Marriage is all about making compromises.

For example, my wife wanted to paint our house blue and I wanted to paint our house red.

So as a compromise, we decided to paint our house blue.

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A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my values for such a materialistic item!

Sent from my iPhone XI

People call me Mr Compromise

It wasn't my first choice of nickname.. but I can live with it

What do you call it when two psychics reach a compromise?

A happy medium!


No idea if I was the first to ever tell this joke, but I was damn proud of myself when I put it together as a kid xD

Did you hear the Russians have began funding and creating technology to compromise and undermine the USA’s recent Central American initiatives?

They have created a ladder

Marriage is all about compromise

My wife wanted a cat. I didn’t want a cat. So we compromised and got a cat!

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

Tried To Compromise

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We just didn't have anything in common. But when that happens, you have to try to compromise. I tried to compromise with her. I remember one time I was like, 'Look, if you go with me to my "Lord of the Rings" fan fiction meet up group, I'll go with you to this...

My wife believes in compromise

If we agree on something we do it my way, and if we disagree we do it her way.

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One should avoid marriage at any cost. Marriage is hard work. And compromise. And more work.

Even Hitler committed suicide 40 hours after marriage.

What do you call a Psychic Compromise?

A Happy Medium.

Sorry, a played around with the wording of this a lot and couldn't find anything better. Please suggest a better phrasing.

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What do you call 5 black guys having sex?

A threesome

Why can you never compromise with a veggie burger?

Because they'll never meat in the middle.

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RE-RE-RE-REMIX - So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet...

*This is a parody because the original is posted almost daily*

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?”

“Yup”

“What if you miss?”

He lo...

A 5 year old boy nags and nags his mother to get him a horse.

He is relentless until she figures out a compromise, she gets him a stick horse. He is disappointed, but soon he and the stick horse bond, the boy teaches his horse to walk, trot, gallop and to neck rein. On the first day back to school after summer vacation the boy rides his horse to school. He ...

Alien overlords are discussing the fate of Earth citizens.

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

A businessman rushed into the train station just in time to catch the Brisbane to Rockhampton Express.

A businessman rushed into the train station just in time to catch the Brisbane to Rockhampton Express. On taking his seat he asked the conductor what time the train reached Gladstone.

 

"There's no stop in Gladstone on Wednesdays," replied the conductor.

"What!" Exclaim...

California Census

When California was determining its census rules, a law similar to the three fifths compromise was considered, under which two Asian Americans would be counted the same as one caucasian.

The law was rejected, because the lawmakers all agreed that two Wongs don't make a white.

Finkelstein and Jesus

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe.

After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for "Finkelstein the Tailor."

So, he went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for him. A few days later, wh...

A guy plays golf every Sunday morning with his friends...

This coming Sunday happens to be his 25th wedding anniversary. He wants to play golf as usual. His wife wants him to spend the whole day with her. They come to a compromise - he'll play 9 holes first thing in the morning and then come straight home.

The wife is expecting him home at around 10...

two blondes want to forge banknotes

Two blondes want to forge banknotes. They can't decide whether to forge $50 or $100 banknotes - they argue a little and then they settle to a compromise: to forge $60 banknotes. They want to first test it on their blonde neighbour: so one of them goes to the neighbour - after a while she returns, sm...

Two friends decide to start up a business together.

The first man, Carl, had years of experience in the production of liquor, and so he wanted to start a distillery. The second man, Adam, had years of experience in marijuana cultivation but had been clean for years and would not go near recreational cannabis, and so he wanted to start up a processing...

How are millenials and tightrope walkers alike?

Compromise their net and they will literally die.

My wife and I broke up

Looking back it just seems silly. We broke up because of our dream vacations of all things.


I always dreamed of going on an Alaskan cruise, whereas she always dreamed of sleeping with my best friend.


In the spirit of compromise I surprised her by suggesting we try both.
...

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I heard he got caught but got off easy

I just read a news article with the headline "Woman beats off rapist!" and I thought... "Well... that seems like a reasonable compromise..."

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A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy

"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.

After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise...

Why we cremate people:

Some people get creamted because when you die, your family is gonna want to put you in a casket for the funeral. And if they can't decide whether to choose open or closed, they compromise... and put you in ajar.

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Not Pregnant

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daught...

A hunter shot and killed a deer..

As he was dragging the body to his truck, a farmer approached him and declared "That's my deer! It was shot on my property!" Upset, the hunter argued "Well I tracked and hunted it, so it is rightfully mine!"

The farmer, wanting to compromise, stated "Well I know an old tradition that assists ...

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Blind man

During summer there was a day that was so hot it was almost unbearable.

In an old church, with no fans or air conditioning there was two nuns and a priest. The nuns clothing was making them so hot since it was not very breathable material.

So they decided to go to the priest and ask,...

A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...

So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."

The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the nex...

Two friends are going to film their own version of Revenge of the Sith.

They both have a really strong bond, so they decide that it'd be best if one played Anakin and one played Obi-Wan, the only problem was that they couldn't figure out who would play whom.

After a long bout of reasoning, bickering, and contemplating neither of them could come up with a reason w...

Beautiful Buns

From my father.

So there was this man and woman whom had been married for many years and were still very much in love. Their anniversary was coming up and the wife wanted to do something very special for her husband and comes up with a wonderful gesture.

She goes to a tattoo parlor an...

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

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Inside thoughts of a doctor

A doctor after furiously having sex with his patient in his office, lays down and starts to morally think what has he done.

Oh my God, I shouldn’t have sex with a patient! I have broken a line of trust and compromise.

Then a little evil appears in his mind and says “come on, every doct...

Old couple at the carnival

An elderly couple John, and Janice go to the carnvail where John spots a helicopter ride. He runs over and says to his wife "Janice I've always wanted to go on a helicopter ride and look its only ten dollars". Janice then says "John why would we pay money to go on a ride ten dollars is ten dolla...

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