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The five minute management course

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before ...

A man recently died after a periodic table display fell on him...

The official cause of death was "Exposure to the Elements".

I decided to take up a new art form called long exposures

the best part is, you don't even need a camera.

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My therapist is a genius!

Last week, he suggested we try "exposure therapy" where you face your fears head-on and overcome them.
HIM: So tell me, what are you afraid of?
ME: Well I'm claustrophobic and I'm scared of intimacy.
So he took me into the coatroom and fucked me.

My doctor recommended exposure therapy to get over my fear of being insulted, so she set me up with a specialist.

It turned out to be a great diss appointment.

I got a job as a flasher

The pay's mostly in exposure.

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Naked Cowboy

A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St. The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt. The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.

...

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Medical science has come a long way.

There's a tribe in Africa whose exposure to chemical runoff in the water from local mines created birth defects. One out of every three children are born with no eyelids. Volunteer doctors created a procedure where they take the foreskin from new born males and create eyelids for those born without ...

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A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

A lemon gets sick

A lemon is walking home late one night and gets caught in a thunderstorm. With no raincoat or umbrella around, he toughs it out and paces home as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, the lemon ends up catching a cold with some light fever and coughs from prolonged exposure in the rain and cold...

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

Why was the bad photographer arrested?

Indecent exposure

The flag on the moon.

The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "

A cop tried arrest me for indecent exposure once.

He had to let me go due to lack of evidence.

Today a woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

When I got face to face with the woman, I said, "Miss, are you aware that you could be cited for indecent exposure?"

"Why?" the woman asked.

"Well," I said, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby ...

I was arrested at the bank for indecent exposure

It wasn't my fault though. I was having trouble swiping my card through the machine and the teller said, "strip down facing me"

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Scientists have discovered that bees die because of exposure to boobs

They call it die-of-bee-tits

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people

Pun in, 10 dead

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You already know the legend of the Foo Bird...

...named after its purportedly plaintive cries of "Foo! Foo!" but renowned for its feces, which is said to become a deadly toxin on the skin upon exposure to air, giving us to the common piece of wisdom, "If the Foo shits, wear it."

However you may not know about the brave explorers who set o...

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Pope: paint me a beautiful art on the ceiling of the Sistine chapel and I will reward your work with exposure.

**Michaelangelo:** uhh sure sir, I will paint you a beautiful ceiling sir.

**Also Michaelangelo, mildly infuriated:** gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dick's out talking bout reward with exposure. Fuck you. Pay me.

Today my wife gave birth to our son and unfortunately he was born with a very rare skin condition.

My wife told me it is called a “pre-natal sun burn”. Apparently it can be caused by too much time in tanning beds or long exposure to the sun on the beach.

Essentially all it does is dye the pigments of the child’s skin dark brown but he shouldn’t feel any pain.

She told me that there...

Why did the cameraman using a fast shutter speed get arrested?

He got done for indecent exposure.

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Accidental Exposure

A man is walking down the street on a nice Spring day, casually gazing into the many shop window displays. Suddenly, he notices a woman walking in the opposite direction, and as she gets closer he notices that one of her breasts is hanging out of her blouse. She seems oblivious, and the man is in tw...

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I always send an invoice along with my dickpics

Us content creators can't survive on exposure alone.

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Why did the new Orleans man get arrested at the bar for indecent exposure?

He was beating Dick

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for indecent exposure at the aquarium?

The sicko likes to cuttlefish.

Can I press indecent exposure charges against stars?

Because today the sun mooned me.

I wrote a joke about indecent exposure.

You probably won't want to see it though.

I got arrested for indecent exposure.

They've sent me to the Small Claims Court.

Three frogs are arrested for indecent exposure.

So three frogs are arrested and taken to court for indecent exposure. The judge orders the first frog to approach. He asks the frog's name to which the first frog responds "My name is Frog." "Well frog, what do you have to say about these charges brought against you?" "I was in the swamp, blowing bu...

If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me naked...

...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure.

"It was a misunderstanding, your honor" says a man who is in court for indecent exposure.

"Explain the statement," the judge demanded. "Well you see this girl and I were drinking at the bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman --- so I showed her"

- Got this one from my uncle, never heard it before

All exposure is good exposure.

-Louis C K

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What is the difference between a good Dick pic and a bad one?

The exposure.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a crappy day. I got stopped and the police officer wrote me a ticket for not having hubcaps on my car," he tells the bartender. "What? That's not illegal" the bartender says. "That's what I thought, too. But he wrote me a ticket for indecent exposure,"...

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them.

The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...

I like you, in a plutonic way.

"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"

No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.

Forgive me for this...

One hot summer day, a cop gets a call about an indecent exposure. He rushes over to the address and is directed to the house next door where he sees an old woman, eating watermelon, dress hitched up to her waist, and no underwear on.

He walks up the driveway towards this woman about to arrest...

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I got arrested for indecent exposure after my neighbour claimed he could see my penis.

Maybe he should get a smaller postbox?

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

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I asked one of the strippers if I could have a topless dance. She said, "Of course."

I was escorted out shortly after for "indecent exposure"

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THE BLONDE COWBOY

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde
Cowboy coming down the street with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun,
And his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you dressed like
This?'

T...

