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A fighter pilot and a cargo pilot are flying around, talking shit to each other on the radio. The fighter pilot goes on about how much cooler he is than the cargo pilot and says, "Watch this, brah!" hits the afterburner, does a barrel roll and then a loop.

"Top that!" he shouts to the cargo pilot.

"Ok, well watch this." says the cargo pilot.

The plane just goes straight for a while.

"How'd you like that?" asks the cargo pilot.

The fighter pilot is confused and asks, "What did you do?"

The cargo pilot replies, "I went...

One day co-workers Alice and Bob were talking over the water cooler. Soon the conversation turned to Alice's husband Walter and his plans for the future.

"He's up for a promotion, but he's kinda screwed. He'd be moving up from the mail room to a position with some management responsibilities, but he never actually graduated college and that's usually a requirement. They like him though, so there's just one course he has to take and get a good grade i...

What's cooler than a talking dog?

A spelling bee.

What's lamer than a lemon but cooler than a cucumber?

A radish.

My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

Can a ninja come up with a cooler name for his throwing stars?

Shuriken

Two men were talking by the water cooler...

One of them says to the other: You know the secretary? I took her to my house yesterday and we were up at it all night. I think she's better then my wife.

The next day the other man goes and says: You know what, you were right. She is better than your wife

Frieza is cool, but his brother is Cooler.

Haha, this joke is Tarble.

I think there is nothing cooler than being a lone wolf.

except for at wolf picnics, when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.

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Welcome to hell!

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with the devil.


Devil: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.


Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' ma...

What is cooler than being cool?

Being 0K

A man is standing at the office water cooler...

...Talking animatedly telling his coworker he found that his girlfriend was poking holes in his condoms. He elbows the other guy and says "luckily I found out years ago I'm sterile, really dodged a bullet there."

The other guy scoffs "is it really dodging bullets if you're shooting blanks?"

Why are physicists still considered "not" cool...

When Thermodynamic entropy is getting cooler all the time?

An Irishman goes to the pub...

An Irishman was known for going to the pub every day and always ordering three pints of Guinness. One day the bartender asked, "Why do you buy them three at a time? They'd be cooler separately." The man replied, "I have two brothers that moved away overseas. Before they left we pledged to always get...

What did the ice cube say to the glass of water?

I’m cooler than you

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The girl with no arms or legs at the beach

A guy was with his buddies on the beach, and went back to his cooler to get a beer. On the way he saw a girl with no arms or legs crying, when he asked why, she said “I’ve never been hugged”. The gentleman hugged her, then grabbed his beer and went back to his friends. When his beer ran out, he went...

When someone dont believe in global warming

Be a lot cooler if they did

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A fly is flying over a lake (long)

Thinks to himself if I fly lower it will be cooler.

A fish in the lake is thinking at the same time if that fly comes lower I can jump up and have my lunch!

A bear on the side of the lake is thinking if that fly goes down the fish will jump up and I can run out and have my lunch.
...

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Amusing Repost

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler.
The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?"
Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
The little boy answered no.
Grandpa said "Then you're not man e...

An executive was in a quandary.

He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to two people, Mary and Jack. It was a hard decision to make as they were both equally qualified, and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning, whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Mary came ...

Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.

As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier ...

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

Three men go into a bar

They all start bragging about what kind of cars they have. The first man says, “I think I have the coolest car, because I am a horse racer and I have a Mustang.” The second man says “That’s cool, but mine is cooler. I’m an astronaut and I have a Mercury.” They both laugh and turn to the third man, w...

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Drinking with Coworkers

John stumbles into the office Friday morning after a night of heavy drinking with his coworkers. Everyone in his department looks worse for the wear, but he is the most visibly affected. After an hour or so of unproductive work, they meet up at the water cooler to discuss the antics of the night b...

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A boy and his grandaddy

A boy and his granddaddy are fishing when the boy sees his granddaddy pull out a bag of chewing tobacco.

