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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

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A man walks into a bank and says to the the clerk, “I want to open a fucking account in this damn bank.”

The woman, astonished, replies: “I beg your pardon, such language is not tolerated in our bank.”

She then leaves the window and walks over to her manager to explain the situation.

The manager agrees that the clerk shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of language.

They both re...

The Blind Sales Clerk

A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about...

A guy walks into a lumber yard and orders some 2x4’s. Clerk asks how long he needs them.

“A long time” he says.
“We’re building a house”

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and tells the woman at the counter, "I need to have an outfit washed."

The clerk was busy and slightly distracted, so she looked up from her work and said, "Come again?"

The blonde said, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

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Clerk: What may I help you with?

Me: You shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition.

Clerk: OK. What may I help you with, bitch?

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A man goes to the hardware store and tells the clerk he needs to cut down some trees.

The clerk sells him a chain saw. About three hours later the man returns, covered in sweat.

He tells the clerk, "This didn't work at all. It took me two hours to cut down one medium size tree"

The clerk takes the saw and says ,"Let's see what is wrong with it", then starts up the saw...

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”

The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

Dog walks into a telegraph office...

Says he wants to send a message.

"Sure" says the clerk, "what's the message?"

"Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof."

Clerk says, "OK, but for the same price, there's enough room for one more 'woof'".

Dog wrinkles his brow and replies, "But that wouldn't make...

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

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A man was being sold a very cheap suit.

“But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”

“But the right leg is way too shor...

A man wanted a chicken of his own to lay fresh eggs for him. He went to a farm supply store that had chickens and tried to buy one, but he was denied because he wasn't a registered farmer. The clerk said, "Sorry sir. . ."

"No farm, no fowl."

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A louse enters the employment bureau and says, "I'm unemployed, what to do?"

The clerk looks at the computer and says, "I can offer you a job in Danny's mustache."

"Great", says the louse, and the next day she goes to work.

Two days later she comes back, "I can not work in Danny's mustache - He smokes a lot, and I have asthma."

"Well", says the clerk, ...

A blonde went to city hall to register to vote. The clerk asked her, "When s your birthday?" She replied, 'June 10."

The clerk asked, "What year?"
The blonde said, "Every year."

BANK CLERK: The maximum you can withdraw is £10.

ME: Ok [slipping them £5] how about now?

BANK CLERK: The maximum you can withdraw is £15.

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A businessman was going on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

So he went to a sex shop and started looking around. He goes up to the clerk and explains his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, strap ons, eggs, bullets, wing-wangers and fling-flongers..."

The Businessman in...

A woman has a failing marriage, and she feels bad about it.

Her husband won't listen to her or acknowledge her, or anything. All he does is sit on the couch watching football and waiting for meals. The woman decides to go to the pet store to find a pet.

At the store, she sees all sorts of animals, such as fish, dogs, cats, parrots, and even a horse. S...

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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes right into her bosom.

"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your bosom, i know you'll forgive me. "
She turned to him and said " And if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 211"

I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me, "how do you want this to be put away?"

I told him "baguette"

“How much to buy a singing ensemble!?” I asked the clerk. Puzzled, he questioned, "You mean a choir?"

“Fine! How much to acquire a singing ensemble!?”

Did you hear about the billing-clerk who went insane?

He began to hear strange and threatening invoices.

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Smart grocery clerk

A customer walks over to the cash and deposits one apple, one orange, one banana and a box of Mac 'n cheese (KD for all my fellow Canuckians). The clerk looks over at the customer:

- You must be single.
- Oh so just because I only have ONE of each item, you've determined that I'm single?...

I asked the clerk where the Terminator action figures were

She said "Aisle B, back".

An almost blind guy walked into Lover's Lane to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $500 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit.

But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all.
So she came downstairs completely naked.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."

A dog walks into the unemployment office..

"I need a job." He said, in perfect English.

Surprised, the clerk says "I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?"

"If you like." Replied the dog. "But why would the circus need an architect?"

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A guy goes to a book store and asks the clerk if they have any books for guys with small dicks. The clerk says, "It's not in yet"

The guy says, "That's the one!"

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A wife asks her husband to buy a guard dog for their house.

The husband goes to the pet store and asks the clerk for a guard dog.

"I'm sorry," says the clerk. "We're all out of guard dogs. But we do have a guard cat."

"A guard cat?" says the confused husband.

