Why are there poptarts but no momtarts?

Because of the pastryarchy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob walks into multichoice brothel…

Bob pays £100 for his lady friend for the evening.
Madame takes money and says…

‘how do you like your tarts breasts? Thin breasts, medium breasts, thick breasts’

‘Medium breasts’ says Bob and walks through the door with the ‘medium breasts’ sign on it.

Madame appears aga...

‌‌Boy s‌‌cout: S‌‌ir, I‌‌ f‌‌ound a‌‌ s‌‌nake, i‌‌s i‌‌t p‌‌oisonous?

Me: N‌‌o l‌‌ittle o‌‌ne, t‌‌his s‌‌nake i‌‌sn't p‌‌oisonous a‌‌t a‌‌ll.

*Snake b‌‌ites b‌‌oy a‌‌nd b‌‌oy i‌‌mmediately s‌‌tarts t‌‌o s‌‌pasm a‌‌nd f‌‌oam a‌‌t t‌‌he m‌‌outh, l‌‌eaving t‌‌he o‌‌ther k‌‌ids w‌‌atching, h‌‌orrified.*

Me: H‌‌owever, t‌‌his s‌‌nake i‌‌s v‌‌enomous. V‌‌enom ...

How did John Lennon like his Pop-Tarts?

Strawberry Filled Forever

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A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are €200, €100, and €20. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

“Because he used to live in a brothel” says the shopkeep. She pays the €20.

When she gets home the parrot says “Fuck me, a new brothel!” The woman laughs.

When the daughters get home the parrot says “Fuck me, 2 new tarts!” The girls laugh too.

When the father finally gets home t...

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

Ryu wanted to confess to his lady-crush Chun Li....

So he baked some white fudge treacle tarts and put them down on a table. Ken walked up and was like, "ooh, these tarts smell delicious" and he started to pick one up, when Ryu grabbed the whole plate and did a jumping-spinning kick at Ken while yelling "THESE TARTS AREN'T FOR YOU KEN!"

Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries?

Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.

A small boy has homework..

A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father: "Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son......go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."

...

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The Convent Girl

A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society.

After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more unsavory areas of the city on the way to the reception.

"William...

If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day but...

if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

What does an actor eat for breakfast?

Prop tarts.


Bonus: What does an actor eat for a snack?

A: Prop corn.

What do Disney and Kellogg's have in common?

They both make pop tarts.

Online dating is like a bakery

You've got the flakes, the fruitcakes, and the tarts.

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