UPJOKE
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Map Jokes

The year is 1799. Napoleon is strategizing with his advisors. A map of Europe is on the table before them...

Napoleon says "Behold, Gentlemen! Our destiny lies within our grasp!"

One advisor asks "What is your plan, General?"

Napoleon slams his fist on the table. "All of Europe will fall to our forces. We shall take it piece by piece until our empire is established. My first step will be to u...

So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday.

I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brave and fearsome pirate sailed toward a small island, in search for buried treasure. He and his crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. When they shortly came upon a large forest, they searched desperately for the last clue on the map.

As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he stopped suddenly and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead.

The captain gasped.

"...Carol??"

"Hey, loser," she droned, relieving herself between two pines. "I see you're still looking for buried treasure like a c...

My family is like a treasure to me…

You need a shovel and a map to find them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Artificial Intelligence & Counter Intelligence

Hey Google, I am feeling the urge to have sex.


Google: Most certainly. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees. Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The gel is kept next to it. I have hired your favourite Thai masseuse.

She is just 12 minutes ...

I bought a world map for my room, I’m gonna put a pin on everywhere that i’ve travelled…

… but first I gotta travel to the top 2 corners of the map so it won’t fall down.


(Mitch Hedberg 2003)

A Joke my kid told me

A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the note...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on his way home of a very long drive.

Every day he has a very long and slalomy ride to do but today near the start of his drive all of a sudden his rear-left tyre got punctured and he has to stop.
On the side of the road he finds a dirty strange object that's pulsating. He checks it out and a genie comes out.

"I'M THE GENIE A...

Women are like road maps.

I spend a lot of time looking at them, but they always end up making me confused.

Got a bizarre email this morning, explaining how to read maps backwards.

It was spam.

I've been driving a lot for work recently...

And it's been lonely but the other day it felt like my wife was with me. Google maps wouldn't talk to me, I didn't know what I'd done wrong and wasn't sure how to fix it.

A flat earther is shown a map of the world

"Not only is this world flat as the map truly shows it to be but all the places and physical features are also fictional!" He says

"Why do you think that?" Someone asks

"Because in the key on the side it says everything is a legend."

So I was visiting South Korea but I forgot my phone and I had no map.

It was a true Seoul searching journey.

(Got to say this out loud) Knock knock...

- Who's there?

- I eat map

- I eat map who?

- Ewwww (etc, etc)


This is posted on behalf of our seven year old. It's his favourite joke.

A collection of humorous anecdotes from the world of education

>TEACHER: Maria, please can you find North America on the map.
>
>MARIA: Here it is.
>
>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
>
>CLASS: Maria.



>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? ...

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