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Every time I take my butt plug in for cleaning...

they say, "Not this shit again."

Did you hear about the new store where you can plug in robotic limbs?

It's great even though they charge an arm and a leg.

My family is putting an electrical plug in our elm tree.

They were going to put it in the bushes, but I convinced them that a tree-prong outlet would be better for the ground.

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"Tree-prong outlet" stolen from an engineer I was talking to today, but joke format is all mine.

The girlfriend ask her boyfriend.

What will happen if i pulled the plug when you are in the middle of your game.

The boyfriend replied.

I will treasure the time with you, deepen our relationship, so that one day we can get married. Have 1 or 2 kids in our happy family and grow old together. And when we are too old, w...

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

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3 death sentenced prisoners wait for the electric chair

3 prisoners are waiting for their eminent death on their execution day. One Black Man, one White Man, and One Moron. The warden walks up and gets everything set up.

He calls the Black Man forward, "John Jones, sentenced for Murder in the first degree. Any last words?"

"I to this day c...

I tried to make some slow cooked pork today

But I forgot to plug in the crock pot before I left for work.


It really sucked coming home to my wife giving me the cold shoulder.

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Three scientists want to know how long can an organism live without shitting

They try to test it with a pig, so they put a plug in his butthole and start feeding him for days.

The first two weeks the pig is ok, but the third week the scientists see that the pig has become very very fat, so they decide to remove the plug from his ass.

The problem is they don't k...

One day, workers at a hospital noticed something very peculiar.

Everyday Tuesday, at approximately 11:24 pm, whichever patient was lying in bed 3 in room 152 would inexplicably die, no matter what condition they were in. This phenomenon went on for sometime, baffling scientists and doctors all over the world and starting many conspiracy theories centered on the...

There was boy named Billy and he wasn't very smart

He lived with his mother in a small town. Nobody liked him because he was really stupid, least of all his school teacher who was always annoyed with him.

One day Billy's mother came to the school to learn how her son was doing. The teacher plainly told the mother that her son was a complete...

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Men vacuum the same way they have sex

They just put the plug in, make noises for 3 minutes, then collapses on the couch and thinks that the wife should only be delighted.

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A nudist walks into a bar...

He sits down at a barstool and asks the bartender for a pint. The bartender brings him a pint and says, "Hey son, I noticed you had a butt plug in when you walked in. Kinda odd for a nudist like yourself, don't you think?"

The nudists sighs and says, "There is actually a story behind that...

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Once upon a time......

.....a little boy named John lived a village with his mother. His father already died in an accident and his mother has to work very hard to run the family.

John was hated by his classmates at school for stupidity in class. Even the class teacher said to him, "You are driving me crazy John!"...

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Farmers and their Pig

Old, long winded, and immature. But, I always laugh at it

Three farmers had been competing at the state fair for several years now for the biggest pig contest. Each year though all three farmers would lose to a pig from another county. So, Farmer John calls farmer Brown and Farmer Dan over to...

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[OP] Stevie Wonder is visited by a doctor who says that her experimental new procedure can cure his blindness.

Stevie says, "I've lived a great life so far, but it would be wonderful to see again some time before I go." The doctor tells him the procedure is very unorthodox, but Stevie tells her to go ahead and give it a try.

"Ok" she says, "it sounds strange, but for the procedure to work, you will h...

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