A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

An American photographer on vacation.

An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The ...

A photographer goes to a haunted castle

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.

The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.

The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
...

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer to...

The Photographer

>A Los Angeles agent representing a wealthy photographer called and asked to speak to his client. "Brittany, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
>
>The photographer replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."
> ...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he ...

The World Health Organization has asked photographers to lower their exposure while out doing their jobs…

I guess ISOlation is the name of the game.

Why photographers make the best girlfriends?

They like when you shoot raw.

What do snipers and photographers have in common?

They get paid to take headshots.

Popeye was a really good photographer, Because he was

“Popeye DSLR man!”

Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

Why did the naked photographer get arrested?

Indecent exposure

A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.

When trying to take a group photo, a giant wheel of cheddar rolled over and crushed him.

Witnesses said people did try to warn him.

A photographer was badly hurt this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him.

Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

What's the name of an Asian photographer?

Phil Ming

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

A photographer was assigned to take photographs of a national park, so he decided to take them from the sky to get the best angle.

He requested permission to rent a plane and the arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: “Let’s go!”

The pilot swu...

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects?

He shot himself.

What did the photographer say to robber?

I’d love to shoot you sometime.

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

Why are photographers always so depressed?

Because they don’t do anything all day but focus on the negatives.

What do you call an American fish photographer?

A school shooter.

Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.

After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.

What does a Terrorist Photographer do?

Photobomb

Why did the photographer fail his test?

Because he couldn't FOCUS

Did you hear about that photographer that got locked in his dark room?

By the time they found the body he'd died of exposure.

A bunch of Chinese people come to a photographer for passport photos...

The photographer saw the enormous work to guide each of the 50 people and told to himself:

-Well, they all look the same, I will do just one photo and will send a copy to each one. They wouldn't notice.

So, he did it and sent a copy to each one of them. The next day, a Chinese guy com...

Did you know most of the Kennedy family is scared of photographers?

Guess they don't know the difference between head shots and headshots.

My grandfather was a medical photographer who specialized in documenting infectious diseases. It's a miracle he survived well into his 80s...

Over the years, he told me he developed malaria, dengue, tuberculosis and dozens of unknown rashes.

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

Why did the Photographer kill himself?

A. He had a problem with perspective

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Why are porn photographers never nervous?

They picture everyone naked.

My friend's dad is a war photographer, but with a twist.

He goes into battlefields after the shooting's stopped and takes pictures of the aftermath.

The newspaper he works for got him a contract to take photos in Iraq. Well, this was just after the war broke out, and he couldn't just fly into the country, not while there was a war. So he flew into...

Why do some photographers have such short attention spans?

Becuse they have a 80D

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar.

Neither is aware of the other's occupation.
They talk about "how to take the perfect shot."
[A college student shows up, slams back both of their drinks and says "Thats how you take a shot!" ](#s)

Being married to a photographer is depressing...

...they're always looking at the negatives.

Why are photographers good problem solvers?

They have a knack at looking at things from a different perspective.

Why did the photographer got killed?

Because he was framed!

I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend

They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.

The photographers of previous generations had it tough.

No matter how hard they tried, they always developed a negative image.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professional photographer with a 10' penis was caught revealing himself to passers by on a busy high street yesterday

He's been arrested and charged for the long exposure.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

which of course explains why so many photographers are broke.

I dream of becoming a selfie photographer..

I can just picture myself doing it.

Twins celebrating their 102nd Birthday (Long)

The editor of a local paper hears about these two twins in the retirement home Harriet and Hazel who is celebrating their 102nd Birthday. He needs a feel-good story for filler so he sends down a photographer to snap some pictures.

He gets there and asks the twins if he can take their picture...

Did you hear about the bartender who almost got crushed to death at an Irish wedding?

The photographer told all the men to stand next to the one person who made their life worth living.

What does a church photographer and Stephen Paddock have in common?

They're both mass shooters.

What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?

Polaroids.

^I ^know, ^that ^was ^god ^awful.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope taking a shower!

The Pope was having a shower and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air...

What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?

A loose Canon.

I was an ISIS photographer for a while but got fired due to the way I was setting up the shots...

They said I kept cutting the heads off people.

Did you hear about the water thief-turned-photographer?

Apparently he was a great pitcher-taker.

(Credit goes to my husband.)

Why couldn't the photographer see straight?

He took too many shots.

I'm working on a script about a mobster who attempts to reinvent himself as a professional photographer. I'm gonna call it...

*The Selfie Made Man.*

What did the photographer say when he retired?

"I can't take it anymore!"

Here's one for the photographers of reddit

Why was the photo of a wheat field rejected from Alamy? A=It had too much grain

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?

They always miss the shot

A Photographer Hears About a Ghost Appearance...

It was said to be appearing that night, in an abandoned house. This was said to only happen every one hundred years. So, the photographer packs his equipment and goes to the house. Around midnight, the ghost appears. It turns out to be quite friendly, and consents to have its picture taken. The phot...

A photographer shot his subject with a Canon.

She was blown away.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

Photographers never like it when a camera can't take pictures.

They shutter at the thought.

What do cops and sports photographers have in common?

They get paid to shoot black men.

My wife and I had a horse-drawn wedding.

We should have just hired a photographer.

When I was younger I wanted to become a pirate!

Now I am a photographer, because every pirate has to own a Canon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Profile

The CEO during a site visit to the office asks a young Manager "Yes smarty, What do you do?"

Manager (calmly) : "Sir, I'm the Sexual Advisor to the VP."

Pin drop silence ensues, photographer stops taking pictures, all others stop working and start looking around.

The CEO looks ...

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