Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,

"No, just leave it in the carton! "


P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.

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Curious cashier

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the...

Why does the cashier at the grocery store always ask if you want paper or plastic?

...because baggers can't be choosers.

I don’t insert my card into the chip reader until the cashier tells me the price,

Because consent is important.

I was buying fish the other day and asked the cashier for a plastic bag...

He said it was already inside

Cashier: Scans Condoms

“Do you need a bag sir?”

Me: Jesus, she’s not that ugly

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A black man goes to a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer, the cashier asks him where he got him

The parrot said Africa

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...

"Have you any two watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That’ll do, I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn’t have any."
"Any what?"
"Yes please!"

Bought some condoms at the store today, cashier asked if I wanted a bag.

I said “no thanks, she’s actually quite pretty”.

Why did the cashier not switch job?

There was no room for change!

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries, the cashier said...

the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."


Making a mental note to complain to my local MP about this running amok,over-enthusiastic security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed....
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referrin...

A woman goes to the store to buy a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk. The cashier guesses that she is single and she is shocked. She asks how he knew

He said it's because she's ugly

My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."

She took one out, put it on her thumb and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was.

"Just a minute." she said and locked the door.

She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra.<...

When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.

I still don't know if I like self-checkout.

A guy named Soprano was fired from his job as a cashier.

When asked if he could break a C-note, he was too high to register.

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Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

Why did the Bhuddist cashier pull coins out his ass?

Because change comes from within

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a customer with her barcode reader for being rude.

The look on his face was priceless.

My girlfriend dumped me because I was obsessed with my job as a cashier.

I said, "Would you like your receipt in case you change your mind?"

A guy goes to a pet shops and goes to the cashier and says..

I need a pet, and I want something different. My bird died and he was great and all but he stopped talking at the end of his life. The cashier says I have just the thing for you, a talking centipede.

The man was surprised, but he said what the heck and bought the talking centipede.

O...

What did the wooden log say to the cashier of the bank it was robbing?

Give me all your greens—This is a stick up!

I was buying some condoms and the cashier said "would you like a bag with that"

I said "nice try, but this wasn't funny the first 100 times I read this repost, and it isn't funny now"

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter

The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier. Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter. "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier. "Yes I d...

When the cashier said, "strip down, facing me"

How was I to know she meant my debit card?

The cashier at the Hand Gestures Store told me they were having a sale on slaps today.

So I told him, "Give me five!"

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

Cashiers have a thing for me.

They keep checking me out.

Cashiers are always checking me out

That's the closest I'll ever get to a woman being interested in me

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When checking out at Walmart I always pick the sexiest cashier...

I always end up at self checkout.

A weasel walks into a gas station with a ski mask and a gun, demanding that the cashier puts everything in a bag for him. The cashier says “wow! A weasel!! I’ve never seen one in real life before!”

*pop goes the weasel

An anti-vax mom is at a cashier

"you should give me a discount! It's my son's 3rd birthday", She says

The cashier then replied "in that case, I'll apply the senior discount"

The Cashier

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."



The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"



Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

A guy goes to Victoria's Secret to buy a babydoll... the cashier asks him if it is a surprise for his wife and he said...

it will be if she finds out!

The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I’m buying a giant tub of whiteout.

Big mistake.

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At the grocery store, I went to the checkout line with the cute cashier...

I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.

Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.

As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"

I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, w...

A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.

He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"

I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

I walked up to the really depressed cashier.

He scanned all my items. I said, "So, what's the damage?"

"£42.53," he muttered.

I said, "I was referring to you."

I walked into the pet shop this morning and said to the cashier, "I bought two hamsters from you yesterday, but when I woke up this morning, they were both dead!" She frowned and replied, "I warned you about the hot weather. Did you give them plenty of water like I suggested?"

"Yes, I filled their tank right to the top."

Girlfriends parents weren’t home, hormones were flowing, I stopped at a gas station to grab a box of rubbers. Cashier - “Do you need a bag with that?”

Me - No man! She’s beautiful!

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I reported a cashier to her management for sexually harassing me

She was checking me out.

Cashier: you're 8 cents short

Me: it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide

Cashier: no

Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now

A guy's working as a cashier at Best Buy

He finds his job a little dull, but from where he's stationed he can see out to store entrance to the parking lot (and more importantly, the sky) outside. He spends a lot of time looking out the store entrance and daydreaming, but one day he notices a blond woman walk up to the store with a bunch of...

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier "do you have extra large condoms".

the cashier says "yes, second aisle to the left. You wanna buy some?"

the woman says

"No, but would you mind if I wait here until someone else does"

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I went to the garden store and bought a Christmas tree. The cashier asked “will you be putting that up yourself?”

To which I replied “no you sick bastard it’s going in my living room.”

I really liked this cashier chick..

But I couldn't teller

I told the cashier to keep the change..

She told me I should take it if I want to talk to dead people, and she handed me six cents.

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My dad was in the cashier line earlier today

He was buying a 6-pack of beer, and a microwaveable curry.

He noticed in front of him there was a lady buying a bottle of wine and a microwaveable Chinese meal.

He smiled at her and said “hi there, are you single?”

She replied “yes, how did you know?”

He responded “beca...

You ever go to pay cash, but the cashier has already handed you the card machine?

I'm like... "Did you just assume my tender?"

I was at Walgreens this morning and I overheard an 80+ year old man tell a joke to the cashier. “You know the thing about dating now is...”

“I never get to meet their parents!”

So there was this really hot cashier...

She definitely checked me out.

