A Chinese guy in the U.S. goes to exchange his currency.

He exchanges C¥10,000 and gets US$1,500.

The next day, he exchanges another C¥10,000, but gets only US$1,499. He asks why.

The exchange clerk says, “Fluctuations.”

The Chinese guy is shocked for a moment, and yells back, “Fluctuamelicans!”

So DC Comics currency

Superman’s weakness is probably a *krypto* currency

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City...

He entered the store with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Japanese man stormed out, a...

What currency do they use in space?

Star bucks

What is Forrest Gump’s favorite part of US currency?

The pen-nay

Why didn't George Washington want his portrait on US currency?

Because he didn't want to be drawn and "quartered."

What do you call Donald Trump’s form of currency?

Trump change

What is chicken used as currency called?

Legal tender

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Currency Fluctuations

An Asian man comes to the US to do business and converts 110 million Yen into 1 million dollars. On his next trip, he returns to the bank to do the same, but only receives $990,000 in return.

He asks the teller, "Why did I receive less this time?"

The teller responds with a shrug, "...

US currency types were having a contest to see who could accrue the most of another country’s currency

Nickels managed to stack up a lot of Euros and beat Quarters who only managed to pile up a few. Dimes did alright for themselves too but none of them bragged about how well they were doing because they knew that their smallest denomination friends were volatile and when confronted with bragging when...

Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.

a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.

a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.

the guy said to me in an annoyed voice...

TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency

Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke from India

Translated from Hindi:

There is a queue outside the bank where people are waiting to get in and exchange currency. One chap keeps cutting the queue and goes to the front. The rest of the people keep forcing him back.

This goes on 5-6 times. The guy finally gets pissed and says

'...

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

What's the one currency superman can't hold?

Kryptocurrency.

If I Had a [currency] For Every [action],

I would do more of [action].

An Iranian goes to exchange some currency

He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.

"Now, or... now?"

If karma was a currency, Reddit would be a capitalist society

But I've figured out how to make reddit into a communist society.

They just need to seize the memes of production.

If i had a dollar for every time i had an existential crisis...

it wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?

Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway.

Zimbabwe's currency is so devalued...

That rapper "50 cent" is known as "40 billion dollar"

I heard Venezuelan currency has inflated so much they are weighing it instead of counting it.

Looks like they finally transitioned from bolivars to pounds.

This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"

The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."

In fallout, why are caps used as currency?

Because america is a CAPitalist country.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Im excited to have Tubman on the twenty

So we can use black people as currency again

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One week, a Chinese guy exchanged some currency....

and came back next week to do it again, only to find that the rate had increased.

He asked the nearby white clerk, "Hey! You! Why it more expensive now?"

The clerk replied, "Oh. Fluctuations."

And the Chinese man said, "Well, fuck you white guy!"

(Disclaimer: I'm Chinese ...

With how fat America is....

With how fat America is, I'm surprised their currency isn't in pounds.

An American guy goes to a currency conversion shop...

...and notices the changing rates of the US dollar. He says to the clerk, "Wow...fluctuations..." The clerk angrily replies, "HEY! FLUCK YOU WHITE GUYS TOO!"

Breaking News

All the world's currency is now air. We store it in small balloons.

Prices seem to be quite inflated.

There's an Italian town where pasta is a currency

A penne for their thoughts.

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Currency caper

A Japanese man visits Australia.

On the way in he converts his 4000 yen to $100.

A couple of weeks later, he is returning home and converts his last $100, but this time only receives 2000 yen.

"what's up with this?", he enquires, "why is the conversion rate half what it was wh...

Superman's weakness

Superman started to invest in bitcoin but last night the currency dropped really bad and he got sad. Before he went to bed he told me:
- My only weakness is that crypto. 'night!

How do vampires pay for things?

Crypt-currency.

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese man goes on holiday in Paris, and goes to convert his yuan into euros.

He stops at a currency exchange near the hotel he's staying at, and gets 500 euros in exchange for 4000 yuan.

The next week, he goes back to the currency exchange and exchanges another 4000 yuan to euros, but only gets 495 euros this time.

"Why is it only 495 euros today? You gave me 5...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Japanese man walks into a bank...

