UPJOKE
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Cancel Jokes

I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.

That sail has shipped.
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I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021

I’ve experienced the 7 day trial and I’m not interested
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<<BREAKING NEWS>> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod.

Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.
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Nobody's heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season.

I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.
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Erectile disfunction support group has been cancelled

Nobody could come
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How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?

Do you just call them and say you can’t come?
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What do you call the trend to cancel pineapples?

#Banananas
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Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled.

Tickets are non-refundable.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC's Sherlock got cancelled

Shit, no Sherlock.

Why did the movie studio cancel the film about menstruation?

They wanted to move away from period pieces.
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3:15pm So the hockey season got cancelled in Canada because of the coronavirus

6:30pm Canada is now testing the vaccine for coronavirus
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Why did China cancel Chinese New Years?

Everybody was kung-flu fighting.
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Why did they cancel Kleptomaniacs Anonymous?

Because the sponsor at the most recent meeting asked if anybody wanted to take a seat.
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I purchased some noise canceling headphones...

I thought people would find them annoying but so far I haven't heard any complaints.
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A man goes in to the doctor's office to cancel an appointment.

Lady at the desk tells him that it's a $200 charge for cancelling without one week notice.

Guy asks how much does it cost to reschedule and the lady says it's free.

"Ok so I need to reschedule for two weeks out"

"Is three weeks ok?"

"Perfect"

"Alright, you're set f...
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When I canceled my gym membership,

I had to hand in my too weak notice
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Why did the wizard get canceled?

Abuse of staff
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I ordered the wrong canvas for my boat’s mast, but I think it’s too late to cancel.

That sail has shipped.
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One cannot cancel paradox..

What do they say about men who try to hard?

The same thing they say about women who don’t try hard enough.
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If foreigners are upset to have had their visas cancelled...

Why don't they just apply for MasterCards instead?
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.
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Pearl Jam have had to cancel some gigs in Europe after Eddie Vedder experienced some issues with his throat.

The band tried to source a temporary replacement vocalist, but they can’t find a better man.
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Put a spoon under your pillow, cancel school for a day.

Put a bat in your soup, cancel school for a year!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

April fools day is cancelled

as no made up prank could match the unbelievable shit going on right now

My sign language comedy show got cancelled today

Apparently nobody there had heard of me
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Some people are trying to cancel Dave Chappelle

In other words they are trying to stop his trans mission.
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My friend has noise cancelling headphones

I don't think noise deserved it, but such is the way if the internet.
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My doctor cancelled my visit today.

I was Disappointed.
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They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan

This is directly due to the tally-ban
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My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.

Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me a...
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Christmas is canceled

I told Santa you were good this year and he died laughing.
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2019: Cancel culture has gone too far

2020: Hold my Corona
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***2020 CANCELLED***

After careful consideration, we have decided that it is no longer in the best interests of everyone involved to proceed with 2020.

While we recognize that a lot of hard work has gone into preparing for 2020, if we're honest it has just turned into a bit of a sh*tshow and we feel it best just ...
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Sometime in the future, robots are going to cancel Mark Zuckerburg

Because he tried to make fun of humans by wearing white face.
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NASCAR is officially canceled

After discovering it's just a human traffic ring
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Work got cancelled for two weeks, so I go to the grocery store on the way home.

I’ve seen all the news, lots of Facebook pictures of empty shelves, but I was not prepared for this madness. There’s a line of like five people by the frozen goods aisle, trying to get pizza.

So I decide to go get some ramen. I know it’s not the best, but it keeps forever and I’ve been perfec...
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Why was the robot cancelled?

Because it didn't accept non-binary arguments
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All flights from John Lennon Airport are cancelled.

Imagine all the people.
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Why did the pirate get cancelled?

He used the hard "arr!"
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Easter is canceled

They found the body
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Did you hear Elizabeth Warren cancelled her campaign?

It wasn't the first race she has had to leave.
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Did you hear they’re cancelling Halloween this year?

Because nobody would wear a mask.
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Christmas is cancelled.

Santa has passed away by natural clauses.
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Why was the laundromat cancelled on Twitter?

For reminding people to separate whites from colors
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Why did Mike Tyson have to cancel his big fight with Chris Hemsworth?

He was Thor.
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I think it's terrible when people get cold feet close to the date of a wedding and cancel

The right way to do it is to divorce many years later.
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I heard New years is cancelled in Russia this year.

They got no rockets left.
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Major airlines are cancelling flights as staff call in sick.

If I was in charge, none of their excuses would fly.
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Brit: Why is it ‘cancelled’ in the UK but ‘canceled’ in America?

Murican: Coz we gave you that L in 1776
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Joe Biden canceled the Keystone XL pipeline...

It was all a pipe dream.
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Trump cancelled his trip to Britain because he doesn’t want to go anywhere he doesn’t feel welcome...

So what’s he still doing in the white house?
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Why was Minecraft the movie cancelled?

Because all of the actors wore blockface.
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I was planning a school shooting, but had to cancel it because of the virus.

Apparently filming school documentaries isn't "essential".
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This year, we had to cancel our annual trip to Hawaii because of Covid-19.

