Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,

"No, just leave it in the carton! "


P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on her face was priceless.

Cashier: Scans Condoms

“Do you need a bag sir?”

Me: Jesus, she’s not that ugly

My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."

She took one out, put it on her thumb and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was.

"Just a minute." she said and locked the door.

She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra.<...

Cashier: do you want cash back?

Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's Ring of Fire, I Walk The Line. Let's not forget his Christmas album

At the store, the cashier asks, “Do you want the milk in the bag?”

“I think it’s fine in the jug”

An old lady returns to a grocery store and approaches the cashier.

Cashier: "Hello, how can I help you?"

Lady: "I think you made a mistake with the change, yesterday. There is a difference of €50!"

Cashier: "I'm sorry, but I cannot accept any claims once you have left the store yesterday. Next time, please come to us immediately whenever you have con...

I don’t insert my card into the chip reader until the cashier tells me the price,

Because consent is important.

When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.

I still don't know if I like self-checkout.

God walks into a DIY store in Lancashire looking for an ornamental well for the garden of Eden. Not sure where to look, he seeks a cashier for directions...

Before god says a word, the cashier recognises the big guy and says "well, I'll be!"

God replies "I thought I was the only one with super powers?! Thanks." and off he goes to the second isle.

The cashier got my wife with this at the store just now then she got me at home with it. It only works verbally, but I wanted to share.

Cashier: Did you hear about the famous actress that stabbed her husband today?

wife: No who?

Cashier: Reese...um...

Wife: Witherspoon?

Cashier: No, with her knife!

I was buying some condoms and the cashier said "would you like a bag with that"

I said "nice try, but this wasn't funny the first 100 times I read this repost, and it isn't funny now"

Bought some condoms at the store today, cashier asked if I wanted a bag.

I said “no thanks, she’s actually quite pretty”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man goes to a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer, the cashier asks him where he got him

The parrot said Africa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...

"Have you any two watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That’ll do, I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn’t have any."
"Any what?"
"Yes please!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Curious cashier

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the...

Why does the cashier at the grocery store always ask if you want paper or plastic?

...because baggers can't be choosers.

I was buying fish the other day and asked the cashier for a plastic bag...

He said it was already inside

Why did the cashier not switch job?

There was no room for change!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman visits a flower shop to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and inquires about its origin.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Y...

A woman goes to the store to buy a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk. The cashier guesses that she is single and she is shocked. She asks how he knew

He said it's because she's ugly

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries, the cashier said...

the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."


Making a mental note to complain to my local MP about this running amok,over-enthusiastic security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed....
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referrin...

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter

The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier. Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter. "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier. "Yes I d...

My girlfriend dumped me because I was obsessed with my job as a cashier.

I said, "Would you like your receipt in case you change your mind?"

A guy named Soprano was fired from his job as a cashier.

When asked if he could break a C-note, he was too high to register.

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

A guy goes to a pet shops and goes to the cashier and says..

I need a pet, and I want something different. My bird died and he was great and all but he stopped talking at the end of his life. The cashier says I have just the thing for you, a talking centipede.

The man was surprised, but he said what the heck and bought the talking centipede.

O...

Why did the Bhuddist cashier pull coins out his ass?

Because change comes from within

A weasel walks into a gas station with a ski mask and a gun, demanding that the cashier puts everything in a bag for him. The cashier says “wow! A weasel!! I’ve never seen one in real life before!”

*pop goes the weasel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When checking out at Walmart I always pick the sexiest cashier...

I always end up at self checkout.

Cashiers have a thing for me.

They keep checking me out.

Cashiers are always checking me out

That's the closest I'll ever get to a woman being interested in me

The cashier at the Hand Gestures Store told me they were having a sale on slaps today.

So I told him, "Give me five!"

When the cashier said, "strip down, facing me"

How was I to know she meant my debit card?

The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I’m buying a giant tub of whiteout.

Big mistake.

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

An anti-vax mom is at a cashier

"you should give me a discount! It's my son's 3rd birthday", She says

The cashier then replied "in that case, I'll apply the senior discount"

Breaking News: Wal-Mart to close 400 stores in the US

Sources say it would put 12 cashiers out of work

A Rastaman walks into a bank

A Rastaman goes to the bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over cashier....shocked, the cashier asks

"What's this for?"

The Rastaman replies...

"I man is here to open a join account"

A guy goes to Victoria's Secret to buy a babydoll... the cashier asks him if it is a surprise for his wife and he said...

it will be if she finds out!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I reported a cashier to her management for sexually harassing me

She was checking me out.

A man walks into the store to buy condoms

Cashier: This is your third time buying condoms this week! What's your secret?

Man: what can I say, the ladies love me. In fact , Ive probably slept with every girl in this county except my sister and my mother.

Cashier: Huh. Well between the two of us we've got 'em all then!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the grocery store, I went to the checkout line with the cute cashier...

I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.

Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.

