If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

About a month before he died, my Uncle had his back covered in lard.

After that, he went downhill fast.

Grandpa was a healthy 82 when he fell in a vat of lard.

After that, he went downhill really fast...

What do you call an interesting piece of fat?

Avant Lard.

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Lard it up......

Doug was showering after a workout at the gym when he noticed that the guy next to him had an enormous penis. His own junk being somewhat on the small side, Doug asked him if his mammoth member was natural or if there was a trick to it."Oh, there's a trick. Every night before bed, rub some lard into...

A kid asked his older brother what he could do to grow taller.

The brother told him to put lard on his head every day. So the kid said "Mom has some Crisco. Will that work?" And the brother said "No, stupid! That's shortening!"

Helping a lady patient!

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.
"Paddy, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients."
"Yes, sir!" answers Paddy.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the foll...

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The other day, I died and went to hell...

(Note: replace the name 'Jim' with the name of someone in the group that you're telling this joke to)

The other day Jim and I were walking around town when, out of nowhere, we get run over by a truck and die, and we both go straight to hell.

In hell, I'm greeted by the devil, who tells...

I love bacon.

Everytime I eat it I get a lard-on.

My grandpa Lloyd was 5'5", and his brother Chris was 6'3". When they were growing up...

...and it became clear that they were going to have a significant difference in their heights, Lloyd asked Chris if he was doing anything special to become so tall.

Chris leaned in close and quietly said, "It sounds silly, but every night before I go to bed, I sneak into the pantry, take a ha...

So I was walking through rural Georgia when...

...I passed a little lady with white hair and deep wrinkles sitting on her front porch who waved to me. I decided to amble up, say hello, and see if I could determine the secret to her longevity.

She told me her name was Ida and that she'd lived in this house her whole life, just as her par...

I'm at an awkward weight

I'm fat enough to not look good with my shirt off, but not fat enough for it to become part of my charm.

I'm caught between a rock and a lard place.

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A man goes to the doctor to see if there is any thing he can do to make his penis larger...

...and after a thorough examination the doctor says that there's nothing medical science can do for him, however there's an old country remedy that he could try. "Just rub lard on it every day and in a couple of weeks you should see some result." Two weeks go by and the man go back to the doctor. "S...

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