The boy says “granddaddy I think I’d like to try some of that chew.”

The granddaddy says “son is your dick long enough to reach your asshole?”

The boy thinks an minute and ...

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Let me tell you a story about the magical fish...

A poor man went fishing at the local lake every weekend to provide his food as he couldn't afford any food, let alone a place to live that is more than a small wooden shack. Like every saturday he makes his way down to the lake. He throws in his fishing pole and after a short while, a rather large f...

I went to the store with my wife!

While passing the beer cooler I picked up a case and put it in the cart.

She asked what was I doing and I said "10 dollars is cheap for a case of beer."

She replied, "We can't afford it, put it back."

So I put it back, and a few more Isles down, she picked up a 20 dollar jar of...

Did you hear about the company that turns anything into a miniature refrigeration unit?

They make everything a little cooler.

If you're hotter than me...

Then I guess that makes me cooler than you.

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My Loving caring Wife.

I came home from work the other day on the hottest day of the Year, my Wife was in the kitchen with her ass in the fridge, I said what are you doing love? she replied I thought you would like to slip into something a bit cooler.

Susan and Jack both work at a small company that sells widgets.

Monday morning, their supervisor Bill, finds out there have been budget cuts and he has to let one of them go by Friday.

Bill thinks, “Jeez, this really sucks. Susan and Jack are both excellent employees, they were both hired at the same time so neither has seniority, they’re never late, nev...

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Fishing trip

Billy and his grandfather were spending some time together and went fishing.

While fishing, the grandfather popped open the cooler and grabbed a beer and Little Billy asked if he could have some. Grandpa looked him dead in the eyes and asked him "Does your dick reach your asshole?" A little ...

Three guys go fishing...

Three guys go fishing. In the front of the boat is a cooler full of beer.

The first guy stands up and says, "I'm a Muslim and we believe that God does not want us to drink alcohol. We also believe that God is watching us all the time. Since God is watching me right now, I will not drink ...

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10 year old boy and grandad go camping...

Boy: Granddad can I have a sip of beer?
Granddad: can your penis reach your ass?
Boy: no.
Granddad: then you'll have to wait until it does.
Boy goes to the cooler and grabs an ice cream sandwich.

Granddad: hey grandson, can I have a bite of your sandwich?
Boy: can your penis...

Dad joke I came up with at work.

I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

A young salesman applies for a job in a big store

The manager asks him about his credentials, and the young man answers: "I can sell *everything*."

Encouraged by the young man's confidence, the manager offers him the job, and he starts right away. A week later, they review his performance.

"How many customers have you served?"
...

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Old timer

An old timer was out fishing one day and caught well over his limit before he even realized it and decided he better get on home.

As he was loading up his boat the game warden walked up and asked to see his catch. Realizing the gravity of the situation, he told the game warden he ended up not...

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and...

...he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers, and six-pa...

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because it was cooler on the other side.

How do you burn a bucket of water?

Tell it that it would be cooler if it were a bucket of ice.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy and his grandfather go fishing...

after a while, the grandfather reaches into his cooler and pulls out a beer. "What's that?" says the boy. "It's a beer, don't worry about it." Replies the grandfather, taking a sip and looking across the water. Curious, the boy asks, "Can I have one?" The grandfather thinks for a moment and says wit...

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Grandpa takes grandson fishing...

So this grandpa takes his grandson out on the boat to go fishing at the lake. After they find their spot and drop anchor, the grandpa tells the grandson, "hey kid, go get me a beer from the cooler"

the grandson gets the beer and hands it to him and asks "hey grandpa, can I have one?"
...

Off With The Panties

Two neighbor women are taking their weekly walk together, when one of the women begins to complain about the heat.

The other lady states, "I took my panties off three blocks ago, and now I'm much cooler. You should really try it." "I don't know. That seems kind of weird, but I guess I'll try...

Bert and Ernie are at the beach on a hot summer's afternoon...

