Dot Jokes - 66 Hilarious Dot Jokes

I hate connect-the-dot puzzles.

That’s where I draw the line.

Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says...

A Burglar broke into our house last night. I didn't shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.

Our three cats did the rest.

Why are americans bad at DotA ?

Because they cant defend their towers.

Have you heard of conjunctivitis dot com?

It's a site for sore eyes.

A dentist goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Bugatti Chiron

It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $1.5M. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there,...

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

I'm fine letting other people dot my i's, but crossing my t's?

That's where I draw the line.

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A man wakes up one morning and when goes to the bathroom, he looks in the mirror and sees a red dot on his forehead.

Over the next several days the dot grows progressively larger, so he goes to see his doctor.
The doctor examines him and exclaims, “My God, I’ve read about this but never thought I’d see it!”

Not liking the sound of this, the man asks, “what is it doctor? What’s wrong with me?”
...

As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then…

…let my cat do the rest.

It's important to remember to cross your Ts and dot your Is

because if you dot your Ts, you'll be left with double vision.

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Today a young man was detained after being caught red handed with a giant magnifying glass. He'd been focusing the light to a small dot on to peoples bottoms until they caught fire.

He was prosecuted for arse-sun

The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) found over 200 dead crows on Highway 281 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird...

Got an echo dot for xmas, I asked her to play some white noise to help me sleep.

Alex started playing Eminem.

What do you call an apology written in dots and lines?

A Re-Morse Code

What is a yellow dot commanding soldiers?

A cornonel

A young punctuation couple, Mr. Apostrophe and Mrs. Comma…

A young punctuation couple, Mr. Apostrophe and Mrs. Comma, wanted to have a child, but sadly, could not. So, they decided to adopt a little Period and named him Edward. They loved Edward very much and he grew to be a fine young punctuation mark. However, Edward knew he was different, as he didn't...

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A man wakes up to find a big red dot in the middle of his forehead...

and he goes to the doctor to get it checked out.

The doctor said "Oh yes, I've seen this before. You're going grow a penis where that dot is, right in the middle of your forehead."

The man was dumbfounded. "You mean I'm going to have to wake up every day, look in the mirror, and see ...

As a kid, I connected all the dots on our Dalmatian.

Remarkably, it was a dog.

My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...

I know where to draw the line...

Yeah man, I tell ya what, man, that dang ol’ internet, man, you just go in on there and point and click, talk about w-w-dot-w-com, mean you got the naked chicks on there, man, just go click, click, click, click, click, it’s real easy, man.

OK, Boomhauer

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As I'm roaming in London, a British man walks up to me and says: Hey, you're an Indian, tell me why do you put that dot above the eyes?

I sighed a bit and replied: It's stupid, isn't it? Well, it's called a "tittle" and it's one of those idiosyncrasies of the English language that I could never understand.

I found my true love on match dot com...

...which would have been nice if we were not already married for almost two years.

Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas.

It must have been a period piece.

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Tiny Blue Dot

A rich kid is taking his newly acquired vintage Ferrari out for a spin. He starts putting the pedal down as he gets out into the rural areas, just having a blast. His fuel starts running a bit low so he pulls into an old gas station. An older fellow wearing faded jeans and a blue shirt with the g...

Google pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google pizza.
- Ah okay, wrong number
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's
- Okay. Then can I order please...
- Do you want the usual?
- The usual? You know my usual?
- According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered pizza with cheese...

You know the Danish are very efficient people.

They’re always sure to cross Os and dot their As

20,000 Dots

“Your assignment was to produce a piece containing exactly 20,000 dots,” my Art teacher said, “but I only see one.” “They’re on top of each other.” I explained.

A kindergarten class

had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down again. Puzzled, the teacher as...

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

Why do aerolas have dots on them?

It's written "suck here" in braille

I had a party for the worlds greatest historical figures, here are their RSVPs

Isaac Newton: "I'll drop in."

Socrates: "I'll think about it."

Charles Darwin: "I'll wait to see what evolves."

Marie Curie: "I am radiating enthusiasm."

Ivan Pavlov: "I'm positively drooling at the thought."

Albert Einstein: "It will ...

A burglar broke into our house last night…

I didn’t fight back, I just put the red laser dot on his forehead and the 3 cats did the rest.

(Copied from a comment I saw to funny not to share since this whole sub is reposts)

A young man is vacationing in Spain…

… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hoste...

Whats green, blue, red and has white dots?

A penguin and I'll color it however i'd like!

Guy in a Lamborghini

Guy's driving down the road in his new Lamborghini. Stops at a light next to an old man on a moped.

