UPJOKE
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If today was purge day, I would be imortal

People wouldn't try to kill things they don't even know that exists.

The Purge...

My brother said he would be able to survive "The Purge" if it were real. I put a few laxatives in his coffee we'll see about that...

I want to go see the new Purge movie...

But I have to binge on the first two...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

Are you RACIST?

Why, yes, I am R.A.C.I.S.T:

Respect my friend's different beliefs

Adore the little quirks in their traditions

Care for my friends, no matter their skin color

Inform myself on what taboos I should never break

Smile when they speak their native tongues

The Fre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a baby boy born without eyelids ...

To remedy his everlasting stare, when it came time to purge the foreskin, it was fashioned into a new set of eyelids. I guess that's what it means to be cockeyed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for 1/31

The CEO of McDonald’s has announced he’ll be resigning later this year. It’s the first time in history that a McDonald’s employee has quit and given more than five seconds notice.

The New Hampshire lottery is selling scratch ‘n sniff tickets that smell like bacon. The aroma is there to remin...

I.T. auditor and a Blonde

At this point in time in the company, the periodical security audit came around. Everyone's passwords were purged and new ones needed to be implemented. As a bonus to help employees with the grumbling there was an award for the strongest password that was used without problem since the last audit. T...

Did you know that Stalin suffered from bulimia?

He didn't binge, though, he just purged.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bird in hand.....

So there was this farmer, his son, and the only animal on their farm that survived the winter: a duck.

One day, a farmer is sits down to pay some bills, when he realizes he's falling short of some money. Racking his brain for a bit, he finally decides to sell of the family's last duck, in ex...

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