The 105+ Best Camera Jokes

What do you call an unpredictable camera?

A loose Canon

Bought a new camera today…

and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman’s hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.
...

They say the camera adds 10 lbs.

To which I say, “Stop eating cameras.”

Why do iPhone cameras look like a stove top?

Because Tim Cooks.

Banned from the grocery store

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

What's the difference between a camera and a sock?

A camera takes photos and a sock takes 5 toes.

Years ago you could enter a grocery store with 25 dollars

and walk out with several kilos of fruits, a loaf of bread meat, cheese, milk and much more.

Nowadays, there are surveillance cameras everywhere.

Your phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar and alarm clock...

Don't let it replace your family.

Why can't you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?

You can't take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!

When I was a kid if I was naughty my dad use to hit me with polaroid camera.

To this day I can still have instant flashbacks.

When I was a kid 20 years ago, you could go to a convenience store with $5 and come out with what seemed like half of it.

Today you can't, because there are cameras.

Now that everyone carries a decent camera with them...

Where did all of the U.F.O's go?

I asked Siri why I'm still single...

It opened the front camera.

All the blondes in the world are tired of being portrayed as stupid

... so they decide to prove that they're just as smart as anyone else.

They hold a big conference, and fill up an entire stadium of blondes. People come from miles and miles to be part of this, the stadium is filled, the city outside the stadium is packed, and millions more watch from home as...

My new car has a reverse camera.

It’s awesome. Since I got it, I haven’t looked back.

What happened when the '90s kid saw a disposable camera?

It gave them a flashback!

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My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the security camera , then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we ...

I heard a horror story involving a camera and window blinds.

I shutter at the thought of it.

What brand of camera a fanfiction writer owns?

A Canon Camera

I was given a very expensive looking camera as a gift today.

They were foreign tourists, so I didn't understand the rest, but it was still a nice gesture.

There was a video caught on camera of a man who actually ate 4 of his toes

Needless to say, it was very shaky Footage.

I was thinking of adding cameras to the Bible

^(But they probably wouldn't be Canon)

A comment following the video of two different camera views of the guy falling off that drone motorcycle thing reminded me of this oldie but goodie: a guy walks into a bar....

....sits down, orders a beer, and is watching the 5 o’clock news: footage of a guy about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bartender says “I bet you $100 he does it.” Guy takes the bet, and not long after has to pay up...

A few minutes later, bartender comes back. “I’m sorry man, I can’t t...

A man is driving to work when he notices the flash of a traffic camera.

He figures that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knows that he wasn’t speeding. Just to be sure, he circles the block and passes the exact same spot, driving even slower this time through. Again, the camera flashes. He thinks it is hilarious, since he was obviously ...

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What's it called when you make sure you smell real good before getting a camera shoved up your bbutt?

Cologne-oscopy

Two Swedish models, Astrid and Ebba, are at a photoshoot

The photographer takes a few shots, takes a minute to switch to a different lens, spends some time adjusting the camera to the new lens, and then resumes.

After he's repeated this process a few times, Astrid gets visibly frustrated with the continual delays to the shoot. She turns to Ebba and...

Granny goes to the doctor.

She tells the doctor:
Look I have a big problem.
I have so SO much gas, thankfully it is not loud or smelly, but I need something about it.
Doctor said: Ok ask the pharmacist for this medication, take 1 pill each morning and come back in a week.

So the granny goes in a week lat...

Photos

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."

He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said "That was a really del...

Your mothers' so ugly

When she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

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I caught my coworker watching porn during our meeting

He said this is his home security camera

I used to be able to go to the grocery store with $20 and come back with food for a month

Try doing it nowadays with cameras everywhere

A woman walks into a shop and tells the clerk she's looking for a new bag.

The clerk says "Right this way--we've got a great selection."

The woman picks out a bag, the clerk takes it to the counter and looks it over before saying "Great choice...and a bargain at £50. Very spacious too; you'll be able to fit nearly anything in here."

"Why this wallet fits," th...

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

I remember when I could go into the grocery store with a dollar in my pocket.

And come out with a dozen eggs, pound of bacon and a loaf of bread.

You can’t do that anymore they have cameras everywhere.

Scientists attached cameras to dogs, to learn more about their life.

Turns out: 10% of time - dog trying to get rid from camera and rest of time - it run away from scientists.

I remember when I was a kid I could go to a store with a dollar and get two big bags of chips, a 2 liter of Sprite, 6 bags of Skittles and 6 Slim Jims.

Nowadays they have cameras everywhere inside.

My dumbass brother made a YouTube video by firing dad's taser at the camera.

What happened next will shock you.

What do you call the people with cameras that follow opera singers?

The pavarazzi

Priest and the Camera

Twice a week the local parish priest liked to go up on the roof of the rectory and crank one out. He had decided that this was probably the most discreet and secure place he could be and not be discovered. One day a tourist on a nearby tower was taking pictures of the city landscape and noticed the ...

No one turns on their camera in zoom

they have been infected by Novid-19

If your phone still only has one back camera

then you shouldn't be worried about Biden's tax plans

Why did the camera flash go to jail?

It was charged with battery.

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I tried filming myself eating dried meat with an old cine camera

But it was jerky

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I like my sex the way I like my pickpocketing.

Nowhere near security cameras.

You might have read about nature photographers disguising their cameras as herd animals to photograph lions...

Don't believe it.

Fake Gnus

I just got a photo from a speed camera through the mail.

I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

Camera men always get their job done

They’re very good at focusing

During a Zoom call between an American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, a German and an Englishman, the Englishman turned on his camera.