"Yes," replies the clerk. "Allow me to explain." He puts a carpet on the floor ...

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Hot blond is filling out a form. Where it says "sex" she put "Infrequently". The clerk asked her....

"Is that one word or two?"

While browsing the poultry market, the clerk asked me if I would like try some goose...

...I told him no thanks, I was just gonna take a gander.

A 70-year-old woman chose to remain overnight in a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday.

The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.

"It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast," she told the clerk.

...

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Monday morning, Joe, the court clerk, finds a note on his desk.

Memo: Attn: Joe, Court Clerk...

From: Judge Frank...

Today's tasks:

1) Contact hysterical woman who you emailed Friday about her being sentenced to go to the rapist because her actions contributed to mans laughter.

2) Fix your keyboard. The spacebar sticks.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

A man walks into a shop in Soviet Russia.

He asks the clerk, “You don’t have any meat?”

The clerk says, “No, here we don’t have any fish. The shop that doesn’t have any meat is across the street.”

Upon arriving in hell, you’re surprised to find a clerk asking you “In which military would you like to serve?” Turns out Alexander the Great, Napoleon, and Otto Von Bismarck overthrew Satan centuries ago and have been fighting each other ever since.

“Oh, that’s an easy one.”

The clerk looked at me, skeptical.
“You don’t even want to talk to a recruiter? They can tell you all about the perks of each side.”

“No thank you. I know Napoleon will never lose.”

“Well, that’s a pretty strong allegiance... sure you don’t want to ...

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A German Shepherd walks into a Western Union

He goes up to the window, noses a form toward the clerk, and seems to indicate he wants to send a message.


The clerk is amused and laughs a little as she says, "okay, boy, what do you want it to say?"


The dog barks, "Woof-woof, woof-woof-woof, woof, woof-woof."

The clerk...

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An old lady walks into a sex shop

An old lady walks into a sex shop. She looks around, and looks around, and keeps looking.

Eventually she tells the clerk: “show me that red one”
He replies: “that’s the fire extinguisher”

I asked the Southwest Airlines clerk her personal and honest opinion if it was safe to fly during the pandemic.

She said "I'm not sure... it's up in the air."

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An 18-year old boy and his girlfriend are going camping for the weekend and plan to lose their virginity to each other

Bursting with excitement, the boy walks into a drug store to buy some condoms. He notices they come in packs of 3, 6, and 12.

He's a bit confused, so he calls the clerk over, and asks “Excuse me sir, but why are the condoms packaged this way?”

The kindly old clerk replies, with a sly g...

Cat and Dog Food

A man goes into an all purpose store for some dog food. The clerk asks if the man has a dog, the man says yes. The clerk is skeptical and asks if the guy brought his dog, the man says no so the clerk refuses him service. The man is annoyed but not too angry. The next day the man goes back to the st...

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A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat

Too many seniors are buying cat food to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the la...

Mexican book store

Mexican book store.

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"
The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, ...

A man walks up to the store clerk and asks "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or...

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I was watching a bunch shoe store clerks arguing at a grocery store checkout line ...

It just kept escalating until an all-out bawl broke out at the store. At the end, the shoe store guys kicked the crap out of all the grocery packers. Just goes to show...

Baggers can't beat Shoes'ers ...

An ugly arrogant woman NSFW

An ugly arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7.

Why the h...

I was buying condoms and the clerk asked me if I wanted a bag.

I responded, "no thanks, she's not that ugly"

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A deeply Christian couple book into a hotel and say to the clerk....

"We hope the porn in the room is disabled?"

clerk replies "No it's just regular porn you sick bastards"

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?" The clerk said, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the man said and hung up.

A guy asks for a condom in a drugstore.

The clerk tells him –“I need to know how wide are you to give you the correct size”. He tells her he has no idea. So pharmacist hands him a wooden board with different diameter holes in it and tells him to go to bathroom and measure. He comes back 15 minutes letter and tells her – “The Hell with th...

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6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

A man walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk if he's got any helicopter flavored potato chips.

The clerk's replies, no, sorry, we're all out...

But, I've got plane.

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A man on vacation with his family arrives at a hotel.

