This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend and I both drive Hondas.

He's got one of those boxy ones, and mine is a mid-size sedan. And neither of us has our own place, so we mostly end up just having sex inside the car. His is a little bigger, so we usually use his.

Recently, however, he's been wanting to experiment a little bit, and he's saying we should t...

Jesus drove a Honda, but nobody knew about it.

For I did not speak of my own accord. - John 12:49

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

I went to the gym on my own accord this morning.

I mean why would I take some one else's car?

In the bible, Jesus says "for I do not speak of my own accord." I guess he drove a honda but just didn't like to talk about it

I always thought he drove a christler

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

I didn't get too worked up over Trumps decision on the climate accord...

the whole thing was rather anti-climatic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic

But I refused, if I'm going to have sex it's going to be on my own Accord

Everyone is worried Trump will pull us out of The Paris Accord...

But Trump doesn't know how to pull out, that is why he has 10 kids.

"My wife went on vacation."

"Jamaica?"

"No, she went of her own accord."

So I told my wife I'm buying a new car...

Me: So sick of my car. I'm sellin it & buying a Honda—like Jesus

Wife: Jesus didnt have a Honda🤔

M: He was just humble about it

W: No he wasnt—b/c he didnt have a Honda

M: Really?? Then why’d Jesus say in John 12:49, "For I did not speak of my own Accord."

😅

My sister's going to the Carribbean,

Jamaica?

No, she's going on her own accord

I thought someone stole my car keys, I looked for hours and was convince someone had grabbed them, later on I felt so stupid because I left them on top of my car

Turns out I lost them on my own accord

Did you hear about the Honda employee who was found not guilty?

It was the judge’s Civic duty to let him leave on his own Accord

3 men are in line to get into heaven

St. Peter is waiting at the gates of heaven and calls the first man up.

Peter says, "You never cheated on your wife! I'm going to let you drive around heaven in a Ferrari!"

So he gets in the car and drives off through the gates.

Peter then called 2nd man up. Peter says, "Oh no, ...

A Jedi is fighting...

A Jedi is fighting some clone troopers when suddenly he drops his laser sword in the heat of battle. Luckily it comes back to him, seemingly of its own accord. After he has won, he looks down at his weapon with amazement, and says “thank you, you’re a LIGHTSABER!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Nookie Days Are Over

My nookie days are over, my pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal, is now my waterspout.

Time was when, on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,

But now I’ve got a full-time job, to find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing, the way it w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voodoo d***. (INAPPROPRIATE)

A man and a woman get married, and they have the best sex. Better than most people would think, and their sexual compatibility is a large part of their relationship. One day, the husband finds out that he needs to go on a business trip that will last a couple of months. He decides that in order to k...

I was going to ask my friend what kind of car he drives

But he told me of his own accord

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke stinks.

Jim wakes up one day to discover that his farts are making a very unusual sound. When he farts, it sounds like his butt is going "HONDA! HONDA!" Furthermore, they seem to happen without any warning. He's obviously quite concerned, so he goes to the doctor about it.

He explains the problem to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Brit walks into a bar in Mississippi.

The bartender, taking note of the man's rather non-local appearance, shook his head and handed the man a beer - he didn't want to be at the butt-end of some lame joke.

The other bargoers, however, didn't seem to have the same inclination, and so began pestering the Brit.

"Well lookie h...

Did you hear about that guy who was crushed by his Honda?

Police say he died of his own Accord.

3 Men die and go to heaven...

3 men die and go to heaven and when they arrive at the gates St. Peter says to them, "Welcome to the road to heaven. You must travel down this road behind me to reach Heaven, however, the medium of transportation is dependent on how faithful you were to your spouse during your lifetime."
First ma...

What the pirate said when he left the Honda dealer...

We have an Accord.

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

My girlfriend and I were fighting in the car

We glared at eachother and I thought neither of us would back down, but in the end we struck an Accord.

Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year?

He's leaving of his own accord.

A guy pulled up next to me in his Honda on a scorching day....

.... and asked if he could fry and egg on the hood of my black car on a dare.

I looked back at him incredulously and said "Why not do it on your own Accord?"

What's the earliest joke you can remember? Here's mine:

These two:

"My wife went to the West Indies"
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord."

"My wife went to the East Indies"
"Jakarta?"
"No, she went by plane."

Jesus drove a Honda, but never talked about it.

For I did not speak of my own Accord -John 12:49
His Old Man had a Plymouth--He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
Of all the trials of Job, the worst was a Pontiac.
For he breaketh me with a Tempest, and multiplieth my wounds without cause. -Job 9:17

Proof that Jesus and his disciples were all Mexicans...

It says in the Bible that they all traveled in one accord!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.