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Yesterday I sent a nude pic to everyone in my address book

Not only was it embarrassing, it cost a fortune in postage.

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I was on PornHub the other day and there was an ad that read: 'free asian asshole pics'.

When I clicked on it it was just a picture of Xi Jinping.

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Today I took a dick pic

Thought of sharing that pic on Reddit, unfortunately Reddit doesn't support small resolution images.

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

I named my hammer Thor

Because after swinging it all day my arm is thor.


I tried to post a pic of it as part of this, but there was no option for that.

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

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If you're about to send someone a dick pic...

you should think long and hard.

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When I was young my mom grounded me for having a file on pc with the name "boobies pics"

I never understood why bird watching was wrong

Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker upload his pics to email them to Padme?

Because attachments are forbidden.

Bought a new camera today…

and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman’s hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.
...

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Recently applied to a job as a back-end developer and they asked for some samples of my work.

For some reason, they were not pleased with the album of ass-pics from my previous clients.

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What is the difference between a good Dick pic and a bad one?

The exposure.

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so
let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed
me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very n...

I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies

Yup, he’s my screen-savior

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

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I mistakenly sent a dick pic to my mother instead of my girlfriend

"sorry mom, it was an accident" I immediately sent a follow up text .

" So were you " I got the reply text.

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The only dick pic I have ever sent was to my doctor to get something checked.

But then someone told me that dentists aren't doctors.

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[NSFW] A HR employee was sent an anonymous dick pic within the company network

Right away, she called the Packaging Design Manager. The man was shocked. "How did you know it was me?!"

She pointed to the caption on the picture: "Enlarged to Show Texture".

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I have been sending pictures of my buddy Richard to random people,

So far no one has responded to my unsolicited Dick Pics. I don't even get what the fun is supposed to be about sending these.

How do ships flirt online?

They send deck pics.

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Her profile said she wants a guy that makes her laugh

Unfortunately, she also said "no dick pics" so there goes that

My friend is an obsessed acarologist.

I'm so tired of his unsolicited tick pics.

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You know I have never sent a dick pic in my life...

I just don’t have the balls.

Tried to snap pics of a ghost with my phone but they came out dark

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak

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I am doing a bra giveaway.

Send me pics of your boobs and I'll see if I have something that fits you.

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An usual conversation on Tinder.

M: Wow, you’re beautiful, so, can you send me a pic of your titties?


W: Sure, send me 20$


Sending money.


M: Oh, they’re gorgeous! Now, can you also send me a pic of your butt?


W: No problems, send another 50$


After a while.

<...

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What is it called when you email someone a dick pic?

Junk mail

Why do cats have nine lives?

Because God knew that one lifetime was not enough time to produce enough cute cat pics.

Roses are red

Roses are red

People say I’m a prick

But I think you’ll like

My profile pic

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I met a very unnatractive girl recently and she likes to send pics

It goes without saying that I'm going to have to be the bearer of bad nudes.

Booty pics and golf are surprisingly similar, in that

A hole in one is both rare and satisfying.

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*emailing dick pic

Computer: Insert file

Me: ok *browse the file

Computer: Try again

Me: *did it again

Computer: Try again

Me: *tries again

Computer: Harder!

Me: what?

Computer: what

I was once in a group project with a girl who did nothing but send feet pics

That was her sole contribution

I asked my photographer friend which pose was the best for selfies...

...he said, "It doesn't really matter. Just take your pic."

Hot Shower Pics

I was trying to take a picture of myself in the shower but I couldn't get a good one. The pictures kept coming out blurry.

I guess I have selfie steam issues.

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What do you use to pick up turtle poop in Mario?

A Koopa Troopa Poopa Scoopa

How can you tell if a beaver is flirting with you?

They'll send you a stick pic

Tinder Date: "Oh wow, you’re way better looking than in your profile pic."

Dorian Gray: "Yeah, I get that a lot actually."

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NSFW I was selling my dick pics online until people got angry.

Apparently people don't like microtransactions.

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A guy I used to have a crush on (but got over a while ago) suddenly sent me a dick pic out of nowhere.

It was too little, too late.

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An old man walks into a chemist and starts examining packs of viagra...

Nurse: Do you need any help there, sir?

Old Man: Yes, every Saturday my wife wants to have sex, but unfortunately, I can never get an erection. Which brand of viagra would you recommend?

Nurse: Well sir, everyone is different, but if you come with me to the counter, I can get you a pac...

The other day, I saw a highly upvoted pic of a lamp post

The next day, near the top of the SAME subreddit, I saw a highly upvoted pic of a lamp repost.

