Flat Jokes

I mean, when was the last time you came across naturally carbonated ocean water?

That's the price of inflation.

Until they burried your mom beneath it.

I told him I didn’t believe him.
He said he would video himself walking to the edge of the world.
He’ll come around eventually.

...until they buried yo mama.

fiat earther: correct

me: huh?

fiat earther: it’s the shape of an Italian car

me: what?

fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

Is sphere itself!

Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?

I got a flat in a high-tech tire on my bicycle.

I contacted the manufacturer, and they downloaded a patch.

Unfortunately, it was a cheap, 2-bit patch

Only covered a quarter of the byte the dog took out of my tire.

"Not only is this world flat as the map truly shows it to be but all the places and physical features are also fictional!" He says

"Why do you think that?" Someone asks

"Because in the key on the side it says everything is a legend."

I forgot to zip up my trouser.

So a lady told me politely, "Sir, your garage is open".

I gave her a naughty smile as I zipped up and asked, "Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?".

She smiled back and said, "No, just one small Toyota with two flat tyres".

So they can stomp out forest fires.

Do you know why elephants have big flat feet?

So they can stomp out flaming Ducks.

a cutting board.

Then I turned 5.

No?

I didn't think so, he likes to keep a low profile.

I replied “No, it’s because when I get drunk I’ll surely end up banging you on the coffee table...”

If it were, cats would have knocked everything off the edge by now.

he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

He'll come around, eventually.

It’s made up of 70% Uncarbonated water!

A-spare-I-guess

Is relatively large organization with members all across the globe

Sadly I have no IKEA what it means.

One’s 2D

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas and orders three beers. He sits at the bar, drinking a sip out of each glass in turn.

This goes on for a few weeks till the bartender says " You know beer goes flat after pouring - why don't you just buy them one at a time?"

The cowboy replies, "Well,... read more

They ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve minors here”. E flat walks out while C and G have a fifth between the two of them.

“Mommy Mommy, all the other kids can only count to 4, but I counted all the way to 10! Is it because I'm blonde Mommy?”

“Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The girl returns home the following day even more ecstatic.

“Mommy mommy! When we dressed for gym class, all the oth... read more

Dad : Here's a riddle, son. What's flat & have 4 legs?

Son: A table.

Dad : Wrong.

Son : A stool.

Dad : Wrong again, son.

Son : I don't know dad. What's the answer?

Dad : It's Mr. Whiskers, our cat which I had just accidentally ran over with the car.

No pressure

They don't believe it.

While he's changing the tire he sees a patient on the other side of the fence observing him so he hurries. He gets the flat off and puts the spare on, but since he was rushing to get out of there, he accidentally drops all 4 lug nuts down a drain. While he's standing there staring at the spare wit... read more

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a milli... read more

He gets toad.

"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.

"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."

.....which has been nominated for the Golden Globe award.

The oceans are uncarbonated.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

His co-worker asks him “Hey Jim, what happened, man? Why are you late?”

“I got a flat on the way in. Cost me at least an hour dealing with it,” Jim grumbles.

“How’d you get a flat?”

“Eh, I ran over a bottle in the middle of a crosswalk.”

“In the middle of a crosswalk? Did... read more

Blue, because ice cream has no bones

They're both completely irrational.

Because there is always a rounding error.

Spheremint

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

Several years ago, in a very flat place called Kansas, there were two vultures named Beaksly and his son, Red. Life for these vultures was pretty simple. Wait for a predator or car to plow into an animal, then swoop in and devour the dead body.

However, Red was rapidly approaching what would ... read more

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

Because flattery will get you nowhere.

In the end, he came around.

Because if the Earth is round, their world would be pointless

on a plane

After about twenty minutes of vigorous pushing and maneuvering, the guy pants, “I think we’ll have to call it a day. There’s no way we’re getting it inside.”

The neighbor looks at him slowly, “**Wait, inside?!**”

… to his friends last night, a slightly tipsy man led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.

“What’s that for?” one of the guests asked.
“That’s the talking clock,” the man replied.
“How does it work?” asked his friend.
“Watch…” the man said, giving it a whack with... read more

He spent the last 10 years trying to share it, but no one replied to his emails.

A knife has a point

It is called Apartment Earth Society.

A life long Flat Earther named Greg dies and goes to Heaven.

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates he meets St Peter who says "Welcome to Heaven Greg, today is your lucky day you're one of hundred people who can ask a question to God

Greg: Can I ask him anything?

St Peter: Anything ... read more

Land's End

Half of the so-called “continents” are missing.

What's on the other side of the disk?

So a C, an E-flat and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
... read more

The surface of the earth is approx 70% water. None of it is carbonated, thus proving the earth is flat.

He arrives in heaven and is met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“You’ve lived your life free from sin and because of this, we welcome you into heaven my child.” Says Saint Peter.

The flat-Earther breathes a sigh of relief and starts to make his way through the gates of heaven. Before h... read more

He came around eventually.

You can't reach them with fax.

It apparently drives them over the edge

Until they found out...

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I ... read more

Living life on the edge.

"Mommy mommy! Today in school, everyone else only counted to 5, but I counted to 10!"

The mom replies, "That's great honey!"

Jenny then asks, "Is it because I'm blonde?"

"Yes sweetie" says the mom.

The next day, Jenny comes home skipping and calling out "Mommy mommy! To... read more

Now he lives in a flat

He liked to pita the fools

Its axle rose

I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.

Should have brought asparagus.

Just push ‘em off the edge.

You'd b-flat.

A flat Earther dies while trying to fly in a homemade rocket and goes to heaven. There he meets up with God and says, "Oh Supreme Lord!! Tell me with utmost honesty. Is Earth round or flat ? "

God replies, "It is round, my dear child."

The flat earther thinks, " Wow ! This whole thing ... read more

.... because I asked if the 1.5m social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.

that the Earth is Flat

there is a reason why shoes with Velcro straps come in adult size.

A Globe-a-phobe.

I told him to make up his mind.

He said it sounded like a C flat.

She was wrong on so many levels

I know because they told everyone in 5 minutes.

So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out and reached in the side compartment. I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so life like you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coat... read more

We have members around the globe. (credit https://thejokecafe.com )

…like what thanksgiving is to a turkey

What you watching?

Sci-fi.