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You’re all wrong, the Earth isn’t flat or round...

It’s fucked

Some people just moved into the flat next to mine. Apparently, they listen to Metallica!

Whether they like it or not

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned: Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?

His father, thinking quickly, said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom t...

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A man is showing off his new flat to a friend one night

As he leads the way into the bedroom his friend notices a huge gong on the wall.

"What's that for?" asks his guest

"Oh, that's the speaking clock" replied the man, "listen..." and with that he pounds the gong with a rubber mallet.

"For fuck's sake!" screams a voice through the w...

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One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat dicks?"

[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]

How does a flat-earther travel the world?

On a plane.

Man I swear to god, Flat Earthers are just so annoying.

Like sometimes their theories are so wild they just push me off the edge.

I was a flat earther for 4 years

Then I turned 5

Did you hear about the lady from England who was so flat she couldn't fill an a-cup?

She was a real manchester

My flat earther friend decided to walk to the end of the earth, to prove it was flat.

In the end, he came around.

I don't really care if the earth is round or flat.

Because it's pointless either way.

Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.

It's a Thor subject for them.

Nigerian man found dead in his flat with $45million cash.

He spent the last 10 years trying to share it, but no one replied to his emails.

Let’s stop hating on flat earthers

We shouldn’t make fun of the mentally challenged

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Why are the flat earthers always at the butt end of a joke?

Cos all their arguments fall flat.

The only thing a flat earther is afraid of

Is sphere itself.

So my friend was trying to convince me the earth is flat the other day...

Just kidding. He has no friends.

I just got my son a flat peice of cardboard for his birthday

I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.

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My old sex doll just turned 30 years old today, and although she’s flat, she’s more valuable now as she was back then

Adjust for inflation

I can prove the Earth is flat

But people always tell me my arguments keep doing roundabouts

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Today a flat earther friend of mine told me the earth was as as flat as my sense of humor.

I told him his girlfriends ass would've been a better comparison.

I debated a flat earthier once

He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually

What do you call a person who believes in the flat earth

An astronomical idiot

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline has pushed anyone over the edge yet.

I met this really short man called Peter the other day. He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads...

It was fascinating....

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stomp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stomp out flaming ducks!

I was pretty mad when they told me my flat earth movie was nominated for an award.

Golden globes

How many flat-earthers does it take to draw an arrow?

None. They can't make a point.

An anti masker, An anti vaccer, A flat earther....

An anti masker, An anti vaccer, A flat earther all went to the bar...
..
..
..
Now that's can't be coincidence

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I ...

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

I am a flat-earther

In fact I have many flat earther friends...’round the world

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.

"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead." So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you lef...

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

The planet earth can't possibly be flat.

If it was cats would have pushed everything not nailed down off the edge.

What do a kinky lawyer and a flat earther have in common?

Pulling evidence out if their ass

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar

While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted


" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "



Speaker dropped the mic.

Why did the flat-earther couple break up?

They drove each other to the edge.

The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

A car gets a flat tire

A car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. The lady driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lif...

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathr...

A particularly open-minded flat-earther started out on a journey, and decided he wouldn't stop traveling until he found evidence to convince him to change his worldview.

And eventually he came around.

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Mr. Anderson’s automobile suddenly developed a flat tire one night

Immediately outside the strong iron fence that walled off the local mental institution.

Annoyed but resigned, Anderson jacked up the car and prepared to replace the wheel. He took off the hubcap, unscrewed the lugnuts, which he placed in the hubcap, which in turn was resting in the road, and ...

What do you get when you flat pack a pumpkin?

Squash

A flat-earther's greatest fear is...

Sphere itself.

Americas curve is flattening alright.

Just vertically instead of horizontally.

A man walks into a bar and falls flat on his face

The bartender laughs cheerfully, happy to see something different in his bar for once.

Did you guys hear about the globe that got pressed flat into vinyl album?

Yeah, it was a world record.

Why do Flat-Earthers enjoy the quarantine?

They finally get to flatten the curve.

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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane...

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, an...

Covid 19 has been realy stressful for Flat Earthers

They fear that quarantine could push people off the edge

>!I apologize cause I completely ripped this off someone else's twitter!<

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A scientist sat beside a little girl on a plane. He wanted to start a conversation.

He said: » I hear flights shorten if you talk with other passangers…«

The little girl replied: »OK, what do you want to talk about?«

The scientist was being a bit sarcastic: »Why don't we talk about nuclear physics?«

The girl said: »Can I ask you somethig first? A goat, a cow an...

