The 102+ Best Camera Jokes

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A man drives by a police camera and it flashes...

A man drives by a police camera and it flashes. Relatively sure that he was not speeding, he goes around and drives by the camera again, this time keeping an eye on his speed and going 10 mph under the limit and it still flashes.

Surprised, he goes around and drives by a 3rd time, this time g...

What do you call an unpredictable camera?

A loose Canon

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

a daeshcam

A man is driving to work when he notices the flash of a traffic camera.

He figures that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knows that he wasn’t speeding. Just to be sure, he circles the block and passes the exact same spot, driving even slower this time through. Again, the camera flashes. He thinks it is hilarious, since he was obviously ...

What do you call worms in front of a home security camera?

Ring worms

Q. Why were photographs so depressing before digital cameras were invented?

A. Because they spent too much time processing the negatives.

When I was a kid if I was naughty my dad use to hit me with polaroid camera.

To this day I can still have instant flashbacks.

Now that everyone carries a decent camera with them...

Where did all of the U.F.O's go?

What does a camera have in common with a condom?

They both capture that special moment.

My new car has a reverse camera.

It’s awesome. Since I got it, I haven’t looked back.

What happened when the '90s kid saw a disposable camera?

It gave them a flashback!

Canon to release new camera, the Canon 80D.

Sadly it can't focus.

Camera men always get their job done

They’re very good at focusing

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming

They say the camera adds 10 lbs.

To which I say, “Stop eating cameras.”

If the camera really does add 10 pounds

Do Ethiopian kids even exist?

Why do iPhone cameras look like a stove top?

Because Tim Cooks.

Your phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar and alarm clock...

Don't let it replace your family.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

Bought a new camera today…

and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman’s hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.
...

Scientists attached cameras to dogs, to learn more about their life.

Turns out: 10% of time - dog trying to get rid from camera and rest of time - it run away from scientists.

What brand of camera a fanfiction writer owns?

A Canon Camera

I heard a horror story involving a camera and window blinds.

I shutter at the thought of it.

My dumbass brother made a YouTube video by firing dad's taser at the camera.

What happened next will shock you.

What do you call the people with cameras that follow opera singers?

The pavarazzi

I was given a very expensive looking camera as a gift today.

They were foreign tourists, so I didn't understand the rest, but it was still a nice gesture.

If your phone still only has one back camera

then you shouldn't be worried about Biden's tax plans

A comment following the video of two different camera views of the guy falling off that drone motorcycle thing reminded me of this oldie but goodie: a guy walks into a bar....

....sits down, orders a beer, and is watching the 5 o’clock news: footage of a guy about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bartender says “I bet you $100 he does it.” Guy takes the bet, and not long after has to pay up...

A few minutes later, bartender comes back. “I’m sorry man, I can’t t...

What's the difference between a camera and a sock?

A camera takes photos and a sock takes 5 toes.

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What's it called when you make sure you smell real good before getting a camera shoved up your bbutt?

Cologne-oscopy

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

There's a man named Johnson who owns a nail company, Johnson Nails.

Business had been slow lately, so Johnson figures he might want to try putting out a youtube video to drum up some business.

He goes to an advertising agency and meets a man named Jim who assures him he can make the perfect ad for Johnson's company. He tells Johnson to come back the nex...

A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on...

He approaches a young woman. "What are you doing, creep?" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

Priest and the Camera

Twice a week the local parish priest liked to go up on the roof of the rectory and crank one out. He had decided that this was probably the most discreet and secure place he could be and not be discovered. One day a tourist on a nearby tower was taking pictures of the city landscape and noticed the ...

There was a video caught on camera of a man who actually ate 4 of his toes

Needless to say, it was very shaky Footage.

No one turns on their camera in zoom

they have been infected by Novid-19

Why did the camera flash go to jail?

It was charged with battery.

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I tried filming myself eating dried meat with an old cine camera

But it was jerky

I just got a photo from a speed camera through the mail.

I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

You might have read about nature photographers disguising their cameras as herd animals to photograph lions...

Don't believe it.

Fake Gnus

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

During a Zoom call between an American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, a German and an Englishman, the Englishman turned on his camera.

He asked, “Can everyone see me?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Si.”

“Ja.”

I was thinking of adding cameras to the Bible

^(But they probably wouldn't be Canon)

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

I got a free iPhoneX, $300 cash and a camera

Its like this gun has magic

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I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

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My girlfriend is a pornstar

She will kill me if she finds out.

Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party

You want to do it, but you don't want to be the first, and you definitely don't want to be the only

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

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A man suspected her wife to cheat on him while he was at work.

