An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze...

...when Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentences dow...

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.

After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to...

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler.

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler performing, but the juggler noticed they couldn’t see very well, so he stood on a crate and called out, “Can you see me now?”

They replied, “Yes,” “Oui,” “Si,” “Ja.”

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

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One Saturday night, John and William conspired to steal a crate of rolls from the baker

As they wondered where to take their stolen loot, John suggested the cemetery, as no clear headed person would dare to take a Saturday night stroll among the graves.

Upon arriving at this questionable hangout, the gate proved to be quite a cumbersome obstacle to overcome. In the mad scramble ...

With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero.

I think hispanic buying.

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Anybody ever heard of those Viagra pills?

I heard they were sinking a crate of the stuff down to the Titanic to try and raise it.

What do you call a crate full of ducks?

A box of quackers

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The Farmer and the Rooster LONG

A farmer has over 100 hens on his land, but not one rooster. He sees an ad in the local paper for "Stud Rooster, $50. Guaranteed or your money back", so he sends in the money. Two days later the crate arrives, and inside is the scrawniest rooster the farmer has ever seen.

The rooster looks...

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Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

Thousands of crates of moisturizer were reported stolen today

... Police looking for a smooth criminal

Thieves stole 30 crates of red bull from our local supermarket

I don’t know how they sleep at night

A classic Russian joke...

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:

The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home...

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Did you hear that the first Viagra crate imported to Britain was stolen?

Police are searching for hardened criminals in possession of swollen goods

Hopefully, you will understand

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view. So he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out ¨Can you see me now?¨ They respond...¨Yes¨,¨Oui¨,¨Si¨,¨Ja¨.

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

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Three Hobos are hunkered down around a jungle fire by the railroad tracks

Reminiscing about the windfalls they'd found in their years riding the rails and living the vagabond life. The first hobo said:

"This one time, a train stopped, and I found a whole case of pork and beans. Took some strength to haul it off and hide it, but I had enough chow to make it through ...

A C-130 was being deployed from Peterson AFB, Colorado

An hour into the flight, the plane began losing altitude. Acting quickly, the pilot decided it was necessary to airdrop items to be tracked down later in order to reach the nearest airport.

First to go was the Base Commander's new Humvee. Next was a large crate of MREs. Finally, a crate of t...

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Mutiny on the high seas!

Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking across the channel 300 crates of potatoes which were shaped like male appendages, and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a ...

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A guy is walking around an insane asylum with a huge brick wall on all four sides....

He here's chanting on the other side, "Twenty seven! Twenty seven! Twenty seven!"

Curious, he walks around the wall looking for a way to see in. Suddenly, he sees a perfect hole in the shape of a circle in the wall, about eight feet up. Wondering what the chanting is about, he searches until ...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When ...

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Three thieves enter a warehouse full of crates...

Three thieves enter a warehouse full of crates, just as they were being chased by policemen who chanced upon them breaking into a jewelry shop. Now, the warehouse was for various farm produce, and sounds of farm animals still alive in the crates could be heard from some of them.

The first of ...

I've just got back from Tesco...

I've just got back from Tesco and I've seen a guy buying four crates of San Miguel, five paella’s and three sombreros and I thought to myself...


...Hispanic buying

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.

He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the first bottle swearing, "you are the reason I fight with my wife".

He smashed the second bottle, "you a...

Construction

A construction worker falls off a building and dies. His boss instructs the apprentice to go to his wife and tell her the sad news.

After an hour the apprentice comes back with 2 beer crates. His boss is furious:

„I didn’t tell you to buy beer, I told you to inform Mrs Smith that her h...

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Norwegian Virgin

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my f...

Greek Philosopher Gets A Suit

A Greek Philosopher walks into a tailor's office and asks for 300 suits to be delivered to him.


The tailor offers some proposals: "I can send those in plastic bags, or I could even send those in parcels."


The Greek philosopher replies : "no, no, no I would like them to be deliv...

