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Trading Jokes

Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.

a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.

a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.

the guy said to me in an annoyed voice...

Trading places

On a ship the Captain and the Chief Engineer were having a friendly argument as to who had the most important job. So they agreed to exchange jobs for the next day.

After a few hours the Captain, covered in oil and sweat, called the Chief Engineer over and said, "It's no good, no matter what...

After years of Investing and Careful Trading I finally have a Six figure Portfolio thanks to Crypto.

Current Balance: $10.0001

A stockbroker is being tried for Insider Trading

The key piece of evidence was an illegal trade he had allegedly committed on May 14th.

His secretary was called to the stand to testify.

"Miss Secretary," asked the Prosecutor, "can you show us what you think the Stockbroker's was doing that day?"

"Objection!" cried the Stockbro...

Why do white women like trading stories about asking for the manager?

Because Sharon is Karen.

Why do trading card game players never have any children?

Because they always put a sleeve on it.

Why does Superman hate trading Bitcoin after 7pm?

Because it's Crypto-night

I’ve been getting into trading socks recently

You know, the ones on Wool Street.

Clark Kent looked ill when I invited him to our Bitcoin trading party after work.

I wonder if he has an aversion to Crypto Night.

One day, legendary musician Sting becomes bored of music, and decides to try his luck at day trading.

He does a few online courses and begins trading.

On the first day Sting loses some money, but learns from it, and unpertrubed by the small losses he continues with it. On the second day, Sting loses a bit less, and learns even more. Happy with the results, he decides to sink some more money i...

New digital LOTR trading card JPEGs for sale!!!

Non Fungible Tolkien’s

Trading humans like mere goods is highly illegal and immoral.

Unless you are a football team manager.

Trading gold for a good consulting / corporate or office joke...

Guys, it's been a long day, I need a laugh and I've got three months of gold to give away. Help me out?

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

Dear Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all ...

Did you know trading in foreign currencies is like going to the restroom?

This morning when I closed my position, I'd lost five pounds.

I can't believe I got a life sentence for a little insider trading

Technically it's called organ harvesting, but that's just semantics

CEO Brian Krzanich sold his stock, and it might be considered insider trading...

You could say he had certain Intel about the situation.

This could turn into a total Meltdown.

What does Trump think about trading with China?

It's tariffic.

People say I’m too aggressive when I’m trading baseball cards.

It’s because I’m Ruthless.

A boy asked his bitcoin trading father

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.45? What do you need $10.11 for?

What rodent helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures?

A hedgehog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian walks into a trading post

And he asks the owner for toilet paper. The owner replies we have Charmin for .35 cents a roll. The Indian shakes his head and says too much. The owner says we also have Bounty for .15 cents a roll. Again the Indian shakes his head and says too much. The owner says well I have some no name toilet pa...

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

What do you call trading one joke for another?

Quip pro quo

Bakers have a weird way of trading bread recipes.

Its done on a knead to know basis. Gotta get the dough somehow

My relationship with trading is a weird one. They are unstable, constantly deplete my money, give me mental trauma, but I carry on thinking about the good times I had with them, and the money they made for me.

Guess I have "Stock"holm syndrome

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old army buddies are sitting at the bar trading stories...

"I remember the first time they took us up to jump out of a plane," says one guy. "The private ahead of me was so scared, he was hanging on to the plane door for dear life. The platoon sergeant was screaming at him to jump, but he just stood there, gripping the door and blubbering. Finally, the plat...

My friend asked me for a trading technique when I told him I have $100k worth of stock in this bad market.

I said, "Start with $200k".

After 8 months of trial and error, hundreds of hours of YouTube, losing money, almost giving up, I can finally say I made my first $100 trading stocks

Never mind, I'm in the red again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The SEC has fined two executives for having a threesome with a prostitute.

While such matters are usually out of their jurisdiction, this was a case of inside her trading.

The Secret Deal

An original of mine. Excuse the grammar.

There once was a clan of hunter-gatherers dedicated to being self sufficient. They would ONLY ever hunt and gather. Absolutely no trading or sales of any kind was allowed in this clan. Being self sufficient was religion to them, and they hated the idea...

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