As he's checking in, he says to the clerk, "I'm on vacation with my family, please make sure the porn channel is disabled"

The clerk replies in disgust, "It's just regular porn, you sick fuck"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is resting on a Saturday

A man is resting on a Saturday when his wife comes in, wakes him up and tells him she needs laundry detergent.
He reluctantly gets up, gets dressed and exits his apartment on the 10th floor. He presses the elevator button only to find out it’s broken, he goes down the stairs and goes to the supe...

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, ...

... but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.

"Th...

Bought a pair of new shoes the other day - clerk said they might be a bit tight the first couple of days.

That’s fine I said - I’m not gonna wear them until Friday.

That's some strong detergent

A little boy goes into the only grocery store in his small rural town. He asks the clerk for a box of laundry soap. The old man at the counter asked what kind to which the little boy replied "It don't matter, I'm just usin' it ta give my dog a bath anyway." The clerk warned him "That stuff is pretty...

Insurance clerk: "Where were you born, Sir?"

Man: "In the United States."

Insurance clerk: "OK, and which part?"

Man: "My entire body."

A young man walks into a record store and asks the clerk, “Do you have anything by the Doors?”

“Sure,” replies the clerk, “a mop bucket and a fire extinguisher.”

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A guy goes into a bank, and the clerk asks "Can I help you sir?"

A guy goes into a bank.

Clerk: "Can I help you, sir"

Guy: "Yea you fucking bitch, I want to open a fucking account"

Clerk: "Please there’s no need for cursing"

Guy: "I just want to open a fucking account."

Clerk: "Sir I’ll help you but watch your language"

S...

[NSFW] After their wedding reception, the newly weds went to their hotel to check in.

"Do you have reservations?" the desk clerk asked.
"Only one" replied the man. "She says she won't do anal"

One day - a woman decides to save up money and get a facelift for herself

On her way home she stopped at a shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," he replied.

"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for...

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A big muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store...

..and asks, “W-w-w-what’s y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w whats y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?” Again, the clerk doesnt answer him. The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-whats y-y-your L-...

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Three men checked into a hotel. The clerk at the counter told them there are only one room left. Three men decided to share the bed.

Next morning, the man that slept in the right side of the bed said, "I had a really weird dream last night, I dreamed that someone jerked me off."

The man that slept in the left side said, "That's weird, I had the same dream!"

The man in the middle said, "I had a different dream, I dre...

An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome

An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks ...

I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance

I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.

A guy is driving his girlfriend home

...when she decides she wants to go to her friend’s instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her.

The guy says OK and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he crashes the car an...

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My wife and i made a list of people we would have sex if we got the opportunity

She chose Channing Tatum,David Beckham,Brad Pitt,Chris Hemsworth and Bradley Cooper.I chose her sister,her cousin that was at our wedding,neighbours wife,girl that works as a clerk in Walmart and our son’s biology teacher

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee.

I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly.

At the window, there was a delay.

Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated.

"I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

A bakery owner hires a young, attractive female clerk ...

...who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and spots the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread, pl...

A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for a while, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”

Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, “Of course we’ll have some soon. We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drew the clerk aside. “Never,” he snarled, “Never, never, never say we’re out of anything- say we’ve got it on order and it’s coming. Now, what was it s...

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees

The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many” I said.

“That one is a freebie”

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A man walks in a sperm bank with a gun.

A man walks into a sperm bank with the gun, and orders the lady at the desk to open the safe. Startled, she tells him "sir this is a sperm bank, there is no money in here." Annoyed, he then tells her "I told you to open the damn safe!"

She opens it and gets a vial of sperm out. "Now drink it...

Two guys are waiting in the unemployment line.

Two guys waiting in the unemployment line worked side by side in the factory for 17 years before it closed down.

First guy up to the window doesn’t speak good English.

The Clerk asks, “What was your occupation?”

Man: “Dieselfitter”

Clerk: (looks in book) “ok that’s $795...

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

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A man stores his money in a bank

A well looking man is at the bank and wants to deposit 100,000$, the bank manager gets closer to him and says:

"I have notice that you deposit huge amounts of cash every few days, is it OK if I ask, where to do find the money?"

"I'm betting" says the man

"what kind of betting?"<...

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Today I was at the bookstore; as I was wandering around, the clerk stopped me and offered to help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"



The clerk angrily said, "Fuck off, get out and stay out!"



I said, "Yes! That's the one. Do y...

I went to the hardware store, the clerk asked me "how long do you want your screws to be?

