What do you call an apology written in dots and lines?

A Re-Morse Code

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up one morning and when goes to the bathroom, he looks in the mirror and sees a red dot on his forehead.

Over the next several days the dot grows progressively larger, so he goes to see his doctor.
The doctor examines him and exclaims, “My God, I’ve read about this but never thought I’d see it!”

Not liking the sound of this, the man asks, “what is it doctor? What’s wrong with me?”
...

Have you heard of conjunctivitis dot com?

It's a site for sore eyes.

I hate connect-the-dot puzzles.

That’s where I draw the line.

A Burglar broke into our house last night. I didn't shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.

Our three cats did the rest.

Whats green, blue, red and has white dots?

A penguin and I'll color it however i'd like!

It's important to remember to cross your Ts and dot your Is

because if you dot your Ts, you'll be left with double vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A King was about to leave the kingdom for a long journey

However, he was jealous that every servant and Knight in the castle would want to approach his queen.

He therefore created a chopping mechanism that would cut anything that would penetrate his wife. He put that belt around his woman and left.

After three months he returned to the castl...

A young man is vacationing in Spain…

… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hoste...

As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then…

…let my cat do the rest.

What is the difference between a sausage in a bun and Pacman?

One's a hotdog and the other's a dot hog.

Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says...

I have a new girlfriend....

...she is very thin, tall and is a bright red head....

. . We met on Match dot com

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today a young man was detained after being caught red handed with a giant magnifying glass. He'd been focusing the light to a small dot on to peoples bottoms until they caught fire.

He was prosecuted for arse-sun

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

Got an echo dot for xmas, I asked her to play some white noise to help me sleep.

Alex started playing Eminem.

As a kid, I connected all the dots on our Dalmatian.

Remarkably, it was a dog.

I'm fine letting other people dot my i's, but crossing my t's?

That's where I draw the line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I'm roaming in London, a British man walks up to me and says: Hey, you're an Indian, tell me why do you put that dot above the eyes?

I sighed a bit and replied: It's stupid, isn't it? Well, it's called a "tittle" and it's one of those idiosyncrasies of the English language that I could never understand.

The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) found over 200 dead crows on Highway 281 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird...

Why are americans bad at DotA ?

Because they cant defend their towers.

I have very nearly signed up for Danish language classes

I just need to dot the A's and cross the O's

Did you hear about the JRPG character who named his daughter Dot?

He called for her three times: "..." - she didn't answer.

My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...

I know where to draw the line...

What is a yellow dot commanding soldiers?

A cornonel

Not all the animaniacs live in the water tower, just the Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister, Dot.

Just for fun they run around the Warner movie lot. They lock them in the tower, whenever they get caught. But they break loose, and then vamoose, and now you know the plot.

A fly is buzzing round the kitchen

A fly is buzzing round the kitchen and comes in to land on a box of Corn Flakes. As he sets down he asks a fly already on the box “why are you running up and down the box”? So the other fly replied “because says ‘tear along the dotted line’”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My company created dotted rubber condoms with gold rings on them

Little did we know that only Apple has the patent to create Expensive ass items for dicks to please

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an American man who lived in Thailand and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time.

Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis

Freaked out, he went to the doctor. The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests." So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 day...

I found my true love on match dot com...

...which would have been nice if we were not already married for almost two years.

Why do aerolas have dots on them?

It's written "suck here" in braille

The third-grade class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon Little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece...

20,000 Dots

“Your assignment was to produce a piece containing exactly 20,000 dots,” my Art teacher said, “but I only see one.” “They’re on top of each other.” I explained.

Old Man on the Fast Moped

Just remembered this one today. It's a great joke for around a campfire.

\---

Guy's driving down the road in his new Lamborghini. Stops at a light next to an old man on a moped.

The old man looks over and says "Say, that's a pretty spiffy looking car there, son. It looks f...

I was just diagnosed as colorblind

It seemed obvious to everyone else but I guess I never connect the dots.

How to weigh a pig

A farmer is out in the field with his client, who is there to buy a pig, as they are walking along the client asks him, "how much does this pig weigh?"

The farmer pulls the pig out, puts his tail in his mouth and says, "she's 245 pounds easy."

Astonished, the client thinks he's being f...

Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas.

It must have been a period piece.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiny Blue Dot

A rich kid is taking his newly acquired vintage Ferrari out for a spin. He starts putting the pedal down as he gets out into the rural areas, just having a blast. His fuel starts running a bit low so he pulls into an old gas station. An older fellow wearing faded jeans and a blue shirt with the g...