Bert pulls out his cooler and opens it up.

"Do you want some ice cream, Ernie?"

"Sure Bert."

Been going to the gym now for 6 weeks and have noticed some huge improvements.

For one, they've fixed the water cooler.

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A Long Island duck

A lady is shopping at a local butcher shop. When her number is called, she tells the butcher "Give me a Long Island Duck"

So the butcher goes into the cooler and comes out w/ a duck, he plops it on the scale and the lady says "Let me see that duck"

So the butcher hands it to her over t...

Jack and Sue

The manager of a company has to make a hard choice, whether or fire Jack or Sue. They are both superb workers, but the company has been running into hard times.

The manager decides that whomever drinks from the cooler first will be laid off the following morning.

Sue, who always comes...

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A grandfather takes his grandson on a fishing trip.

It's about midday, and the grandfather reaches in the cooler and pulls out a beer. The boy looks over, excited, and says, "Well I say Grandpa! That looks pretty good! Can I have one?"

The Grandfather thinks for a moment and asks, "Can you make your dick touch your asshole?"

Bashful, an...

Bag limit.

A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the ...

A penguin is driving through Arizona...

A penguin is driving through Arizona in the middle of summer when smoke starts to emanate from the hood of his car. He pulls off the highway into a small town and luckily finds a mechanic. The mechanic tells the penguin it'll take him an hour to figure out what's wrong with his car and that if he's ...

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A priest goes fishing

In a small town there's a priest who makes good friends with his congregation. One Sunday, a fisherman invites the priest to go fishing with him.
The next weekend, they get in a boat and spend the day fishing. Unfortunately, neither of them has much luck, until all of a sudden, the priest feels a...

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Taking grandson fishing...

A grandfather was taking his grandson fishing one day. While driving to the lake the grandfather grabbed a beer out of the cooler and popped the top.
Grandson: "Grandpa, grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?"
Grandpa: "Well, let me ask you a question first. If you pull your pecker down is ...

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A Trip To the Vatican

Note: Characters are dated, so sub your own

Joe Montana and Jerry Rice decide to take a motor home vacation across Europe.

"You know Jerry, it's always been my dream to have a tailgate party in St. Peter's Square at the Vatican."

"I don't know Joe, the Vatican's a holy place. ...

Two bad drivers, a man and woman, crashed into each other on a countryside road.

The woman luckily suffered no major injuries and so rushed to the man's vehicle before opening his car door and sitting in the passenger seat.

'Are you alright sir?' the woman asked. 'I'm incredibly sorry.'

'I'm fine, honey, thanks,' he replied. The woman was relieved, but the man stil...

The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you...
Its called the cheerio joke.

\-------------------------------------

So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes hom...

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A little crude humor...

Tell me what you think.


So I have really bad dry skin on my hands right now. To make things worse, I work mostly in a cooler at the grocery store. My dermatologist told me to apply hand lotion everyday, and although it hasn't helped my hands much, my penis has never been smoother :)

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A little boy and his Grandpa go fishing

A little boy and his Grandfather go fishing on a quiet little lake. After a few hours of fishing the Grandfather leans forward and pulls a beer from the cooler. The little boy asks, "Grandpa can I have one of those?" When the Grandfather replies, "Can your dick touch your asshole?" When the little b...

Some people say that Frieza was the best character in Dragon Ball Z, but...

I think his brother was cooler.

I sweat less when I wear sunglasses ...

Because I feel cooler

Sarah and Jack

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he w...

Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day.

They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Granddad and Grandson are out fishing

Granddad and Grandson are out fishing. Granddad reaches into his overall bib pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
Grandson looks on and says "Granddad, can I have one?"
Granddad taken back by the question fumbles for a response and asks "we'll grandson, umm can you dick touch your ass ho...

A bunch of scientists got together one day for a barbecue...

...and were cooking up sausages, but they were one short. They looked in the cooler, the fridge, everywhere they could think to look, but science still has yet to find the missing link.

