UPJOKE
pictorialimageillustrationpicturesymbolgraphicalvividdiagramphotographcolorgraphic designimagerydrawingvisualcanvas

Graphic Jokes

What do you call a gaming PC with a busted graphics card?

One hell of a work computer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took my little sister to the cinema. Apparently the sex was too graphic.

Everyone asked us to stop.

Employee on NSFW Sites...

Boss: What have you been working on the last few hours?


Employee: A graphic display of convergent asynchronous load distribution.


Boss: The tracker flagged you on bukkake sites.


Employee: I stand by my previous statement.

Have you heard of NVIDIA's new crypto graphics card?

It's the 4090 FTX.

It only has one massive meltdown and you have to send it to the bahamas for repair.

How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...

My first patient of the day walked in and began describing her symptoms in graphic detail.

They don't prepare you for this in veterinary school.

Did you hear about the ISIS graphic designer?

He was handed some selfies and asked to blow them up.

I was chatting to a graphic designer about invitations for the baby’s christening.

“How about comic sans?” I said “Oh no” she scoffed, “for this occasion we’re gonna need a baptismal font”.

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

I want to go to Utah so I can do acid with Mormons in a best buy looking for graphics cards

I'll call it my LSDLDSDLSS adventure

I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant

The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.

So I used to date this graphic designer...

We broke up because I caught her cheating. Writing hundreds of letters to some guy named Lorem Ipsum. What a creep, right?

Where do graphic designers go for a drink?

CGI Friday's

I've hung pictures of my old graphics cards on the wall, it didn't cost much

I got low frame rates

I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design

I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...

What do graphic designers smoke up to get high?

Adobe.

I just watched a movie about graphical functions, but was really disappointed.

The plot was predictable, the special f(x) terrible.

I googled Gary Oldman for some info, I was met with some heavily graphic images

My bad, I forgot the 'r'.

why should you never buy a Asian graphics card?

bad drivers.

Say what you want about the graphics for Lara Croft's bosom in the original Tomb Raider

At the time, they were cutting edge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Memory problems

My dad’s getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.

But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he’s ever taken.

He has a crap memory.

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

Why did the Calculus Teacher take the student's calculator away?

He was viewing graphic material

We Finally Know Why The Leaning Tower Of Pisa Is Leaning.

The graphic designer pressed the *ITALICS* key on accident.

i watched my classmate murder our professor with a calculator

it was graphic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Perspective

Did you see that Lady GaGa nude shoot in Vogue?

Its' a little graphic.

You can almost see her Gucci.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

SUMMER CAMP FOR Husbands. Evening classes for men. Starting this month.

*Summer camp*

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of the content, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

*Topic 1.*
How to fill ice-cube trays and why to fill water bottles before putting them back in the fridge.
Step by step with slide pre...

My taxi driver asked me what I did for a living.

Me: work as a web developer and also part time as a graphic designer.

Driver: I don't like working for anyone, I like to be my own boss.

Me: that's cool, turn left ahead after the signal.

Breaking News

At Miami International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement which h...

A documentary about the history of the computer desktop was recently given an R rating...

Turns out every icon was a little graphic.

Father's Day

I don't get excited about gifts the way other people do, and it drives my wife nuts. For Father's Day, my wife was determined to get a reaction out of me and so she ordered me a custom-designed tie. She knew that I had two great passions in life: movies and dad humor, so she hired a well-known graph...

(OC) A buddy and I flew up to Alaska to do some ice fishing.

Neither of us had ever been and we were both pretty excited, but when we got there my friend was just too freaked out about falling through the ice and freezing to death to go. Well, I was still super stoked so I ended up calling a local tourist company and I hired a couple of locals to take me out...

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

Little Johnny wants a computer upgrade

Little Johnny was complaining to his mom that he needs a new computer, because the graphics aren't as clear as his friend's.

His mom looked at the monitor and said, it'll take her 10 minutes to upgrade the computer.

Johnny laughed. Mom could barely change a light bulb, but she was goin...

I could never take a job at Nvidia.

The people there are way too graphic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everybody was making fun of my friend at a party

Everyone was making fun of my friend at a party I went to over the holidays. They all kept going into graphic detail about how they saw him fucking a dead dog by the railroads the other night. I mean they were really laying into this guy, and you could tell that he was starting to get really embarra...

After being inside for months, I decided to go out today.

The graphics were awesome, but the storyline is terrible.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a billboard on the highway recently

It featured a graphic picture of blood and semen, with the words "is this in your future?"

I thought "well that's a sign of things to cum".

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My trigonometry teacher was just removed from class...

He was caught writing really graphic things on the chalk board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Italians Talking on the Bus

So I'm riding the bus the other day and I overhear two Italians talking about a pretty graphic sexual conquest. I heard,
"No Vincenzo you see i'ma gonna tell you one a more time. First I make Emma come, then I come, then we put the two asses together, I come again, we put the two asses together a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pianist once played for a porn movie.

He decided to go to the adult movie theatre just so he could hear his own piano.

At the theatre he got very uncomfortable and embarrassed. The movie was very graphic. It involved group sex, double penetration and even a dog.


On exiting the theatre he locked eyes with the couple ...

How did the mathematician die?

Graphically

Genesis does what Nintendon't

16-bit graphics.

blast processing.

...

...

...

Going outta business

A Gamers perspective of Reality.

Great graphics, terrible gameplay.

Usain Bolt is very near-sighted, almost blind

The only reason he can run so fast is because he downgraded the graphics

Why does the US military use digital camo?

They turned down the graphics for better performance

A woman had quintuplets.

Not being a creative type, she named them after her various senses. As the children grew up, they maintained a good relationship; very few other people wouldn't tease them about their names. Naturally, the children excelled in different areas; Touch, for example, was great at History, and Sight was ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franks sees Bob down by the water fishing one afternoon...

Frank: "Hey Bob, what are you doing down here?"
Bob: "Just fishing, you know how much I like to fish."
Frank: "Didn't you get married today?"
Bob: "Sure did, she's a keeper, couldn't be happier."
Frank: "Well, uh... not to get too personal, but shouldn't you be with your wife, uh, con...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

Your son is a little slow...

My son was having trouble in school so I took him to a doctor to see if he was ok. The doctor calls me a few days later "sir it seems your son is a little slow." I ask him what could be done. So I turned down his graphics now he's really fast but dear god is he ugly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found my daughters diary and read it.

So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.

For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out...

computer humor

Graphics card says to the RAM "did you see that?" he replies "I Know".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman vs. Cab Driver

A mother and her young son hail a cab driver to go across town. During the drive, the boy keeps pointing to things outside and asking "what's that? what's that" The mom was doing best to answer his questions, until they pull up to a stop sign. Once again, the boy asks "What's that?" and points to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A struggling music producer is having trouble selling any of his work, and in his desperation decides to do the score for a low budget porno movie.

It’s not the most glamorous job, but hey, it’s gonna pay the bills, so he really puts a lot of effort into making the best damn low budget porno soundtrack ever. After a lot of hard work, the movie is finally done and the producer gets his check in the mail along with a complimentary ticket to see t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.