My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob and Frank are standing by the water cooler...

(A quick note: my Dad's health has severely declined the past year. Over those months this sub has been my go-to source for something that would bring at least some glimmer of amusement and mirth to what have been some terrible days for him. He died a few days ago and I wanted to say thank you for...

What's lamer than a lemon but cooler than a cucumber?

A radish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fighter pilot and a cargo pilot are flying around, talking shit to each other on the radio. The fighter pilot goes on about how much cooler he is than the cargo pilot and says, "Watch this, brah!" hits the afterburner, does a barrel roll and then a loop.

"Top that!" he shouts to the cargo pilot.

"Ok, well watch this." says the cargo pilot.

The plane just goes straight for a while.

"How'd you like that?" asks the cargo pilot.

The fighter pilot is confused and asks, "What did you do?"

The cargo pilot replies, "I went...

One day co-workers Alice and Bob were talking over the water cooler. Soon the conversation turned to Alice's husband Walter and his plans for the future.

"He's up for a promotion, but he's kinda screwed. He'd be moving up from the mail room to a position with some management responsibilities, but he never actually graduated college and that's usually a requirement. They like him though, so there's just one course he has to take and get a good grade i...

Two men were talking by the water cooler...

One of them says to the other: You know the secretary? I took her to my house yesterday and we were up at it all night. I think she's better then my wife.

The next day the other man goes and says: You know what, you were right. She is better than your wife

A man is standing at the office water cooler...

...Talking animatedly telling his coworker he found that his girlfriend was poking holes in his condoms. He elbows the other guy and says "luckily I found out years ago I'm sterile, really dodged a bullet there."

The other guy scoffs "is it really dodging bullets if you're shooting blanks?"

What's cooler than a talking dog?

A spelling bee.

Frieza is cool, but his brother is Cooler.

Haha, this joke is Tarble.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does your dick touch your ass

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler.
the little boy asked,
"Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then you're not man enoug...

I think there is nothing cooler than being a lone wolf.

except for at wolf picnics, when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.

What is cooler than being cool?

Being 0K

Can a ninja come up with a cooler name for his throwing stars?

Shuriken

Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did

Speeding ticket

A man gets pulled over by a policeman.
Policeman: You were going 68 in a 50 zone, I will have to write you a ticket.
Man: Alright, just make the number a little cooler so we can laugh when the judge reads it.

[later in court]
Judge: How the flying Fri...

[insert phone ringing sounds]

Boss: why aren’t you picking it up?????

Me: I always answer on the 3rd call. Makes me cooler.

Boss: PICK IT UP

Me: fine [picks up phone] 911, what’s you emergency?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedr...

A priest, a bishop, and the Pope are enjoying a leisurely day of fishing...

...when the bishop stands up, rocking their dinghy a little as he stretches. "Well, I'm parched!" he announces. "Back in a verse," he adds before stepping out of the boat, casually walking across the lake to the cooler. *Amazing, he is truly blessed by the Lord to walk across water,* thinks the Pope...

An old man always leaves his fishing trips with tons of fish.

-my recently deceased grandpa told this all his life-


The game warden always asked him “How’d you catch so many fish?”

The old man would always say “Fisherman’s secret, can’t tell you.”

After about a year of asking, the old man finally agrees to take him fishing. As the two ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy is out fishing with his Grandpa (NSFW)

As they are sitting together, the Grandpa pulls out a cigar from his coat pocket. The boy, around 12 years old, looks over at his Grandpa with a curious gaze. The grandpa then takes out a lighter and ignites the cigar.

"Grandpa" he says, "Do you think you could let me try that?"

The Gr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Terrible Business

Business had been terrible and was not picking up.



I had to fire somebody and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.



It was an impossible decision because both were super workers.



Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the fir...

My friends found a cool racing game.

Recently my friends and I found an interesting new game, it’s sort of like a mix of an MMORPG and a racing game. You play as a car and you level up and get cool new gear and it makes you better and also looks cooler.

