Choir jokes: How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. But you have to wait for the whole world to revolve around her once before she’ll do it.

How many altos does it take?

Four. One to try it and three other to sit around and go, “That’s way too high. I’m not going up there.”

How many tenors?

At least 3. One to...

How can you tell if a soprano is at your front door?

She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.

A soprano and an alto are performing a duet.

After the performance, they meet up to talk about how they did.

After some time, they come to a conclusion that they weren’t on the same wavelength.

Why are all pirates sopranos?

They love to hit the high Cs

One of the soprano girls in my choir class says she can't sing her part.

She says she descant.

A guy named Soprano was fired from his job as a cashier.

When asked if he could break a C-note, he was too high to register.

What's the difference between a soprano and a porsche?

Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche

Why was being a soprano a requirement to becoming a pirate?

It made it easier to deal with high C's

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Joke I heard on the Sopranos

A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary.

They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?"

He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?" The R...

Did you hear the one about the Chinese godfather?

He made them an offer they couldn’t understand
(From The Sopranos)

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Sopranos Jokes

Here are two pretty good jokes from the HBO television series:


A rich man and a poor man are friends. Every year they go Christmas shopping for their wives and every year meet up and get dinner afterwards.

At dinner the poor man asks the rich man "So, what'd you get for your wife ...

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar...

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Later, a D comes ...

How many sopranos does it take to fix a light bulb?

One. She holds the light bulb, then the world revolves around her!

What do you call a mobster that likes getting kicked in the balls?

A Soprano.

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A Rich Man and a Poor Man sit down at a bar...

“What’s in the box?” asks the Poor Man.
“A diamond necklace!” exclaimed the Rich Man, “a gift for my wife of 25 years.”
“Hey, I’m celebrating my 25th anniversary too”, says the Poor Man.
“Oh really, so what’d you get her?” asks the Rich Man.
“A pair of slippers”, he replied.
“Ve...

A Chinese man goes to see an eye doctor (Racist)

After the examination, the doctor says "You have a cataract."


The Chinese guy replies, "No, I have a Rincoln Continentar."



Courtesy of Junior in the Sopranos

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Colonel Custer's widow [NSFW, language]

Heard this on the Sopranos, hopefully won't screw it up.

A few weeks after his death, Col. Custer's widow felt it necessary to commemorate her late husband. She found one of the best painters of the time and asked him to paint a mural of Custer's final moments. A month goes by and the paintin...

Was tuning the piano with my sister and I said...

This reminds me of the Soprano section in our school choir.


To which she responds, "How do you know if a Soprano is at the door?"

("IDK, How")

"She doesn't have the key and doesn't know when to come in."

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I bought my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for Christmas...

If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself.

- From The Sopranos

Did you hear the one about the Jewish terrorist?

He was gonna hijack a plane but he didn't want to use his miles

Credit: Hesh from The Sopranos
Note: I'm Jewish, not sure if that makes it better or worse ;-)

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