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An unemployed guy sees an ad in the paper that says "Photographer wanted for Miami-based luxury bikini line". Thinking it to be a joke, the guy calls the number in the ad.

"Hello," he says. "Is that photographer ad a joke?"

"No," says the voice on the other line. "One of our photographers died suddenly last week, and we're looking for a new one."

"Cool! I've been looking for a new job for a while, and this seems like it could be a very fine job for me."<...

Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

Why was the photographer arrested?

flashing and indecent exposure...

A Photographer was killed on the job.

His photography subjects tried to warn him but apparently a giant wheel of coagulated milk crushed him.

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him.

To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

A photographer from a well known international magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.

When the photographer arrived, he realize that the smoke was so thick, it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything at ground level.

He requested permission to hire a plane and take photos from the air.

Arriving at the airport, he saw a plane warming ...

Making babies

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-t...

Why did the photographer throw their tripod in the lake?

One of the legs was loose and they couldn't stand it anymore.

How do you seduce a photographer?

Turn off the lights and see if anything develops.

I applied for a job as a Photographer

Despite a negative interview, the boss told me that he can develop my talent in the dark room.

The Photographer.

A Los Angeles agent representing a wealthy photographer called and asked to speak to his client.

"Brittany, I have some good news and I have some bad news."


The photographer replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."


The ...

A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

She was only a photographers daughter

But she was extremely well developed

Hilda and Olga

are models doing a photo-shoot.

The photographer changes lenses for like the tenth time.

Hilda says "Why does he keep changing the lens?"

Olga says "He wants to focus."

Hilda says "Okay but first we must take the photos, Ja?"

What kind of equipment did the the pirate's photographers use?

Cannons

An American photographer on vacation.

An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The ...

His request approved, the news photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in t...

What problem does the Eskimo photographer struggle with because he has a terrible habit of sitting all day on a slab of ice, waiting for his film to develop?

Polaroids

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects?

He shot himself.

What do snipers and photographers have in common?

They get paid to take headshots.

Why photographers make the best girlfriends?

They like when you shoot raw.

Why are photographers less skilled than they used to be?

They're not developing.

You might have read about nature photographers disguising their cameras as herd animals to photograph lions...

Don't believe it.

Fake Gnus

What type of image formats do lion photographers use?

RAWR

What’s a similarity between a photographer and a hit man?

They both get paid to shoot people.

A photographer goes to a haunted castle

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.

The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.

The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
...

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer to...

I asked my photographer friend which pose was the best for selfies...

...he said, "It doesn't really matter. Just take your pic."

Two photographers are walking down a street.

One of them trips and fall onto the ground.
The second one immediately falls down next to him and says: “Excellent angle! What are we shooting?”

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

Popeye was a really good photographer, Because he was

“Popeye DSLR man!”

Did you hear about that photographer that got locked in his dark room?

By the time they found the body he'd died of exposure.

I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend

They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.

What's the name of an Asian photographer?

Phil Ming

I think my photographer was a Tony Stark fan.

Cause he died after snapping.

Why did the photographer fail his test?

Because he couldn't FOCUS

Why did the Photographer kill himself?

A. He had a problem with perspective

My grandfather was a medical photographer who specialized in documenting infectious diseases. It's a miracle he survived well into his 80s...

Over the years, he told me he developed malaria, dengue, tuberculosis and dozens of unknown rashes.

She fell in love with...

She fell in love with an electrician, and she got shocked.

She fell in love with an artist, and things got sketchy.

She fell in love with a musician, and she got played.

She fell in love with a photographer...

Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.

After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.

A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.

When trying to take a group photo, a giant wheel of cheddar rolled over and crushed him.

Witnesses said people did try to warn him.

A photographer was badly hurt this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him.

Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

What does a Terrorist Photographer do?

Photobomb

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

My friend's dad is a war photographer, but with a twist.

He goes into battlefields after the shooting's stopped and takes pictures of the aftermath.

The newspaper he works for got him a contract to take photos in Iraq. Well, this was just after the war broke out, and he couldn't just fly into the country, not while there was a war. So he flew into...

Being married to a photographer is depressing...

...they're always looking at the negatives.

I dream of becoming a selfie photographer..

I can just picture myself doing it.

What do you call an American fish photographer?

A school shooter.

What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?

Polaroids.

^I ^know, ^that ^was ^god ^awful.

A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar.

Neither is aware of the other's occupation.
They talk about "how to take the perfect shot."
[A college student shows up, slams back both of their drinks and says "Thats how you take a shot!" ](#s)

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

A bunch of Chinese people come to a photographer for passport photos...

The photographer saw the enormous work to guide each of the 50 people and told to himself:

-Well, they all look the same, I will do just one photo and will send a copy to each one. They wouldn't notice.

So, he did it and sent a copy to each one of them. The next day, a Chinese guy com...

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professional photographer with a 10' penis was caught revealing himself to passers by on a busy high street yesterday

He's been arrested and charged for the long exposure.

Why are photographers always so depressed?

Because they don’t do anything all day but focus on the negatives.

Did you hear about the water thief-turned-photographer?

Apparently he was a great pitcher-taker.

(Credit goes to my husband.)

What did the photographer say when he retired?

"I can't take it anymore!"

I'm working on a script about a mobster who attempts to reinvent himself as a professional photographer. I'm gonna call it...

*The Selfie Made Man.*

Why do some photographers have such short attention spans?

Becuse they have a 80D

What did the shirt say to the pants?

What up britches!





(At a photography studio today, taking an extended family picture with like 15 people there. This is what the photographer said to get us to smile. I couldn't stop laughing, and was beet red. We had to wait for me to calm down. I'm a middle age married ma...

I was an ISIS photographer for a while but got fired due to the way I was setting up the shots...

They said I kept cutting the heads off people.

Why couldn't the photographer see straight?

He took too many shots.

A photographer shot his subject with a Canon.

She was blown away.

What do you call an unpredictable, out-of-control photographer?

A loose Canon.

A Photographer Hears About a Ghost Appearance...

It was said to be appearing that night, in an abandoned house. This was said to only happen every one hundred years. So, the photographer packs his equipment and goes to the house. Around midnight, the ghost appears. It turns out to be quite friendly, and consents to have its picture taken. The phot...

I'm having trouble focusing on my work

said the bigfoot photographer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do porn photographers never get nervous?

They always picture everyone in the room naked.
Sorry if this is a repost, I've never heard it here before:)

Why are photographers good problem solvers?

They have a knack at looking at things from a different perspective.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

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