Got an email from Google Earth proudly stating that they can read maps backwards.

I thought to myself, "That's just spam."

A cartographer is asked to make a giant topographic map

He is very meticulous, agonizing over every little detail on the map. After months of work, he nervously presents it to his client, who says it's perfect and commissions another big project. As he leaves the meeting, the cartographer takes a deep breath, turns to his assistant, and says, "I was real...

Yesterday I purchased a world map...gave my wife a dart and said to her "throw this and wherever it lands, I'm taking you for a holiday".

Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

American discovery mapping error (with the right to offend)

The Spanish Cartography Society summoned their voyaging artist, Amerigo Vespucci, to explain what his purported maps of India depicted instead of the standard, approved reality.

AV famously stated, "Um.. err.. I ca.."

A friend of mine always helps me out with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean ...

The guy is a legend.

If Google maps asks me to rate the Sun

It is not going to get more than "1-star"

An American couple are driving across Canada

An American couple are driving across Canada and they get lost while exploring the prairies. They see a farmer on the side of the road, so the husband pulls over.

"I'll go ask him where the next town is," he says as he gets out.

He walks up to the farmer and asks,

"Hey there, c...

What do idiots on Twitter and a cartographer have in common?

Map awareness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I gave my wife a dart and a world map, told her "Throw the dart! We will vacation there once the pandemic ends!"...

Turns out we are going to be spending time in the hospital.



Also my cock hurts.

Recently people have been supporting MAPs on Twitter

I can't believe there's that many Cartographers.

The other day I downloaded the maps of Wales, England, Scotland and Northern Ireland for an assignment...

was shocked to see that the total file size was 1GB.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Brazilian and a Venezuelan gets into a fight

They cant agree on which country has the best ass cheeks. To settle the debate in a fair non partisan manner they decide to consult the most advance AI of the Time.



The AI prompts them to word their question very carefully because it always outputs exactly what it is asked from it. <...

What’s brown, round, and if you give it a map it’ll still get lost?

Dora the Explorer

My cartographer wife was worried she'd lost some important topographical maps

We looked all morning trying to find them. We looked high and we looked low. Finally, when all hope was lost and she thought she was going to have to re-draw them from scratch, I found some maps in a desk drawer I hadn't checked. When I showed her what I'd found, she said 'Oh, that's a relief!'

I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

A rabbi, a Hindu priest, and a politician went on a hike

Night fell and they were exhausted. The hotel on the map was nowhere to be seen.

They knocked on the door of a farm and asked if they could spend the night.

The farmer said, “Of course, but I only have a small room with two beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn.”

The H...

I walked past the charthouse on the tugboat and saw Larry scribbling on the map.

I'm sure he's plotting something!

Say: Eye

Spell: map






Say: ness

Everyone criticizes Apple Maps, but I enjoyed using it for my road trip from New York to Florida.

There's a lot to do in Chicago.

I heard if you look in a map's corner and see the words "BLOODY ROSEMARY," you'll die.

But that's just an herb in legend.

My family is like a treasure

You need a map and shovel to find them

What did the boy say after finding a book of maps?

'Yes! Atlas!'

According to a survey 64% of Americans couldn't locate Ukraine on a world map.

The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For our silver wedding anniversary I got a map of the world, gave my wife a dart, and said we'd go wherever the dart lands!

I'm happy to announce in october were going to spend a lovely 2 weeks by the fucking skirting board!

Every time I see one of those maps that say “you are here”

I wonder how do they know it.

What do you call someone who has a favorite map on Mario Kart?

Racist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hear about the Royal Navy captain who had a fetish for the map room?

I’m referring to the great Sir Cum Navigator

Man in a helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, ci...

I hung up the tracking map of the storm targeting Florida.

It is a Portrait of Dorian's Way.

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar

Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pacific ocean has a rating of 3.5 stars on Google maps.

Who the fuck is downvoting the ocean?

A Catholic priest is reading a map made by the Laffy Taffy Company

As the priest follows the map through the streets of Rio De Janeiro, he gets deeper and deeper into the slums of the city. He stays true to the map, regardless of the neighborhood. An hour later, he is still following the map, regardless of the neighborhood getting even worse. There are gang members...

I never skydived before...

but I once zoomed in very fast on google maps.

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America

Maria: Here it is.

Teacher: Correct. Now, Class, who discovered America?

Class: Maria

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Retired Jewish Man Is Walking On The Beach, When He Sees A Bottle In The Sand.

He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. The genie promises to grant him one wish.

The man pulls a crumpled map from his pocket and shows it to the genie. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish."

The genie studies the map, but looks looks concerned. He hands the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we cur...

It's well known that men can read maps better than women.

But that's because only men can convince themselves an inch is the same thing as 100 miles.

Someone's just beaten me with a map of Belgium...

and now I'm all covered in brugeses

A girl was driving down the road with me in the car, and she was fumbling with a map and saying, "Im looking for a turn-off."

I said, "I respost jokes on Reddit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's an awkward moment for a homosexual when they're trying to use Google Maps?

When it tells them to go straight.

What do you do when you want to find a mythical location on a map?

Well legend has it...

I looked up the nearest recycling center in my area in google maps and asked for directions

It opened up this subreddit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler took his art professor's advice literally.

He told him "You suck, go paint maps."

Finally found my book of maps

Atlast.

A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money...

So I drew him a map to my ex-wife’s house.

You know you’ve been in quarantine long enough when..

Your Siri maps suggestion says “8 seconds to the living room!”

According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map.

They're really ahead of their time.

What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?

Atlas!

So last week i went into a country i thought was Afghanistan

But the moment i checked the map I ran.