I said "10-15 minutes is optimal, but it depends how I'm feeling"

I'm at a Mexican electronics store and the clerk asked me what kind of cables I was looking for.

I told him, "Audios."

He left and hasn't come back since.

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

I am an accounts payable clerk. It’s no a glamorous job

But it pays the bills

A rabbit walks in to a cake shop.

He walks up to the counter and asks " Do you have a birthday cake with spinach?" "No I'm sorry we don't" says the store clerk. "Ok" says the rabbit and promptly bounces out of the store. The rabbit comes back a couple of times and asks the same question and gets the same answer so the store owner de...

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I ran into the gas station with my mask on saying, "This is a Stick Up!"

The clerk laughed.

The man paying for a coffee laughed.

The lady grabbing a candy bar laughed.

They thought I was joking, so I quickly made a small purchase.

When the cashier had the drawer open, I said hand me the large bills and a carton behind the counter.

The c...

Just finished buying the family Christmas tree and as the clerk was tying it down he asked me, "So you plan on putting this up yourself then?"

"No you sicko- I was thinking in front of the window in the den."

I asked the clerk at the store if a body would fit in this suitcase

I'm just kidding, i'm going to cut it up.

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I asked the bookstore clerk if he had Trump’s new book on border security.

He said “Fuck you! Get out and stay out!” I replied, “ Yes- that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

A dog goes into a post office to send a telegram...

The clerk gives him the relevant form and he goes to the desk to fill it in.

When he has finished he hands it back to the clerk with the fee and the clerk reads it through.

The message reads ” Woof woof, woof woof woof; woof woof, woof woof woof.”

The clerk then tells the dog th...

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

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Two nuns go into a liquor store

They want to buy a gallon of MD2020, the clerk says I can’t sell alcohol to nuns. The nuns say it’s for mother superiors constipation, so he sells it to them. A half an hour later the clerk goes to take out the trash and he finds the two nuns stinking drunk. He says Sisters I’m shocked, you said it ...

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A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop...

Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.”

Clerk: “Sorry kid, we're out of chocolate.”

Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “No, no, you don't understand, it’s *chocolate* we're out of,”

Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gim...

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Voodoo Dick.

There was a man that often went away on business trips. While he was away on his trips, his wife would get very... frustrated. So, before a long trip, the husband wanted to get his wife something special to help the 'lonliness' while he was away.

He went to his local sex shop, and talked to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn is porn

So, I overheard this conversation in a hotel lobby:

A guest arrives in a hotel quite late, goes to the desk and ask for a room which he gets. The guest receives the keys, and goes off to his room. Just before taking the stairs he turns around and asks the clerk: "Oh just one question. Is the ...

First date

A man goes to the store to buy some condoms. The clerk asks if he needs a bag. He says no thanks, she's not that ugly.

A man is applying for Australian citizenship when the clerk asks "Do you have a criminal record?"

"No" the man says. "Is that still required?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bank

He's wearing a mask goes up to counter and makes a finger gun symbol

The clerk asks him still in shock 'i- i- is- this a stick up'

The man looks at the ground and goes 'No!, I forgot my gun this is a fuck up'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oldie but goodie.

There once was a small town, plagued with Foo birds. These were small but loathsome things. Harbingers of death, these birds were. Wherever they poo’d there would be death. The townsfolk were afraid to walk under trees and power lines, in case they became a Foo bird’s next victim.

Well one d...

I walked into a shop and asked for contraception. The store clerk gave me a huge metal disk instead...

"I'm sorry, but I think there's been a misunderstanding" I said.

The clerk replied "I thought you asked for a condom?"

I nodded

The clerk responds "That's why I gave you a man hole cover"

I walked into a bookstore and told the clerk...

I walked into a bookstore and I told the clerk, "I'm looking for a book called, 'How to Deal with Rejection without Killing'... Do you have it?? **Do you have it?**"

A guy was checking out at a supermarket with an attractive young clerk.

She scanned the frozen dinners, the beer, the ramen noodles and kept giving him eyes in between each scan.

As she scanned the condoms she looks and him and says, "Single huh?"

He replies, "yea, how'd you know?"

She says, "Because you're ugly."

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A man went into the Job Center in Denver and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read:
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so the...

Why can't clerks at the grocery store pick which cashier they work with?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

A young sales clerk removed an old mans sunglasses and insisted he tries on a new pair.

"I can't see myself wearing these" said the old man.

"Why not?" asked the clerk.

