I got the clearance from a Newfie

So this Newfie goes ice fishing.

He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line in. Now he’s sitting there and he hears this ominous voice,
“There’s no fish down there”

Puzzled, the Newfie gets up, carries his things a ways away. He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line i...

[NSFW] If a woman gets a breast implant at a discount...

Does that make it a clearance rack?

So I walks into a guitar shop having a clearance sale

I was fretting when I saw most of the stock had sold out. Luckily the owner pulled some strings for me!

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

Two women approach the front door to a dads-only bar

The younger of the two asks "Mom, what the hell are we even doing?"

Mom responds "I know, it's dumb, but thanks for agreeing to come with me. My dad was very specific in his will about how his ashes would be spread. This place is number 1 on the list. He'd been coming here for the longest tim...

Why did Larry and Curly apply for security clearance?

Because they were going to Gitmo

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Boudreaux lived down by the river in deep Louisiana.

On the other side of the river lived a guy named Clarence.

Boudreaux hated Clarence and Clarence hated Boudreaux. Every day since they were small children, they'd go down to their river banks and yell at each other across the river. They never really met each other because neither one could s...

There was a huge fight at the boat store.

Paddles were on clearance for 90% off, and people went crazy trying to get them.

It was quite an oar deal.

My wife has allowed me to take a second wife...

...if I can get clearance document from Saudi Arabian consulate.

In a very large commercial building there were three stores owned and run by three different businessmen.

The businessman who had his store at one end of the building put up a sign that read "Year End Clearance Sale".

At the far end of the building, not to be outdone, the other businessman put up a sign that read "Closing Out Sale".

The businessman who ran the store in the middle got nervo...

Do you know what really grinds my gears?

When my maintenance guys fail to inspect them for the proper mesh and clearance.

How Many Aerospace Engineers Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

Although the exact number is a closely held state secret requiring level 5 security clearance, I can assure you, that for $50,000, it *can* be done.

What is a poor man's favorite flavor of ramen?

Clearance

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A Jews mother dies...

And he decides to send her back to Israel, per her will, to be buried. So he sends the coffin back with a letter atop the casket. His brother opens it and it reads:

Dear brother,

Ima died and wants to be laid to rest here. Please follow her request and bury her here. Also, I have sen...

A woman walks into a designer dress store, trying to get a job...

She walks up to the manager and says, "I'm the best damn salesperson you could ever have! I want a job."

The manager, admiring her moxie, says, "That's wonderful, but *any*one can just *say* they're the best."

Without missing a beat, the woman says, "Give me anything. It'll be done in ...

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Two men arguing

There was two men one named bill , the other clarence . they lived on opposite sides of a river . Neither of the men could swim , and each day they would stand on opposite sides of the river cursing at each other . Bill would always say if I could swim I would come over there an kick your butt . Thi...

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An Average Day in Heaven

God realizes that Heaven is getting pretty crowded and needs a little time for it to settle down so he can add some additions. He tells St. Peter "Don't let anyone in unless their last day was **really** shitty"

Right after this happens, a man walks up and St. Peter asks him about his last da...

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A classic French/Belgian joke

(Translated from French. I always found the nationalism amusing that the French and Belgians use each other as the butt of jokes - sorry for any Belgians here that are offended, I'll raise a Belgian beer in your name later on!)

Two Belgians were in a delivery truck driving through France. Th...

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