I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...

“That’s just spam”

My friend explains what the symbols on a map mean.

He is a legend.

A Catholic priest is reading a map made by the Laffy Taffy Company

As the priest follows the map through the streets of Rio De Janeiro, he gets deeper and deeper into the slums of the city. He stays true to the map, regardless of the neighborhood. An hour later, he is still following the map, regardless of the neighborhood getting even worse. There are gang members...

A girl was driving down the road with me in the car, and she was fumbling with a map and saying, “I'm looking for a turn-off.”

I said, “I repost jokes on Reddit.”

Every time I see one of those maps that say “you are here”

I wonder how do they know it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pacific ocean has a rating of 3.5 stars on Google maps.

Who the fuck is downvoting the ocean?

According to a survey 64% of Americans couldn't locate Ukraine on a world map.

The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's an awkward moment for a homosexual when they're trying to use Google Maps?

When it tells them to go straight.

Have you tried out the new celebrity voice feature for Google Maps?

I chose Matthew McConaughey, but now I can't turn left...

For my holidays last year, I threw a dart at a map of the world and decided to go to wherever it landed.

I had a fantastic two weeks sat next to the skirting board.

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America

Maria: Here it is.

Teacher: Correct. Now, Class, who discovered America?

Class: Maria

Everyone criticizes Apple Maps, but I enjoyed using it for my road trip from New York to Florida.

There's a lot to do in Chicago.

(1) Say "Eye" (2) Spell the word "Map" (3) Say "Ness".

Yes you are.

I looked up the nearest recycling center in my area in google maps and asked for directions

It opened up this subreddit

What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?

Atlas!

A guy using Apple maps walks into a bar

...or maybe a hospital....or possibly a church

The reason that men can read maps better than women...

They intuitively understand that one inch equals a mile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.

It was a constellation prize

What do you do when you want to find a mythical location on a map?

Well legend has it...

At what location is the gold on a dog’s treasure map?

Where p marks the spot

Someone's just beaten me with a map of Belgium...

and now I'm all covered in brugeses

On the map, Canada is above the US.

But isn't it crazy that when I look up I don't see Canada?!

Have you ever noticed that nearly every map of Europe...

...forgets the "L" in Australia?

What did Biggie say when he first saw a map of the United States?

WHERE BROOKLYN AT

Finally found my book of maps

Atlast.

According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map.

They're really ahead of their time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The world map nowadays looks like a human being

Asia is like the brain, all the smart things comes from there.

Middle East is like the stomach, all the churning and rumbling like all the wars happening right now

Europe is like the backbone, try to maintain world peace and keeping the world in shape.

And then there's America, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] [Long] Three men are stranded in the middle of the desert. Each one of them is starving, thirsty, and desperate to get home...

As they trudge through the endless desert, one of them spots a small cottage in the distance with scrap metal and junk all around it. He told the others and they all thought it was just a mirage. But as they drew near the cottage, they learned that it was very real.

They all get excited. C...

It's well known that men can read maps better than women.

But that's because only men can convince themselves an inch is the same thing as 100 miles.

What do you call an alligator with a map?

A Navigator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde wanted to hang a map up in her room and put pins in everywhere she had been

After buying the map, she went to Japan. Then she went to Alaska. Then Antarctica. Then Australia. She finally went home and picked up her map.

"Now I can finally hang it up," she said.

The founding fathers of Canada are sitting in front of a map filling in names for cities...

Pierre: "I suppose the capital there should have a name, too, me."

Gaton "ought to, uh?"

What engine does the Google maps car have?

A search engine!

If Israel gets wiped off the map...

Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael

A commander is stationed at a military base

The commander told a soldier to check their position on the map.

Solder: "Sir! We're under a tack!"

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

Women are like road maps.

I spend a lot of time looking at them, but they always end up making me confused.

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria?

A map.

What did they call the man who knew how to read maps?

A legend

You gota map?

An old pilot regains his desire to fly, so he acquires all of the needed certifications to fly for a popular airline. Sitting down as a first officer, waiting for the lead pilot, a younger flight officer takes a seat at a small table behind the old aviator. The old man asks "who are you" to which ...

My girlfriend has a global map tattooed on her body

She may have been a difficult person to deal with. But you always knew where you were with her.

I've got a map of Italy tattooed on my chest

I've got really sore Naples though

Why did the cartographer get kicked out of map making club

He had a bad latitude

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alexa: I need sex.