The old man looks over and says "Say, that's a pretty spiffy looking car there, son. It looks fast."

Guy says "It sure is."

Old man looks at the interior and says "Looks luxurious...

A foreigner asked an Indian man

"Why Indian Women have Red
Dot on their forehead ?"

Indian man replied,
"Because they Record everything.."

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A joke written by the AI, ChatGPT

The sky above the port was the color of a moldy jellyfish, a sickly green that made everyone below feel nauseous. But a group of rebellious clowns, led by the hapless hero Isaac Newton, had a plan to bring some joy to the dreary sky. Using a circus tent and a lot of helium, they intended to lift the...

What is the difference between a sausage in a bun and Pacman?

One's a hotdog and the other's a dot hog.

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People don't know how lucky they have it these days...

When I was younger and wanted to look at sexy pictures, I had to sneak the Sears catalogue into my bedroom to look at the underwear and swimsuit pages.

But nowadays... anyone can hop on any smart device and just go directly to sears dot com

In the World of Punctuation, Asterisks give a party...

In the World of Punctuation, Asterisks give a party.
The party is for Asterisks only, and only Asterisks can enter.
At some time the doorbell rings. One Asterisk opens the door and sees a Dot.
The Asterisk says to the Dot:
"I'm sorry, you cannot enter, this party is for Asterisks only"...

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

Where do blind people sign documents?

On the dotted line…

I have a new girlfriend....

...she is very thin, tall and is a bright red head....

. . We met on Match dot com

a programmer and astronaut walk into a bar

Astronaut: we are just tiny dots in this vast universe. What we do is insignificant. Why should we even do anything ? What's the point ?

Programmer: I should stop making these simulations so real.

I have very nearly signed up for Danish language classes

I just need to dot the A's and cross the O's

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So a Russian man shows up for a job interview.

He sits in a chair across from the interviewer on the top floor of a large corporate building. The interviewer, plainly unimpressed by the man sitting before him, decides to ask some loaded interview questions in order to quickly dispose of the Russian.

"Welcome," says the interviewer. "For y...

How do you make easter easier?

You uncross the t and dot it instead.

What type of sights are used on the guns of the Indian Army?

Red Dot

I was just diagnosed as colorblind

It seemed obvious to everyone else but I guess I never connect the dots.

Knock - Knock

Whose there?

**Ya**

**Ya** who?

**Dot com**

Davinath the Indian wife beater punches his wife every night at 7 PM.

On the dot.

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

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A King was about to leave the kingdom for a long journey

However, he was jealous that every servant and Knight in the castle would want to approach his queen.

He therefore created a chopping mechanism that would cut anything that would penetrate his wife. He put that belt around his woman and left.

After three months he returned to the castl...

What is a white supremacists favorite dating app?

Ancestry dot com

I once had a job at a t-shirt factory

I once had a job in a t-shirt factory. Every day, t-shirts would come down the line, and using this big rubber stamp, I’d apply a handful of dots to them, at random, to just given them a general design that wasn’t blank t-shirt. It was soul sucking, but it paid the bills.

However, I kept run...

Swedish Computer Terms

I heard Facebook was going to get broken up...

...so I've already claimed Eyebook, Nosebook, and Mouthbook dot com.

A tesseract tells itself a joke

Have you heard the one about the dot walking into a bar and telling 2 lines about a plane? ... It went right over their heads.

When I was a kid, we used to refer to the People's Republic of China as "commies."

Now they are "dot commies."

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I am a very meticulous ejaculator..

I always cross the tits and dot the eyes.

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Three Old men reminiscing in a nursing home.......

........complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.

The first old man said "I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble."

The second old man said ...

A fly is buzzing round the kitchen

A fly is buzzing round the kitchen and comes in to land on a box of Corn Flakes. As he sets down he asks a fly already on the box “why are you running up and down the box”? So the other fly replied “because says ‘tear along the dotted line’”

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There was once a boy who was born into a very rich family.

There was once a boy who was born into a very rich family. His parents could afford to give him anything he wanted. Well, the boy finally graduated from preschool. So far, he had already mastered his ABC’s and could count to one hundred perfectly. He could even spell fairly well, and his reading was...

After summer vacation classic

All the children inn school were asked to write on the chalkboard something significant that happened over the summer.
Anne gets up and writes the word puppies on the board, and says our dog had puppies this summer. Very nice says the teacher. George gets up and writes promotion on the board, ac...

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What do you call an Indian Dating site?

Connect the Dots.

yeah idk don't judge i'm fucking bored

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