"Because I'm blind".

Me: Thanks for always being there for me. *leans in for a kiss*

Liquor store clerk: Sir, please just pay for your stuff and leave.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She’s gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I ...

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A woman in a supermarket rushed to the checkout counter with a few items,

The clerk had his back turned to her, so she said, "Excuse me, I'm in a bit of a hurry so could you please check me out?"
The clerk swerved round, looked the woman up and down, then said "Nice tits."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your mom walks into a sex shop and the clerk directs her to where they keep the vibrators. She points to one she likes and tells him: "I'll take that red one." The clerk responds:

"Ma'am, the vibrators are on the wall next to the fire extinguisher."

A man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him...

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay".

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Goodbye Mum" as I leave the store, it would ...

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A blondie goes to the casino

A beautiful blonde girl goes to the casino with all her cash and sits at the roulette desk. She goes to the clerk and asks if she can play being nude.

The amused clerk asked, "This is an open club and you are free to do anything you want but why would you do something like this?", to which t...

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

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NSFW : He just LOVES to fish!

A couple checks into a seedy motel and asks for the Honeymoon suite. Around 3:30am the groom all decked out completely in fishing gear comes walzing thru the lobby and headed for the door.

Overcome with curiosity the desk clerk stops him and asks, "Aren't you the fellow that just checked in a...

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would no...

Thanksgiving Dinner

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says "I've been invited to Thanksgiving dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"

Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after pay...

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A man walks into a cheese shop

"Welcome to the towns greatest cheese shop. We have all that you might want. So, what will it be?" asks the clerk.

"Nacho cheese" responds the man

Suddenly angry, the clerk shouts at the man: "Then why the fuck are you here!"

I was at the store and I asked the clerk to please give me 50 condoms to buy....

I heard two girls snicker behind me so I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, make that 52 condoms.

There is a clerk at the butcher shop. He is 5'10" and wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weight?

Meat.

A construction worker.

A construction worker on his first day was tasked with picking up supplies from the lumberyard.


He walked into the office and said, "We need some 4x2s."


The clerk said, "You mean 2x4s, right?"


The worker said, "Let me go check,"

He went back to the truck, soo...

A member of the Soviet Union wants to buy a car

The man goes to the official agency, puts down his money and is told that he can take delivery of his automobile in exactly 10 years.

“Morning or afternoon?'' the purchaser asks.

“Ten years from now, what difference does it make?'' replies the clerk.

''Well,'' says the car-buyer...

While on vacation the desk clerk at the London hotel told me I'd only get the key to my room if I presented him with 250 pounds...

... so I introduced him to my wife.

Newlyweds tell the hotel desk clerk "we need a room we just got married!" Clerk says "would you like a bridal?"

The husband replies" no I'll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes into the courthouse and says...

"Hello, my name is Alexander Dickwank."
"That's... unfortunate", replies the clerk, "are you here for a name change?"
"Indeed, I would like to change my first name to Edward."

Buying my first box of condoms

A young man buys his first pack of condoms for $10. The clerk says “that’ll be $10.60.” The boy says “I only have $10. What’s the extra 60 cents for?” The clerk says “That’s for the tax on ‘em.” The boy says, “Ooh. I thought they stayed on by themselves.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady walks into a jewelry shop and leans over to look at a ring.

While bent over, she lets out a ripper of a fart. Shocked, she looks at the clerk who appears not to have noticed.

"Excuse me sir," she asks. "How much is this ring?"

The clerk walks over, looks her in the eyes and says:

"If you farted when you saw it, you'll shit yourself when...

Jimmy gets off work and heads to his local brothel.

When he arrives he says to the clerk, I can only spare a few dollars what can this get me? So the clerk reaches all the way to the top hook and hands him a key and says down the hall, last door on the left.

When Jimmy gets in the room its pretty dark but he manages to make his way over to th...

A man with penguins in his car

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots four penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?”

The man in the car says “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven’...

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A man goes to the store to buy some beef Jerky...

The clerk at the counter asks "is that everything sir?"

The man licks his lips and says "yep. Just the jerky"

The clerk responds "OK, but please don't lick my lips ever again."

Today I went to the post office to mail 20 letters...

so I bought 20 stamps...and the clerk just handed them to me. So I said "Am I supposed to stick all these on myself?"...and she said "No. Stick them on the envelopes.."

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

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