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When you're single trying to attract a partner it's important to project the qualities you desire...

but boy oh boy have I had to suck a lot of dick lately.

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Shopping at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s, looks around, spots a beautiful diamond necklace and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely at it, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesman wasn’...

Oldie but goodie

During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not...

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The art of Veterinary Medicine

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two quali...

Everyone knows that venison is deer meat

Few know of Vanison, which is what happens when your deer is hit by a van...

and still fewer know about Vennison which shares qualities with both.

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5 important qualities

1. Its important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. Its important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. Its important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesnt lie to you.
4. Its important to have a woman, who is ...

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration...

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't...

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Yesterday I learnt that I have a real problem with heroine addiction.

I have to have sex with a woman admired for her courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities...

Interviewer:So what are some of your good qualities?

Man:Well , I can asure I am hardworking, good with teamwork, diligent, and of course trustable.

Interviewer:Amazing, what about your bad qualities do you have one?

Man:I do have ,I like to lie.

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."

A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no feet so I won’t run away."

"What makes you think you're great ...

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