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Most people don't get enough fiber in their diet.

Tough shit.

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My friend said I need to get my shit together

I told him that it's cause I eat too much fiber

My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats

"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.

Q: what kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A: a cereal killer

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Ate some Fiber One muffins...

That shit was great.

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This woman turned me down because she only dates dudes with a high fiber diet

I guess my shit isn't together enough.

Always carry some fiber cable with you when hiking

If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.

I changed all my light switches to carbon fiber ones

They make the rooms lighter

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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's com...

Bernie Sanders and Google Fiber walk into a bar.

And all of Reddit gave it an upvote.

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I've been having a rough time lately wth my life, and my best friend suggested I try some insoluble fiber.

He said it really helped him keep his shit together.

How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar?

Total internal reflection.

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

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The thing I don't like about Dietary Fiber is the large poops

I'm also not crazy about our dog's name.

Here in California Catholics use non-fat, high fiber communion wafers.

They call them "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

There once was a young engineer,

who having worked for several years, decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place.

He searched the surrounding country, and found a lovely spot with frontage on a small river. They built a cabin, and began spending time there every chance they got. The kids loved it, an...

The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven but its more realistic

The ARCHANGEL Gabriel awaits him. Good ol' Gabe asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

Gabriel: "Nope. I ain't got a pope in my rope" (his book was made out of paper and thats actually fiber and a long piece of fiber is called a string and a lot of string is a rope so therefore eve...

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Donald Trump.

I heard this was the subreddit for old jokes that aren't funny and won't die.

 

 

 

 

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**Edit:** My goal (reddit bucket list type thing) was to create an organic, original,...

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.

They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.

My internet connection and my diet are missing one thing in common...

Fiber

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

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A List of AP Botany Puns

Last semester I dicked around in AP Botany instead of listening to some stupid lecture senior year and came up with an extensive list of bad botanical puns and play on words. Enjoy!

How do trees hook up when they’re looking to have fun
Timber

What is a trees favorite social media we...

A Tailor Had His Eyes Replaced With Yarn Balls...

...So now he has fiber optics.

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There was once this circus performer who could eat anything, and would do so for his act.

His best trick was when he would eat several pillows and pillowcases, a comforter, a fitted sheet, a regular sheet, and a mattress all in one sitting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t preform the stunt often as the immense amount of fiber would block him up for nearly a month. After about three weeks of p...

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Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

Why is gigabit internet good for you?

Because it's high in fiber!

haha, I'll show myself out...

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Happy Dog Chow

Last week at Walmart I had a big bag of Happy Dog Chow in my cart, and as I passed a woman shopper she asked me if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, a giraffe?

Well, I’m retired and always on the lookout for fun, so I told her I didn’t actually have a dog, but I was starting on ...

Time to pun-ish you all!

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender looked at it and said, "Hey! No ropes in here!" So the rope walked out. Once outside, it twisted upon itself a number of times, then rubbed it's short free end until it was just a bunch of fibers without any organization. Upon completion of this, the rope walk...