A man is driving to work when he notices the flash of a traffic camera.

He figures that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knows that he wasn’t speeding. Just to be sure, he circles the block and passes the exact same spot, driving even slower this time through. Again, the camera flashes. He thinks it is hilarious, since he was obviously ...

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I was lining up a camera shot in Asia

"Japan?"

No, it was a still shot.

I got a free iPhoneX, $300 cash and a camera

Its like this gun has magic

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

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I put hidden cameras in every butter factory in the world and will sell access to them,

Some people just want to watch the world churn

Why don't US presidents like cameras?

They don't like being shot.

What do you get when you stack a camera on top of 3 Tide pods?

A tripod

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I took my first dick pic with a polaroid camera.

I showed my GF and she said

“Wait. I think it’s underdeveloped.”

Apple just announced a new line of hidden camera surveillance products, including a glass that sits on your bathroom sink.

They're calling it The iCup.

The interactive Black Mirror episode wouldn't allow the therapist to show her genitals on camera.

Banned her snatch.

Why is a camera like a condom?

They both capture the moment.

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When I was a boy..

My momma would send me down to the corner store with 1$ and I'd come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea, and 6 eggs. You can't do that now...

Too many fuckin' security cameras.

These reversing cameras are great!!

Since i got one I haven't looked back.

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail

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​

I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

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Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...

It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.

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“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”

“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?

A camera takes photos and a sock takes five toes.

What do you call a Taiwanese dog with a camera attached to its head?

A GouPro

Why do scientists have cameras in the toilet?

They wanna see their pee HD.

I was going to go on TV and show everyone my motor that spins at exactly 1,800 rpm. Unfortunately, the station uses a 30fps camera, so while you can still see the motor itself...

The revolution will NOT be televised

When George Eastman brought the first Kodak camera to market, no one could believe it...

They said "pics or it didn't happen".

Why did one camera company buy out the other?

To get their competition out of the picture.

Covert Russian Cameras Discovered In High Profile US Officials' Restroom Facilities

The cameras were disassembled, and found to be of Russian origin. Upon further investigation, they are found to be part of a Russian espionage/blackmail program, codenamed 'Operation VCUP'.

A robber needs to get past a security camera...

He thinks about how he could get by. The he had an idea.

He took off all his clothes and walked by.

The camera immeadiately noticed him and he was arrested.

When the cops were asking him why he did the crime one of the cops asked, “Why did you take all your clothes off before pa...

My boss accused me of installing a hidden camera in the woman's toilet.

"How do you know it was me, it could be anyone!", I told him.

"I saw you from MY camera!", he replied.

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

Miss Piggy could never really count to sixty-nine on camera.

Every time she did, she got a frog in her throat.

If the camera really does add 10 pounds

Do Ethiopian kids even exist?

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When I was a kid, my dad always used to hit me with a camera

I still have flashbacks, and a really weird photo album

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I call my penis Tom Cruise.

It does all its own stunts, has questionable beliefs, and I have to use camera tricks to make it look taller.

Aaron Paul prefers to stay in character even when the cameras aren't rolling

It's called methead acting

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I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

I accidentally washed my cameras memory card.

Thankfully it still works but now all my images are watermarked.

Today I put a new lens on my camera that allows me to take photos of farts.

It's called flatulence.

Sorry, I'm a dad.

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Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed...

...that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

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A man drives by a police camera and it flashes...

A man drives by a police camera and it flashes. Relatively sure that he was not speeding, he goes around and drives by the camera again, this time keeping an eye on his speed and going 10 mph under the limit and it still flashes.

Surprised, he goes around and drives by a 3rd time, this time g...

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

i caught the most incredible lightning with my camera last night, i was lucky

i survived

What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos and a foot has five toes.
(Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)

what's the difference between a bunch of cameras and a million dollars?

i haven't hid a million dollars inside your house

A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on...

He approaches a young woman. "What are you doing, creep?" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

a daeshcam

Canon to release new camera, the Canon 80D.

Sadly it can't focus.

Before camera phones…

…a selfie was another term for an hj.

On a visit to see his grandmother, a teen boy listens as she goes on and on about the cost of living.

“When I was a young girl,” she moans, “you could go to the store with a dollar and come home with enough food to feed your family for weeks!”

​

“Well, Grandma,” the boy replies, “we learned about that in school recently, and that’s called inflation.”

​
<...

A farmer gets a phone call from his son.

A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." "Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it." About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"

How do you know if the camera you just bought was made in Asia?

If the shutter makes a "crick" noise.