The sign said “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”

It never said anything about pants, so I don’t understand why I got arrested for “indecent exposure”?

The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm...

Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure...

Yo mama's so ugly

She took off her facemask during quarantine and was arrested for indecent exposure

A man decides to sell his Jeep Wrangler

Because his friends keep giving him a hard time about the car saying it’s a vehicle made for teenage girls, the Jeep owner decided to go ahead and sell it.

One of the man’s friends felt pretty bad about it and decided to help him out, telling the owner that he would drive it around with the ...

My boss says he can't afford to pay me during this pandemic...

But luckily he says I can work for exposure.

Hey guys, I’m looking to hire a group of people to move toxic waste from a nearby nuclear reactor.

I’m not gonna pay anyone but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of exposure.

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Two men died and went to hell

Guy A asked Guy B how he died. Guy B said “long exposure to the cold, hypothermia. How about you?”.

Guy A said “i decided to come home early to surprise my wife, but i found her in the bed naked and there were guy clothes on the floor. I confronted her but she refused to admit she was cheatin...

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of...

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A male stripper goes into a restaurant. He sees a beautiful young nun and decides he wants to do the dirty on her.

So he decides to propose to her directly.
"Ey girl how you doin? What do you think about leaving that chastity aside and come with me for a good time?"
The nun angrily answers, "I am a woman of no man, only God! To hell with you, sinner!"
The man goes to a table, defeated, but then his wait...

Why was the photo I took of an artist not good?

It had too much exposure.

I just heard about IG influencers stripping down at Chernobyl

I guess they really want exposure.

I need someone good with photography to brighten all my images for me.

Hoping you'll do it for the exposure.

My dad died a few months ago

The funeral was last weekend, and during the body exposure, my first brother went to his coffin and said: "Dad, I would be nothing without you. You were always there in times of need and I feel like I owe you something". So he took out 200$ out of his wallet and dropped it in the coffin. Then, my se...

A man goes to an open mic at the local jazz club

He gets on stage and starts scatting.

He's promptly arrested for indecent exposure.

I got an internship job at a nudist camp

I’m doing it for the exposure

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There once was a country with strict population growth rules.

The population was so low, the government had enacted a law that required all couples to have children within 5 years of their marriage. Should a couple fail to produce a child during this period, a government official would be sent to "get the job done".

Such was the situation of a couple, w...

Did you know that non vaxxed kids had super abilities?

Their bodies are way more sensible to environmental exposure, and they can hear a sneeze from miles away.

Sometimes I wish I was a Tree

So I could make a living from all the exposure I get from an unpaid internship.

Did you hear about the exhibitionist who occasionally does free work to get the word out?

He works for exposure.

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

Did you hear about that photographer that got locked in his dark room?

By the time they found the body he'd died of exposure.

What do social media Influencers and perverts have in common?

They both think people want their exposure.

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

Why do artists hate working in really cold environments?

Because all they get is exposure.

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What do you call it when lightbulbs sexually harrass others?

Incandescent exposure.

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Did you hear about the artist that painted nude models for free?

He did it for the exposure.

Why are flashers always so poor?

Because they're only doing it for the exposure.

3 old ladies are in a park

Three elderly grey ladies are sitting on a bench feeding birds in the park. Suddenly, a man runs in front of them and whips open his trench coat, to reveal he's wearing nothing underneath!

Astonished at the exposure the first Lady has a stroke. The second Lady has a stroke.

And
...

I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant

The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.

Germs boost your immune system

They say that exposure germs boosts your immune system. So to ensure a healthy amount of exposure, a couple times a week I take a sip of some tea that's been sitting out for a few days. I don't plan it.....
But it still happens :(

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A professional photographer with a 10' penis was caught revealing himself to passers by on a busy high street yesterday

He's been arrested and charged for the long exposure.

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I went fishing recently and caught a 20lb sea bass. I tried to mount it

But I was arrested for indecent exposure.

Why did the bar owner flash the band after their last set?

To pay them with exposure.

I was pulled over by the police today, so I whipped out my nine millimetre...

After they stopped laughing, they arrested me for indecent exposure.

It's important to show a woman how you feel about her

The police called it 'indecent exposure' but whatever...

A man is going out of town on a buisness trip

So he asks his brother to watch his cat. Two weeks into the trip he calls his brother.

Man: "So, how is my cat?"

Brother""Well listen the cat died"

Man: "That's not how you break something like that to someone. That cat really meant a lot to me. You should have said something li...

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Internet recipe competition

There was a new competition for people to post their favorite recipes and the prize for the winner was to be featured on the front page of the local newspaper and the town website.

In an effort to save time and effort, the participants were told to submit these recipes online.

People ...

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My friend said he didn't want anyone to hire strippers for his Bachelor Party

So I'm getting ones who will do it just for the exposure.

I was in the bath when the doorbell rang.

I hopped out and ran to answer it. When I did, there was a policeman standing there. He said, "Sir, you are under arrest."

I said, "What? What for?!"

He said, "Indecent exposure."

A hobbyist metalsmith was arrested for displaying his handmade pennies in public. What was he charged with?

Indie-cent exposure.

A beautiful lady once asked me what I like in a woman.

I got six months for indecent exposure.

Did you hear about the famous nudist?

He wanted more exposure.

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The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos

They charged him with "indecent exposure"

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