My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.

In the end, he came around.

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

The only thing flat earthers fear

Is sphere itself

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat.

While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, wh...

When the Mystery Machine gets a flat, who gets out to change the tire?

Scooby-do

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it.

"It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each...

B flat, E flat, and G flat walk into a bar. The bartender stopped them and said,

"We don't serve minors"

Tweet: "There are flat earthers all around the globe"

Posted by: Flat Earth Society.

I don't think the earth is flat.

If it was, cats would knock everything off the edge.

Me: The world is flat

Girlfriend: No it’s not silly



Me: But you are my world

What to do when a flat earther calls you dumb

Tell them ,"your iq must be the same as the curvature of the earth."

I had a flat on the highway and walked 8 miles into town to the auto shop. The mechanic towed my car, fixed my tire and gave me a great deal on a new muffler.

Now I’m tired and exhausted.

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

On a plane

Her: Hey, is your stomach flat?

Me: Yes but the "L" is silent.

What do you say when you meet a flat-earther?

You're not from round here are ya?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man gets a flat tire and must find a place to stay for the night...

He knocks on the door of a nearby house and an old man greets him. The old man hears out the young mans predicament, and allows him to stay for a night. Later the young man hears strange noises coming from a red door on the other side of his room but goes to sleep anyway. Asking the old man the ne...

I had an argument with a flat earther once, I'm thinking of getting in touch with him again

I'm looking forward to round 2

A flat-earther's greatest fear is...

Sphere itself.

A man drove by an asylum and got a flat tire...

As he begins to change the tire, he sees a man in a window watching him from the insane asylum.

Nervous as he changes his tire, he drops the lugnuts down the sewer drain.

Now he's stuck on what to do

The patient in the window yells down at the man.
"Hey! ...hey! Up here! T...

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

There is a new reality show where flat earthers try to travel to the edge of the world.

Unfortunately the finale is not a cliff hanger.

The Earth used to be flat...

...until they buried yo momma.

Boyfriend: “The World is flat”

Girlfriend: Noo It isn’t you idiot..

Boyfriend: But you are my world baby...

Girlfriend: Awww you are so cu.... wait what!?!?

The nearby brothel now offers a flat rate.

They call it All You Can Eat.

Flat earthers are the most self centered people

They actually think the universe revolves around them

A salesman gets a flat tire in front of the insane asylum.

As he changes the tire a guy on the other side of the fence sits watching him.
In the process of changing the tire the salesman kicks the nuts holding the wheel and loses the nuts in a the stream next to the road.
Raging about and cursing his luck he's interrupted by the guy on the other sid...

What's the difference between Blizzard's dignity and Flat Earth Theory?

Some people still manage to believe in Flat Earth Theory.

Flat-Earthers believe in karma, too. They be like ' What goes around....

comes across'.

A friend of mine believes that the Earth is flat. I challenged him to prove it by walking off the edge…

He eventually came around!

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying...

There are so many shows of flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the earth

They'll be so disappointed when they realise that not of them end on cliff hangers

What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire?

Should've bought asparagus.

It’s surprising flat earthers are still using money.

You’d think they’d have concern over it making the world go round.

I got a flat tire outside of the Mental Institution.

I wrestled the tire off, but stripped out half of the nuts. "Great! What am I gonna do now?", I spit, angrily.

"Put one on every other lug, then drive cautiously to a place you can get some more." A patient was looking over the wall.

"How'd you know that?", I asked.

"I'm craz...

How many flat Earthers does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

All of them. But they will still fail to get the lights on and they'll just blame NASA for faking working lightbulbs.

What is the only thing a flat-earther truly fears?

It's sphere itself.

Teacher: How else do you call a G flat?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: Ges.

Student: I just said I don't know!

Why don't Flat Earthers care if they're having a bad day?

They're always on top of the world

The world is flat...

"The world is flat" said the boy to his girlfriend.

"Don't be stupid, the world is round" said the girl.

The boy replies "But, honey, you are my world".

I wasn't always a Flat Earther. In fact, I used to believe the Earth was round...

...until your mom sat on it.

A large semiaquatic rodent with webbed hind feet and a broad flat tail walks into a bar carrying a hammer and screwdriver.

He starts working on various wobbly bar stools, wonky tables, stuck doors, sagging rails and so on, fixing misalignments and straightening everything up, all the while humming and singing under his breath.

After several minutes of careful work to get everything straight and level he finishes...

A flat earther was asked to describe fear...

They said there was nothing to fear but sphere itself.

The Earth is flat!

Now I'm going to travel around the world to let everyone know.

What do you call an MTG player who's also a flat-earther?

A planeswalker.

Just found out today my boyfriend is a flat Earther

No wonder he never comes around

What if we tell the flat earthers that the answers they are looking for are in Area 51

Then that way we get to watch people storm Area 51 and no one dies that anyone cares about!

When a flat-earther finds conclusive evidence against their beliefs...

...it’s important for them to know that it’s not the end of the world.

I like to debate flat earthers

I will go to no ends to shut them up

What do you get when you combine a flat earther and their arrogance?

Flatulence.

Why couldn't the flat-Earther fit his luggage in his car?

No space.

An anti-vaxxer, a flat-earther and a holocaust denier walked into a bar

but got turned down by the bartender.

