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3D printing is a lot like having sex.

First you have to clean your nozzle. Then you have to warm things up. And finally you have to keep just the right heat and speed. And if you mess up all you get is a disappointing mess.

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Mom! I'm a 3d printer!

Oh come on, Johnny, close the door when you poop.

My friend asked me if the next Star Wars movies were going to be in 3D

"Yes" I replied "...but they R2D2."

My friend claims he can print a Gun using his 3D Printer. I'm not impressed.

I've had a Canon printer for years.

What’s the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer?

The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.

What did the mathematical 3D graph say to the man coming out of the bathroom

XYZ!

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"Dad, look! I'm a 3D printer!"

"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"

3D printers are now printing guns...

That’s nothing though. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

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When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer."

"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?"

"No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

3d Jigsaw on the cheap..

..bag of frozen fries, re-assemble the potatoes.

How can you work to improve your 3D drawings into 4D drawings?

It just takes time

I 3D printed a tree branch today

It's PLA stick

I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth

It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.

I hate being the only 3D modelling guy at my workplace

Every day my coworkers will ask if I can do them a solid

My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..

..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake

The new 3D tv I bought is super realistic!

I dozed off while watching a documentary on the Catholic Church and when I woke up the house smelled of incense and my 7 year-old son was missing.

I once met an anti vaxxer that said she had a 3d model of her brain

I was baffled at how something so small could exist

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I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

Why couldn't the man 3D printing his face control his excitement?

He was getting a head of himself

I went to buy a new TV and told the sales guy "I don't care what type it is as long as it's not 3D"

He drew me a picture of one.

Girl, are you a 3D movie?

Because you're too expensive and giving me a headache.

I bought a life size 3d model of plankton from spongebob.

4days later I got an empty box full of bubble wrap. I still don't know where plankton is.

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What was the first 3D printer?

Your butthole!

*** This joke is awesome because it was created by a third grader where I teach.

2d or 3d women?

Personally, I prefer 34D.

Why would you worry about 3D printed guns

Its not like the plastic bullet would kill you

What's a 3d shape's favourite country?

Cuba

Have you heard about the new bush-o-matic 3000?

It's the latest piece of kit where you can upload an image into the on-board computer, crop out the back ground, set the machine on the floor and point it towards the hedge of your choice.

You press "GO" and the machine flies up into the air and starts cutting out a 3D sculpture of the image...

What did the 3D Vector say after making a bad joke?

i j k

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Why won't a black man go see a 3d movie?

He'd rather spend his money on a forty

Where does the 3D shape go when it murders someone?

Prism

I've got a 3D printer

But it only prints pieces of paper.

Minions.3D.BluRayRiP.4K.aXX0.torrent

Talk like a pirate day

What movie did you go see?

My parents had great fun teasing each other and yanking each other's chains.

They were visiting me (38m at the time) and my wife+kids, and my Dad & I went out to see a movie. We found Jurassic Park I (in 3D), and went to see that. It was an enjoyable experience.

When we were on o...

This week President Obama became the first president to get a life-size 3D-printed portrait done.

It looked so real that Joe Biden argued with it for 20 minutes that Peeta is better than Gale.

Biden then realized his mistake, . . . and admitted Gale is the clear choice.

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A Kotaku throwback

Best Buy Customer Rep: "Good afternoon, welcome to Best Buy. What brings you in to see us today?"

Customer: "I'm pretty interested in one of those new 3D tv's but I thought I'd check it out before I buy. I'm a little concerned over the image quality."

Rep: "I understand your concern si...

A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...

“HEY! So what did you get for Christmas?” The second little boy pauses and says “well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?”

The first little boy excitedly replies ”Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can’t believe all you g...

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Up in the air

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off.

On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D and million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster...

My 9 year old....

...is yelling at me, "Hey dad, look at me! Im a 3D printer!"
I respond "Close the bathroom door, son!"

What costs the most money to keep running?

5th : a family car

4th : a boat

3d : a tank

2nd : a warship

1st : a girlfriend

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A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk..

He said "Wow.. Cool! You 3D printed the save icon!"

I have at last fulfilled my dream of becoming arms dealer...

... by selling 3D printed prosthetic limbs for the needy.

2016 New Year Scratchcard

2015 is going to end soon! As an appreciation of your support to [/r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/), every subscriber here can get one of the reward below:

* Grand Prize: iPhone 6s Plus 128G
* Second Prize: Samsung Galaxy Note 5
* Third Prize: Nintendo 3DS
* Consolation Priz...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Does the circle of life...

become a sphere in 3D?

A man walks in a restaurant and orders a soup.

The waiter brings the soup over and says:

Waiter: Enjoy your soup. Will there be anything else?

Man: Actually, yes. There appears to be a fly in my soup.

Waiter: Oh, no sir. That is mearly artistic representation of a fly on the bowl.

Man: But...It's moving.

Waiter...

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