Map Jokes

What a legend.

I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

“That’s just spam”

Because it’s area code is 404

Atlast.

Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

… but first I gotta travel to the top 2 corners of the map so it won’t fall down.


(Mitch Hedberg 2003)

It was a true Seoul searching journey.

iPhone map app has a major problem. The voice directed me to "turn left then bear right" .... but it was really just a cat sitting there.

I spend a lot of time looking at them, but they always end up making me confused.

Because only a man can believe that an inch equals a mile. - Rosanne (?)

"Not only is this world flat as the map truly shows it to be but all the places and physical features are also fictional!" He says

"Why do you think that?" Someone asks

"Because in the key on the side it says everything is a legend."

With the recent changes to Afganistan
plans are being drawn up to rename it
the currently suggested new name is:

Talibanistan

Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael

They're really ahead of their time.

George: Here is it!
TEACHER: Correct! now, class, who discovered North America?
Class: George!

The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"

Napoleon says "Behold, Gentlemen! Our destiny lies within our grasp!"

One advisor asks "What is your plan, General?"

Napoleon slams his fist on the table. "All of Europe will fall to our forces. We shall take it piece by piece until our empire is established. My first step will be to u... read more

I told him it was a Seouless thing to do

But it always gets caught in the spam filter!

They say it's so good you'll be able to read maps backwards.

But I soon realized it was just spam.

But that's because only men can convince themselves an inch is the same thing as 100 miles.

I bet it's hard to get refills for that printer.

He goes in to the first place he comes across. Walks in to the biggest building and asks the first person he can find, what's this place called? Cardiff the person says. The English man marks Cardiff on his map and carrys on. After a while he spots another settlement so again he walks in to the bigg... read more

It told me to rob a bank.

He is very meticulous, agonizing over every little detail on the map. After months of work, he nervously presents it to his client, who says it's perfect and commissions another big project. As he leaves the meeting, the cartographer takes a deep breath, turns to his assistant, and says, "I was real... read more

The cartographer noted that the northern part of the country, along the Nicaraguan border, was fairly wide, but the country's width diminished as it trended southeast. At the border with Panama, it was much narrower.

"Hmm," mused the cartographer. "It's beginning to look a lot like Isthmus."

A con-tour map

He uses polar coordinates!

...this guy is off the chart!!!

That was just downright rude!

The Spanish Cartography Society summoned their voyaging artist, Amerigo Vespucci, to explain what his purported maps of India depicted instead of the standard, approved reality.

AV famously stated, "Um.. err.. I ca.."

He gave them the task of finding their assigned country on the globe, and explaining how it can be identified

'I can find Italy on the globe, Sir' says James 'It's easy because it looks like a boot'

'Well done James' says the teacher

'I can find Pakistan on the globe' says Emily... read more

I Am Legend

We looked all morning trying to find them. We looked high and we looked low. Finally, when all hope was lost and she thought she was going to have to re-draw them from scratch, I found some maps in a desk drawer I hadn't checked. When I showed her what I'd found, she said 'Oh, that's a relief!'

It was my way or the Huawei.

and now I'm all covered in brugeses

...So I took it off her, and scrunched it up into a little ball.

She was not impressed to say the least, and whined "how are we going to find our way now" as she un-crumpled the paper, "we're lost now".

I said "well you're not going to get anywhere with that latitude".

They said I was borderline incompetent.

But isn't it crazy that when I look up I don't see Canada?!

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ... read more

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw... read more

...forgets the "L" in Australia?

Yes you are.

A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the note... read more

I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her

I said, "I post jokes on reddit hoping for upvotes."

I just know that guy's plotting something.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

Because you give me D-rections.

Because he lost his map.

Baby, if you were a CS:GO map you would be de_stroyed.

For booty calls