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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's com...

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Ate some Fiber One brownies

That shit was amazing.

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My therapist told me I should start a more fiber rich diet.

When I asked why they told me.

"It's to help keep your shit together"

Q: what kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A: a cereal killer

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My life has drastically changed for the better since I started eating more fiber

It really helped me get my shit together.

Timmy loved tractors. His life was all about tractors.

Timmy loved tractors. His life was all about tractors. Tractor bedspread, tractor themed birthday parties, tractor t-shirts, school bags, lunchbox, everything Timmy owned was tractor themed in some way. He knew everything there was to know about tractors; big, small, new, old, he knew it all. When h...

Jacques and Pierre were bitter enemies

So one day, Jacques challenged Pierre to a duel. Swords were chosen. They faced off and drew their weapons. Jacques struck first, thrusting his sword toward Pierre, but Pierre daftly swatted his sword to the side and returned a thrust, piercing Jacques in the shoulder. They circled each other a few ...

What do the head of marketing for Metamucil and the head of Infrastructure at AT&T have in common?

Both are in charge of fiber optics.

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My friend said I need to get my shit together

I told him that it's cause I eat too much fiber

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

Although fiber helps pass stool, you need to be careful about the type of fiber you ingest.

From my experience, T-Shirts work well but Jeans are a big no.

The Economy of fiber optics

There´s a presentation on Crypto mining on stage.

Presenter: In 15 minutes minutes we have mined, an incredible 10 bucks in gold.

Audience member Shouts: There´s more gold in Fiber optics than that.

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This woman turned me down because she only dates dudes with a high fiber diet

I guess my shit isn't together enough.

When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.

They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.

My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats

"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.

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Donald Trump.

I heard this was the subreddit for old jokes that aren't funny and won't die.

 

 

 

 

______________________________________________________
**Edit:** My goal (reddit bucket list type thing) was to create an organic, original,...

My internet connection and my diet are missing one thing in common...

Fiber

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

Always carry some fiber cable with you when hiking

If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.

A Tailor Had His Eyes Replaced With Yarn Balls...

...So now he has fiber optics.

There once was a young engineer...

There once was a young engineer, who after having worked for several years, decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place. He searched the surrounding country and found a lovely spot with frontage on a small river. He and his family built a cabin and began spending time there ev...

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I've been having a rough time lately wth my life, and my best friend suggested I try some insoluble fiber.

He said it really helped him keep his shit together.

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There was once this circus performer who could eat anything, and would do so for his act.

His best trick was when he would eat several pillows and pillowcases, a comforter, a fitted sheet, a regular sheet, and a mattress all in one sitting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t preform the stunt often as the immense amount of fiber would block him up for nearly a month. After about three weeks of p...

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Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

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The thing I don't like about Dietary Fiber is the large poops

I'm also not crazy about our dog's name.

Time to pun-ish you all!

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender looked at it and said, "Hey! No ropes in here!" So the rope walked out. Once outside, it twisted upon itself a number of times, then rubbed it's short free end until it was just a bunch of fibers without any organization. Upon completion of this, the rope walk...

Why is gigabit internet good for you?

Because it's high in fiber!

haha, I'll show myself out...

Bernie Sanders and Google Fiber walk into a bar.

And all of Reddit gave it an upvote.

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Happy Dog Chow

Last week at Walmart I had a big bag of Happy Dog Chow in my cart, and as I passed a woman shopper she asked me if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, a giraffe?

Well, I’m retired and always on the lookout for fun, so I told her I didn’t actually have a dog, but I was starting on ...

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

Why did Eddie Vedder take the fiber supplements?

He needed to have an Even Flow.

How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar?

Total internal reflection.

Here in California Catholics use non-fat, high fiber communion wafers.

They call them "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

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