Everyone criticizes Apple Maps, but I enjoyed using it for my road trip from New York to Florida.

There's a lot to do in Chicago.

According to a survey 64% of Americans couldn't locate Ukraine on a world map.

The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"

Have you tried out the new celebrity voice feature for Google Maps?

I chose Matthew McConaughey, but now I can't turn left...

What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?

Atlas!

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

What is D.B Cooper's favorite CoD map?

Hijack

(1) Say "Eye" (2) Spell the word "Map" (3) Say "Ness".

Yes you are.

The reason that men can read maps better than women...

They intuitively understand that one inch equals a mile

A guy using Apple maps walks into a bar

...or maybe a hospital....or possibly a church

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.

It was a constellation prize

At what location is the gold on a dog’s treasure map?

Where p marks the spot

Someone's just beaten me with a map of Belgium...

and now I'm all covered in brugeses

I looked up the nearest recycling center in my area in google maps and asked for directions

It opened up this subreddit

What do you do when you want to find a mythical location on a map?

Well legend has it...

Have you ever noticed that nearly every map of Europe...

...forgets the "L" in Australia?

I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...

“That’s just spam.”

What did Biggie say when he first saw a map of the United States?

WHERE BROOKLYN AT

On the map, Canada is above the US.

But isn't it crazy that when I look up I don't see Canada?!

I’m canoeing in Sudan, not Egypt - my map must be wrong

I guess I’m just in denial

It's well known that men can read maps better than women.

But that's because only men can convince themselves an inch is the same thing as 100 miles.

A girl was driving down the road with me in the car, and she was fumbling with a map and saying, "I'm looking for a turn-off"

I said, "I re-post jokes on Reddit."

Finally found my book of maps

Atlast.

According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map.

They're really ahead of their time.

A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money...

So I drew him a map to my ex-wife’s house.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The world map nowadays looks like a human being

Asia is like the brain, all the smart things comes from there.

Middle East is like the stomach, all the churning and rumbling like all the wars happening right now

Europe is like the backbone, try to maintain world peace and keeping the world in shape.

And then there's America, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde wanted to hang a map up in her room and put pins in everywhere she had been

After buying the map, she went to Japan. Then she went to Alaska. Then Antarctica. Then Australia. She finally went home and picked up her map.

"Now I can finally hang it up," she said.

Women are like road maps.

I spend a lot of time looking at them, but they always end up making me confused.

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

What do you call an alligator with a map?

A Navigator.

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.

Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian...

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his fath...

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

You gota map?

An old pilot regains his desire to fly, so he acquires all of the needed certifications to fly for a popular airline. Sitting down as a first officer, waiting for the lead pilot, a younger flight officer takes a seat at a small table behind the old aviator. The old man asks "who are you" to which ...

If Israel gets wiped off the map...

Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.

I've got a map of Italy tattooed on my chest

I've got really sore Naples though

The founding fathers of Canada are sitting in front of a map filling in names for cities...

Pierre: "I suppose the capital there should have a name, too, me."

Gaton "ought to, uh?"

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria?

A map.

The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but...

...all the other Poles are in Britain.

What did they call the man who knew how to read maps?

A legend

Why did the cartographer get kicked out of map making club

He had a bad latitude

A tourist meets another tourist in Alaska.

-"What brings you here to Alaska?"

-"Well, you see, it all started when I bought one of those maps in which you pin down every place you've been to".

-"Ah, I see. You want to pin as much places as you can, and you haven't pinned Alaska yet".

-"No", replied the tourist, "I have t...

My girlfriend has a global map tattooed on her body

She may have been a difficult person to deal with. But you always knew where you were with her.

The United States is under attack in American schools

The map of America had four tacks holding it to the wall in nearly every classroom I was in.

What is Donald Trump's favorite Counter Strike map?

de_port

Next Battlefield map set in Nepal.

It's made using groundbreaking technology.

A girl and a csgo map

Baby, if you were a CS:GO map you would be de_stroyed.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used Apple Maps to find my girlfriend's clitoris

Ended up licking a doorknob.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Seeing Kenya on a map is like seeing a pussy for the first time.

It's lower than I thought it was.

History lesson for blondes

A history teacher has a class of 20 blondes. He asks to the class:

Can any one of you show me where America is on the map?

Nancy gets up, walks to the map and puts her finger exactly where America is.

Excellent, says the teacher. Now can anyone tell me who discovered...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is sitting alone at a bar when a man approaches her and asks her "Do you wash your pannts with Windex?"