How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera?

Stare at it for 30 seconds

A nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument.

I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.

I remember 30 years ago with a dollar you went to the supermarket and went out with 2 sandwiches, 1 box of 6 beers and a pack of cigars.

Today, unfortunately, there are cameras everywhere.

When I was a kid, my parents used to give me 10c and I would have to go down to the shop. I would get a pack of Potato’s, a bunch of bananas, 5 loafs of bread and a bottle of beer.

But of course, you can’t do that anymore as most stores have security cameras.

For Father's Day, my wife gave me a rear facing camera for my car.

I haven't looked back since.

Why I don't trust photos taken from a cellphone camera

They seem...phony

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

They told me that cameras add 10 lbs...

...so I stopped eating cameras.

How are condoms like cameras?

They capture your special moments.

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Pussy pic joke NSFW

Jon: Want to see a pussy on my phone, dude?

Eric: yeah man!

Jon: [Passes phone to Eric]

Eric: Why’s it on camera mode?

Eric: Oh

I got security cameras fitted outside my house.

Just to convince people that I have stuff worth stealing.

A man asked me if I could figure out how to operate a camera...

I told him I'd look into it and give it my best shot.

Google just called, they want to put a camera on your mom...

... they heard she makes it around the block faster than their street view cars.

Dr. Amrak, superintendent of the Tidder School District, was nervous about the upcoming budget meeting.

All of the schools in the district needed new benches and tables in their cafeterias. Unfortunately, the Tidder Comets were in a difficult financial situation, and all of the estimates for the cafeteria furniture were way too expensive. One day before the big meeting, Dr. Amrak told his secretary,...

When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke.

Now, they have cameras everywhere.

I remember back in the day I use to go to the store with $2 and come back with 2 bags of chips, 3 candy bars, a pack of starbursts, and a soda...

But nowadays they have cameras everywhere

The Good Old Days [long]

There was a little boy named Timmy whose grandpa came to visit. Grandpa said to Timmy “I’m so glad we get to spend some time together! Tell me, what would you like to do? We can do anything you want!”


Timmy replied, “To tell you the truth grandpa, my very favourite thing is to go to the...

Did you know about colonoscopies before cameras?

Apparently it was a real painter in the ass.

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A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...

"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London. To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea, and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."

With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, ...

Wow, the CIA microwave camera program has really come a long way...

They've gone from photos of potato quality to quality photos of potatoes.

What type of cameras do police officers in the USA like?

Point and Shoot

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I got peanut butter on my camera

Now every picture is a jif

I'm a really photogenic guy.

Well...

that's what the speed cameras think.

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I haven't felt at home since my wife installed security cameras.

Now I masturbate in the work toilets.

I miss going to the store with 1$ as a kid and being able to get a pack of milk, 12 eggs and a lot of candies.

Now they have cameras everywhere

I need to get one of those gadgets for my camera so I can take pictures of myself.

I think it’s called a narciss-stick.

The school hired me as a photographer

So I was hired to photograph a school event and when I walked up to the doors these security guys stared me down and asked what I was doing

I started to reach for my camera and said I was the school shooter

And the douchebags jumped on me and cuffed me!

The Computer Nerd and His Apprentice

So, I have a story about a wise old computing nerd and his new technological apprentice. He wanted to tell his young child some core life morals, as well as teach about old technology.

The wise man first showed the kid a polaroid camera. The kid quickly took it, and snapped a photo, but was v...

TIL that India is installing 15000 CCTV cameras in Delhi for Obama's visit.

This is ridiculous.
Just because he's black doesn't mean he'll steal anything.... When will the world stop this Racist behaviour ?

Babe, you're like a camera.

Everytime i look at you, i shutter.

Someone complimented me that I have a heart of a LION

On an unrelated note... Do they have CCTV cameras in the zoo??

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The artist and the museum (long)

An artist is approached by a man who says he's to be the curator of a new museum dedicated to General George Custer and he wanted to hire the artist to paint a mural that was to be the centerpiece of the largest display.

The artist agrees and asks the curator if he had any particular subject...

What do you call a camera that shoots out true facts about an ancient Phoenician city?

A Canon, Canaan-canon cannon...


(I'm not sorry...)

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

A Grandfather talks to his grandson

Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream






Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?





Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem g...

I brought my camera to a strip club for my photography project

I ended up failing because everyone in my photos was over-exposed.

What did one plant say to another when it dropped its camera into the sea?

"Photos-in-the-seas!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Last week I dropped my camera into the toilet

The pictures were even shittier than usual