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Rates Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prostitute rates...NSFW

Man approaches a prostitute and asks for her rates.
She replies, “ $10 for a quickie on the grass, $30 for a quickie in the car, and $50 for a sensual girlfriend experience at a hotel.”

The man says, “ok, heres $50.”

The prostitute say, “ ok cool, i see you a man of class!”

T...

This is why divorce rates are always increasing

Why did I get divorced, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Japan have such low obesity rates?

Because the last time a fat man was there a whole city blew up.

Why are divorce rates so high in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.

How did God respond to worldwide declining birth rates?

Sending thots and players.

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

3.14% of sailors are...

π-rates.

Why did Elon Musk go broke?

Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each time me and my german girlfriend have sex, she rates me out of 10

Last night we tried anal and she couldn't stop screaming 9. That's the best I've ever gotten.

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

A slice of Apple Pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, $2.75 in Aruba and $3.00 in the Bahamas

Those are the the pie rates of the Caribbean

Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

Why are crime rates down in the US?

Because criminals keep turning themselves into police.

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

Why were birth rates low in 1970?

Why were birth rates low in 1970?

.

You can't get pregnant during '69.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My german wife rates me in bed

Guess she likes anal when she screams nine, nine, nine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I have sex with my German girlfriend she rates it.

Today I set a new high score which was 9 (NOT OC)

I traded my car to get my interest rates lowered

It worked, women are now less interested in me.

An old dying man invites 3 of his friends to his deathbed and asks a favor...

He says, "We've been as brothers for longer than I can remember, and while I was not rich in life, I would like to bring some wealth with me as I die. If you could each leave $5,000 in my coffin, it would bring me great peace."

The three men saw no fault in this, as they were all very rich, a...

Why are North Korean literacy rates so high?

Because they have the supreme reader.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My German girlfriend rates our sex from 1-10...

Recently we were trying anal, and she started shrieking "nine" over and over again...

I guess she likes anal.

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75…

…a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but ...

We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars.

They're driving wrecklessly.

Recent studies have shown that first names have a significant impact on pregnancy rates.

For example someone called Mary is much more likely to get pregnant than someone called Tom.

It is scientifically proven that those who vaccinate have higher rates of autism.

Because the non-vaccinated children never lived long enough to be surveyed.

Michigan is leading in rates of both marital infidelity and depression.

It's a sad state of affairs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new study shows that unvaccinated children are shown to have lower rates of autism than vaccinated children.

Because a dead two year old can't be fucking diagnosed with autism.

(Courtesy of my mum) Why has crime rates gone up in the past 10 years?

Because they're removing all the phone boxes so superman has nowhere to change.

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