UPJOKE
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Paulie Walnut's Pope joke from Sopranos S5E1: cut to punchline only due to length

The Pope is sick and none of the Vatican doctors can figure it out. They summon an old wise man from the hills. He examines the Pope and says he's got a terminal case of blue balls. The only cure is for him to have sex, and the Cardinals go nuts. Finally, the Pope agrees but gives four condition...

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Heard this one on the sopranos today.

A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy "what'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies " I got her a diamond ring and a mercedes"
The poor guy asks "Why did you get tw...

Two Sopranos walk into a bar

The bartender looks at them and says “I’m sorry but we don’t ser

Junior soprano classic

So a gentleman comes home from work and buy a some flowers for her wife. Upon arriving he presents those flowers to her wife and says -" For you my sweet love".

Wife replies - "You now expect me to open my legs, don't you?

Husband - "Why, don't you have a vase?

How can you tell if a soprano is at your front door?

She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.

One of the soprano girls in my choir class says she can't sing her part.

She says she descant.

A guy named Soprano was fired from his job as a cashier.

When asked if he could break a C-note, he was too high to register.

Why was being a soprano a requirement to becoming a pirate?

It made it easier to deal with high C's

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar...

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Later, a D comes ...

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Two fishermen, George and Ted, were leaving the docks one morning when they saw a gorgeous naked woman sitting on a rock. The woman was singing in a lovely soprano voice and doing nothing to cover her perfect breasts.

Figuring the woman was a mermaid, they rowed their boat over to her.

"You have such a gorgeous voice," said George. "Are you a mermaid?"

"Yes," replied the mermaid. "Whenever a mermaid sees a human she likes, she usually grants him three wishes. But since there are three of us, I think...

What's the difference between a soprano and a porsche?

Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche

Why are all pirates sopranos?

They love to hit the high Cs

Musician Pun

The bass singer accidentally got the soprano's sheet music before a concert. Boy, was he in treble!

Did you hear about the time Tony Soprano went shopping for a cherry and a hand grenade?

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

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A Rich Man and a Poor Man sit down at a bar...

“What’s in the box?” asks the Poor Man.
“A diamond necklace!” exclaimed the Rich Man, “a gift for my wife of 25 years.”
“Hey, I’m celebrating my 25th anniversary too”, says the Poor Man.
“Oh really, so what’d you get her?” asks the Rich Man.
“A pair of slippers”, he replied.
“Ve...

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Joke I heard on the Sopranos

A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary.

They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?"

He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?" The R...

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Sopranos Jokes

Here are two pretty good jokes from the HBO television series:


A rich man and a poor man are friends. Every year they go Christmas shopping for their wives and every year meet up and get dinner afterwards.

At dinner the poor man asks the rich man "So, what'd you get for your wife ...

How many sopranos does it take to fix a light bulb?

One. She holds the light bulb, then the world revolves around her!

Did you hear about the Chinese godfather?

He made them an offer they couldn’t understand
(Credit to the sopranos)

What do you call a mobster that likes getting kicked in the balls?

A Soprano.

Was tuning the piano with my sister and I said...

This reminds me of the Soprano section in our school choir.


To which she responds, "How do you know if a Soprano is at the door?"

("IDK, How")

"She doesn't have the key and doesn't know when to come in."

What starts with S and ends with

The Sopranos

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Colonel Custer's widow [NSFW, language]

Heard this on the Sopranos, hopefully won't screw it up.

A few weeks after his death, Col. Custer's widow felt it necessary to commemorate her late husband. She found one of the best painters of the time and asked him to paint a mural of Custer's final moments. A month goes by and the paintin...

A Chinese man goes to see an eye doctor (Racist)

After the examination, the doctor says "You have a cataract."


The Chinese guy replies, "No, I have a Rincoln Continentar."



Courtesy of Junior in the Sopranos

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I bought my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for Christmas...

If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself.

- From The Sopranos

Did you hear the one about the Jewish terrorist?

He was gonna hijack a plane but he didn't want to use his miles

Credit: Hesh from The Sopranos
Note: I'm Jewish, not sure if that makes it better or worse ;-)

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