"Uh... no. Why?"

"Because I can see myself in them".

She rolls her eyes, dismisses him and goes back to her drink. A few minutes later another man approaches her. "Do you have a map?"

"Ugh, let me guess... you're getting lost in my eyes? Sorry, heard it before." Dejected, ...

Damn, girl, are you a map?

Because you give me D-rections.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

Bill Gates is walking on his private beach of his villa...

...and finds an old bottle in the sand. He opens it and a genie appears. The genie euphorically says: "Thanks for the rescue, Master, you have one wish."
Gates does not think long and says: "Here is a map with all the crisis areas of the earth. There should be peace everywhere." The ghost takes t...

My family is like treasure.

You'll need a map and shovel to find them.

I wrote a song about drawing maps,

but it never made the charts.

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You have one wish . . .

A woman found a magic bottle, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So, what will it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle E...

An Englishman, Irish man and Scots man are trapped in a desert

The 3 are trapped in a massive desert, when they find a magic Genie. The Genie can grant each a wish to help them with their journey home

English man asks "I want a 20 litre bottle of water for each of us to carry on our way"

Scots man asks "I want a map and compass to guide us on our...

The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...

... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."

Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old Jew is walking along, sees a lamp, picks it up and rubs it...

A genie pops out and says, "For freeing me I will grant you one wish."

The old Jew pulls out a map and points to it. "You see this area? This is called the Middle East. There's been nothing but death, destruction and bloodshed for thousands of years. Could you do something about that?"
...

Knock, knock

Who's there?

I eat map.

I eat map, who?

*Ewwwww.*

A family holds a reunion and decides to run a lemonade stand.

The mother was an architect, the father was a computer scientist, the son was a business owner, and the daughter was a prostitute. The family held a reunion and decided that a great bonding exercise would be to run a lemonade stand.

The family split tasks when designing the lemonade stand. Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The 25-Inch Dick

Once, there was a man who had a 25 inch dick which was obviously very troublesome for him, he consulted doctors and tried home remedies but had no effect. His mother, who was very religious told him to meet a saint. Reluctantly, he agreed. This was a special saint, who lived in the deep woods of Ind...

An old Vermonter who lives right on the Massachusetts boundary has his land surveyed...

After the survey was complete and the new map was made, it turned out that he had been living in Massachusetts all this time.

​

"Good" said the old man. "I can't take any more of those Vermont winters!"

​

There once was hippo child prodigy.

Just by hanging around tourists, he learned to talk, and soon thereafter to read.

Eventually, he started attending a nearby primary school for humans and he turned out to be very very smart indeed, even by human standards. Typing, thanks to his symbiotic oxpecker buddy, made him a prolific au...

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

Disappointment

Parents: We are disappointed in you.

Son: Why?

Parents: Even the map from dora is better than you

Son: How?

Parents: Because he knows where he is going in life.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

2 brothers are lost in the woods

Without a map or any food they wander the woods in hopes of finding something!
After a few hours they spot a small hut, with smoke coming from a chimney.
Ecstatic, they run right to the door and begin pounding.
An old overweight woman answers the door.
"My what striking young men you are...

*Knock knock* (courtesy of a 9 year old)

Who's there?

I eat map.

I eat map who?

*Queue a disgusted face on my cousin* **YOU EAT YOUR POO!**

Three women were walking

Three women were walking when they suddenly came across a wild river on their path.
They had to get across the river, but they had no idea how they were going to tackle this problem.

The first woman prayed to God:

"God, give me the strength to cross this river."

Pouf!

...

So an Army Ranger wants himself a pair of Gator Boots...

But this being an Army Ranger, he's not just going to buy himself a pair of boots, no, he's gonna make his own. So he heads down to Louisiana and makes his way to the bayou. He finds a nice little bait shop, buys himself a nice knife, and asks the shop owner where he can find himself a decent size g...

A little collection of children's unintentional quick wittyness.

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is.

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria.
____________________________
TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN : Yo...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood an...

My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure

I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her

I'm trying to understand these stories about world history...

but they're all over the map.

I took the road less travelled by

But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert Frost

A blind tourist asks for directions...

A blind tourist asks a fella for directions.

He says, "Where can I find my way to Seattle?"

The fella looks at him, up and down, he hands the blind tourist a compass and said "Just follow the needle. "

The blind tourist replies sarcasticly, "oh haha, thaat's hilarious." and wal...

Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain.

Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are."
"Where are we then?"
"Do you see that mountain over there?"
"Yes."
"Well… THAT'S where we are."