I bought my wife a pug recently

Despite the flat nose, ugly wrinkles and bulging eyes, the pug likes my wife

Mike Hughes flew a home-made rocket to prove the earth was flat and killed himself.

Wait what subreddit am I on?

I hate flat edged shovels

They have no point

Why do flat earthers enjoy talking to flight instructors?

they tell them 5G might make them sick.

Flat earthers are not very fond of the 2 metre distanceing

They claim its pushing some of their members over the edge.

Women are like stones

You can skip the flat ones

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The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

Why can’t flat earthers practice social distancing?

They would run out of room and fall off the edge.

Do you know how flat-earthers call 2020?

Panic! At The Disc

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I tried to tell a few jokes about your mom’s saggy tits

But they fell flat

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A man is in his flat watching TV.

He suddenly hears someone is knocking the door. The man goes to the door, opens and sees another man that starts speaking very fast : hello sir, you are a winner of an awesome vacuum cleaner. You have won it in a lottery and all you have to do to claim this prize is to pay 299... Then the first man ...

I lived in a flat with three girls

Until they found out.

What was the only Nintendo series to really fall flat?

Paper Mario

The Earth is not flat

Or there would be slimes everywhere.

I've been nominated for president of the flat-earth society.

Not sure if I should feel flattered or if this is going to have a flipside.

I just watched a movie about a y = x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

B flat, E flat, and G flat walk into a bar. The bartender stopped them and said,

"We don't serve minors"

I went 365 days without having a flat tire.

It was a GoodYear.

I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.

Apparently, I went too far.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A Flat Minor

A guy dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter...

... and St. Peter tells him, “Hang on a sec… getting into Heaven isn’t a big deal… I just need to find a good deed you've done in your life… and you’re in.”

And with that, St. Peter starts leafing through this guy’s Book of Life. It’s a thick book, but he’s not finding anything. He gets to th...

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it.

"It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each...

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Had this really irritating flat mate

When I was at uni I had this really irritating flat mate called Callum. Always leaving his shit lying around and not tidying up. Drinking my milk out of the fridge, eating the last slice of bread. Pissing on the toilet seat. You know the sort of guy, the one who’s stirring your pint with his cock wh...

I want to argue with flat earthers but...

I just feel like we're not on a level playing field

What do you say when you meet a flat-earther?

You're not from round here are ya?

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6pm in an irish pub,

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”
Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat...

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Norwegian, Finn and Swede see a genie that grants wishes

The genie tells the group that they need to climb to a nearby block of flats and while jumping down they need to shout what they want and they will fall in to a pile of what they shouted.

The norwegian jumps down and shouts "MONEY" and he falls in to a big pile of money.

The finn jumps...

A Vegan, and Anti-Vaxxer and a Flat Earther walk into a bar

I know that because they told everyone 5 minutes after walking in.

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger...

The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. ...

What's flat, black and glows in the dark?

Iran if they keep it up

Yesterday, daredevil and flat-earth theorist Mike Hughes launched himself in a homemade rocket to prove for himself the Earth was flat.

Once he got high enough to see far along the horizon, he noticed his parachute had fallen off.
Nevertheless, the view made him realize all his beliefs ideals were crashing down.

It’s surprising flat earthers are still using money.

You’d think they’d have concern over it making the world go round.

Maybe we shouldn’t be eating those little flat breads during communion

... since they haven’t risen yet.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped

LONG : An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.



Looking at the shiny car ,the old man asks the doctor "What ya driving there sonny?

The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche. It cost half a million dollars!


'Why does it cost so much?' Says the old man.


'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' state...

Why did the √2 tell everyone the world is flat?

'Cause it's irrational!

Where are you most likely to get a flat tyre.

When there's a fork in the road.

Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.

They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.

The day of the makeup test, the ...

We almost lost momma!

Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd hav...

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat.

While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, wh...

Her: Hey, is your stomach flat?

Me: Yes but the "L" is silent.

How are flat chested women like spiders?

If you dislike either one, you're a-rack-no-phobic.

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Do you know the similarities between a stripper and a rock?

You skip the flat ones

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A young man gets a flat tire and must find a place to stay for the night...

He knocks on the door of a nearby house and an old man greets him. The old man hears out the young mans predicament, and allows him to stay for a night. Later the young man hears strange noises coming from a red door on the other side of his room but goes to sleep anyway. Asking the old man the ne...

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