Two old men, who are growing very old and love the sport of baseball make a pact with each other one day...

These men love the game, they always talk the off-season trades, the winter meetings, watch every game of the season, and recollect on the players of their hay day. So they decide to form a pact. The first one to die will come back to the other and inform them if there is baseball in heaven.

...

An old joke from the Warsaw-pact about a parachuted CIA agent.

The CIA agent is parachuted down to somewhere in Siberia and goes to the nearest village and knocks on the first door, saying he's a lumberjack from the neighbouring village asking for shelter, to which the Russian replies

"No, you're an American spy!"

and then closes the door.
...

3 Warsaw Pact generals are sitting around a table..

discussing military rations for their armies.

The East German General says "For a East German soldier he needs 2500 calories a day to be combat fit for battle!"
The Soviet General scoffs and says "Pfft for Soviet soldier to be combat fit he only needs 2200 calories a day!"
The Polis...

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My wife and I made a stop smoking pact, so now we only light up after sex and I've only had six cigarettes in the last two months

my wife is up to three packs a day

Me and my wife decided to form a suicide pact...

Weird thing was that after she killed herself, I didn't feel like dying anymore.

Bill and Bob are best friends and are also baseball fans...

...they are sitting in a bar discussing if heaven has baseball. They decide to make a pact. The first to die will return and tell the other if baseball has heaven or not. Years go buy and Bob dies. Bill is walking down the road and has forgotten their pact. Suddenly Bob appears. Bill is shocked and ...

Three Irish fellows would meet at a bar every day after work for a pint of Guinness and a shot of Jameson.

Same time everyday at the same bar. This went on for years and as time went on the bond between these three men grew into something like a brotherhood.

Then one day as they were having their after work drinks, two of the fellows seemed really down. That's when one of the friends announced th...

Made pact with the Devil

I sold him my sole.

The pact of brothers...

Jeff has moved to a new country and has settled in a new place. Around the corner is a bar which Jeff goes to check out.

Once in, Jeff orders 3 beers in a row and begins to drink them simultaneously... The bar tender thinks this a bit strange but nevertheless he is making business.

J...

An Irish lad just graduating school embarks on his career in business.

Found employment in a nice village. Being a bit of an introvert, took him a few months to venture into the local pub. Asked the bartender for 3 pints, and he took them back into a dark corner table, drank the 3 and left. After a few days, when he ordered his usual 3, the barkeep said "Ya know lad, I...

Me and my girlfriend had a suicide pact.

One of us got cold feet.

Two Irishmen, who were the best of friends, made a pact.

Two Irishmen, Seamus and Paddy, who were the best of friends, made a pact that when one died the other would pour a bottle of fine, aged, Irish whiskey over the grave of his deceased friend. The years went by and eventually Seamus passed away.

As promised, Paddy purchased a bottle of fine Ir...

Two Business Men Make a Pact

Two Business Men make a pact, the first one who dies will come back and tell the other one what the afterlife is like.

So Joe dies first. A year to the day, he calls out to his partner..Sam It's me Joe.

Joe? So what is it like out there.?"

Joe..well first we have breakfast and t...

Did you hear of the Indians who threw bread at each other to resolve conflicts?

They had a naan aggression pact.

Baseball in heaven.

Two senior baseball fans John and Greg always wondered if the game of baseball existed in heaven.

So they made a pact. “Whoever out of us two die first HAS to come back to earth to confirm wether there is baseball in heaven.”

Unfortunately John passes away a week later, and true to h...

The French Test Drive

An American couple took their honeymoon in France, and they loved it so much they decided they just had to live there. But the costly move left them in financial hardship. Eventually, they did both find jobs, but on opposite ends of the city, so they decided to buy a car.

"This one," said the...

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A Rainy Day.

A woman invites her boyfriend to her house for dinner.
She tells him "Come over for dinner, but just know, there's a huge fight going on at home about who's going to do the dishes, and the dishes haven't been done for like, 20 days. And we've made a pact that the first person to speak in the hou...

A Dublin man enters his local pub on a Friday night, takes a seat at the bar, and orders 3 pints of Guinness

He proceeds to take alternating sips from each glass until all 3 are empty, thanks the bartender, pays his tab, and leaves.

This practice continues week after week until one evening when the bartender, curious about the man’s weekly ritual, says, “Sir, you’re one of my regulars here. If you...

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A deaf couple get married

A few months into their marriage, they realise their sex life isn’t going too well because they can’t communicate in the dark when they turn the lights out for bedtime, so they decide to make a pact.

