They laughed at me when I said I wanted to become an optician

But they'll see, they'll all see.

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.”

He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s an optician.”

First joke I've ever come up with. So far nobody has laughed

I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out of different parts such as our arms, nose and even our ass. Intrigued, I asked "when will this technology would be available?" The optician replied "arm and nose is coming in 2019, hindsight is 20...

I went to the opticians the other day, you would not guess who I bumped into!

Everyone

My optician told me I'm colorblind today.

That came right out of the purple.

A lot of opticians will be going out of business next year

Everyone is going to have 2020 vision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bumped into an old school friend today

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said...

Never do cocaine with an optician...

The first line is quite big, but then the lines get smaller and smaller and smaller...

Stanley the Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for his driver's license and the first thing they had him do was take an eyesight test. The optician showed him the chart with the letters, "C Z W I X N O S T A C Z."

"Can you read this?" asked the optician.

Excitedly, Stanley yelled, "Read it?! I know the guy!"

How many opticians does it take to change a light bulb?

Is it one or two? One... or two?

My optician friend is looking for a job.

I guess good contacts are important.

An Opthalmologist, an Optometrist, and an Optician walk into a bar...

nobody on reddit could see the difference

My optician makes jokes each time I go

They get cornea each time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl I dated from my local opticians text me saying I've got a split personality.

Wait, no. It says "shit".

I told my Mom that when I grow up I want to become an Optician.

She told me I could never do that so I responded "you'll see".

An optician fell into his lens grinder...

and made a spectacle of himself.

An optician decides to retire from his profession and become a priest. He's taking his first wedding, and says 'Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband for better or for worse?'

'Better, or worse? Better, or worse?'

A Chinese man goes to the optician

A Chinese man goes to the optician and the doctor tells him he has a Cataract.

That Chinese man says "no, I have a BMW".

A 50 year old business man is sitting with a young man

The business man takes out a photo of his wife and says to the young man beside him

"She's a real beauty isn't she."

The young man abruptly then replies

" Oh yeah if she's a real beauty you haven't seen my girlfriend."

The business man taken by surprise says

"Wh...

I walked into the wrong opticians to collect my new glasses.

Should've gone to SpecSavers.

A blind man goes to optician

for a check up. The optician takes his guide dog away, replaces it with another and asks, 'Is this better?'

Why did the PHP programmer go to the optician?

because he didn't C#

I ran into an old acquaintance from school the other day.

He always liked to brag and the years didn't change that as he stood there telling me about how great his life is. He told me about how he landed this miracle job, he showed me pictures of his flashy Mercedes, his house in the countryside then showed more pictures telling me to "take a look at my go...

A Czech man walks into his eye checkup.

Optician: "Please sit down, try to read the letters on the screen."

which were ' G S I R O N V C H Z I T'

Patient: "Uh doc..."

"Why is my name on the panel?"

Eyesight

My new optician is a legend. This new set of glasses he gave me allows me to see a few years into the future.

Finally, I have 2020 vision.

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

Well, chiropodists like *corny* jokes.
But opticians like them *cornea*.

YOU'LL SEE, YOU'LL ALL SEE!

An enthusiastic optician throwing dozens of pairs of glasses out into a crowd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Insults

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back

Look's like she's been dunking for apples in a chip pan

Had more hands up her than Sooty!

She's got a face like a dog lickin piss off a nettle

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

S...

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