

(I apologize for this)

I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.

"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went into a tobacco store

to buy a large cigar. After buying it, he immediately started smoking it inside the store, which annoyed the store owner.

-Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside if you're going to smoke that.

-Isn't this a tobacco store that sells cigars?

-Yes, but...

-Then I ...

A woman with five kids went to a dentist to have a tooth removed

The woman said "Doc, I must admit i've been DREADING this. I'd just as soon have another baby before I'd have a tooth pulled!"

The dentist said "Well, make up your mind- i have to adjust the chair."

See if you can guess which sub this got removed from:

I just traded a piece of fruit for a weight measuring device....

Banana for scale

A half-naked filthy guy enters a nail studio asking desperately to have his nails removed

The manicurist says that he can't do that. The guy leaves the nail studio saying that there will be no Third Coming.

It's a good thing Elon didn't acquire Reddit, otherwise

(Your post was removed by Reddit admins, and your account was suspended)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tarzan

Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.

Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex-wife had my name tattooed on her boob, but she had it removed.

I’ve been erased from her mammary.

Tree joke

I had a tree I wanted removed ,because it was to close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ?..He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees, If I wanted th...

I just started a diet. Here's a recap of Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house

It was delicious

What do you call it when someone gets part of their large intestine removed due to malignant bowel cancer?

A semi colon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The brave man

At the circus, the lion tamer strolls into the caged ring where there’s one huge lion.

The brave tamer says to the audience,

\- “Watch this.”

He then walked up to the lion, opened its mouth and stuck his willy right in, then he slapped the lion on the head really hard and slo...

My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

You'll never guess what happened to my foreskin when I went to a Jewish festival the other day?

[/removed]

My first time buying condoms as a teenager, I went to the pharmacy.

The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."

She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the s...

Honeymoon

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage

Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.
We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the can...

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