UPJOKE
prawnfishlobstercrabseafooddendrobranchiataswimmeretshellfishdecapodapleopodpistol shrimpscallopsprawnschickenwhale

Shrimp Jokes

Why did the shrimp break up with her boyfriend?

He was really shellfish!

What do you call an all-u-can-eat shrimp dinner?

Overkrill.

What do you call a shrimp that gets run over by a car?

Road Krill

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

shrimp

What do shrimp watch when they're ?

Prawnography

What do you call a store where you negotiate for off-the-book shrimp transactions?

A Prawn Shop


(I know, I know, it's a dumb one but it made me laugh)

What recipe uses chicken, shrimp, okra, and elephant sausage?

Dumbolaya

What’s it called when a shrimp kills another shrimp?

A krilling spree

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Grandpa once told me an old story about a shrimp who grew a

It was a classic prawn tale

The Divorce Settlement

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come to collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background musi...

what do you call a terrorist shrimp?

A bomb in-acean

What do you call a shrimp that's really good at basketball?

Leprawn James

Where do you go to buy and sell shrimp?

The Prawn shop

I once saw a Shrimp finish third in the Olympics...

They gave him the Prawns Medal

What do you call a shrimp that always gets injured?

Accident prawn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million do...

What did one Shrimp say to the other?

"We're all just Prawns."

Why did Barbie smell like fish?

Because Australians like throwing shrimp on her.

A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.

They're two shellfish."

Sad moment today when I ran over a box of shrimp

Road Krill

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the shrimp do when he was ?

He went to a prawn site.

I just tried popcorn shrimp

And I realized that there isn’t any popcorn in it. There goes pot roast.

What’s worse then a shrimp on piano?

Cancer on organs.

What do shrimp wear in the kitchen?

A-prawns

Why don't shrimp give anything to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw a guy buying all the crab, lobster, shrimp, and oysters from my local supermarket while others were left without any and I couldn't help but think..

...You shellfish .

My cousin's allergic to shellfish, and I laughed as I told him I put shrimp in his soup.

You should've seen his reaction....

Greenpeace have come up with a new name for shrimp hunting, claiming it's the same as mass murder.

They're calling it columbrine

Recent studies have shown that several species of shrimp have randomly died while migrating to other seas or oceans

I guess they were accident prawn

What Did The Jumbo Shrimp Say To The Jumbo Crab?

"Looks like you've got me in a pinch."

A Chinese couple has a restaurant…

After a long day of work, they go to bed, the husband says to his wife: do we want to do a 69?

And the Wife: What? Shrimp sauteed rice at this hour?

What do shrimps do when they’re depressed?

They krill themselves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb

Bhuddism: You must become one with the .

Taoism:

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this .

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a person.

Paganism: Here's some that represents other .

Reform J...

In the shark infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns, one called Justin and the other called Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed-upon prawn. “I hate being a prawn,” says Justin. “I wish I were a shark.”

Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. “Your wish is granted,” he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid that his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-maneater lonely and frustrated. So...

So this one time I offered some shrimp to this Jewish friend of mine...

Me: This shrimp is great. Wanna try some?

Friend: Sorry, I'm Jewish.

Me: No, it's free!

*from a comic by Cyanide and Happiness*

Why did the shrimp and the clam get a divorce?

They were two shellfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.


Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

Who knew?

I never knew the guy who invented the machine that they use to clean shrimp was named Sheldon Devane...

Three Jewish guys are having a conversation about how reform their synagogues are…

The first man exclaims “My synagogue is so reform that they serve shrimp and pork in the cafeteria”

The second man exclaims “My synagogue is so reform that they serve us shrimp and pork on Yom Kippur”

The third man exclaims “My synagogue is so reform that on Yom Kippur there’s a sign o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island...

... They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work.

The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies.

Each sets off in their separate directions.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 Tiny Jokes

What do you call someone who empathizes and feels badly for the plight of small crustaceans?

A shrimpathizer.

What do you call someone who uses machines to emulate the sounds of small crustaceans?

A shrimpesizer.

What do you call someone who chases after the affection of ...

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

How did the shrimp eat all the fish food?

shellfishly

Why didnt the shrimp let anyone else eat?

He was being SHELLFISH

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a shrimp with and a bus station full of old people?

One's a crustacean and the other's a crusty bus station!

What’s a shrimps favorite candy?

Bubba Gum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly Rabbi and an elderly Priest are good friends in the retirement home.

One day the priest asks, "So tell me, Benjamin, be honest now, have you ever had bacon?" The old rabbi sighs and leans back, "Ashamedly yes. One day, In my youth, I gave into temptation and had bacon wrapped shrimp with cheese sauce....Now tell me Sean, be honest now, have you ever had ?" The old...

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and notices that the place is mostly empty. Except for one end of the bar, that is. And there he sees a group of women standing around. All kinds of women - beautiful women, plain-looking women, shapely, skinny, fat, short, tall, blondes, brunettes - just about everything. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming early

What is the favorite dish of men who suffer from premature ?

Bang bang. Shrimp.

I asked the asian restaurant what the smallest portion of rice they had

They told me shrimp fried rice

Mother Theresa looks down into hell from heaven...

She sees them getting ready for dinner. It's a feast, beef Wellington, shrimp, twice baked potatoes, wine, champagne, and a million different desserts.

Just then God came by and asked, "Are you hungry? I'm making tuna fish sandwiches if you'd like one."

MT: "Um, ok, sure."

The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simon the prawn is sick of being chased by the other creatures in the lagoon.

He prays to god to make him into a fierce shark and turn the tables on his enemies.


The next day simon has been turned into a Great white shark and has great fun chasing all his enemies round, but soon starts to enjoy bullying all the other creatures too.

After a few days the no...

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?

He was shellfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a fancy restaurant...

...and sits alone at an empty table. After some time exploring the menu he calls for a waiter.
"Are you ready to order sir?"
"Yes, I will have a single shrimp and a glass of milk" says the man. The waiter shocked by the extravagance of the order writes it down and goes rushes into the kitchen....

First visit to Australia

Ken: "What do you think of Australia so far?"

Barbie: "Get these damn shrimp off me!"

Why did the Australian fisherman get kicked out of the toy store.

Because he was throwing shrimp on the barbie.

what did Xzibit say to the Chinese waiter?

"Yo Shrimp my Rice dawg!"

Some oxymorons

An oxymoron is a phrase with two words put together that are opposite in meaning and thus create a new meaning.

Here are some examples:

1) Living Dead

2) Jumbo Shrimp

3) Happy Marriage

4) Intelligent Redditor

In honor of endangered species, portions of the proceeds from each gilded comment will go to Tempura House...

...a home for battered shrimp.

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."

The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."

The waiter, a bit miffed continue...

Troll enter chat

A user enters a chat room for battered women. They immediately type that their husband forces her to lie around on the beach in Tahiti and eat lobster, mahi mahi, crab and shrimp. The new user is flagged by the other battered women with real problems and the mods block this low level troll. The n...

Why didn’t the prawn share his dessert?

The piece of shrimp was shellfish!
18 jokes are hidden here because they may not be suitable for all ages.
show them anyway

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.