My wife left me because, according to her, I talk about herbs and spices too much.

Oh well.... It was probably thyme.

I keep my herbs in alphabetical order

People ask me how I find the thyme. It's easy. It's right next to the Sage

Sorry to anyone who felt my joke about herbs and fish was inappropriate.

I realise there’s a thyme and a plaice for these things...

I made a belt out of herbs ...

what a waist of thyme.

I've been sacked from my job as a chef after spending every shift chopping herbs instead of cooking meals.

They couldn't be dealing with thyme wasters.

I spent over 3 hours making a belt out of herbs, but in hindsight...

it's just a waist of thyme.

Did you hear Gordon Ramsay wrote a book about herbs?

It’s about thyme!

I was walking down the street and from a window a pot of herbs fell on my head...

Im alright, it wasn't a big dill

I saw a man drive through my city with a van full of herbs and spices

He was a thyme traveler

Have you noticed that some herbs taste much better at Christmas?

It's the most wonderful thyme of the year.

I heard that Sean Connery likes to cover his food in herbs.

But only partially.

I have developed this weird ability to move some spices and herbs

I can control thyme

So I hear they are going to start using bio diesel made from herbs for trains.....

....maybe ours will now run on Thyme.

I’d tell you a joke about herbs

But I don’t have enough thyme to do that

On my weekends I've been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It's not much, but it passes the thyme.

I finally read a book on herbs after years of being hounded by my wife.

It was about Thyme.

Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.

I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."

My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow.

It was sage advice.

Just watched a 5-minute video of some guy throwing herbs in the garbage

What a complete waste of thyme

My girlfriend threatened to leave me over my reliance on herbs...

But I said I needed thyme to think.

When should you crush herbs?

When you need to kill some Thyme!

My lil brother wanted to make a herb bouquet.

My little brother wanted to make a herb bouquet for his school assignment. So i helped him to make it. It took us 5 hours to collect all kinds of herbs from our garden and made an amazing bouquet. But the next morning, when he had to go to school, the herbs were dried and ugly.

Turns out, al...

Did you hear about the guy who went to prison for smoking herbs?

He's doing time for doing thyme.

I just found an amazing way to grow herbs!

It may take some thyme, though...

I went to the farmers market to get some herbs and vegetables.

But when my friends invited me over for some pizza, I figured it was a waste of thyme.

Why does a bored chef cut herbs?

He wants to waste thyme!

I’ll let myself out

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

Too Much

My friend filled an entire swimming pool up with herbs.



He had a lot of thyme on his hands.

My friends always say I’m late, so I’ve started putting herbs in my shoes.

Now I can always be on thyme.

Whoever took my herbs last night:



You’re living on borrowed thyme

Tonight I made salmon for supper

As it was gently cooking in a warm bath of garlic, herbs, lemon, wine, and onion I got a visit from a Fish and Wildlife officer. He said “sir we have reason to believe that salmon has been poached”

Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices?

I heard he's a seasoned expert.

I would put more herbs in my meals

but I can never find the thyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsey today released his long-awaited book about having sex with herbs.

It's about fucking thyme.

If you've spent ages figuring out how to put herbs and spices on your belt loop...

...you've waisted thyme.

I was going to add some herbs to my cooking

but I had to serve it soon and there wasn’t any thyme

The waiter asked me if I wanted any herbs on my food

But I don't have the thyme for that

My neighbor was very urgent when asking me for herbs.

He said that he was running out of thyme.

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

My mom asked me to throw some herbs in our dinner...

I told her I didn’t have the thyme.

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

A woman once claimed she could hit me from across the kitchen with a fancy bottle of herbs.

I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.

I was hosting a funeral for my goldfish, and my friend thought it was okay to ask "What herbs should I season which fish with?"

I told him "Come on dude, there's a thyme and plaice."

My girlfriend left me because she said I focus too much on growing and giving away herbs for really low prices

Now I don't know what to do with all this free thyme on my hands

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

Why do gardeners hand out their herbs?

To pass the thyme.

Did you hear about the vegan what converted their car to run run on herbs?

They wanted to thyme travel!

Picking herbs is an awful job...

... It's very thyme consuming.

If you break your leg... put some herbs on it.

I mean, thyme heals all wounds.

2 weeks building a greenhouse for my herbs only to see it blown away in freak winds

What a waste of thyme!

I've never really got the point of herbs and seasoning...

I just think it's a waste of thyme.

A man in Victorian clothes just appeared out of thin air and handed me a fistful of herbs.

I think he might be a Thyme traveller.

Did you see the headline about the film director who stormed off set after someone filled his trailer with herbs?

Michael Bay Leaves

A cook's apprentice is throwing copious amounts of herbs into the dish

When the cook walks in and says "STOP WASTING MY THYME"

A man contracted a rare STD...

He finally went to the hospital to get his manhood examined.

He nervously took off his pants, "Doctor, what is wrong with me? It's been getting more and more painful down there."

After close examination, the doctor said in a grim voice, "I'm afraid we have to perform surgery to have ...

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