A penguin takes a road trip

A penguin decided to take a road trip. Halfway through, his car breaks down and he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will take about 20 minutes to diagnose the problem, so the penguin decides to walk around a bit and check out the small town. It's hot out, and being...

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So Jesus in on vacation hitch hiking in America...

A trucker sees a man and decides to give him a lift.
"Do you need a ride?" The trucker asks.
"Yea if you'll give me one."
So Jesus gets in the car and about 30 miles down the road the trucker asks "Hey buddy are you thirsty I have a cooler full of beer."
"I could drink." Jesus replied....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Genies need love too

A man and wife decided to take up golf as a new hobby that they could do together. Both complete amateurs, they found a local course and went down with a bucket of balls and a cooler of beers. After driving most of their balls off the course and into the woods they were about to call it quits when ...

Two guys walk into a dinner

They sit down and the waitress takes their order.
"Two cheese burgers and fries."
They watch as she walks to the kitchen window and gives the cook the order slip. The cook reads it and turns to the cooler and grabs a hand full of ground beef. He sticks it in his arm pit and brings his arm d...

I was following an ambulance today

Going down the road with the lights on and siren blaring. We were on a highway with a high speed limit so I could keep up without being too close.

The ambulance goes around the curve ahead of us and the back door flings open. A cooler rolls out and lands on the side of the road.

I fi...

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Two old ladies are walking down the street. It's hot, they're sweaty.

The first old lady says, "If you take your panties off, you'll cool down faster."
The second old lady says, "Bullshit."

They keep walking down the road. It's still hot, they're sweaty.
They see a third old lady sitting on her front porch. She's got a dress on, legs spread open, and she'...

A man was fishing in the park...

A man was fishing at a pond in a public park where "no fishing" signs were posted everywhere. Soon a game warden comes along and sees the cooler of fish the man beside the man and confronts him about it, "I'm afraid I am going to have to fine you for every fish in this cooler". The fisherman respond...

Do I look like a fan to you?

Because you seem so much cooler when I'm around.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

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Grandpa and Little Billy go fishing...

One summer morning, grandpa and little Billy go for a fishing trip. Once they get out on the boat, grandpa reaches into the cooler and grabs a cold Bud. As he cracks his beer Billy asks, "Hey Grandpa, do you think I could try a sip of that beer?". Grandpa responds "Does your pecker touch your bung ...

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A boy and his grandfather...

A young boy and his grandfather were sitting outside enjoying the summer breeze. The boys grandfather pulled out a cigar, lit it, and puffed away contently. The boy looked at his grandfather and asked if he could take a puff. The grandfather replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" to which the boy ...

A minister, a priest and a rabbi are lounging on a boat...

When the minister drinks all of his water. "I'm out of water, and we left the cooler on the shore," he says, "I'll just go get some more." The rabbi tells him that he'll bring the boat back to shore but the minister tells him it's no problem. He kneels down, puts his hands together, prays for a shor...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the desert.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter a desert. They are each allowed to bring one item with them on their journey. Knowing that the desert is very hot and dry, the brunette bring a large jug of water. The redhead, seeing that the brunette had lots of water, brought a large cooler. The blonde, h...

So my friends and I were having a debate over Mortal Komabt

We concluded Sub-Zero is definitely cooler than Scorpion

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A grandfather and his grandson are out fishing on a lake...

The man reaches into the cooler and grabs a beer. The grandson asks "Can I have one of those, grandpa?"
The grandfather thinks for a moment and responds "Can you put your dick in your ass?" Perplexed the boy responds "No..." "Then you're not old enough." The grandfather explained.

Shortly ...

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Toe Jam

I work for an armored courier company and one day while on route my partner and i were stopped at a red light, when out of no where an ambulance goes flying around a corner, almost losing control, and speeds away. The back doors of the ambulance flew open during the turn and a medium sized cooler co...