As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"

I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, w...

Cashier: you're 8 cents short

Me: it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide

Cashier: no

Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now

I always give 110% at my work

Yet the boss always scold me. Geez, being a cashier is hard.

I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

What do cashiers and insomnia have in common?

They'll both give you bags and make you miserable

A guy walks into a bar.

He notices there are multiple assortments of meat hanging from the ceiling. The cashier, after seeing him confused, told him it was a competition and told him the rules.

“If you can hop up and slap one of those cuts, you get free drinks till tomorrow. If you miss, you pay for everybody’s drin...

Girlfriends parents weren’t home, hormones were flowing, I stopped at a gas station to grab a box of rubbers. Cashier - “Do you need a bag with that?”

Me - No man! She’s beautiful!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the garden store and bought a Christmas tree. The cashier asked “will you be putting that up yourself?”

To which I replied “no you sick bastard it’s going in my living room.”

I walked up to the really depressed cashier.

He scanned all my items. I said, "So, what's the damage?"

"£42.53," he muttered.

I said, "I was referring to you."

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier "do you have extra large condoms".

the cashier says "yes, second aisle to the left. You wanna buy some?"

the woman says

"No, but would you mind if I wait here until someone else does"

I walked into the pet shop this morning and said to the cashier, "I bought two hamsters from you yesterday, but when I woke up this morning, they were both dead!" She frowned and replied, "I warned you about the hot weather. Did you give them plenty of water like I suggested?"

"Yes, I filled their tank right to the top."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke heads down to a pet shop in search of an animal to give him some company as he gets lonely at home.

He didn't have many friends and wanted a pet to give him purpose. The bloke walks into the pet shop and gets greeted by the cashier

"Good afternoon sir what can I help you with today?"

"I've come to look for a pet to keep me company" The bloke replies.

"Well then I've got jus...

I am one handsome dude.

Every time I go shopping the cashiers are all checking me out.

I really liked this cashier chick..

But I couldn't teller

A guy's working as a cashier at Best Buy

He finds his job a little dull, but from where he's stationed he can see out to store entrance to the parking lot (and more importantly, the sky) outside. He spends a lot of time looking out the store entrance and daydreaming, but one day he notices a blond woman walk up to the store with a bunch of...

You ever go to pay cash, but the cashier has already handed you the card machine?

I'm like... "Did you just assume my tender?"

My wife told me she was leaving me

because of my obsession with pretending to be a cashier



"Do you need any help packing your bags?" I asked her

William Buckfield once said,

"Change cannot be given to you every time. You must bring the change"

&nbsp;

Oh, BTW William Buckfield is our grocery store cashier.

Fresh Popcorn

A man goes to the cinema with his wife. He takes her to the snack bar and wants to order popcorn. When asked what he wants, he just said, "I want popcorn like my girlfriend".
The cashier said, "Sorry, but we don't have ugly popcorn."

A man goes to Spain

He arrives, and of course, the first thing he has to go see is the daily bull fight.
The match is drawn out, a banderillero is gored, but eventually the bull is subdued and the matador emerges victorious.
The man is famished at this point, and so, entranced by the fight, he finds his way to t...

A man is 20p short of his total at a shop

Man: aw come on can’t you let it slide

Cashier: no way

Man: *slides him a £50 note*

Man: how about now ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man goes into a supermarket:

He buys 1 casserole 1 bottle of wine and 1 yogurt for afters.

Beautiful Cashier says to him, are you single, embarrassed and flattered he says, how did you guess?

She replied because you are fucking ugly:

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this really big bear walks into a grocery store.

He goes and gets some big salmon, some sharman ultra tough and some big jars of peanut butter. Because you know he's a big bear. Anyway he gets in line and when its his turn the cashier asks paper or plastic? ........................................ The bear says paper please. Then the cashier asks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old lady gets botox.

A 50 something year old wakes up one morning and decides she doesn't like the way she looks so she gets botox.

While out grocery shopping she asks the cashier how old he thinks she is.

"oh i dont know.. Late 20s?"

"Brilliant" she says, "im actually 50! "

Later on while c...

I only use self service checkouts....

They always have the hottest cashiers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked up to a seven eleven cash register.

The cashier looked at me and said “strip down, facing me”. How the fuck am I supposed to know she was talking about my credit card

A dwarf walks into a store to pay for an item.

He hands the cashier 4 dollars. The cashier says "Sir, the item costs 5 dollars." The dwarf replies "Sorry, I'm a little short."

A guy wanted to buy cigarettes , they gave him a box of cigarettes that said:"smoking causes impotence"

He looked at the cashier and said : "plz , give me the one that causes cancer"

When my wife sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers

I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesnt think that im a vegan

A housewife buys a parrot from a pet store

At the counter, the cashier warns her that the parrot used to live in a brothel and picked up a lot of the language they used.