He asked, “Can everyone see me?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Si.”

“Ja.”

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming

If the camera really does add 10 pounds

Do Ethiopian kids even exist?

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Will Smith so white...

Will Smith so white he can hit a black man on camera and get away with it.

A joke from my country (Brazil)

In an international police convention, American FBI, English Scotland Yard and Brazilian BOPE are about to take part in a competition.

A rabbit will be set loose in the woods and the team that retrieves it in the shortest time wins.

First goes the Scotland Yard. They use hounds and hel...

Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party

You want to do it, but you don't want to be the first, and you definitely don't want to be the only

What does a camera have in common with a condom?

They both capture that special moment.

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

a daeshcam

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A man drives by a police camera and it flashes...

A man drives by a police camera and it flashes. Relatively sure that he was not speeding, he goes around and drives by the camera again, this time keeping an eye on his speed and going 10 mph under the limit and it still flashes.

Surprised, he goes around and drives by a 3rd time, this time g...

I got a free iPhoneX, $300 cash and a camera

Its like this gun has magic

A Blonde wife walks into her living room and finds her blonde husband desperately looking for something.

## He's moving furniture, checking in vents, simply looking in every nook and cranny of the living room. Perplexed the wife asks him what he is searching for.

## "Hidden Cameras," the husband replies.

## "Why!?" The wife asks totally boggled.

## "Because the man on the tv knows ...

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

Why don't racist people take photographs in old cameras?

'Cause they appear in black and white.

Canon to release new camera, the Canon 80D.

Sadly it can't focus.

A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on...

He approaches a young woman. "What are you doing, creep?" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

The POTUS, Donald Trump is swept down a flooding river... You stand on the riverbank with a camera in one hand and a lifebuoy in the other. Now you have to make a choice....

Do you take a picture in colour or in black and white?

I'm placing my beginner's camera at different elevations to get shots

Easy cam, easy go. Little high, little low.

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Japanese scientist have created a camera.

It has such an immense shutter speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

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I just started working in a record store.

A Shifty Looking Guy walks in and says.

"got anything by The Doors?"

I said "yes 2 cameras and an alarm, now fuck off"!

A guy is walking along a beach and finds a mysterious ancient lamp

He drains the water out of it and rubs it to clean it up when it starts to shake in his hand and smoke comes out of it. Suddenly a wizened old genie appears.

"You have freed me from my imprisonment in the lamp, O generous one," the genie says and falls at his feet.

The guy is taken ab...

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

Apple has released a new device. It's a little camera that sticks to urinals.

It's called the iCUP.

What’s the difference between a cop and a movie camera-man?

If the movie camera-man turns his camera off, he gets fired.

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I put hidden cameras in every butter factory in the world and will sell access to them,

Some people just want to watch the world churn

Why do scientists have cameras in the toilet?

They wanna see their pee HD.

Three former sorority sisters meet up for a reunion homecoming game and start talking about life has treated them since college.

The first says that she couldn't be happier. She married a man who owns a Mercedes Benz car dealership. They live in a beautiful home, she drives whatever new Mercedes that strikes her fancy, and they are living a life of luxury.

The second mentions that her husband was just a councilman in t...

What does a camera with mood swings have?

Bipolaroid disorder.

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera...

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the speed limit even though I knew I was not speeding.

Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. No...

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

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Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...

It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.

If I'm ever traveling near Loch Ness or Sasquatch's lair, I will carry a camera to be safe.

It is a documented fact that these dangerous monsters have never approached anyone who had a camera.

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

i caught the most incredible lightning with my camera last night, i was lucky

i survived

My boss accused me of installing a hidden camera in the woman's toilet.

"How do you know it was me, it could be anyone!", I told him.

"I saw you from MY camera!", he replied.

I have a colleague who goes haywire every time he misplaces his camera.

Talk about a loose Canon

Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument.

I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

A 90 year old man was being interviewed on the secret to long life

The TV cameras were rolling as he was explaining that his secret to long life was to never drink or chase loose women, when the back bedroom door opened and a barely dressed young woman ran out and grabbed an ice tray from the fridge.

A bellow from the back room came, “Woman, get back here!”...

How do you know if the camera you just bought was made in Asia?

If the shutter makes a "crick" noise.

A man asked me if I could figure out how to operate a camera...

I told him I'd look into it and give it my best shot.

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I was lining up a camera shot in Asia

"Japan?"

No, it was a still shot.

I've read about an airport infra-red camera that detected breast cancer.

I guess we can't stress enough the importance of mass surveillance.

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What do you call a sexually ambiguous camera with emotional issues?

A bi-polaroid.

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I want to find out what will make me happy in life, but it's like taking a photo with a shitty camera

Trying to get the big picture but focusing on all the wrong things.

Why did the camera blush?

Because it saw film strip.

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I took my first dick pic with a polaroid camera.

I showed my GF and she said

“Wait. I think it’s underdeveloped.”

I Remember

when I could go to the local milk bar with a dollar and walk out with a big bag of lollies.

You can’t do that anymore, things have changed.

These days they have cameras everywhere..

If you're nice to me, I'll sell you an action camera for really cheap.

It's a Quid GoPro.

What would you call Popeye The sailor man if he was a camera man?

Popeye DSLR Man

Google just called, they want to put a camera on your mom...

... they heard she makes it around the block faster than their street view cars.

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A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...

"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London. To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea, and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."

With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, ...

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

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I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

People: Why does iPhone 11 camera looks like a stove?

Me: Because Tim Cook

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