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You’re all wrong, the Earth isn’t flat or round...

It’s fucked

I just got my son a flat peice of cardboard for his birthday

I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.

The only thing a flat earther is afraid of

Is sphere itself.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline has pushed anyone over the edge yet.

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

On a plane.

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.

When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little...

I debated a flat earthier once

He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually

How many flat-earthers does it take to draw an arrow?

None. They can't make a point.

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

I am a flat-earther

In fact I have many flat earther friends...’round the world

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

What do a kinky lawyer and a flat earther have in common?

Pulling evidence out if their ass

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar

While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted


" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "



Speaker dropped the mic.

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

The planet earth can't possibly be flat.

If it was cats would have pushed everything not nailed down off the edge.

Why did the flat-earther couple break up?

They drove each other to the edge.

I used to beleive the earth was flat for 4 solid years

Then I turned 5

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I ...

A car gets a flat tire

A car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. The lady driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lif...

I like flat earthers

They make me feel more intelligent

A particularly open-minded flat-earther started out on a journey, and decided he wouldn't stop traveling until he found evidence to convince him to change his worldview.

And eventually he came around.

The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

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Mr. Anderson’s automobile suddenly developed a flat tire one night

Immediately outside the strong iron fence that walled off the local mental institution.

Annoyed but resigned, Anderson jacked up the car and prepared to replace the wheel. He took off the hubcap, unscrewed the lugnuts, which he placed in the hubcap, which in turn was resting in the road, and ...

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.

"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead." So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you lef...

When I was a kid, we didn't have Flat Earthers.

We only had Earthers, since the Earth was always flat!

Americas curve is flattening alright.

Just vertically instead of horizontally.

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

Did you guys hear about the globe that got pressed flat into vinyl album?

Yeah, it was a world record.

Why do Flat-Earthers enjoy the quarantine?

They finally get to flatten the curve.

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathr...

Covid 19 has been realy stressful for Flat Earthers

They fear that quarantine could push people off the edge

>!I apologize cause I completely ripped this off someone else's twitter!<

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.

In the end, he came around.

I hate flat edged shovels

They have no point

Why do flat earthers enjoy talking to flight instructors?

they tell them 5G might make them sick.

Flat earthers are not very fond of the 2 metre distanceing

They claim its pushing some of their members over the edge.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped

Mike Hughes flew a home-made rocket to prove the earth was flat and killed himself.

Wait what subreddit am I on?

Why can’t flat earthers practice social distancing?

They would run out of room and fall off the edge.

Do you know how flat-earthers call 2020?

Panic! At The Disc

Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.

They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.

The day of the makeup test, the ...

What was the only Nintendo series to really fall flat?

Paper Mario

A flat-earther's greatest fear is...

Sphere itself.

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A man is in his flat watching TV.

He suddenly hears someone is knocking the door. The man goes to the door, opens and sees another man that starts speaking very fast : hello sir, you are a winner of an awesome vacuum cleaner. You have won it in a lottery and all you have to do to claim this prize is to pay 299... Then the first man ...

I lived in a flat with three girls

Until they found out.

Why can't you depend on flat earthers?

Because they're never around.

I've been nominated for president of the flat-earth society.

Not sure if I should feel flattered or if this is going to have a flipside.

I went 365 days without having a flat tire.

It was a GoodYear.

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Unbeknownst to his wife, Steve has secretly been drinking at the bar all day.

He looks at his phone only to realize that its 2a.m. and he should be getting home before his wife is pissed.

He tries to stand up but falls flat on his face. Deciding he needs to sober up, he gets some water and waits an hour. Again, he tries to stand up. Again, he falls flat on his face....

I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.

Apparently, I went too far.

A have a joke about the Earth...

but my friends say it's flat.

A-flat walks into a bar...

the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve minors here."

B flat, E flat, and G flat walk into a bar. The bartender stopped them and said,

"We don't serve minors"

A Vegan, and Anti-Vaxxer and a Flat Earther walk into a bar

I know that because they told everyone 5 minutes after walking in.

Maybe we shouldn’t be eating those little flat breads during communion

... since they haven’t risen yet.