Usually we do it because we can’t afford to go.
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Why was the leper baseball match cancelled?

People started throwing hands
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The coming Pixar movie Trains has been cancelled.

It will be replaced with Buses.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think it's weird that county fairs are being cancelled.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a *good* idea, but... I just figured that anyone who isn't afraid to hop onto a 60-year-old rusty roller coaster, that gets disassembled and reassembled 22 times a year by a traveling meth head with an allen wrench, while eating a deep fried stick of butter, wouldn't...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sorry everyone, the weekly reading of the Communist Manifesto has been canceled.

My parents are remodeling their basement.

Today I cancelled my subscription to the decade

We've all been through 2020.

It has become clear to me that 2021 is pronounced "2020 won," and that 2022 is pronounced "2020 too."
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Why did the warden cancel the prison writing contest?

There were too many cons and not enough prose
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post malone has cancelled his tour :(

does that make him postpone malone?
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

My kids soccer championship was canceled due to rain and sleet.

So every player got a precipitation trophy.
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April Fool's day has been cancelled due to coronavirus.

Everything you'll hear is true.
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A man has a doctor appointment the next day that he wants to cancel.

So he goes into the office and asks the person at the desk, "Can I cancel my appointment?"

The person at the desk responds, "Of course, but there is a $100 cancelation fee if the appointment is in less than a week."

The man thinks for a minute than asks, "Is there a fee to reschedule...
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The Department is Education is canceling $150 million in student loans.

Those are a lucky 4 people.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that they cancelled bungee jumping for blind people?

It scared the shit out of the guide dogs.

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I was having a conversation with a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

The Russians just canceled their undercover Penguin program

they found out we have NAVY Seals
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A Southwest flight is cancelled...

...and there's a long line waiting for a single agent to reschedule flights when an irate man walks to the front of the line and screams, "I HAVE TO BE ON THIS FLIGHT AND IT HAS TO BE FIRST CLASS!"


"I'm sorry sir but I have to help these other folks first.  I'll be happy to help you if yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The prophecy class is cancelled...

Due to unforeseen circumstances

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The Barbie is cancelled.

In light of the recent events in Korea, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag fact...

A man calls his doctor and says "I'd like to cancel my tomorrow's appointment."

The doctor replies:

- Well, in such a case it will not be refunded, as appointments need to be cancelled three days in advance if you want a refund.

- Can I have it rescheduled then?

- Yes. What do you think about 3:30 PM next Friday?

- That is all right.

- Thank y...
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Thanks to COVID, all military leave has been cancelled this Christmas

Sources indicate that this is tough for the officers and a real blow to the Privates.
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As a social justice warrior, you all offend me. I am going to cancel each and every one of you.

Starting with your netflix account.
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Kids who wished for exam cancellation or postpone

"Sometimes I am afraid of my own power"
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I cancelled my doctor's appointment recently

I was disappointed
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My kid's pediatrician cancelled my appointment because i was 5 minutes late

He has very little patients.
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What are we to do with all the canceled sporting events?

They're going to televise the world origami championships live... On "paper view"!!!
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Why did they cancel basketball in the Special Olympics?

All the players kept getting disqualified for excessive dribbling.
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They’re teaching apple juicing down the road from me, but it got cancelled before I could go.

It was a pressing issue.
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Did you hear the Reddit Movie got cancelled?

It involved too much post production
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Fox has just announced they have canceled Empire

I hope Jussie Smollett doesn’t beat himself up over it.
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Quaker surprised me about how decisive they were when canceling aunt Jemima.

I expected them to waffle.
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My wife just went into labor and our doula cancelled on us.

I’m having a midwife crisis.
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I was worried my tightwalking class would be cancelled because of the lockdown

But it's all online now
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Queen's birthday celebrations are cancelled for the first time.

In 100 years she will remember it and laugh
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Great news! I got the whole plane to myself!

The large group going to the psychics convention all cancelled at the last minute.
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My origami classes were canceled.

Apparently the school folded.
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I canceled my appointment at the sperm bank.

I told them I was sorry but I couldn't cum.
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Due to the overwhelming backlash, I'm forced to cancel my planned medieval instrument packaging simulator.

Players just don't want lute boxes.
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Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

People thought it seemed too scripted.
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The Italian government has cancelled the town of Ferno’s annual fiesta

This year there’ll be no disco in ferno
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Covid is canceling out all of these fun events like Circus’s, rodeos, and concerts.

In about a month, it will really be no Fair.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the spelling bee cancelled?

One of the participants spelled disaster.

My "Workaholics Anonymous" meeting got canceled...

Everyone had to work late
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I cancelled my gym membership...

Now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
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I wouldn't shed a tear if you cancelled MS America, nor lose sleep if you cancelled MS Universe

But please don't you dare cancel MS Paint :*(
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The psychic convention was unexpectedly cancelled.

No one had foreseen this.
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BREAKING NEWS: Elon Musk Announces All SpaceX Flights To Mars Cancelled

Martian officials say borders closed until CoronaVirus is under control.
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Why was 'Sausage Wars' cancelled?

It was the wurst TV show ever.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like a cancelled first date

It's over before it even started.

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