A man suspected his wife to cheat on him while he was at work. He told his best friend about it.

*- I could place a hidden camera in the bedroom, but I don't want to spend that much money...*
*- Well, there's an easy and cheap way to be sure: attach a spoon under your mattress, and place...

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

What’s the difference between a cop and a movie camera-man?

If the movie camera-man turns his camera off, he gets fired.

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Japanese scientist have created a camera.

It has such an immense shutter speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

Why don't racist people take photographs in old cameras?

'Cause they appear in black and white.

The POTUS, Donald Trump is swept down a flooding river... You stand on the riverbank with a camera in one hand and a lifebuoy in the other. Now you have to make a choice....

Do you take a picture in colour or in black and white?

Apple has released a new device. It's a little camera that sticks to urinals.

It's called the iCUP.

i caught the most incredible lightning with my camera last night, i was lucky

i survived

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I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"

"To buy groceries," I told him.

"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles ...

A man asked me if I could figure out how to operate a camera...

I told him I'd look into it and give it my best shot.

If I'm ever traveling near Loch Ness or Sasquatch's lair, I will carry a camera to be safe.

It is a documented fact that these dangerous monsters have never approached anyone who had a camera.

Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument.

I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.

What does a camera with mood swings have?

Bipolaroid disorder.

Why did one camera company buy out the other?

To get their competition out of the picture.

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

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Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...

It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.

How do you know if the camera you just bought was made in Asia?

If the shutter makes a "crick" noise.

Why do scientists have cameras in the toilet?

They wanna see their pee HD.

I've read about an airport infra-red camera that detected breast cancer.

I guess we can't stress enough the importance of mass surveillance.

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

My boss accused me of installing a hidden camera in the woman's toilet.

"How do you know it was me, it could be anyone!", I told him.

"I saw you from MY camera!", he replied.

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I want to find out what will make me happy in life, but it's like taking a photo with a shitty camera

Trying to get the big picture but focusing on all the wrong things.

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I was lining up a camera shot in Asia

"Japan?"

No, it was a still shot.

Why did the camera blush?

Because it saw film strip.

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What do you call a sexually ambiguous camera with emotional issues?

A bi-polaroid.

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

If you're nice to me, I'll sell you an action camera for really cheap.

It's a Quid GoPro.

What would you call Popeye The sailor man if he was a camera man?

Popeye DSLR Man

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I took my first dick pic with a polaroid camera.

I showed my GF and she said

“Wait. I think it’s underdeveloped.”

What do you call a camera made out of cheese?

A GoProvolone.

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The interactive Black Mirror episode wouldn't allow the therapist to show her genitals on camera.

Banned her snatch.

"Hey CIA, I know you're watching me through cameras, but if I ever bring a girl home...

...send me the tape."

What do you call a Taiwanese dog with a camera attached to its head?

A GouPro

Why don't US presidents like cameras?

They don't like being shot.

My magic camera lens keeps flying away and perching on things.

It was aperture.

I was going to go on TV and show everyone my motor that spins at exactly 1,800 rpm. Unfortunately, the station uses a 30fps camera, so while you can still see the motor itself...

The revolution will NOT be televised

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A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...

"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London. To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea, and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."

With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, ...

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

Google just called, they want to put a camera on your mom...

... they heard she makes it around the block faster than their street view cars.

When George Eastman brought the first Kodak camera to market, no one could believe it...

They said "pics or it didn't happen".

A robber needs to get past a security camera...

He thinks about how he could get by. The he had an idea.

He took off all his clothes and walked by.

The camera immeadiately noticed him and he was arrested.

When the cops were asking him why he did the crime one of the cops asked, “Why did you take all your clothes off before pa...

Covert Russian Cameras Discovered In High Profile US Officials' Restroom Facilities

The cameras were disassembled, and found to be of Russian origin. Upon further investigation, they are found to be part of a Russian espionage/blackmail program, codenamed 'Operation VCUP'.

I accidentally washed my cameras memory card.

Thankfully it still works but now all my images are watermarked.

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I got peanut butter on my camera

Now every picture is a jif

How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera?

Stare at it for 30 seconds

Before camera phones…

…a selfie was another term for an hj.

Why I don't trust photos taken from a cellphone camera

They seem...phony

Aaron Paul prefers to stay in character even when the cameras aren't rolling

It's called methead acting

For Father's Day, my wife gave me a rear facing camera for my car.

I haven't looked back since.

what's the difference between a bunch of cameras and a million dollars?

i haven't hid a million dollars inside your house

People: Why does iPhone 11 camera looks like a stove?

Me: Because Tim Cook

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