Flat is Justice.

TIL what A-cup bras are for.



Emotional Support.

Why did the √2 tell everyone the world is flat?

'Cause it's irrational!

Why do some people still believe that the earth is flat?

I guess when they had to be in school, they weren't around.

I want to argue with flat earthers but...

I just feel like we're not on a level playing field

What's flat, black and glows in the dark?

Iran if they keep it up

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it.

"It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each...

The Exam

Three Highschool Sr's decided to blow off their final exam for their logic class, and spend the day getting wasted.

When they returned to class the next day they explained to the professor that they were unable to get to class the day before due to a flat tire and no cell phone coverage in th...

It would be ironic if a movie about The Flat Earth Society...

Wins the Golden Globe award.

What do you say when you meet a flat-earther?

You're not from round here are ya?

A Man...

A Man is stopped by an Old Woman who was holding out seeds and says "take these seeds and you will be on your way to success."
The man takes the seeds and plants them, going to sleep and waking up the next day to find the seeds have sprouted into a gigantic tree. A booking voice rings out from ab...

Where are you most likely to get a flat tyre.

When there's a fork in the road.

Translated Joke From My Language

A tired man comes home from work after a long day. It’s around midnight when he falls flat on his bed. That’s when he hears a ghostly wail.

“I am the ghost with the blue eyes.”

The ghost with the blue eyes sees the man is unaffected and still lying there in bed so he says it again....

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat.

While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, wh...

How are flat chested women like spiders?

If you dislike either one, you're a-rack-no-phobic.

It’s surprising flat earthers are still using money.

You’d think they’d have concern over it making the world go round.

Her: Hey, is your stomach flat?

Me: Yes but the "L" is silent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" as...

I'd jump off the edge

If I was a flat earther.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man gets a flat tire and must find a place to stay for the night...

He knocks on the door of a nearby house and an old man greets him. The old man hears out the young mans predicament, and allows him to stay for a night. Later the young man hears strange noises coming from a red door on the other side of his room but goes to sleep anyway. Asking the old man the ne...

A man drove by an asylum and got a flat tire...

As he begins to change the tire, he sees a man in a window watching him from the insane asylum.

Nervous as he changes his tire, he drops the lugnuts down the sewer drain.

Now he's stuck on what to do

The patient in the window yells down at the man.
"Hey! ...hey! Up here! T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

She criticized my apartment...

...so I knocked her flat.

A rookie reporter gets his first interview with a guy who castrates camels.

Not knowing where to start he asks: “how do you castrate a camel?”
The guy repsonds: “Well I take two large flat stones and slap them together.”

The shocked reporter asks: “Isn’t that a very painful ordeal?”

“No, you just have to make sure your fingers don’t get stuck inbetween thos...

"May I borrow your foot pump?"

"Why? Have you got flat feet?"

What do you call a flat and acrobatic fish?

A mantle ray.

Flat earthers used to think that the earth was round

But since then they've really ironed out their theory

If the Earth is flat

Then why do airplanes keep crashing into it?

I am also a proud antivaxx mother, flat earther, Trump enthusiast and know for a fact climate change isnt real.

There's no punchline, ive already told you the joke.

Boyfriend: “The World is flat”

Girlfriend: Noo It isn’t you idiot..

Boyfriend: But you are my world baby...

Girlfriend: Awww you are so cu.... wait what!?!?

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what had captured her attention. He noti...

What to do when a flat earther calls you dumb

Tell them ,"your iq must be the same as the curvature of the earth."

When the Mystery Machine gets a flat, who gets out to change the tire?

Scooby-do

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

There is a new reality show where flat earthers try to travel to the edge of the world.

Unfortunately the finale is not a cliff hanger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good jokes.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?

A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
X------------------------X
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I...

I wasn't always a Flat Earther. In fact, I used to believe the Earth was round...

...until your mom sat on it.

I had a flat on the highway and walked 8 miles into town to the auto shop. The mechanic towed my car, fixed my tire and gave me a great deal on a new muffler.

Now I’m tired and exhausted.

What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire?

Should've bought asparagus.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base?

A flat major.

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