Connection Jokes

It's down most of the time, and even when it's up, it's shaky as hell and we all know it's gonna go down again soon

The Force Kin.

I see a lot of myself in them

Connection was blocked by the firewall.

We're siamese twins



Note: I am actually not a siamese twin

It's a hot and cold relationship.

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

So I poured some coffee on my router and now it's even slower...Do I need another java update?

Now I have stable wifi

If the internet disconnects in Russia, do they call it the internyet?

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grain... read more

High ranking politicians visit a school. The top one goes over the expenses and decides to make adjustments to cut costs.
"The lunch portions are too big. Cut them in half. Internet connection too fast. Too many computers."

After that, they go to a preschool. Again, the expenses are too ... read more

Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.

"yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"

Fifteen minutes later, the doctor says,"Your health is good physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"

The old man replies,"Me and God are tight. We are in a real connection. He has even fixed my eyesight for me! Whenever I go to the bathroom to pee, the light turn... read more

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

Aloe darkness, my old friend.

So she says, "hold on, let me open the door to let some WiFi's in."


True stories can be jokes too..

Trump had connections with Russia.

Unstable

The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. "Start with a capital S, then 123," she shouted back.

We tried S123 several times, but it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, "I really don't know what's so difficult ab... read more

Sound advice.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".

They said it’s a matter of “He said, Xi said.”

Three men were buried under a landslide in China.

They're inside a car when it happened, and miraculously still have cell phone connection.

The first man made a phone call to the police:

"I'm a good citizen and husband, please come save us!"

The police tell him they will ... read more

The man calls up his brother to assist with the birth, who readily agrees. The hospital is a bit out of date, a bit out of the way, and the brother works almost as hard maintaining his internet connection as he does assisting with the birth. Eventually, the wife successfully delivered twins, a boy a... read more

I guess you could call that Jet Lag.

Hi Ping

... because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about... read more

Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.

And St. Peter says, "We're pretty full, so we're making people pass additional tests. I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he's only letting in people who have a connection to Jets." All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim step... read more

Trump: I have a perfectly treasonable explanation!