**Husband:** Hey Alexa, I need sex.

**Alexa :** most certainly... you Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees.

The Viagra is kept on top right shelf of your wardrobe. The vagina gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favourite Thai massager...

Next Battlefield map set in Nepal.

It's made using groundbreaking technology.

The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but...

...all the other Poles are in Britain.

What is Donald Trump's favorite Counter Strike map?

de_port

Damn, girl, are you a map?

Because you give me D-rections.

Why was the electoral map feeling down?

It wasn't, it was feeling blue.

A girl and a csgo map

Baby, if you were a CS:GO map you would be de_stroyed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used Apple Maps to find my girlfriend's clitoris

Ended up licking a doorknob.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seeing Kenya on a map is like seeing a pussy for the first time.

It's lower than I thought it was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 450 BC a Greek and a Roman are sitting around, discussing who has more reason to be proud of their heritage

Roman: We are clearly the superior society, after all, we invented aqueducts so cities and fields alike could grow

Greek: Perhaps, but we invented the water mill for grinding abundant grain, so that it could be stored and feed the people. Plus, we developed cartography, mapping out the world....

A woman is taking a walk on the beach at sunset

when suddenly, her foot hits something hard. (No, not that, stop.) It is a magic lamp! She rubs it and the genie comes out :

\- You who found me, I grant you one wish!

\- Only one? the woman answers, but usually it's three!

\- Yeah yeah I know but these a difficult times for eve...

The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...

... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."

I think I have finally made it big in my life. Today a representative from one of worlds biggest company said I have arrived.

It was google maps.

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was lost in the woods

A couple of years ago, I was walking through the woods when I became lost. I had no compass, no map and wandered for hours, then days trying to find my way back. As I made my way through the muck and mud, I became hungry, more hungry than I had ever been, and found a few berries to satiate me for a ...

I wrote a song about drawing maps,

but it never made the charts.

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his fath...

An engineer, a mathematician, a cartographer and a philosopher have a contest...

An engineer, a mathematician, a cartographer and a philosopher have a contest. Whoever can fence off the largest area of land with only 100 meters of fence will win and prove their profession superior.

The engineer goes first, and using his expertise makes a square 25m by 25m for 625m^(2). Co...

Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...

The best police in the world: FBI, Scotland Yard or Brazilian Police

FBI, Scotland Yard and the brazilian police were in a competition to determine the best police in the world. A international jury released a rabbit in a dark forest.

The FBI started the search using high-tech localization techniques, satellite maps, nightvision goggles and a DNA tracer. The a...

Knock, knock

Who's there?

I eat map.

I eat map, who?

*Ewwwww.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the pissed-off cartographer tasked with redrawing the map of Canada's largest territory?

He was halving Nunavut.

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.

Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian...

A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money...

So I drew him a map to my ex-wife’s house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Old Jew and the Genie

One day, a very old Jewish man was walking down the street when he encountered a tarnished brass lamp.

As he tried to polish it up with his sleeve, lo and behold a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

"Master of the lamp, I am able to grant you one wish!" the genie bellows.

The o...

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

The United States is under attack in American schools

The map of America had four tacks holding it to the wall in nearly every classroom I was in.

Some guys get lost while hiking through the hills...

One guy takes out the map and looks at it. He stares at the map for almost half an hour. His friends get a little nervous.

"What are you looking at? Where are we?" one friend asks.

"You guys see that mountain over there?" the guy says, pointing at a mountain far away.

"Yeah." th...

The American view of the world is too self-centered...

I mean on maps they literally label their country "US."

Legend tells of an incredible hero...

Legend tells of an incredible hero: Carto-Man. Half of his body is a regular human, but the other half is made up of a key from a map.


The man, the myth, the legend

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Wish

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon an unusual old lamp. She picked it up and cleaned it off, and suddenly a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wag...

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jew is walking along, sees a lamp, picks it up and rubs it...

A genie pops out and says, "For freeing me I will grant you one wish."

The old Jew pulls out a map and points to it. "You see this area? This is called the Middle East. There's been nothing but death, destruction and bloodshed for thousands of years. Could you do something about that?"
...

My family is like treasure

You need a map, and a shovel to find them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is sitting alone at a bar when a man approaches her and asks her "Do you wash your pannts with Windex?"

"Uh... no. Why?"

"Because I can see myself in them".

She rolls her eyes, dismisses him and goes back to her drink. A few minutes later another man approaches her. "Do you have a map?"

"Ugh, let me guess... you're getting lost in my eyes? Sorry, heard it before." Dejected, ...

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.