I debated a flat earthier once

He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I ...

Members of the Flat Earth Society are having a particularly rough time during the pandemic.

They say the 6 ft social distancing measures are pushing many of them over the edge.

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.

"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead." So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you lef...

The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

A man walks into a bar and falls flat on his face

The bartender laughs cheerfully, happy to see something different in his bar for once.

Yo mama so fat

Before she was buried the earth was flat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy and Murphy come across a girl whose bike has a flat tyre...

Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way. A few minutes later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike.

"What the fuck happened?" asks Murphy.

"Well, I fixed her bike and bejaysus she takes her knickers off, lies on the ground and says, ‘take what you want big boy!’ So I took ...

The only thing flat-earthers fear, is..

Sphere itself.

I hate flat edged shovels

They have no point

Covid 19 has been realy stressful for Flat Earthers

They fear that quarantine could push people off the edge

>!I apologize cause I completely ripped this off someone else's twitter!<

The only things flat earthers fear...

is sphere itself.

Flat earthers are not very fond of the 2 metre distanceing

They claim its pushing some of their members over the edge.

Why do flat earthers enjoy talking to flight instructors?

they tell them 5G might make them sick.

Why can’t flat earthers practice social distancing?

They would run out of room and fall off the edge.

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

Do you know how flat-earthers call 2020?

Panic! At The Disc

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathr...

What was the only Nintendo series to really fall flat?

Paper Mario

I've been nominated for president of the flat-earth society.

Not sure if I should feel flattered or if this is going to have a flipside.

I went 365 days without having a flat tire.

It was a GoodYear.

Mike Hughes flew a home-made rocket to prove the earth was flat and killed himself.

Wait what subreddit am I on?

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.

In the end, he came around.

I lived in a flat with three girls

Until they found out.

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A man is in his flat watching TV.

He suddenly hears someone is knocking the door. The man goes to the door, opens and sees another man that starts speaking very fast : hello sir, you are a winner of an awesome vacuum cleaner. You have won it in a lottery and all you have to do to claim this prize is to pay 299... Then the first man ...

How do flat-earthers travel the earth?

On a plane

Why can't you depend on flat earthers?

Because they're never around.

I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.

Apparently, I went too far.

Maybe we shouldn’t be eating those little flat breads during communion

... since they haven’t risen yet.

A Vegan, and Anti-Vaxxer and a Flat Earther walk into a bar

I know that because they told everyone 5 minutes after walking in.

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Had this really irritating flat mate

When I was at uni I had this really irritating flat mate called Callum. Always leaving his shit lying around and not tidying up. Drinking my milk out of the fridge, eating the last slice of bread. Pissing on the toilet seat. You know the sort of guy, the one who’s stirring your pint with his cock wh...

A-flat walks into a bar...

the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve minors here."

Flat is Justice.

TIL what A-cup bras are for.



Emotional Support.

Why do some people still believe that the earth is flat?

I guess when they had to be in school, they weren't around.

Why did the √2 tell everyone the world is flat?

'Cause it's irrational!

It would be ironic if a movie about The Flat Earth Society...

Wins the Golden Globe award.

I want to argue with flat earthers but...

I just feel like we're not on a level playing field

What's flat, black and glows in the dark?

Iran if they keep it up

B flat, E flat, and G flat walk into a bar. The bartender stopped them and said,

"We don't serve minors"

Where are you most likely to get a flat tyre.

When there's a fork in the road.

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it.

"It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each...

How are flat chested women like spiders?

If you dislike either one, you're a-rack-no-phobic.

My coworker thinks the Earth is flat

I told him if that were true, cats would have already found the edge and pushed everything off.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base?

A flat major.

My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.

It’s a little flat.

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat.

While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, wh...

What do you say when you meet a flat-earther?

You're not from round here are ya?

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

On a plane

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche 917/30. It cost half a million dollars!”

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man.
'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to ...

Best way to tell off a Flat-Earther

Is to tell them their arguments are not Well-Rounded ;)

Her: Hey, is your stomach flat?

Me: Yes but the "L" is silent.

What do you call a flat and acrobatic fish?

A mantle ray.

Flat earthers used to think that the earth was round

But since then they've really ironed out their theory

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man gets a flat tire and must find a place to stay for the night...

He knocks on the door of a nearby house and an old man greets him. The old man hears out the young mans predicament, and allows him to stay for a night. Later the young man hears strange noises coming from a red door on the other side of his room but goes to sleep anyway. Asking the old man the ne...

If the Earth is flat

Then why do airplanes keep crashing into it?

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The Excuse

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's."

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weeke...

It’s surprising flat earthers are still using money.

You’d think they’d have concern over it making the world go round.

I am also a proud antivaxx mother, flat earther, Trump enthusiast and know for a fact climate change isnt real.

