UPJOKE

Pictures Of Jokes

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of a Ford F-150.

He’s ….a pickup artist.

With all the pictures of Epstein attending parties, talking to important people and generally socialising

It's obvious he didn't like to hang by himself

My friend is making a lot of easy money by selling pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

I decorated one of the walls in my home with pictures of all kinds of different birds.

It's my great and glorious birder wall

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Did you hear about the rooster that draws pictures of poop?

The cock will doodle doo.

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer to...

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I was showing people pictures of me at my parents wedding

And everyone called me a bastard. Did I do something to piss them off?

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I once dreamt that I was masturbating to pictures of my karate teachers.

Then I came to my senseis.

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Where are pictures of boobs stored in computers?

Random access mammary!

Tom Hanks took a bunch of pictures of trees and submitted them for picture of the year.

One forest won.

Boba Fett is my hero. I've got pictures of him in every room.

I think I've got a fettish.

What do you call a woman who takes pictures of celebrities?

A mamarazzi.

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I had a professional photographer take pictures of me wiping my butt.

I always wanted to be a roll model.

After unsuccessfully trying to post here, I finally gave up and messaged the mods asking what the deal was. They sent me back pictures of flutes, trombones, trumpets, tubas and cymbals. Confused, I asked what that meant. They answered...

Your band!

I always carry pictures of my wife and kids in my wallet

It reminds me why no money is in there

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I have pictures of girls showing their tits.

I keep them on my flash drive.

When I was a kid my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom

Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

Two ISIS guys are showing each other pictures of their children.

One says, "Ah, Fizal, they blow up so fast."

When you see pictures of the Holocaust it’s really sad

But it’s even more depressing when you realize the camera adds 10 pounds

If you find it hard to take pictures of yourself in the sauna...

You have selfie-steam issues.

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went...

I tried looking up pictures of Freud's mother to see what his deal was,

Apparently, there aren't any good surviving pictures,

they all look kinda bleached & whitened from over-cleaning.

What do you call someone who exclusively paints pictures of WWF's Mankind?

A Foley artist.

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A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

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Why have they started putting pictures of politicians inside toilet bowls?

So the assholes can see who they voted for.

I wrote a computer program to draw pictures of flowers

But now it's just drawing the same flower over and over and over and over...

It must be a lupin.

My friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself in the shower.

He has some serious selfie steam issues.

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CAN ADMINS OF THIS SUBREDDIT REDDIT DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A WOMAN. SHE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE SE AND OB...

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I was arrested for having pictures of my cat's butthole on my phone.

They charged me with posession of kitty porn.

I've hung pictures of my old graphics cards on the wall, it didn't cost much

I got low frame rates

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Having pictures of your family as your wallpaper is great.

But it gets awkward when you close pornhub and they're the first thing you see.

I can’t stop laughing at pictures of mountain ranges

They are hill areas!

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I have been sending pictures of my buddy Richard to random people,

So far no one has responded to my unsolicited Dick Pics. I don't even get what the fun is supposed to be about sending these.

There's a new social media platform where people can take pictures of how they've been conned by their coke dealer.

Isntagram.

My wife emailed me pictures of our first date, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I’ve always had trouble with emotional attachments.

I’ve decided I’m dressing in a costume for Christmas. I’m going to wear a fleece jacket, show off pictures of kids and carry a GPS navigation unit. I’m going as......

FLEECE NAVI-DAD

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My crush just asked for pictures of me in my Halloween costume

I sent her my nudes, and I said I'll be going as Adam this year

reCAPTCHA asked me to identify pictures of tractors.

That's really not my field.

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

A man liked to draw pictures of his friend Barry and his other friend Larry.

Larry was annoyed because he Drew Barrymore.

Somebody keeps leaving pictures of Kylie Minogue in the bushes in front of my house.

I just can’t get her out of my hedge.

My cat went missing, so I photocopied a bunch of pictures of her, and I need your help

I've been told r/jokes is the best sub for posting copies.

*shows pictures of different brands of stereos that are black

Damn, that's a lot black stereo types.

I hate taking pictures of mirrors.

The pictures always come out with some a**hole in them.

What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?

OnlyFlans

Why aren’t there many pictures of the Sphinx from the back?

People get uncomfortable taking pictures of its sphinxter

Everyone laughed when I put pictures of my head on all of my clocks.

I guess I'm just ahead of my time.

Flat Earthers say we’ve never truly seen real pictures of the earth

but I’ve never seen my dad and I know he’s real

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