Anyway, we played this game for quite a while, slowly improving and getting ...

What did the ice cube say to the glass of water?

I’m cooler than you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girl with no arms or legs at the beach

A guy was with his buddies on the beach, and went back to his cooler to get a beer. On the way he saw a girl with no arms or legs crying, when he asked why, she said “I’ve never been hugged”. The gentleman hugged her, then grabbed his beer and went back to his friends. When his beer ran out, he went...

An Irishman goes to the pub...

An Irishman was known for going to the pub every day and always ordering three pints of Guinness. One day the bartender asked, "Why do you buy them three at a time? They'd be cooler separately." The man replied, "I have two brothers that moved away overseas. Before they left we pledged to always get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fly is flying over a lake (long)

Thinks to himself if I fly lower it will be cooler.

A fish in the lake is thinking at the same time if that fly comes lower I can jump up and have my lunch!

A bear on the side of the lake is thinking if that fly goes down the fish will jump up and I can run out and have my lunch.
...

Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.

As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier ...

Why are physicists still considered "not" cool...

When Thermodynamic entropy is getting cooler all the time?

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy and his grandaddy

A boy and his granddaddy are fishing when the boy sees his granddaddy pull out a bag of chewing tobacco.

The boy says “granddaddy I think I’d like to try some of that chew.”

The granddaddy says “son is your dick long enough to reach your asshole?”

The boy thinks an minute and ...

I went to the store with my wife!

While passing the beer cooler I picked up a case and put it in the cart.

She asked what was I doing and I said "10 dollars is cheap for a case of beer."

She replied, "We can't afford it, put it back."

So I put it back, and a few more Isles down, she picked up a 20 dollar jar of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Let me tell you a story about the magical fish...

A poor man went fishing at the local lake every weekend to provide his food as he couldn't afford any food, let alone a place to live that is more than a small wooden shack. Like every saturday he makes his way down to the lake. He throws in his fishing pole and after a short while, a rather large f...

Three guys go fishing...

Three guys go fishing. In the front of the boat is a cooler full of beer.

The first guy stands up and says, "I'm a Muslim and we believe that God does not want us to drink alcohol. We also believe that God is watching us all the time. Since God is watching me right now, I will not drink ...

If you're hotter than me...

Then I guess that makes me cooler than you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young salesman applies for a job in a big store

The manager asks him about his credentials, and the young man answers: "I can sell *everything*."

Encouraged by the young man's confidence, the manager offers him the job, and he starts right away. A week later, they review his performance.

"How many customers have you served?"
...

Did you hear about the company that turns anything into a miniature refrigeration unit?

They make everything a little cooler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fishing trip

Billy and his grandfather were spending some time together and went fishing.

While fishing, the grandfather popped open the cooler and grabbed a beer and Little Billy asked if he could have some. Grandpa looked him dead in the eyes and asked him "Does your dick reach your asshole?" A little ...

Dad joke I came up with at work.

I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Susan and Jack both work at a small company that sells widgets.

Monday morning, their supervisor Bill, finds out there have been budget cuts and he has to let one of them go by Friday.

Bill thinks, “Jeez, this really sucks. Susan and Jack are both excellent employees, they were both hired at the same time so neither has seniority, they’re never late, nev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Loving caring Wife.

I came home from work the other day on the hottest day of the Year, my Wife was in the kitchen with her ass in the fridge, I said what are you doing love? she replied I thought you would like to slip into something a bit cooler.

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because it was cooler on the other side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old timer

An old timer was out fishing one day and caught well over his limit before he even realized it and decided he better get on home.

As he was loading up his boat the game warden walked up and asked to see his catch. Realizing the gravity of the situation, he told the game warden he ended up not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy and his grandfather go fishing...

after a while, the grandfather reaches into his cooler and pulls out a beer. "What's that?" says the boy. "It's a beer, don't worry about it." Replies the grandfather, taking a sip and looking across the water. Curious, the boy asks, "Can I have one?" The grandfather thinks for a moment and says wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

10 year old boy and grandad go camping...