Apparently, if new dots on your arm don't fade under a glass tumbler, you should seek medical advice without thinking.

Which makes it easier for me, as I'm terrible at making rash decisions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up to find a big red dot in the middle of his forehead...

and he goes to the doctor to get it checked out.

The doctor said "Oh yes, I've seen this before. You're going grow a penis where that dot is, right in the middle of your forehead."

The man was dumbfounded. "You mean I'm going to have to wake up every day, look in the mirror, and see ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three old men, 70, 80, and 90 years young, sat on a park bench for a chat.

During their conversation, the topic of sleep schedules and bodily functions comes up. Of course, being a competitive group, each one feels the need to have the most significant problems.

The 70 year old says, "I wake up at 5 AM every morning and need to pee urgently, but I have to stand th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Texas got its name (If you are from Texas you may not want to read it)

These three cowboys were traveling south and finally crossed the border from Oklahoma into a new territory that was still owned by Mexico. As they sat down to make camp that night one of them looked around as the sun set over the horizon and asked his companions "what should we name this place? I am...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Newfie Applies for a Job.

A foreman at a construction site in Ontario is screening new applicants.

In walks a man with an odd demeanor and accent and says, "I'm after gettin this job here, I've be's findin yer ad!" and the foreman, stunned for a moment, thinks in his head 'Oh no, it's a Newfoundlander..' and while giv...

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

A hitman has a high profile Indian Businessman as a target

He receives intel that the Indian Businessman will have a quick exchange with another associate in a crowded marketplace at 1200 the next day. He is also given a description of the target and warned that the target will only stay for a few minutes at most. That night, the hitman sets up on the rooft...

How do you make easter easier?

You uncross the t and dot it instead.

What type of sights are used on the guns of the Indian Army?

Red Dot

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

How do you get Amazon devices to stop talking?

You put 3 of them together so you get

Dot Dot Dot

Well that doesn't really work as it just causes an Echo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 old man we’re chatting at the retirement home

The first old man said "I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble."

The second old man said "I'd give anything to take a good shit like I did when I was young. Every mornin...

So A Cop Is Checking for Speeders

So there’s a cop that’s checking for speeders on the highway. After a while, he sees a car going way to slow on the highway and the cop decides to pull the car over.

When he goes up to the car’s window he finds a little old lady sitting behind the wheel and two other elderly women in the back...

Wanna know what's more useless than your life?

Reddit Green dot update.

A tesseract tells itself a joke

Have you heard the one about the dot walking into a bar and telling 2 lines about a plane? ... It went right over their heads.

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

I heard Facebook was going to get broken up...

...so I've already claimed Eyebook, Nosebook, and Mouthbook dot com.

Knock - Knock

Whose there?

**Ya**

**Ya** who?

**Dot com**

Google pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google pizza.
- Ah okay, wrong number
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's
- Okay. Then can I order please...
- Do you want the usual?
- The usual? You know my usual?
- According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered pizza with cheese...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an Indian Dating site?

Connect the Dots.



yeah idk don't judge i'm fucking bored

Yesterday I went in for my yearly dental exam.

I had forgotten my dentist had retired last year so I was a little surprised to see a new dentist waiting for me who, come to find out, had just graduated from dental school in russia. After exchanging greetings I sat down and he began his exam. As he was working I casually looked over at his wall d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am a very meticulous ejaculator..

I always cross the tits and dot the eyes.

When I was a kid, we used to refer to the People's Republic of China as "commies."

Now they are "dot commies."

Davinath the Indian wife beater punches his wife every night at 7 PM.

On the dot.

Three knife-wielding ghosts were arguing on a hilltop at night.

Each one of them claimed to be able to kill the most people in a short span of time.

Without further arguing, the first ghost flew off quickly to a distance, and returned an hour later. The blade of his knife was stained red, and all over his white cloak were dark red patches.

"See tha...

bill the bartender has a regular who enjoys his drink made a certain way

he's a doctor and every day he comes to bill's bar at 18:30 on the dot to order his daiquiri with crushed walnuts. bill keeps a bag of walnuts under the bar ready for him. one day as bill sees the doctor enter his bar he reaches for a walnut but the bag is empty. he grabs some hickory nuts in stead ...

What is a white supremacists favorite dating app?

Ancestry dot com

Classroom

In a grade school classroom the teacher asked each of her students to come up to the chalk board and draw a picture of something that they talked about with their parents the night before.

The first little girl came up to the board and drew a cat. The teacher asked "what is that?" The little...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.