UPJOKE
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Cleanup Jokes

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A farmer gets a letter

A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived.

"Dear Ronald J. Kse,

This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide.

Thanks, you...

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Cleanup in aisle 9

Three couples—one retired, one middle aged, and one newlywed--went to see a minister to become members of his church. The minister said the couples would have to abstain from sex for two weeks, then report back on how it went. Two weeks later, the couples reported back. The elder couple said it h...

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The cleanup work after sex can be quite exhausting

Especially reburying the body

A while ago I did a #trashtag cleanup of all the beverage containers in the local partying spot near an old stream in the hills, and just revisited it.

It looks so much better now that it doesn't even look real.

There's something that's almost artificial about it, it's so pristine.

It just looked a little... off, and it was hard to figure out what was wrong.

Eventually I realized why.

It was the uncanny valley effect.

Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...

My wife gave me a haircut on the balcony outside today

Cleanup was a breeze.

If you have to cut your own hair during this pandemic, do it on the porch.

The haircut will still look terrible, but cleanup is a breeze.

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Masturbation is a lot like eating a Cinnabon

You feel guilty after both, and the cleanup is the same.

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How are Cinnabons and masturbation the same

You don’t want to be seen doing it in public, it is just as messy, cleanup is the same, and both have a feeling of guilt afterwards.

What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

"Cleanup on the detergent aisle"

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Wal- Matt

A man was in a long line at Wal-Mart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, 'What size condoms?'

The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop ...

Drink vodka, play cards

A young man in the USSR has received his first work assignment. He is to work at a train yard helping to move the trains around the yard - a good job, with good promotional potential.

The first day of the job, he arrives at the yard, and entering the yard house he introduces himself, and want...

A boy is walking home with groceries and his border collie...

... and he comes across a pool of toxic waste.
Absolutely shocked at this sight, he dropped his groceries and let go of his dog. His dog wasn't the smartest, and it jumped into the toxic waste. The boy's groceries also fell in. After finally recovering, the boy called the cops to report both h...

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo...

...a zookeeper finds two finches which have dropped dead from old age. He puts them in a sack for cleanup and proceeds to the monkey cage.

In the monkey cage he discovers two of the oldest chimps have also kicked the bucket. Not wanting them to go to waste, he puts them in the sack with the f...

A Moldy Oldie

Complaining of his marriage for thirty-odd years

He highballed his eyeballs, comforting his tears

The barkeep asked, what's troubling you son?

He poured out his life; I'm finished! I'm done!

The woman I married has turned into a nag

What I wouldn't give to be rid o...

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A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home

A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home. He decides to try mass hypnosis.

He starts by telling everyone that it is a speacial day as he will be using a family heirloom, a pocket watch that is more than 200 years old. He asks the audience to focus on the watch as he swings it fro...

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