Boy: Granddad can I have a sip of beer?
Granddad: can your penis reach your ass?
Boy: no.
Granddad: then you'll have to wait until it does.
Boy goes to the cooler and grabs an ice cream sandwich.

Granddad: hey grandson, can I have a bite of your sandwich?
Boy: can your penis...

Off With The Panties

Two neighbor women are taking their weekly walk together, when one of the women begins to complain about the heat.

The other lady states, "I took my panties off three blocks ago, and now I'm much cooler. You should really try it." "I don't know. That seems kind of weird, but I guess I'll try...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taking grandson fishing...

A grandfather was taking his grandson fishing one day. While driving to the lake the grandfather grabbed a beer out of the cooler and popped the top.
Grandson: "Grandpa, grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?"
Grandpa: "Well, let me ask you a question first. If you pull your pecker down is ...

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and...

...he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers, and six-pa...

Bag limit.

A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the ...

How do you burn a bucket of water?

Tell it that it would be cooler if it were a bucket of ice.

Bert and Ernie are at the beach on a hot summer's afternoon...

Bert pulls out his cooler and opens it up.

"Do you want some ice cream, Ernie?"

"Sure Bert."

Been going to the gym now for 6 weeks and have noticed some huge improvements.

For one, they've fixed the water cooler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather takes his grandson on a fishing trip.

It's about midday, and the grandfather reaches in the cooler and pulls out a beer. The boy looks over, excited, and says, "Well I say Grandpa! That looks pretty good! Can I have one?"

The Grandfather thinks for a moment and asks, "Can you make your dick touch your asshole?"

Bashful, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandpa takes grandson fishing...

So this grandpa takes his grandson out on the boat to go fishing at the lake. After they find their spot and drop anchor, the grandpa tells the grandson, "hey kid, go get me a beer from the cooler"

the grandson gets the beer and hands it to him and asks "hey grandpa, can I have one?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Long Island duck

A lady is shopping at a local butcher shop. When her number is called, she tells the butcher "Give me a Long Island Duck"

So the butcher goes into the cooler and comes out w/ a duck, he plops it on the scale and the lady says "Let me see that duck"

So the butcher hands it to her over t...

A penguin is driving through Arizona...

A penguin is driving through Arizona in the middle of summer when smoke starts to emanate from the hood of his car. He pulls off the highway into a small town and luckily finds a mechanic. The mechanic tells the penguin it'll take him an hour to figure out what's wrong with his car and that if he's ...

The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you...
Its called the cheerio joke.

\-------------------------------------

So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes hom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest goes fishing

In a small town there's a priest who makes good friends with his congregation. One Sunday, a fisherman invites the priest to go fishing with him.
The next weekend, they get in a boat and spend the day fishing. Unfortunately, neither of them has much luck, until all of a sudden, the priest feels a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sarah and Jack

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy and his Grandpa go fishing

A little boy and his Grandfather go fishing on a quiet little lake. After a few hours of fishing the Grandfather leans forward and pulls a beer from the cooler. The little boy asks, "Grandpa can I have one of those?" When the Grandfather replies, "Can your dick touch your asshole?" When the little b...

Two bad drivers, a man and woman, crashed into each other on a countryside road.

The woman luckily suffered no major injuries and so rushed to the man's vehicle before opening his car door and sitting in the passenger seat.

'Are you alright sir?' the woman asked. 'I'm incredibly sorry.'

'I'm fine, honey, thanks,' he replied. The woman was relieved, but the man stil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack and Sue

The manager of a company has to make a hard choice, whether or fire Jack or Sue. They are both superb workers, but the company has been running into hard times.

The manager decides that whomever drinks from the cooler first will be laid off the following morning.

Sue, who always comes...

Some people say that Frieza was the best character in Dragon Ball Z, but...

I think his brother was cooler.

Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day.

They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little crude humor...

Tell me what you think.