... and goes up to the teller. Even though he is new to speaking English, he says, "I wish to exchange 400 of my currency for US dollars. The teller proceeds to do so and they politely part ways. A few days pass and the Japanese man again walks into the bank, again to exchange the same amount curren...

Why is everyone in outer space a basic white girl?

Because the universal currency is Starbucks

I am buying my coffin from a company located in Ireland.

I wonder if they accept crypt o'currency?

What do you call a tomb full of money?

A crypt o' currency.

Jewish Man calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa

Clerk: $50 per word

Jewish Man: Grandpa Dead

Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required ...

Jewish Man: "Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale!”

*Edit to western currency*

What do you say about a man who spent all his savings excavating a tomb full of fake money?

He invested in the wrong crypt o' currency.

I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

What do you call 25 Mike Pence clones in a room with Donald Trump?

... Quarter pounder with cheese.

(Think British currency here)

How did Superman get rich in the 2010s?

By investing in Krypto-currency.

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So they say a Harriet Tubman's face is going on the $20 bill.

Excellent, I can't wait to start using black people as currency again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An 18 year old kid spends his first day in prison.. [NSFW]

He ends up getting a bunk mate whose an older guy, and been inside for while. This older guy has access to lots of goodies such as oreos and cup of noodles etc.. In prison that is basically its own form of currency. The old man can tell the kid is scared and tells him
"I'll tell you what kid I'l...

Did you hear of the American who robbed a bank in Latvia?

Turns out potatoes aren't a valid currency in the US.

What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's Pot o' Gold?

Crypt o' Currency.

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get tw...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A German SS Officer back in 1940 walked into a bar and ordered a drink...

And the bartender gave him the requested drink after accepting the required currency because Nazi Germany does not have a sense of humor.

So the Beatles go to America for the first time.

They go to a currency exchange place by the airport and the ask for (along with a decent sum of cash) some of each type of coin so that they could be familiarized with the currency.

They're rich enough that they don't have to skimp out on the number of coins they get, so the cashier gives the...

I went to pay the Cashier at the Grocery store

Cashier "That will be $18.35"

Me: Hands her a $50 bill

Cashier "Sorry sir, We cant accept that because we had too many problems with counterfeit currency. Do you have anything smaller?"

Me " I fully understand, Here you go.."
*Politely hands her a crisp $25 bill*

Trump's statement regarding China

Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm excited about a black person being on the $20 bill.

I always wanted to use black people as currency.

George's son

George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.

The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to
the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."

The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.

Says George: "What? There ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Health and Safety Christmas Message

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash though the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

St. Peter meets Queen Elizabeth II at the Gates of Heaven and says, "Your Highness. I have been waiting…

for you. I have looked down upon you all your life, you were an amazing lady, who leaves behind a legacy of amazing achievements. I'm giving you the most wonderful halo. I have had 100 men crafting it for 100 years. "
The queen is carelessly skipping around the endlessly paved roads that make u...

So I hear that the Euro is destabilizing and deflating...

...if its value decreases any more, Europe might have to switch back to their old international currency, Czechoslovakia.

Angelic time

A man prayed for some good fortune. An angel appeared. He asked the angel what's the equivalent of 5 minutes in heaven? To which the angel replied 5 minutes is equal to 5 millenia in earth time. How much is 5 million dollars in heavenly currency? The angel said it roughly equates to 5 cents. Can yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was working as a teller at a bank when a Japanese woman walked in.

I was working as a teller at a bank when a Japanese woman walked in. She comes to the counter with a small stack of ten-thousand yen notes. "Hi, can I help you?" I said. "Yeah, How much American dorrah I can get for hundred thousand Japanese yen?" she asks. Looking up the information on the ever-cha...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does black people and Deutsche Mark have in common?

Both are outdated currency.

A student asks another student, "How many zeroes does your salary have?"

He responds "One"

"In which currency?"

"Any :("

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

A Chinese man goes into a bank ...

... to exchange some Chinese yuan for American dollars. The teller finishes counting the man's currency, looks up that day's exchange rate, computes the conversion and quickly counts out the American currency in twenties, "…140, 160 and" plunking down the last bill, "makes $180. Will that be all tod...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

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