A blond and two brown haired girls are playing hide and seek

The first girl hides in a dog crate with a towel over it when the it comes by she says woof woof the it goes right by the second girl hides in a cat crate and when the it goes by she says meow meow the blond hides in a potato sack and when the it comes by she screams POTATO NOISES.

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A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

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(nsfw) Once upon a time, a man gets married to a beautiful buxom bombshell.

This woman has an incredibly high sex drive, and he can barely satisfy her at the rate she needs.

He gets ready to go on a business trip and wants to get something to keep her occupied in the meantime, so he goes to a local sex shop.

He asks the guy at the counter "what's the most hig...

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

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Haven't seen this one on reddit yet

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in separate planes flying over there respective countries.
The Englishman looks out the window and tosses out a crate of tea and states "I give the gift of tea to my people".
The Frenchman looks out his window and tosses a case of crosses out...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

A Cuban man, a Mexican man, and an American man are all in a plane.

The pilot comes to the back and says "the plane is going down, we need to lose as much weight as possible."

The Cuban man throws a crate of cigars off the plane and says "we have plenty of those in Cuba, I won't miss them."

The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explain...

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

A jobless man applied for the job

A jobless man applied for the job of "sweeper" at Microsoft.

The HR interviewed him..

Then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are Appointed" he said.

"Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the forms to fill in".

The man replied "But I don't h...

Man dies on a building site

The other builders gather around and discuss who should be the one to go and break it John's (dead guy) wife.

One volunteers, saying he is "good with this sensitive stuff".

A short while later he returns with 2 crates of beer.

"Where'd you get them", asks one of the builders...

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A very rich man gave birth to a son.

On the son's sixteenth birthday, The man asked him what he wanted, and said that he would get anything his heart could desire. The son only asked for a pink ping pong ball. His father was curious, but complied. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room...

A military crew in a submarine just won a major battle

A military crew in a submarine just won a major battle, and they rescued a captured civilian from the boat they fought. To celebrate their success, the crew decided to have a small party with whatever food and drinks they had on hand.

The crew set up multiple crates to act as tables, and ever...

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So a father decides to give his so $1 to get laid...

So the old farmer decided his son was of age. The brothel in town had a tradition that a young man could have his first evening with a lady for only $1. So the farmer gives his boy $1 and sends him to town.

Well the boy makes it to the brothel. He gets welcomed by a talented older lady, pays ...

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A small hare walks into Mr. Bear's Forest Grocery Store...

"Hey, Bear," he says, "Got any rotten carrots?"

"No, Hare," the bear responds. "I only have sweet fresh carrots. Do you want some?"

The hare shakes his head and walks out. The next mornings he walks in again.

"Hey, Bear, got any rotten carrots?"

"No," the bear says, "I've...

So, a three guys are working with imported meats

The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle ...

A collection of Radio Yerevan jokes

Radio Yerevan jokes were basically a pre-internet meme here in the former Eastern Bloc, which follow a simple QnA format and were often political, and here's a few of my favorites:

---

Radio Yerevan was asked: Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union in the same w...

The president of U.S, Russia, and Mexico are on a plane going to a meeting in the U.N.

The president of U.S, Russia, and Mexico are on a plane going to a meeting in the U.N. They have all brought a crate of their finest spirits to give as gifts. Suddenly the pilot calls out that the plane is too heavy and is going down unless they lose some cargo.

The Russian president takes a...

Why did EA Games cross the road?

Please purchase a loot crate for a chance at credits to purchase the punchline

A Dutchman, a Frenchman and a Belgian are at the channel...

The Frenchman says: "You see that there? That's the channel. The first person to swim across to Britain gets a crate of beer."
The Dutchman and the Belgian agree, and decide to use small radios to keep communication going.
They all set up on the coast, and start the race.

The Dutchman ...

