UPJOKE
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Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete?

She wanted to see the task manager

[Request] Self deprecating joke about height for wedding

Long story short, I am officiating a wedding between the 2 tallest and most stunning friends I have. I am about 5'9 VS his 6'4 I would like to make some jab about them not being able to get anyone taller or when they asked me i immediately started thinking about how tall of a stool I would need to f...

Why do people delete comments from Reddit?

They Regreddit.

I think Reddit should rename share to spreddit, delete to shreddit and karma to creddit, Yet they haven’t.

I don’t geddit

My dad said he'd delete my computer games if I didn't finish mowing the lawn. I did the first half pretty quickly...

but now I'm losing Steam.

A Suggestion to Reddit HQ

Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'. Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.

What you call when you delete Microsoft Edge browser from your computer?

Cutting Edge technology!

Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'. Yet they haven't.

I don’t geddit.

Eddits:

Courtesy to The_maxi : I propose to add a function to remove awards and name it “regreddit“

I had a nightmare last night that my Tik Tok account was deleted

It was scary, because for a second I thought I had a Tik Tok account.

What does a Redditor do when they need to delete a post

Shreddit

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.

For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.

Reddit should rename "share" to "spreddit", "delete" to "shreddit" and "karma" to "creddit".

Yet they haven't. I really don't geddit.

Edit: it's currently December 22nd of 2021 and I confess: this joke is a repost

... just like the hundreds of other copies of this

Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.

Nyetflix.

I accidentally deleted an audiobook I was listening to

Now I’ll never hear the end of it

I took a picture of rice but I decided to delete it...

It was too grainy.

A Redditor posts a joke.

And within 2 minutes of submission he has 8 comments telling him, “that’s a repost and that same joke was submitted last month and got 3k upvotes. We only want original content here!” So he deletes it and moves on.

Two months later he hears a new joke and posts it. Again within 2 minutes of s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'

It looks like I'll have to start from scratch

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it.

It's spam.

Maybe I should delete Reddit

because everytime I log in, I feel pointless.

My wife is coming back from holiday tomorrow...

Does anyone know how to delete the memory, from my memory foam mattress?

My mate just deleted his Facebook account

We will not see his likes again.

Sometimes I go around to random windows computers and delete the default browser

Just to take the edge off

Someone had the audacity to delete every version of Microsoft Office from my computer.

I have no Words.

I've decided to delete all the Germans from my phone.

I want to make it Hans-free!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.

That way when they fuck up, I can hit them all at once.

The doctor said to me, “Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music!” I gasped, “Yikes! What’s The Cure?!”

He yowled, “Oh my God! It’s worse than I thought!”

Delete any emails that you get from Hormel Foods

They're most likely spam.

I logged in today to see if my reply got deleted.

It's still hanging on by a thread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack & Jill

(Did the search before posting thing and didn't see this in the results, but feel free to delete if I'm mistaken)

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side and said, “When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my pants. I ga...

I deleted all the German contacts out of my phone...

now its Hans free

I've decided to delete my Twitter.

I keep feeling that people are following me.

My operating system just deleted half my files.

I knew I should’ve never installed ThanOS.

I watched a Liam Neeson action movie that had the unrealistic parts deleted.

It was Taken seriously.

How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?

Pop, Lock & Drop It

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I just deleted all the German names off my phone."

***"It's Hans free"***

*Funniest joke at this years Fringe by Darren Walsh.*

**The rest of the top ten.**

2 -"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

3 - "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

4 - "...

How do you know if someone deleted their Facebook?

They'll tell you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library

by killing all of The Beatles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a brand new Baby Yoda buttplug?

A **Toy Yoda Pre-Ass.**

I came up with this in a hot parking lot and it just stuck in my brain.

A boy asked his father "Why is my sister named Theresa?" "Because your mother loves Easter and Theresa is an anagram." "Thanks dad."

"Your welcome Alan."

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this pa...

I've just uncovered damning evidence that Hillary Clinton knew about the 30,000 emails she deleted as well as what really happened in Benghazi

I'm sharing it because the American people deserve to know the tr

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