There's no punchline, ive already told you the joke.

A man drove by an asylum and got a flat tire...

As he begins to change the tire, he sees a man in a window watching him from the insane asylum.

Nervous as he changes his tire, he drops the lugnuts down the sewer drain.

Now he's stuck on what to do

The patient in the window yells down at the man.
"Hey! ...hey! Up here! T...

When the Mystery Machine gets a flat, who gets out to change the tire?

Scooby-do

What to do when a flat earther calls you dumb

Tell them ,"your iq must be the same as the curvature of the earth."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipwreck, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on an deserted island...

They didnt know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasnt anybody else ...

I had a flat on the highway and walked 8 miles into town to the auto shop. The mechanic towed my car, fixed my tire and gave me a great deal on a new muffler.

Now I’m tired and exhausted.

Boyfriend: “The World is flat”

Girlfriend: Noo It isn’t you idiot..

Boyfriend: But you are my world baby...

Girlfriend: Awww you are so cu.... wait what!?!?

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

There is a new reality show where flat earthers try to travel to the edge of the world.

Unfortunately the finale is not a cliff hanger.

What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire?

Should've bought asparagus.

I wasn't always a Flat Earther. In fact, I used to believe the Earth was round...

...until your mom sat on it.

Two university students had a week of exams coming up but decided to party instead.

When they got to their exam they decided to tell the professor their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until th...

I got a flat tire outside of the Mental Institution.

I wrestled the tire off, but stripped out half of the nuts. "Great! What am I gonna do now?", I spit, angrily.

"Put one on every other lug, then drive cautiously to a place you can get some more." A patient was looking over the wall.

"How'd you know that?", I asked.

"I'm craz...

There are so many shows of flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the earth

They'll be so disappointed when they realise that not of them end on cliff hangers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

What did the Martian call the human who was ran over by a bus?

A flat earther

Why don't Flat Earthers care if they're having a bad day?

They're always on top of the world

What is the only key a piano can play in after it was dropped down the mine shaft?

Minor B flat

Teacher: How else do you call a G flat?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: Ges.

Student: I just said I don't know!

A salesman gets a flat tire in front of the insane asylum.

As he changes the tire a guy on the other side of the fence sits watching him.
In the process of changing the tire the salesman kicks the nuts holding the wheel and loses the nuts in a the stream next to the road.
Raging about and cursing his luck he's interrupted by the guy on the other sid...

The nearby brothel now offers a flat rate.

They call it All You Can Eat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

How many flat Earthers does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

All of them. But they will still fail to get the lights on and they'll just blame NASA for faking working lightbulbs.

Flat-Earthers believe in karma, too. They be like ' What goes around....

comes across'.

Flat earthers are the most self centered people

They actually think the universe revolves around them

So as predicted the economic crisis has hit my local area and all attention has turned to the hardship caused to small business. Its been a simply disastrous start to the week.....

Our bra manufacturer has gone bust.

The specialist in submersibles has gone under.

A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.

The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.

The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with orders.

A t...

What's the difference between Blizzard's dignity and Flat Earth Theory?

Some people still manage to believe in Flat Earth Theory.

What is the only thing a flat-earther truly fears?

It's sphere itself.

A flat earther was asked to describe fear...

They said there was nothing to fear but sphere itself.

I like to debate flat earthers

I will go to no ends to shut them up

The world is flat...

"The world is flat" said the boy to his girlfriend.

"Don't be stupid, the world is round" said the girl.

The boy replies "But, honey, you are my world".

What if we tell the flat earthers that the answers they are looking for are in Area 51

Then that way we get to watch people storm Area 51 and no one dies that anyone cares about!

An anti-vaxxer, a flat earthed and an scientist walk into a restaurant. They see a sign that says “Finish our famous 32 oz steak in 15 minutes with 2 friends, win $200! Entry fee: $50” The scientist looks at the other two and says “are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

He takes a brief pause and then says “Oh yeah I forgot, you two can’t think.”

A large semiaquatic rodent with webbed hind feet and a broad flat tail walks into a bar carrying a hammer and screwdriver.

He starts working on various wobbly bar stools, wonky tables, stuck doors, sagging rails and so on, fixing misalignments and straightening everything up, all the while humming and singing under his breath.

After several minutes of careful work to get everything straight and level he finishes...

Just found out today my boyfriend is a flat Earther

No wonder he never comes around

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard.

Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds an...

The Earth is flat!

Now I'm going to travel around the world to let everyone know.

A buddy of mine is one of those “flat Earther’s.” He said he’s angry and going to the edge.

I have a feeling he’ll come around.

What do you call an MTG player who's also a flat-earther?

A planeswalker.

When a flat-earther finds conclusive evidence against their beliefs...

...it’s important for them to know that it’s not the end of the world.

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