Just turned wine into barf.

Your move, Jesus.

Why did the ghost barf all over his date?

He couldn't handle his boos.

A piece of string walks into a bar...

The string gets sloppy drunk, barfs all over the bar, so the bar tender kicks him out. "You're banned!"

The next night, the string wants to get back in, so he ties a not near one end and frazzles up the fibers sticking out, then walks into the bar.

The bartender yells "Aren't you that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing that tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

Charisma is convincing people to eat the fruit salad anyway.

Constitution is not barfing when your fruit salad tastes of tomato.

Dexterity is hiding your fruit salad in the potted plant.

Strength is smacking t...

What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?

Barf-a-lona

A young cowboy walks into the saloon.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowb...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor welcomes the class in Anatomy lab on the first day of medical school.

He begins by saying - You need 2 rules to become a successful doctor.

No 1 - you cannot feel disgusted by anything.

After saying that, he stuck his finger into the cadaver's butt hole.

Students look at him in a shocked manner, but eventually they give in and remembering his r...

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Two Recently Married Men

Are on a plane in route to their honeymoon.

George turns to John and says "Hey baby. You wanna have sex right here in our seats?"

"What?! Are you crazy? There are hundreds of people on this plane!" Says John

George replies "Don't be so uptight. No one is paying a bit of attenti...

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A guy is out drinking with his friends on his birthday...

...and he ends up ridiculously wasted and throws up all over his shirt.

His friends are laughing, but he looks upset. "I can't go home like this, my wife already thinks I drink too much, she'll be pissed when she sees this..."

His best friend, thinking quickly, tells him to stick a $20...

What do you call a sick Darth Vader?

Barf Vader

-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.

A man stops for chili

A guy driving along sees a diner with a sign that reads all you can eat chili for 5$
The man loves chili so he stops. As he sits down the waitress asks what’ll it be? He says I’ll have the chili. The waitress says sorry sir we’re currently out of chili but here’s a menu.
As the man looks over ...

Are you gonna eat that?

A hungry man with a hankerin' for chili sits down at a restaurant.
The waitress approaches to take his order and, of course, he orders a bowl of chili.
She replies, "Sorry sir. The gentleman seated at the table next to you got the last bowl."
The hungry man looks over and sees that th...

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A man who's had a few too many

A man is out drinking most of the day and next thing he knows the night has really gotten away from him. He's so loaded he ends up puking on his shirt. He is telling the bartender that he doesn't know how he's going to tell his wife that he let himself get that drunk. The bartender tells him t...

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what comes after the bar?

f.

as in barf

because drinking can make people barf

..


f could also mean fuck

because drinking can make people fuck

that is all

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Guy is sitting at a bar.

So he's on his 7th glass of scotch and barfs oll over himself.

"What am I gonna do?" He says to the bartender, "my wife's gonna kill meh."

Bartender says, "I've got an idea but ya gotta do extly what I say."

Drunker nods.

Bartender tucks a ten in his front pocket and say...

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[Long] Two best friends reunite...

Dan, a former alcoholic gets a random call from his best friend from college, Bobby.

"Dan, I'm in town! We haven't seen each other in a minute. Meet me at the bar in an hour."

Dan tells his wife he is going to meet Bobby, and is warned not to drink any alcohol because of their previo...

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