Personality Disorder Jokes - 33 Hilarious Personality Disorder Jokes

My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder

But that's impossible, as the smartest man alive I think I would have noticed.

My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder.

At least, I think that’s what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.

I do not have dissociative personality disorder

I don't.

Just found out I have multiple personality disorder

I gotta tell the other guys

I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

They’ve assured me it’s me who needs the group and I’m getting enrolled next week. I’m so grateful for their help

Seriously, she has Multiple Personality Disorder?

Yeah, crazy right. Sharon is Karen.

What do you call a monster with multiple personality disorder?

A we're wolf.

Do you reckon I've got multiple personality disorder?

I'm in two minds, myself.

I was diagnosed with Narcissictic Personality Disorder...

....or as I call it, Handsome Disease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off.

"You're self-employed you stupid bastard," I said.

Coping with multiple personality disorder is easy.

But, I've always been more of a people person.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder...

And now she's on the news, apparently she was murdered by one of her patients, wonder if I ever saw him

I have been diagnosed with DID or Multiple Personality Disorder.

Apparently there are multiple personalities inside of me fighting their way out.

I would take them all over my ex-wife's one!

Edit: Don't believe this guy! He sucks at telling jokes.

Edit: Shut up Jeff!

Edit: No, you shut up Karen!

Edit: you guys are impossible to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Multiple Personality Disorder

A girl I met claimed to have multiple personalities. “Is that OK with you?” she asked.

“Quack quack quack!” I responded, then added “Apologies, my other personality is a duck. He doesn’t talk much, good listener though.”

“That’s so interesting!” she replied. “So how do you understand e...

I went to high school with Sybil, the multiple personality disorder woman

She was good people.

My roommate is spreading rumours that I have multiple personality disorder.

Well, three can play that game!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today, my therapist told me that I might have Multiple Personality Disorder.

I said, “Doctor, you must be talking to the wrong guy.”

People keep telling me that I have split-personality disorder.

But that’s just me being frank with you all.

A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."

A man with multiple-personality disorder walked into a bar.

No he didn't.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Multiple personality disorder has made my sex life hard...

I want to masturbate , but I'm not into orgies.

The husband had a really bad condition of multiple personality disorder...

"Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."

"That's terrible. Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"

"Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."

What do you call a homeless horse with a Borderline Personality Disorder ?

Unstable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist just diagnosed me as a people’s person…

..but he insists it’s called multiple personality disorder.

Okay, how bad is this one?

How does a person with multiple personality disorder live with oneself?

Well, they don't....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought my wife was cheating on me but it turns out she's just fucking crazy.

Yeah, apparently I have multiple personality disorder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a psychologist and he said that I'm a narcissist.

That's bullshit. A perfect guy like me can't possibly have a personality disorder.

Two patients were sitting in a mental hospital cafetaria

Suddenly on the table over, a man, sitting all alone, started laughing hysterically.

First patient asked, "What do you make of that?"

"What, Jimmy two-face over there? That guy has split personality disorder", said the second patient.

"So what?" said the first patient.

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.

If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you d...

My brain made a vote today

Seven against five decided that we did not have dissociative personality disorder.

A doctor diagnosed me with...

... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.

... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!

... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.

... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "CUNT!" after the tone.
* If you have sch...

I felt like I was just a statistic, so I went to see a psychologist...

She diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder.

Now I feel like a distribution.

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