On the map, Canada is above the US.

But isn't it crazy that when I look up I don't see Canada?!

If Israel gets wiped off the map...

Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The world map nowadays looks like a human being

Asia is like the brain, all the smart things comes from there.

Middle East is like the stomach, all the churning and rumbling like all the wars happening right now

Europe is like the backbone, try to maintain world peace and keeping the world in shape.

And then there's America, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian drove into the US in hopes of visiting Orange County.

He stopped at the first gas station he saw and asked the attendant for directions.

“Orange County?!” exclaimed the attendant. “You’re in fucking New York! Get out of my station, you crazy son of a bitch.”

The Canadian left, puzzled by the attendant’s impoliteness. He decided to drive ...

What did Biggie say when he first saw a map of the United States?

WHERE BROOKLYN AT

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

Everyone around me calls me aimless.

It was time for me to move away from all these toxic people to a whole new place. So, I bought a large US map, put it on the wall, and decided to move to the place my dart hits.



Viva la Vida, here I come, Rio.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Red Car Day

Red car day - in Honor of my Dad

My dad died 7 years ago. He was a worker in a factory in NYC during the by-gone, post-war era when times were good and jobs were plenty. The guys he worked with were all good friends over the years and enjoyed harmless pranks against one another to pass the ti...

At what location is the gold on a dog’s treasure map?

Where p marks the spot

Women are like road maps.

I spend a lot of time looking at them, but they always end up making me confused.

The founding fathers of Canada are sitting in front of a map filling in names for cities...

Pierre: "I suppose the capital there should have a name, too, me."

Gaton "ought to, uh?"

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde wanted to hang a map up in her room and put pins in everywhere she had been

After buying the map, she went to Japan. Then she went to Alaska. Then Antarctica. Then Australia. She finally went home and picked up her map.

"Now I can finally hang it up," she said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man rubs a lamp. POOF: Genie. “You get one wish.”

Jewish man pulls out a map from his back pocket and points at Israel and Palestine. “See these two countries? I wish for peace here.”
Genie: “Can’t be done. You have another wish?”
Jewish man: “Sure. Before I die, I want my wife to give me one last blowjob.”
Genie: “Can I see th...

A commander is stationed at a military base

The commander told a soldier to check their position on the map.

Solder: "Sir! We're under a tack!"

Next Battlefield map set in Nepal.

It's made using groundbreaking technology.

My girlfriend has a global map tattooed on her body

She may have been a difficult person to deal with. But you always knew where you were with her.

What did they call the man who knew how to read maps?

A legend

What is Donald Trump's favorite Counter Strike map?

de_port

A wise old pirate captain has captured a group of merchant sailors, but he tells them that he will spare their lives if they can answer a question: What is a pirate's favorite letter?

The first sailor, with a smug look on his face, haughtily walks up to the captain and says "Obviously it's RRRRRRR!". The captain slowly shakes his head and says "RRRRRR you kidding me?" before throwing the sailor overboard to the sharks. The second sailor, a little wary now but still feeling confid...

Why did the cartographer get kicked out of map making club

He had a bad latitude

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] [Long] Three men are stranded in the middle of the desert. Each one of them is starving, thirsty, and desperate to get home...

As they trudge through the endless desert, one of them spots a small cottage in the distance with scrap metal and junk all around it. He told the others and they all thought it was just a mirage. But as they drew near the cottage, they learned that it was very real.

They all get excited. C...

Damn, girl, are you a map?

Because you give me D-rections.

I've got a map of Italy tattooed on my chest

I've got really sore Naples though

Why was the electoral map feeling down?

It wasn't, it was feeling blue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You gota map?

An old pilot regains his desire to fly, so he acquires all of the needed certifications to fly for a popular airline. Sitting down as a first officer, waiting for the lead pilot, a younger flight officer takes a seat at a small table behind the old aviator. The old man asks "who are you" to which ...

The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but...

...all the other Poles are in Britain.

A girl and a csgo map

Baby, if you were a CS:GO map you would be de_stroyed.

The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...

... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.

Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 450 BC a Greek and a Roman are sitting around, discussing who has more reason to be proud of their heritage

Roman: We are clearly the superior society, after all, we invented aqueducts so cities and fields alike could grow

Greek: Perhaps, but we invented the water mill for grinding abundant grain, so that it could be stored and feed the people. Plus, we developed cartography, mapping out the world....

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jew is walking along, sees a lamp, picks it up and rubs it...

A genie pops out and says, "For freeing me I will grant you one wish."

The old Jew pulls out a map and points to it. "You see this area? This is called the Middle East. There's been nothing but death, destruction and bloodshed for thousands of years. Could you do something about that?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob and Pete went treasure hunting in a deep jungle (sad story)

"Damn it Pete, it's been three days we've got no burgers, no beer, not even a couch and It's all your fault!"

"Won't be long now Bob, the map says it's somewhere 'round here... how 'bout you go east i go west that would save us some time right?"

"Right... This better be worth it Pete"<...

Two gods walked into a bar...

After taking couple of shots, looking at the region of map with highly raised mountain structures.




God 1: How about we name a country 'Nipple'?

God 2: But you can't name a country 'Nipple'. Its offensive.

God 1: How about Nepal?




God gets everything...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is sitting in the back of anatomy class.

The teacher is pointing at a map of the body and telling the kids about what each part of the body does. She points at the penis on the diagram and says, "This is the penis. Every boy has one penis and it is for--"

"Hey, teacher," Little Johnny interrupts, "that's not right. My daddy has two ...

As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of death

I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

I wrote a song about drawing maps,

but it never made the charts.

Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...

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