So I have really bad dry skin on my hands right now. To make things worse, I work mostly in a cooler at the grocery store. My dermatologist told me to apply hand lotion everyday, and although it hasn't helped my hands much, my penis has never been smoother :)

Frieza might be the owner of several hundred planets, and he might be the tyrannical overlord of the universe

But his brother is Cooler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Granddad and Grandson are out fishing

Granddad and Grandson are out fishing. Granddad reaches into his overall bib pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
Grandson looks on and says "Granddad, can I have one?"
Granddad taken back by the question fumbles for a response and asks "we'll grandson, umm can you dick touch your ass ho...

I sweat less when I wear sunglasses ...

Because I feel cooler

A penguin takes a road trip

A penguin decided to take a road trip. Halfway through, his car breaks down and he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will take about 20 minutes to diagnose the problem, so the penguin decides to walk around a bit and check out the small town. It's hot out, and being...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Genies need love too

A man and wife decided to take up golf as a new hobby that they could do together. Both complete amateurs, they found a local course and went down with a bucket of balls and a cooler of beers. After driving most of their balls off the course and into the woods they were about to call it quits when ...

Do I look like a fan to you?

Because you seem so much cooler when I'm around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Jesus in on vacation hitch hiking in America...

A trucker sees a man and decides to give him a lift.
"Do you need a ride?" The trucker asks.
"Yea if you'll give me one."
So Jesus gets in the car and about 30 miles down the road the trucker asks "Hey buddy are you thirsty I have a cooler full of beer."
"I could drink." Jesus replied....

I was following an ambulance today

Going down the road with the lights on and siren blaring. We were on a highway with a high speed limit so I could keep up without being too close.

The ambulance goes around the curve ahead of us and the back door flings open. A cooler rolls out and lands on the side of the road.

I fi...

Two guys walk into a dinner

They sit down and the waitress takes their order.
"Two cheese burgers and fries."
They watch as she walks to the kitchen window and gives the cook the order slip. The cook reads it and turns to the cooler and grabs a hand full of ground beef. He sticks it in his arm pit and brings his arm d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy and his grandfather...

A young boy and his grandfather were sitting outside enjoying the summer breeze. The boys grandfather pulled out a cigar, lit it, and puffed away contently. The boy looked at his grandfather and asked if he could take a puff. The grandfather replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" to which the boy ...

A man was fishing in the park...

A man was fishing at a pond in a public park where "no fishing" signs were posted everywhere. Soon a game warden comes along and sees the cooler of fish the man beside the man and confronts him about it, "I'm afraid I am going to have to fine you for every fish in this cooler". The fisherman respond...

A bunch of scientists got together one day for a barbecue...

...and were cooking up sausages, but they were one short. They looked in the cooler, the fridge, everywhere they could think to look, but science still has yet to find the missing link.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandpa and Little Billy go fishing...

One summer morning, grandpa and little Billy go for a fishing trip. Once they get out on the boat, grandpa reaches into the cooler and grabs a cold Bud. As he cracks his beer Billy asks, "Hey Grandpa, do you think I could try a sip of that beer?". Grandpa responds "Does your pecker touch your bung ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

A minister, a priest and a rabbi are lounging on a boat...

When the minister drinks all of his water. "I'm out of water, and we left the cooler on the shore," he says, "I'll just go get some more." The rabbi tells him that he'll bring the boat back to shore but the minister tells him it's no problem. He kneels down, puts his hands together, prays for a shor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old ladies are walking down the street. It's hot, they're sweaty.

The first old lady says, "If you take your panties off, you'll cool down faster."
The second old lady says, "Bullshit."

They keep walking down the road. It's still hot, they're sweaty.
They see a third old lady sitting on her front porch. She's got a dress on, legs spread open, and she'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather and his grandson are out fishing on a lake...

The man reaches into the cooler and grabs a beer. The grandson asks "Can I have one of those, grandpa?"
The grandfather thinks for a moment and responds "Can you put your dick in your ass?" Perplexed the boy responds "No..." "Then you're not old enough." The grandfather explained.

Shortly ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.