A Man Notices His Tires Look a Little Flat

He takes his car to a local gas station with an air pump for the tires. He looks at the price for five minutes of air, and it says "$1.50". He then realizes he left his wallet at home. When he comes back with his wallet, the sign for the air pump says "$20" for five minutes. Baffled, he goes inside ...

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo pass me the frisbee bro!"

How do you save a flat earther who's falling?

You don't because gravity doesn't exist.

Flat-Earthers always change what they say about the Flat Earth for their convenience. Luckily there aren't any other groups that do that.

Thank God.

Flat tire on a Reserve.

A man was driving through a First Nations Reserve when he had a flat tire and had to stop. As he was changing his tire he heard another vehicle pull up and figured it was somebody who would give him a hand changing the tire... He could see a Native man getting out of the vehicle and walking towards ...

What does the computer programmer call a car with a flat tire?

Floppy drive.

"Today I saw a homeless man living in a tire"

So I did a good deed and popped it.
"How is that a good deed?"
"Well he's now living in a flat."

What would be a terrifying game show for flat-earthers?

Sphere Factor

What’s the difference between a flat-earther and an anti-vaxxer?

Their google searches.

Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

An anti-vax mom and a flat-earther dad were having a friendly chat with their neighbor

The neighbor says, "Well I have to go but send my best wishes to the kids. Tell them I hope they can shoot for the moon."

The mom rather embarrassed says, "I'm sorry... In our family we don't allow shots at the moon."

Flat Earthers say we’ve never truly seen real pictures of the earth

but I’ve never seen my dad and I know he’s real

im starting to think the earth is flat.

it just doesnt seem that carbonated.

Honestly, I've never seen a flat earther. Maybe it's because they're two one dimensional.

Ba-dum-tisssh!

People keep telling me I have flat abs....

But English is a funny language.

I don't know why L is silent...

We staged an intervention with our flat-earther friend.

He said he felt cornered.

Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...

do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving down the road trough an isolated forest when suddenly he gets a flat tire

A man is driving down the road trough an isolated forest when suddenly he gets a flat tire.

He stops and starts changing the tire when a huge storm starts.

With all the rain the screws got washed away trough the sewers.

He's pissed and soaked lost in the middle of nowhere at nig...

When a flat-Earther acts carelessly, what is he doing?

Living on the edge.

A buddy of mine is one of those “flat Earther’s.” He said he’s angry and going to the edge.

I have a feeling he’ll come around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gruesome deaths

Three men go to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter tells them that heaven is currently overloading, and only people who have had particularly gruesome or sad deaths may enter. He then proceeds to ask the first man how he died.

"Well, it's a really weird story. I came home from work early because...

What size bra did Euclid's wife wear?

A because he only worked with flat surfaces

I don’t really like flat Earthers

They’re too edgy.


Someone probably came up with it before me, but I thought it was worth a shot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After I spend time convincing Flat Earther's that the Earth is in fact a sphere, I give them an orgasm.

You could say I make them come around

What do you say when you find out Earth isn’t flat?

That’s a relief.

Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."

The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".

Where do flat earthers shop for clothing?

Lands end

What is the worst thing about flat earthers?

They're becoming a global problem.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear

Is Sphere Itself.

my only joke i've ever came up with and it flat-out sucks.

no way around it.

If the Earth is flat...

...how come my life is perpetually going downhill?

Check mate, flat earthers

What's a flat-earther's least favorite gun?

A revolver.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane...

Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spy

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 -year old
son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on
all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
<...

What does a flat-earther do with a ball?

He plays Frisbee!

A man rings at the door of a flat. A lady opens the door.

He: "Hello, I'm a piano tuner."

She: "But I didn't ask for a tuner."

He: "I know, but your neigbours did."

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend once asked what I would do if my child turned out to be a flat-earther and I was dumbfounded

Still amazed that there are dumb nuts out there who think the planet is round and shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Flat Tire.

An Inuit is visiting Scotland and his rental car got a flat tire. After getting towed to the local Auto repair garage, the mechanic looks at it and says, "looks like you blew a seal."



To which the Inuit replied, "Well, you fucked a sheep."

Flat Earthers keep telling me I don't have proof the Earth is round because I've never seen it with my own eyes.

I get a bit confused, because I've definitely seen your mom before.

A man has been at the Pub all night drinking

The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door...

What scale does a piano play when thrown down a mineshaft?

A flat minor

Join the flat earth society! We don’t discriminate, because...

We have members all around the globe.

Yes. Flat earth is truly a global movement with a great “sphere” of influence.

There must be flat-earthers at Microsoft.

Or why would one call a browser for the worldwide web Edge?

Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?

The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.

I told my asian friend the earth was flat 3 times now

He still hasn't opened his eyes.

My ex-best friend used to be really nice to me, but ever since they found out I have flat feet, they've been mean to me and bullying me over it.

They're my arch-enemy now.

What do you get when you drop a piano into an coal mine?

A Flat Minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man got a flat tire...

A man got a flat tire. After pushing the car back home, he inspected the tire and found it severely damaged. Not wanting to throw it away, he tried to patch the holes, but there were too many of them. So he called his friend, a mechanic, to see if he could fix it.

"Wow, what a mess."

"...

Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.