A blonde girl goes to an appliance store

She spots the t.v. she's been saving up for, picks it up and goes to the cashier
The cashier says "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes"
Disgruntled she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she goes into the appliance store, picks out the same t.v. and once again goes to...

My wife is so much better looking than me...

...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.

Credit: Charles Demers

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A cashier asked me if I wanted paper or plastic.

I told her: "just put the money in a fucking bag!"

The cashier at the local grocery store asked me if i wanted to donate 2$ to end world hunger, i was like HELL YEAH!

I had no idea we were this close! I'm gonna be a god damn hero!

Joke by Matt Donaher

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The nervous cashier

It was Tim's first day working at the pharmacy when a young lady walked in and asked him for some pain killers and a pack of tampons, Tim was extremely embarrassed and ran in the back asking Tom the Pharmacist to serve the young lady. After the encounter Tom told Tim he shouldn't be embarrassed, it...

I lost my job as a cashier today.

An old lady asked if I could check her balance so far.

So I pushed her over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Buddhist cashier put coins in his butt?

Because change comes from within.

Credits: From south park game. Just spreading the word!

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I was in the supermarket today and the cashier asked the foreign couple in front of me if they needed help packing their bags

Fuck me, we only voted out yesterday give them a chance

A man walks into a bank with a gun and demands money from the cashier. As he's backing out of the bank with a bag cash, he takes two men as hostages.

He forces the hostages to walk outside at gunpoint.
"Run that way!" he shouts. They run down the street with the gunman following.
"Turn there!" he says, pointing to a dark alley to one side.
All three run to the dead-end of the alley. The gunman pushes the hostages against a wall. He poin...

A cashier is ringing up a customer...

Customer: Alright here you go $6.43, perfect change!

Cashier: CONGRATULATIONS! You're the 50th person to pay in exact change, you know what you get now?

Customer: No, what?!?

Cashier: Nothing!

Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"

"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."

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Two elderly ladies are smoking outside...

It stared raining and one of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts the end off and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms.
When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the cashier fo...

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier… Shocked, the cashier asks..’What’s this for?’ The Rastafarian replies..’Me here to open a joint account’

Did you hear about the cashier who did tricks with the barcode machine, but still charged full price?

She was a scan artist.

I went to pay the Cashier at the Grocery store

Cashier "That will be $18.35"

Me: Hands her a $50 bill

Cashier "Sorry sir, We cant accept that because we had too many problems with counterfeit currency. Do you have anything smaller?"

Me " I fully understand, Here you go.."
*Politely hands her a crisp $25 bill*

Box of condoms = $6.99

Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless

I told the cashier at McDonald's that there's some cute girls here.

I asked her if she could get them out of the ball pit for me.

---------------------------------------------------

A crook walks into a bait and tackle store and sees the cashier is blind.

She asks him for a 50 dollar fishing rod, and he walks over and shows it to her. Then she thanks him and sticks a 100 dollar rod into her cart.

But the blind man isn't stupid, and when she rings it up, he feels the rod and he says "that will be 100 dollars for the fishing rod."

the wom...

A supermarket cashier asked if I want my milk in a bag...

I said no, I prefer it staying in the carton.

Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.

"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"

A man went to the register with only a box of condoms.

The cashier asked 'Sir, do you want a bag?'

He replied 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'

A Blonde and Condoms

The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He de...

A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag.

He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the man that sexually assaulted a Wal-Mart cashier?

He is a register 6 offender.

So a man walks into a grocery store and asks the cashier if they have helicopter flavored potato chips.

The cashier says, "sorry we only have plane." ✈️

What's the difference between a Philosophy major and a cashier at KFC?

A job application.

A middle aged man needs to buy condoms, but he doesn't know what size he needs...

So he asks the cashier at the checkout line. She reaches over the counter, grabs his crotch, and calls out over the intercom, "Medium condoms needed at register 3!"

An older gentleman has the same problem later that day, so the woman grabs his crotch and calls out, "Large condoms needed at r...

A punk girl goes shopping and asks the cashier

"Can i get a refund if my parents like these clothes?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Standing in the queue at my local pharmacy, the man in front of me asks the female cashier...

....For a pack of 99 condoms. "Fuck me" she replies.

"Make that a pack of 100."

What do you call an Eastern European cashier?

A Checkoutslovakian.

(Better said than read)

The cashier at my local grocery store hates me...

I'm always paying in 1$ bills and I use a lot of them. I attempted to calm her down with some humor.
"I'm an exotic dancer...and I'm really good at it", I said with a wink.
She replied with a glare, "I doubt that. If you were any good you'd be paying with $5's"

What do you say to the cashier when you're adamant about using an expired coupon?

dis counts!!

A Liberian man goes through the line at a grocery store

The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, I couldn't help noticing... What accent do you have?" The man replies, "I'm Liberian." The cashier leans forward and quietly whispers, "*My bad. what accent do you have?"*

The Orange Cashier [Long]

A recent U.S. immigrant who spoke no English decided to get a job at the local supermarket.
On the first day of the job, a customer approaches him with a cart full of oranges and asks, "Are these oranges fresh?"

The cashier remains silent, so the customer leaves without purchasing the ora...

Why didn't the cashier get the punchline?

It didn't register.

It's quite appropriate that fast food cashiers...

often open with "sorry for the weight".

I told the cashier that her eyebrows were drawn too high

I guess she didn't realize because she seemed pretty surprised.

Said to a cashier the other day...

So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"

I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs"

Next time the cashier asks me if I want "Paper or Plastic"

I'm just gonna say, "Doesn't matter to me, I'm bi-sacksual."

Why do Congressmen make terrible cashiers?

They're all too afraid of change.

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