A woman on Bumble tried to sell me pics of her toes but it didn't work out.

I guess I got off on the wrong foot.

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I'm really loving my new Note 20 Ultra, now with up to 5x optical zoom!

I can finally take a dick pic

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I accidently sent a dick pic to my boss once.

Imagine my embarrassment having to explain that I actually meant to send it to his wife.

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Sending dick pics is for amateurs...

Real men get out there and disappoint women in real life.

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Your penis is so small..

That when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.

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Accidents can happen. I once accidentally sent a dick pic to every person in my contact list.

The stamps costed me a fortune.

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Never have I ever sent a dick pic

Always get a message, error - file size too large.

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Pussy pic joke NSFW

Jon: Want to see a pussy on my phone, dude?

Eric: yeah man!

Jon: [Passes phone to Eric]

Eric: Why’s it on camera mode?

Eric: Oh

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Some guy posted sexy pics of their girlfriend on r/memes

certified bra moment

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PS5 screenshot spoiler warning is cool

If someone sends you an unsolicited dick pic and if you have not seen that dick before, it will warn you before you open the picture.

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Why do guys ALWAYS send dick pics?

Because they think the camera adds ten pounds.

How Moral Are You?

This takes less than one minute and is incredibly accurate…well worth the little bit of effort I promise.

This test has only one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely and completely f...

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The Nigerian king

Agnes, a middle-aged New York widow is feeling very lonely one day, so she decides to bite the bullet and try internet dating. Her initial attempts don't go very well, as most of the contact she receives varies from dick pics to guys asking for nudes. She's about to give up when one day she's contac...

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I just got an e-mail saying "On the occasion of Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH) birthday, please be advised that xxx office will be closed on Thursday,29th October 2020.."

So tempted to reply "Pics or it didn't happen".

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I took my first dick pic with a polaroid camera.

I showed my GF and she said

“Wait. I think it’s underdeveloped.”

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I'm doing a free Bra give away.

Send me a picture of your tits and I'll see if there's something that fits you.

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One night, Wonder Woman sent some nude pics but one failed to impress...

...she didn't turn on the flash...

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My girlfriend asked me to send her a dick pic.

But my panorama app kept crashing.

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

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How does one respond to a black guy sending you a dick pic?

TL;DR

Front page: “I’m making desks for the children in my area doing long distance learning”

r/pics: “I’m also making desks for children in my area doing long distance learning”

r/nosleep: “I’m also making desks out of children in my area doing long distance learning”

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Me: You're firing me?

**Boss:** We have reason to believe you're using work computers to run some butt pic website. Bootypedia or something.

**Me:** First off I would never do that. Second, it's called Wikicheeks.

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What's another name for dick pics?

Junk mail!

What does a dentist call his x-rays?

Tooth pics

Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she fi...

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Why did the Joker send Harley Quinn A Photo of Robin?

She asked him for a dick pic.

Finally figured out why i look so bad in pics .

It's my face.

Woman wanted a pic of me with a banana for scale.

Too bad the store was out of plantains.

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Meeting with the boss

BOSS: Know why I called you in here?

ME: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic

BOSS [stops pouring 2 glasses of wine] Accidentally?

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

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Superman's flying around.... (comment from r/pics)

Superman's flying around metropolis and he's horny as hell. He's checking out the rooftops and all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman sunning herself on the roof of the Justice League. I mean she is lying there buck naked and spread eagle. Looks like she wants to get fucked right? So Superman starts t...

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Life is like a dick pic...

Sometimes you get things you don't ask for.

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Our smart devices are spying on us, and I have proof!

I used my smart camera to take a dick pic, and within an hour the algorithm started sending me targeted ads for army helmets and bean bag chairs.

What do you get when you give a kid a guitar and a pic?

A rattle...eventually.

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I was at the pharmacy to get some Viagra..

The pharmacist asked me if I had it prescribed.
I answered: No, but you can see a pic of my girlfriend.

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How the hell did I get banned for just a picture of a banana?

...maybe I shouldn’t have included a penis for scale...

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I send *so* many dick pics

My urologist should not have given me his number.

The Best Thing About Reddit is...

The fact that no one will ever notice my anime profile pic.

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Former figure skater Michelle Kwan was caught by paparazzi, who took an unfortunate down-blouse pic.

Nevertheless, it's a perfect example of both quality and Kwan titty.

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HELP! I just sent my girlfriend a dick pic...

and she just sent me one back.

You know how to pick up a zoologist?

Send them dik-dik pics.

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