A man wakes up to a gorilla being in his roof

A man wakes up to find a gorilla on his roof. The gorilla was up there dancing away having the time of his life. The man no idea how to get the gorilla down, so he got the phone book out and sure enough found gorilla remover, called and the guy said he could be there in 30 minutes. Like the man prom...

Getting back on his feet

A man working in a warehouse suffers a terrible accident when a heavy crate falls on his feet crushing and severing all of his toes. At the hospital he undergoes several hours of surgery. After months of rehabilitation he is able to walk again.

He decides to visit his favorite local bar. Seei...

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A guy wakes up one morning and sees a gorilla in the tree outside his second-story bedroom window.

He panics and calls the first wild animal control company in the phone book, a discount one as it turns out. An old man shows up at his door a few minutes later holding a crate. He steps inside the house and unloads a pair of handcuffs, a shotgun, an collapsible 10-foot pole and a small angry Chih...

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I'll never forget how happy i was when i saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me...

..., My heart was beating so fast and the expectation was unbearable. It seemed to take so long but eventually there she was, stood beside me. I gave her a cheeky wink and said, 'get that fucking trolley over here they're doing three crates of Stella for the price of two!!!!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...

(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all ...

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A man hears a loud, rhythmic thumping on his walk home...

He turns around to see what is causing the commotion, and the sound immediately stops. Seeing nothing but a large casket, and rather confused, he continues on his way home.
Though he is sure there is nothing causing the racket, he is convinced he is still hearing the noise. The man cleans his ear...

A man who was in the army for two years died.

The general orders a soldier to inform Mrs. Johnson that her husband died. The soldier obeys and leaves. A few hours later the soldier returns to the general with a crate of beer, and tells the general he informed mrs. Johnson.
"Good job soldier," the general says "but how did you get that crate ...

Kurg Industries' Story

Kurg Industries was a famed company well-known for producing the highest-quality containers, be it lunchboxes, cardboard packaging or shipping crates.

One Christmas season, they decided to create a new, exclusive and especially high-quality crate to sell off at an auction. Many came to see an...

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A boy decided to do his school paper on the most famous man in town.

So he went to the man and asked him for his story.

The man sat the boy down and said, "Listen here kid. I've done many great things in my life. But sometimes, you don't get to choose what you're remembered for. Once, as I was walking home after work, I heard screams from the orphanage near by...

A biologist, a physicist, and an engineer are on a plane that crashes...

...and luckily they are washed up on a deserted island, along with several crates of canned food. However, no can opener washes up with them, and there is nothing sharp on the island, so the three scientists must figure out how to open the cans.

The biologist sticks the can in the water, say...

I hate it when...

people refer to themselves as animal containers.

and yes I'm a hippo crate.

An Englishmen, Irishmen, and Scotsman are all running from the law...

They all turn down an alley only to find a dead end. The Englishmen quickly jumps into a dustbin, the Scotsman gets into a crate, and the Irishmen climbs into a sack. Just at that moment the police turn up and start looking for them.

The policemen kicks the dustbin, and the Englishmen goes "...

Childish: An Irishman, Scotsman and Englishman are on a plane.

They all decide to drop something out as you do, the Scotsman drops a barrel of haggis, the Irishman drops a crate of Guinness and the Englishman drops a bomb.

Down on the ground a man is walking down a street, he comes across a young boy crying and asks him why? 'Something hit me on my head...

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Vernon Koekemoer

A British man on safari walks into a bar far out in the reaches of a game reserve in Southern Africa, he stays at the bar for a while shooting the shit with the bartender and drinking like a fish, he offer to buy the barkeep a round and since no one else is within 2km of their small oasis of liquor ...

Plane over the Jungle

There is a plane flying over a vast jungle. The plane is about to crash, so the passengers are instructed to lose some weight on the plane. There are three men in question that day, who each threw over something important to themselves.

"I have too many of these," said the first man, as he th...

Where do dock workers like to shop?

Crate and Barrel.

forever alone

Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable.

So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook.

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