The wife says to her husband ‘if you want to have sex, just touch my right breast once and if...

A man has Super Bowl tickets

A man and his new wife make a pact to go to every Super Bowl. After 43 years the wife passes away, but the man continues their tradition and goes to the next super bowl. Another man sitting in the same row sees the empty seat next to the man and asks "why is this seat empty? It's the super bowl?" An...

Foot, Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot

There's a road, on one side is a beautiful green field and on the other side is a horrible muddy field with three sheep. The first sheep is named Foot, the second sheep is named Foot Foot and the third sheep is named Foot Foot Foot. One day Foot said to Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot "Bah, Foot Foot a...

A man walks into a small town bar and orders 3 beers...

He drinks all three and then leaves. He comes back at the same time next week and orders three more, drinks them, and leaves.

After a few weeks of this the bartender says, “Hey man, I’ve gotta ask.. you only come in once a week at the same exact time, drink exactly three beers, and then leave...

Carl walked into the bar…

And ordered 3 beers. The Bartender asked “Are you sure you want all three now? They’ll be warm. I can give them one at a time if you’d rather?”

Carl replied, “My two brothers and I made a pact that whenever one of us drinks, we’d take two more at the same time for our siblings.”

The ba...

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Three not so wisemen.

A Frenchman a German and an Englishman are all sitting at a bar when a beautiful women walks in and sits on a barstool, with her cat next to her
The three men make a pact that they will all approach her and see who does best.
"I will compliment her pussy and that is how I will get in." Says th...

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How many times do you butter your bread?

Two friends went to a club and brought girls back to their place. They made a pact that during the breakfast they will tell each other how many times did they fuck their date. They realized that talking about it would be weird in front of the girls. So they decided, that the number of times they wil...

Paddy, Mick, and Seamus

Paddy, Mick, and Seamus were from a small village in Ireland. Every Sunday they used to go to the local pub, sit at the bar and order a pint of Guinness each. This tradition went on every Sunday for years until Seamus emigrated to England. Before he left the 3 made a pact that, wherever they were in...

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Who's the most 'merican...

Shortly after 9/11, Achmed and Abdul were terrified with what Muslim men had done to their adopted country.


The shaved their beards, changed into western clothes, and made a pact to meet in a years time, and see who had the most "american life".


So a year goes by, and the two ...

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John, Simon and Bill are having their lunch on a construction site...

John opens up his sandwiches and says: "ham and cheese, I hate ham and cheese. Don't know why the wife keeps making them".
Simon opens his:
"Tuna mayo. I hate tuna. Why doesn't my wife ever listen!? "
Bill has peanut butter and jelly:
" Disgusting. I'll need to tell my wife to get her a...

A woman takes her dog anywhere and everywhere...

On one trip she goes to Africa with her dog for a week long safari. One morning the dog goes outside and sees a lion running straight for the camp. The dog looks around and finds a pile of bones. Once the lion is within earshot the dog yells, "That was one tasty lion!" And continues to gnaw one a bo...

666 is the Number of the Beast

This from Todd Lewis, who has a great sense of humor.

We all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

* $666.95 - Retail price of the Beast
* $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
* $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all...

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A Ukrainian, American, and Polish guy work on a high rise construction site...

Every day they take lunch on top of the building. Ukrainian guy opens his lunchbox and exclaims: "Fucking borscht again? I swear, if I get another borscht for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building!"

 

American find a PB&J sandwich in his lunchbox and also exclaims: "I...

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2 Iraqi men in the UK

2 iraqi men enter the UK as valid citizens they make a pact together..
Iraqi 1: In ten years we will meet back here and we will see who is the most british!

Iraqi 2: ok we shal do just that!

Ten years pass and the guys meet up.

Iraqi 1: Well i think i am the most british! i ...

John and Paul wanted to know if there is baseball in heaven

So they made a pact. Whoever died first would tell the other one if there is in fact baseball in heaven. John dies and he tells Paul, "I have good news and bad news". John says "The good news is yes, there is baseball in heaven". So Paul asks "So what is the bad news then" and John's reply is "The b...

There are two lunatics in a mental asylum...

So, there's two lunatics in a lunatic asylum and they're both due to have assessments to be released. They decide to make a pact that the first person who goes in to see the doctor will tell the other one the answers to the questions.

So the first one goes in to see the doctor and the doctor ...

Stupid Duck

Three buddies die in a car accident and go to heaven. As they reach the pearly gates God says he only has one rule: "you can't step on a duck". The three guys look at each other and wonder how hard that could be. They all agreed and the gates opened. The buddies look out and see the whole place is j...

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