She takes the parrot back to her house and puts him in a cage. The bird looks around and says "New madame, new house." She's a little surprised, but likes it nonethel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first OC joke. (Long)

A man walks into an antique shop. He approaches the female cashier and
asks, “Is this your store?”

She nods her head, “My parents owned it for a few decades, I had since inherited it.”

The man then asks her, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

The woman, barley amused, dec...

A woman walks into a grocery store

She grabs milk, a banana, toothpaste and a bottle of wine. When she goes to checkout, the cashier asks “Are you single?”

“Why yes, I am, how did you know that?” She exclaims

Cashier: “Because you’re ugly”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris Johnson walks into a Bank

He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"

Cashier: It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?

BJ: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Bor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A woman's first time at a sex toy store

Woman: Hello, where are the women's toys?
Cashier: Over on that wall.
W: Ok, can I get the red one?
C: You can't have the fire extinguisher.

A 1960s Soviet Couple is Looking to Buy Some Meat

An old married couple in Moscow wanted to celebrate their anniversary, and the wife sends her husband to the store to find meat. They are skeptical the store will have fresh meat, but it could be their last anniversary.

The old man waits in line for an hour. When he finally gets to the count...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this lady arrives at the supermaket to pay. She has one egg, one banana, one yogurth, etc..

The cashiers tells her :

\- I bet you are single

\- Oh, how did you guess?

\- Well, you are fucking ugly

Trump visits London and buys a souvenir.

The cashier says, "That will be 10 pence."

He responds with, "But I only have 1..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat

Too many seniors are buying cat food to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the la...

How the Wii sold well in France

Cashier: There’s this thing called Wii, want to buy it?

French person: Wii?

Cashier: *scans Wii* that’ll be €247

Types of deodorant

I went to store and asked for some deodorant.

The cashier asked "Do you want the roll on ball type?"

I said "No thanks, I want it for under my arms."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the convenience store..

.. he picks up two apples, a toothbrush, a bag of birdseeds, a bottle of wine, and large pack of batteries.

When it’s his turn to pay at the cash register, the cute female cashier looks shortly at the mans purchases and then has a glance at the man. She then says: “ah... you must be single”. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra...

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra,

The pharmacist says he has two kinds, one that costs $20 and one that costs $30

The man asks for the one that costs $30, opens the bottle and pops a pill. He pulls out a credit card to pay and the pharmacist says

“Sorry, we don’t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman walks into a bank

Says to the cashier - "Give me all your money, this is a fuckup!"

"don't you mean a stickup?"

"no, a fuckup - ive forgotten my gun"

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

Robber: Your insecurities, put them in the bag

Cashier: Please, it's all I have left

I went to pike's market to buy some fresh fish.

Me: can I get a plastic bag for the fish please?

Cashier: it's already inside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work at a sub shop, right?

This kid at the till says to his dad "the cashier just called you an asshole daddy!"
I was absolutely astonished at the little brat for saying such a thing out of no where!!

I was twice as surprised at how sharp his hearing was though.

There's this dad who is trying to get his daughter a birthday gift

And he knows that she is really starting to like Barbie, so he goes to the mall in hopes of finding a Barbie doll. He finally finds a store that sells Barbies and asks the cashier what Barbies are available.

"Well we have four Barbies: the Regular Barbie, which is $5."

The dad doesn't ...

An American woman walks into an Italian Starbucks.

She asks for a venti latte and takes her seat. She sits there for 30 minutes, exasperated that she doesn’t have her latte yet.

After a while, the cashier finally calls her name, and the woman goes up.

The cashier hands her 20 lattes.

A 50 year old guy goes to a surgeon to make himself look younger

The surgeon completes the surgery and it is a success.

"How do I look?" the man asks.

"You look 30 years young!" the surgeon replies.

The next day, the man goes to the gas station to fuel up and asks the cashier:

"Excuse me sir, how old do I look?"

The cashier resp...

A blonde was shopping at her local department store.

She came across a thermos and was fascinated by it.She decided to buy it.When she took it up to the cashier she inquired what it was used for.
"Well it's used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold."She brought it to work the next day.The boss walks past her desk and asks"What's that?"
"I...

An elderly woman

One day an 80 year old woman was sitting outside of her nursing home smoking a cigarette when her 90 year old friend came outside and sat down beside her and lit up a cigarette of her own

They were smoking for a moment when they started to feel rain drops, the 90 year old woman pulled out a c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde walks into a sex shop

She goes to the toys and starts browsing at the dildos, after a few minutes the cashier comes and ask her what she's looking for.
"Well I have multiple toys, and nothing really seems to satisfy me" she says.
As she says that she hears an awful racket coming from the back, "What's that?" she as...

2 men walked into a convenience store.

Man 1: I am a very good thief! I stole 3 chocolate bars and hid them inside my hat!

Man 2: I am way better that you. Watch and learn.
Man 2 walks to the cashier and offered to show him a magic trick.
He takes out 3 chocolate bars from the store and ate them in front of the cashier.
T...

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