In a conversation with my beautiful red haired graphic designer of a girlfriend if she could help me with some creative ideas for a novel I am working on...

...and as she always does, with a gentle smile and her head rested on my lap as we sit and watch parks and recreation box set on Netflix for the 3rd time. Her voice gently breaks in her soft Irish accent as she simply says "my darling boyfriend, your imagination is so vast and so great, you do not n...

I was chatting to a graphic designer about invitations for the baby’s christening.

“How about comic sans?” I said “Oh no” she scoffed, “for this occasion we’re gonna need a baptismal font”.

Why did the Calculus Teacher take the student's calculator away?

He was viewing graphic material

Little Johnny wants a computer upgrade

Little Johnny was complaining to his mom that he needs a new computer, because the graphics aren't as clear as his friend's.

His mom looked at the monitor and said, it'll take her 10 minutes to upgrade the computer.

Johnny laughed. Mom could barely change a light bulb, but she was goin...

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I took my little sister to the cinema. Apparently the sex was too graphic.

Everyone asked us to stop.

I just watched a movie about graphical functions, but was really disappointed.

The plot was predictable, the special f(x) terrible.

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Everybody was making fun of my friend at a party

Everyone was making fun of my friend at a party I went to over the holidays. They all kept going into graphic detail about how they saw him fucking a dead dog by the railroads the other night. I mean they were really laying into this guy, and you could tell that he was starting to get really embarra...

Say what you want about the graphics for Lara Croft's bosom in the original Tomb Raider

At the time, they were cutting edge.

Did you hear about the ISIS graphic designer?

He was handed some selfies and asked to blow them up.

(OC) A buddy and I flew up to Alaska to do some ice fishing.

Neither of us had ever been and we were both pretty excited, but when we got there my friend was just too freaked out about falling through the ice and freezing to death to go. Well, I was still super stoked so I ended up calling a local tourist company and I hired a couple of locals to take me out...

How do you satisfy a graphic designer in the bedroom?

Bring out the GIMP

After being inside for months, I decided to go out today.

The graphics were awesome, but the storyline is terrible.

I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design

I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...

How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...

I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant

The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.

What do you call two digital artists in a fight?

Graphic Violence

I googled Gary Oldman for some info, I was met with some heavily graphic images

My bad, I forgot the 'r'.

The problem with math jokes

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

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A pianist once played for a porn movie.

He decided to go to the adult movie theatre just so he could hear his own piano.

At the theatre he got very uncomfortable and embarrassed. The movie was very graphic. It involved group sex, double penetration and even a dog.


On exiting the theatre he locked eyes with the couple ...

Where do graphic designers go for a drink?

CGI Friday's

So I used to date this graphic designer...

We broke up because I caught her cheating. Writing hundreds of letters to some guy named Lorem Ipsum. What a creep, right?

What do graphic designers smoke up to get high?

Adobe.

Apparently the iPhone 7 has console-like graphics.

Goddammit, when are they going to start to put good hardware in these phone.

why should you never buy a Asian graphics card?

bad drivers.

My taxi driver asked me what I did for a living.

Me: work as a web developer and also part time as a graphic designer.

Driver: I don't like working for anyone, I like to be my own boss.

Me: that's cool, turn left ahead after the signal.

"The Dog Story" from Lewis Grizzard

One of the greatest, "The Dog Story"

>We are playing Auburn. Sanford Stadium. National Television. Winner wins the Southeastern Conference; goes to the Sugar Bowl.
85,000 people jammed into Sanford Stadium. National television audience. This game is on the Armed Service Network. Peopl...

A journalist is doing an article on the life in a small rural town in the Balkans. NSFW

He arrives in the town and starts interviewing a local:

Journalist: "So can you tell me about the happiest day in your town's history?"

Local: "Well it was about 3 years ago, a goat got lost and all the men were looking for it. We finally found it after 2 days and we were all so happy ...

Genesis does what Nintendon't

16-bit graphics.

blast processing.

...

...

...

Going outta business

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Italians Talking on the Bus

So I'm riding the bus the other day and I overhear two Italians talking about a pretty graphic sexual conquest. I heard,
"No Vincenzo you see i'ma gonna tell you one a more time. First I make Emma come, then I come, then we put the two asses together, I come again, we put the two asses together a...

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a person study to design sex toys?

Graphic design.


NB: This is the first joke I ever come up with

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

i watched my classmate murder our professor with a calculator

it was graphic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DOOM

The police officer approaches me slowly, his hand on his pistol. “Sir, can you please come down from that tree?”

“Not a chance!”

He surveys the destruction all around us. “What happened here?”

I stare at the smoking remains of my house and mutter, “Doom.”

The Police offic...

At Heathrow Airport today...

An individual claiming to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra crime syndicate and charged him with carrying weapons of math destructio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a billboard on the highway recently

It featured a graphic picture of blood and semen, with the words "is this in your future?"

I thought "well that's a sign of things to cum".

How did the mathematician die?

Graphically

A documentary about the history of the computer desktop was recently given an R rating...

Turns out every icon was a little graphic.

Why aren't digital images of Bob Marley scalable?

Because they're all rasta graphics.

Usain Bolt is very near-sighted, almost blind

The only reason he can run so fast is because he downgraded the graphics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember watching the news with my parents as a young man

All of a sudden there was a horrendous and explicit sex scene - so graphic and so early in the day. Naturally, I didn't know what to do or where to look. So I continued watching the news.

A Gamers perspective of Reality.

Great graphics, terrible gameplay.

I could never take a job at Nvidia.

The people there are way too graphic.

computer humor

Graphics card says to the RAM "did you see that?" he replies "I Know".

I passed by a music shop the other day

All the instruments were painted with cool pictures and patterns. However, it didn’t allow children due to graphic violins and sax.

Why does the US military use digital camo?

They turned down the graphics for better performance

A woman had quintuplets.

Not being a creative type, she named them after her various senses. As the children grew up, they maintained a good relationship; very few other people wouldn't tease them about their names. Naturally, the children excelled in different areas; Touch, for example, was great at History, and Sight was ...

Your son is a little slow...

My son was having trouble in school so I took him to a doctor to see if he was ok. The doctor calls me a few days later "sir it seems your son is a little slow." I ask him what could be done. So I turned down his graphics now he's really fast but dear god is he ugly.

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I found my daughters diary and read it.

So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.

For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franks sees Bob down by the water fishing one afternoon...

Frank: "Hey Bob, what are you doing down here?"
Bob: "Just fishing, you know how much I like to fish."
Frank: "Didn't you get married today?"
Bob: "Sure did, she's a keeper, couldn't be happier."
Frank: "Well, uh... not to get too personal, but shouldn't you be with your wife, uh, con...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My trigonometry teacher was just removed from class...

He was caught writing really graphic things on the chalk board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A struggling music producer is having trouble selling any of his work, and in his desperation decides to do the score for a low budget porno movie.

It’s not the most glamorous job, but hey, it’s gonna pay the bills, so he really puts a lot of effort into making the best damn low budget porno soundtrack ever. After a lot of hard work, the movie is finally done and the producer gets his check in the mail along with a complimentary ticket to see t...

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